Can I Get Sober With My Phone? The Best Sobriety Apps

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Recovery on Your Phone

My name is Fiona and I’m a smartphone addict! Raise your hand if you are, too. Oh, everyone here’s a smartphone addict?

sobriety app

Look, everyone’s on their phone 24/7. It’s a part of life. The sky’s blue, grass is green, penguins are the cutest animals, and smartphones are surgically attached to our hands. Them’s the facts.

For addicts though, our phones can be helpful with recovery. Not only can we call anyone, anytime, but we can also go online and read twelve-step literature. We can attend online meetings. We can reach out to treatment centers and recovery organizations. We can…use sobriety apps?

What’s a sobriety app? Which sobriety apps are good? Should I have to pay for a sobriety app? Learn the answers to these questions and more! Let’s find out how to get plugged in to sobriety resources on our phones!

What’s a Sobriety App?

Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. A sobriety app is any app that helps with your sobriety! There are a ton of these. In fact, a quick Google search turns up pages upon pages upon pages of sobriety apps!

There are twelve-step based apps. These sobriety apps show you how many years, months, weeks, days, and minutes since your last drink or drug. They have the Big Book and Basic Text available to read. They have local meeting and intergroup locations, numbers, and addresses.

There are religious based apps. These have scripture and verses pertaining to addiction and recovery. They have church, synagogue, and mosque directories.

There are self-help sobriety apps. These have tips and tricks to help in recovery. They have links and contact information for non-twelve-step based groups and organizations.

There are about one million more sobriety apps! With so many different choices, how can we make sense of them all? Which apps are good and which apps aren’t? Let’s find out.

Some Good Sobriety Apps

12 Steps AA Companion

This app has a running sobriety calculator, the Big Book, AA intergroup directories, and meeting times. It also allows you to highlight and save passage of the Big Book for easy access.

This is my favorite sobriety app, hands down. I’ll admit, I’m a little biased though, ‘cause I downloaded it when it was free! Today, it costs between $1.99 and $2.99, depending on your phone.

AA Big Book and More

For those who don’t want to pay, there’s this app. AA Big Book and More has the Big Book, a sobriety calculator, and delivers daily motivational message.

Sponsor Support

This neat app makes sure you’re always able to reach your sponsor. You can call and email your sponsor through the app. You can journal. You can keep AA meeting info (location, time, etc.). You can even keep track of your therapists/councilors. Oh, and Sponsor Support’s free. That’s a pretty sweet deal!

Friends of Jimmy

This is an NA sobriety app, which has a sobriety calculator. It also offers A TON of slogans and motivational messages with cute graphics. Friends of Jimmy isn’t yet ready for download, though the site claims it’ll be coming out any day now.

One Day at a Time

This app offers the Big Book. It also has a sobriety calculator, but unlike other apps, let’s you compare your sober-time to friends. Think of it as a reminder to do the next right thing! One Day at a Time costs $1.99.

Lift – Daily Motivation

This app keeps you motivated. It’s easy for us addicts to start something, but finishing it? Well, that’s a bit harder. Enter your goal and when you complete it, Lift throws you a smartphone party! Lift is free.

Mindfulness Meditation

This app offers at-home (or on the go!) meditations. It allows you to pick the length of meditation and offers soothing, guided instruction. It also lets you share your personal meditations through social media. Mindfulness Meditation offers a free lite version.

iPromises Recovery Companion

This app is like a recovery calendar. It reminds you of meetings, appointments, and personal goals. It also has an out-of-town AA meeting directory. iPromises Recovery Companion is free, so get it while it’s hot!

Biblical Encouragement – Alcohol Addiction

This app has the bible. It offers recovery related passages and lets you highlight and save favorite verses. You can even share them with your friends and family through social media. Biblical Encouragement – Alcohol Addiction is .99 cents.

Michael Phelps Arrested…Again!

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Michael Phelps Arrested for DUI…Again!

michael phelps arrested

In the early morning of September 30th, Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was pulled over by the Maryland police. He was driving eighty-five miles per hours in a forty-five mph zone. That was their first clue something was up.

