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i will wait

I Will Wait…

I will wait. I will wait for you. These are the words taunting me. Why? Waiting. Hoping. Praying. Healing. Addicts like me don’t easily possess these qualities.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve waited for something. I’ve waited for someone, something, anything to make me better. If I only had this one person, this one thing, this one place, I’d be whole. I’d be complete. I just have to wait. Sometimes, rarely, I’d get what I wanted. I’d be happy for a few minutes. That’s life. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. What if the only thing you want in life, what if the only thing you were waiting for…was someone else’s life?

That’s what I wait for. I wait for the day you get sober. I wait for the day when the lies, the deception, the hurt stops. I wait for the day when I don’t have to stay up, worry, panic. I wait for the day when something more than love binds us together. I wait for the day when our passion for life binds us together.

Addiction brought us together in a different way. We bonded. We nodded. We laughed. Those days are over. Those days have been over for years. Now I wait. I wait for you. I wait for the day when you decide that being happy is more important than being high. I wait for you to live alongside me again.

I wait for the day you call and say “I’m done.” I wait for the day when ask for help. I wait for the day when you scream for help because simply asking doesn’t work. I wait for the day when you wave your white flag so high and so quick that it can’t be mistaken for anything other than a sign of defeat.

I wait and I wait. It’s hard for an addict like me. I have God to guide me through. I have a thousand other distractions. Nothing takes me away from the longest line I’ve ever been in. Waiting.

I will wait…for you.

(Shout out to Mumford and Sons)

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