After checking his license and registration, officers noticed Michael seemed to be a bit…inebriated. They performed a field sobriety test, which he failed. It turns out his blood-alcohol level was almost twice the legal limit.

Sounds like a fun night, Mike!

Déjà Vu

This was Michael’s second DUI arrest. He was pulled over for driving while intoxicated back in ancient history, aka 2004. He was nineteen, not even old enough to legally drink!

Michael struck a plea deal with prosecutors. He avoided jail time in exchange for fines and eighteen months of probation.

In 2009, Michael was famously photographed smoking weed. This led to a three-month suspension and the loss of his lucrative Kellogg’s sponsorship deal.

Through all this partying, Michael Phelps remains the most decorated Olympic athlete in U.S. history. He’s won a career total of eighteen gold medals. He’s inspired countless young athletes.

More importantly, he’s performed his a*s off and set an example of how an athlete should behave, on the field anyway. Off the field, though? That’s a different story.

Is Michael Phelps an Addict and Alcoholic?

Okay, so Michael Phelps likes to party. Who doesn’t? Normal people can take it or leave it. They have no consequences as a result of their alcohol or drug use. Michael’s gotten some consequences, but does that make him an addict and alcoholic?

I’m not so sure. See, being an addict or an alcoholic has nothing to do with the consequences of our use. Yes, addicts and alcoholics seem to get into trouble when we use. In fact, addicts and alcoholics almost always get into trouble when we use. That’s not what makes us different, though.

Addiction and alcoholism are three-part diseases. They consist of a physical allergy, coupled with a mental obsession, topped off with a spiritual malady. Consequences have nothing to do with it.

I’m an addict and alcoholic because I obsess about drinking until I finally take a drink. I’m an addict and alcoholic because once I start drinking, I don’t stop. Period. I’m an addict and alcoholic because of why I turned to alcohol and drugs in the first place.

Michael Phelps? I don’t know. It certainly seems like his use is chronic and progressing. Those are both key components of addiction and alcoholism. But once he starts, can be stop? Is he powerless over the obsession to drug and drink? The only one who can answer that question is Michael Phelps himself.

Introducing Sobriety For Men: A Resource for Men in Recovery

There’s Strength in Numbers

Check out the newest addition to Lighthouse Recovery Institute’s ever-growing addiction treatment resources – Sobriety For Men.

s4m

We’re an online community for men in recovery. We aim to discuss a variety of men’s issues and offer a unique, gender-specific take on sobriety. You’ll find things like addiction articles, links to helpful online and offline resources, recovery videos, and much more.

After running Sobriety For Women, our team of women’s addiction professional thought, “hey, what about men’s recovery?” We assembled a team of men’s addiction professionals and they got right to work creating a safe space for men in recovery.

Do you have a male family member, significant other, or loved one in recovery? Send them over our way. We’re still growing, so come join us and remember – there’s strength in numbers!

Firsthand Addiction: What Jail is Really Like

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Firsthand Addiction: What’s Jail Really Like?

Jail sucks. Everyone knows that. I mean, if I asked a roomful of people if they wanted to go to jail, would anyone raise their hand? Hell no!

Unfortunately, jail’s a part of life for addicts. If I wasn’t doing illegal stuff, I wouldn’t have been able to support my expensive as f**k drug habit. Now, I don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth, but the same can be said for most addicts. Plus, we’re usually good at plotting and scheming.

what's jail really like

What’s jail really like though? Is it as bad as TV shows make it out to be? Are people getting shanked left and right? Let’s find out!

My Experiences With Jail

I’ve been to jail three times and (surprise) none were fun. They didn’t completely suck either though.

I was arrested when I was fifteen for shoplifting. I don’t know why the cop didn’t let me go with a warning. I mean, come on, I was fifteen! Oh wait, probably ‘cause he found the drugs in my pocket. It was just weed though! Whatever, the point is I was shipped to a juvenile detention facility until I could go to court.

I was there for one day and one night. I didn’t get shanked. I didn’t get beaten up. I didn’t get made some woman’s b***h. It wasn’t that bad, actually. There were some thug-life girls who kept eyeballing me, but I just ignored them.

There were also a few really nice older girls. They’d been in juvie before and knew the deal. They told me what to expect in court – how I should throw myself on the judge’s mercy and say I’d never get high or steal again. Guess what? I did just that and it worked! I was released with no juvenile probation, only fines.

I wasn’t as lucky the next two times I was arrested. Both times were for possession of heroin and I was pretty dope sick in jail. I was locked up for a few days the second time and a little over two months the third time. I was over eighteen too, so I got thrown in big-girl jail. No more easy juvie for me. Dammit!

Still, I didn’t get beat up, or shanked, or made anyone’s b***h. The worst parts were being dope sick, not being able to smoke, and the crappy food. It’s not like I had an appetite anyway though!

Once again, an older woman came to my rescue. She was a longtime junkie and knew what I was going through. She gave me some of her meds (non-narcotic, of course). They helped a little bit.

The second time I was arrested, I was released with probation. The third time I wasn’t as lucky. I spent two months in jail, was mandated to drug court, and had my probation extended. You’d think that would get me sober, right? Nope. It just made me pretty good at hiding my drug use.

So, maybe getting shanked and all that bad stuff only happens in prison. Luckily, I wasn’t sent there, so I don’t know. Maybe it’s all made up to sell TV shows and movies. Again, I don’t know. I do know that I haven’t been back to jail in over six years. Normal people might think that’s, well, normal. Me though? I’m pretty f**king proud of myself!

Faith Facts Friday with Fiona

Written By: Fiona Stockard

The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Five

Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.

NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)

NA Basic Text

Today, we’re going to examine the Step Two section of “How It Works.”

Step Two

 

Step Two is when “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” (23).

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not always! I didn’t think I was insane. I didn’t think I needed God or a Higher Power or whatever you recovery weirdo’s wanted to call it.

It urns out I was insane! “How It Works” makes my insanity pretty clear. “Insanity is using drugs day after day knowing that only physical and mental destruction comes when we use” (24).

See, us addicts and alcoholics have strange minds. We’re able to convince ourselves that we’re not behaving in a crazy manner. Did I pawn my mom’s jewelry? Yep. Did I try to steal checks from my dad? Yep. Did I take anything my friends didn’t nail down? Yep.

Not to mention the physical and mental pain I inflicted on my loved ones and myself. I didn’t think I was insane at the time, but oh boy I was definitely insane! Lesson learned – active addiction equals insanity. What about God, though?

The chapter goes on to say, “Even when we admitted that we needed help with our drug problem, many of us would not admit the need for faith and sanity” (24).

Yeah, f**k faith! I can stay sober all on my own. I don’t need God, meetings, or sober women. I don’t need any of that crap! Well, that didn’t work out so hot for me. Case in point –

“In this program, the first thing we do is stop using drugs. At this point, we begin to feel the pain of living without drugs or anything to replace them. The pain forces us to seek a Power greater than ourselves that can relieve our obsession to use” (24).

That was my experience. When I tried to stay sober on my own, I felt like s**t. I felt so bad that I relapsed. See, drugs and alcohol aren’t my problem. I’m my problem. Drugs and alcohol are my solution to living life. Drugs and alcohol are my solution to existing with my thoughts and feelings.

So, through pain, I came to believe that I needed a Higher Power. What was that H.P. going to be, though? “How It Works” says,

“Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves” (24).

I liked reading that! I was told it didn’t matter what I believed in, as long as I believed. Now, I was also told I couldn’t make a light bulb, a chair, or any other stupid stuff my Higher Power. Remember, I needed something greater than myself. A chair was NOT greater than Fiona, even active addict Fiona.

I believed in the group. I believed in my sponsor. I believed that maybe, just maybe, if I did what they said, I’d get better. To put it another way, I accepted that I needed to believe.

The chapter addresses this idea of accepting before trusting. It says, “As we see coincidences and miracles happening in our lives, acceptance becomes trust” (25). That was so true for me!

Step Two says, “came to believe.” Came. As in, it’s a process. As in, it doesn’t happen all at once. As in, I didn’t wake up one morning and say “gee, I believe in God now!” I trusted others. I took some action. I started trying to help women. Guess what? I started to get better.

One of the really cool things about having faith in a Higher Power is that your Higher Power starts to work before you’re aware what’s happening. NA says, “We can use this Power long before we understand it” (24).

That was certainly true for me. God started to work in my life before I understood it. Hell, I still don’t understand it! I just know that if I do good things, if I try to be a little bit better each day, life is pretty awesome!

I’m a Recovering Alcoholic and I Think Anonymity Sucks!

Why Anonymity Sucks: An Anonymous Perspective

775_3825633

No One Can Pronounce Anonymity

It’s f**king impossible to say. No one ever says anonymity right in meetings! Ammanitiittty? Anomaniny? We’ve all tried and failed. Yeah, admit it, you have, too.

Even now, as I’m writing, spellcheck keeps putting the little red line below that stupid word. Oh, wait, it just shot a popup saying, “Stop, you obviously can’t spell. Just stop!”

Before I get into a bunch of other reasons, I want you to know that my number one, absolute, biggest reason for hating annonimity (f**k, did it again) is grammar and pronunciation.

Anonymity Kills People

Okay, moving on, anonymity sucks because it kills people. Yep, I said it – anonymity kills people. I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “What’s this crazy person mean?” Well, I’m happy to tell you.

Bill W. and Dr. Bob founded AA and it worked very well. It worked extremely well, in fact. AA isn’t a cure for alcoholism, it’s better than a cure. It changes lives. It changed my life.

I’m a much better person for having found AA. Think about it, if I’d just stopped drinking and never came into recovery, I’d just be a basic b***h from upstate New York.

Today, I’m a mature, honest woman. I lead by example. AA made me who I am, yet it remains anonymous! My life was flipped and turned upside down! My disease is in remission, yet no one is supposed to know how that happened. Are you kidding me?!

“This just in to NBC Nightly News. Two men in Ohio cured cancer. We can’t tell you how they did it, because they’re calling it Cancer Anonymous. For more info on how to save your life from cancer, find someone who used to have cancer and ask how you can get involved with Cancer Anonymous. You better hurry though, cancer kills fast.”

How f**king stupid does that sound?

Bill W. famously quipped that if he could change anything in the Big Book, he’d change the line, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path” to “NEVER have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”

If AA works so goddamn awesome, why’d you make it anonymous, Bill? Why’d you make it so hard to find? If we applied this anonymity clause to cancer, the government would swoop in and stop it right away!

Now, I’m not saying we should put up giant billboards saying “AA SAVED MY LIFE.” No, I’m saying put up giant billboards saying “AA SAVED MY LIFE, NEXT MEETING IN FIVE MILES ON THE LEFT, ADMISSION IS FREE.” Tell me that wouldn’t work! You can’t, because it totally would work!

Anonymity Breeds Hypocrisy

AA members are fond of saying we’re only as sick as our secrets. Still, AA wants us to keep our recovery a secret! AA wants me to keep my biggest accomplishment, the thing that saved my life, a secret?! Yeah, right, I’ll get right on that.

If I’m only as sick as my secrets, well, I guess I’m sick right now. Well, if I’m sick right now, I don’t want to be well! The last three and a half years have blown my mind. I wish I could tell you more, but you know, anonymity. Plus, I’m pretty sure Dr. Bob would haunt me in my sleep.

Anonymity Hides Our Success Rate

Know how many people have achieved and stayed sober through AA? No, you don’t? Me neither. Not one single person can find an accurate number or statistic, because of motherf**king anonymity!

Have you ever seen those Passages Malibu commercials? Yeah, we all have. That guy Pax says, “This is not a twelve-step program. This works.” Well, Pax is wrong. Still, we can’t offer evidence to prove him wrong! Know why?, because anonymity has handcuffed our statistics!

Those people who scream and cry that AA doesn’t work haven’t worked the steps. Those quiet people in the back of the room, who say nothing about how well AA works, they’ve worked the steps. So, they remain silent and others die.

Look, I get it, anonymity was important and crucial. In today’s culture, though? In today’s culture, anonymity hurts way more people than it helps.

AA shouldn’t charge money or have spokespeople. It should get out from the shadows, though! It should make itself more available to those who need it. It should let people know that it works 100% of the time, if you follow the steps.

The only way, in my humble opinion, to accomplish this is by getting rid of anonymity.

Faith Facts Friday With Fiona

Written By: Fiona Stockard

The Big Book Broken Down – Part Five

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.

AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).

Big Book

Today, I’ll be breaking down chapter five, How It Works.

 

How It Works

This chapter opens with one of the most famous lines from The Big Book. “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program…” (58).

Starting out with a bang! I love this quote. I also love the story behind it. Rumor has it that Bill W. was asked, years after writing The Big Book, if there was anything he’d have changed. He responded by saying he wanted to change “rarely” to “never.” That’s been my experience. If you’re committed to working the twelve-steps, you don’t fail. I didn’t and I was as big a f**k up as they come!

 

The Third Step

How It Works then talks about Step Three. They use a wonderful metaphor comparing alcoholics to directors. We want to direct this play (or movie!) called life. We want everyone to do exactly what we say. Wouldn’t life be wonderful then?

The problem here is that people don’t do what we want. Guess what? They don’t have to! In fact, it’s pretty selfish for us alcoholics to want them to! How It Works addresses this selfishness. The chapter states,

“Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt” (62).

That’s one of my favorite passages from The Big Book. It describes exactly how I lived life! I was driven by fear and other negative emotions/needs. I hurt people. I hurt people and they hurt me back. I thought they hurt me for no reason. I couldn’t see my part in anything!

The twelve-steps, including steps three and four, showed me my part. They showed me how selfish I really was. Guess what? I was pretty damn selfish! Luckily, there were more steps and these (specifically eight and nine) helped me to change.

But back to step three. My sponsor explained the third step very simply. She told me it was just a decision to complete the rest of the steps. She told me that by working the remaining steps, I’d have turned my life and will over to God as I understand God.

Simple enough. How It Works then moves on to step four.

 

The Fourth Step

“Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning…” (63).

The important words here are “vigorous action.” My sponsor explained that the first three steps weren’t action oriented. They were two conclusions (I’m an alcoholic. I can’t get better on my own) and a decision (going through with the remaining steps). But step four? Step four was about action.

How It Works describes how to properly write a fourth step. It’s not an autobiography. It’s four charts: my resentments, my fears, my sexual and romantic history, and the harms I’ve caused others. Simple as that.

There’s an example chart, breaking down how my charts should look, on page 65. I highly recommend checking it out! It shows how to write the cause of various resentments, fears, etc. It then shows how to list and examine my part in these fears, harms, etc.

Remember, us alcoholics are selfish! We need to be exposed to exactly how we’ve triggered resentments and the like, if we’re going to understand our part in the suffering of others.

How It Works continues, to the end of the chapter, with information and tips for writing out your fourth step. Pages 64 to 71 of The Big Book are, hands down, some of the most informative writing I’ve ever read. They explain the weird inner workings of alcoholics. They explain things I thought no one would ever understand.

One of these, and one of my favorite quotes, comes towards the end of the chapter:

“Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink” (70).

That’s deep! That passage explains the real meaning of “progress not perfect.” It says guess what, I’m never going to be perfect. I’m going to fall short of who I want to be, and who God wants me to be, but that doesn’t mean I have to drink or drug.

No, just because I fall short doesn’t mean I’m a failure. As long as I keep trying to do better, I’ll be okay. As long as I keep trying to grow as a person, I’ll be okay. As long as I keep trying to put God as I understand God first, I’ll be okay.

Robin Thicke Admits to Vicodin and Alcohol Abuse

Robin Thicke: Living The High Life

Robin-Thicke-Smile

Singer Robin Thicke hasn’t been having a good couple of years.

Robin became incredibly popular during the summer of 2013, thanks to his blockbuster song “Blurred Lines.” However, it turns out “Blurred Lines” isn’t his song, he was high and drunk all the time, he’s being sued, and his wife divorced him. Tough breaks, Robin.

Isn’t that what happens to active addicts, though? Don’t our lives go to s**t? Okay, yeah, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s look at just what all this fuss is about.

The Summer of 2013

Depending on how you look at it, summer 2013 was either a great or horrible time for Robin Thicke. “Blurred Lines” toped the pop charts for sixteen weeks. It sold over six million copies. It made Thicke a household name. It was also heavily criticized for promoting rape culture. Oh, and he was high and drunk the entire time.

“I had a drug and alcohol problem for the year [2013] and I didn’t do a sober interview so I don’t recall many things that I said..I didn’t do a single interview last year without being high on both…Every day I woke up, I would take a Vicodin to start the day and then I would fill up a water bottle with Vodka and drink it before and during my interviews,” Thicke admitted during a court deposition.

Damn, Robin! I mean, pills and vodka is always a winning combination, but you seem to have taken it pretty far! Guess what else? Turns out Robin Thicke didn’t even write “Blurred Lines.”

According to Thicke himself, “He [Pharrell, the song’s producer] was very generous by giving me a larger percentage of publishing than I deserved.” Thicke is credited with writing 20% of the hit song. Turns out he wrote very little. His main contribution were the amazing (come on, they were!) vocals.

Thicke’s Court Battle

Okay, a lot happened for Robin Thicke in the summer of 2013. Why’d he come clean about his drug and alcohol use, though? What was he doing giving a legal deposition in the first place?

Well, the family of Marvin Gaye is suing Thicke, Pharrell, and rapper T.I. (all three have publishing credits on “Blurred Lines”). Gaye’s family claims that the three stole major parts of their song from the 1977 hit, “Got To Give It Up.”

Things keep getting worse for Robin Thicke!

So, while giving a deposition, Thicke admitted to heavy drug and alcohol abuse. Is this some sort of legal Hail Mary? Is he trying to evade responsibility by claiming drug abuse rendered him incapable of ripping off Marvin Gaye’s hit? Is he saying he didn’t write much of the song in an attempt to push blame onto Pharrell?

I think the answer is simpler.

What Happens to Addicts When We Use

I started to address this above. When addicts use drugs or alcohol, our lives fall apart. For people like us, drugs and booze bring clouds of suffering. They cause us to make crappy decisions, lie, hurt people, and generally behavior like selfish a*sholes.

Robin’s problem isn’t that he’s a bad person, or that he ripped off a song, or that his wife divorced him (oh, I forgot to mention that. In July, the couple divorced). No, Robin’s problem is that he’s an addict and alcoholic.

He got high for a long time, including during the recording of “Blurred Lines.” Did he steal the song from Marvin Gaye? Who knows. It’s possible, but people engaged in that argument are missing the point. Robin Thicke is a sick and suffering addict. He needs help.

Maybe we can all lay off him for a minute and let Thicke get the help he needs. After all, what do we say at the end of most twelve-step meetings? That’s right – let’s have a moment of silence for the still sick and suffering addict and alcoholic. Let’s all take a moment of silence and hope Robin gets help.

What Makes Sober Women Hot

Written by: Tim Myers

What Make Sober Women Hot?

beautifulwoman

I’m a man in recovery and I’m here to tell you today exactly what I think makes sober women hot.

1. Tattoos
2. Great Tits
3. Expensive, Sexy Clothes
4. Sports Car
5. Lack of Fat

Nope, just kidding. None of those, not a single one those things do I find “Hot”. If you do feel that those are 5 things that make a sober woman hot then I really hope you don’t date women and that you get hit by a train. Guess what people, sober women are the hottest women on the planet and looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. Going after a sober woman based off looks alone is as smart as buying a dog based on how cute it looks. Yeah it may look great but I could also bite your stupid face off!

What Makes A Women Really Hot

The hottest sober woman in the world would have these aspects, attributes and qualities.

She has a sponsor and sponsees:
My first sponsor told me, the reason that you sponsor people is because it teaches you how to have a relationship with another person that puts them first always. Sponsoring someone is 100% unselfish. If the bombshell you want to date is sponsoring people and she has a sponsor there is a very good chance she is going to be able to put your needs over hers. If you have a sponsor and are sponsoring people then you’ll put her needs above your own. That my friend is the making of a great relationship. That is hot, because good relationships are hot. Bad relationships are the things we used to be addicted to.

She goes to meetings a lot:
Nothing is hotter than a woman in an AA meeting. It shows you that she shares the same beliefs that you do. It shows a commitment to making a better life for herself and those around her. Now if she shows up with a bunch of other chicks that’s great too because it shows that she goes out of her way to carry the message to other women. Think how good she’ll be to you if she is that good to strangers.

She has made amends:
OK, think about this, it will blow your mind. What if you dated a woman who admits she is wrong? Boom! That’s hot! Women in my humble and completely judgmental opinion have a hard time admitting they are wrong. It’s been 57 years and my Mom still has not admitted she is wrong about anything. A sober woman who admits she is wrong is a woman who is in touch with her strengths and weaknesses. She knows when she is on top, she knows when she is struggling, she is in control of her actions and emotions. That is wicked hot.

She Laughs:
I got sober to be happy. A sober woman laughing, smiling and enjoying life is super hot. That’s what I want. I want the woman who is already happy. Not the one whose happiness is based on the tattoos I buy her or the purse she flaunts because it cost $5,000. A woman who needs a man to be happy in order to cover up the pain she hasn’t faced is not hot. What is hot is the happy sober woman who is 100% happy with her self and by adding a relationship together we achieve 200% happiness.

She has a great big smile:
The only body part I find hot is a smile. That’s it. I do not care what you like I only care about your smile. Do you have one? If so than you are hot. Period. Ass, Tits, Legs I Do! Not! Care! They tell me nothing about your insides. Your smile well, it tells me everything.

So if you’re a sober woman and your wondering how to be hot, here’s what you need to do…
Get a sponsor, get sponsees, got to a lot of meetings, make amends, laugh and smile.
If you do those things you will be with out a shadow of a doubt the hottest sober woman on the planet, period.

Same Sh*t, Different Meeting: Easy Does It

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Articles are the sole work of the individual author and do not express the opinion of Sobriety for Women.

Same Sh*t, Different Meeting

I wasn’t involved in twelve-step recovery twenty years ago. Hell, if we go back twenty years, I was still in diapers and raising hell! I’ve heard old-timers talk about what meetings were like back in the day, though. It sounds awesome as f**k!

379_2877690

Imagine a twelve-step meeting where addicts and alcoholic are sharing about the solution! Imagine a twelve-step meeting where there aren’t any treatment centers rolling in fifteen minutes late. Imagine a twelve-step meeting where Jane Doe, still spiritually sick and only a few days sober, is offered hope, instead of dope! Yeah, sounds better than most of today’s meetings.

So, who’s to blame for the watering down of AA and NA? That’s a complicated question with no easy answer. However, it’s my opinion that these stupid f**king sayings play a part.

Easy Does It? Come on! How can I get better, how can I recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, if I take it easy? I need to get into the work, into the twelve-steps, if I want to recover.

But Easy Does It is in The Big Book

I hear this all the time. Someone doesn’t like me trash talking Easy Does It and points to AA’s Big Book. Well Ms. Big-Book, can you tell me where Easy Does It appears? I didn’t think so.

Easy Does It appears on page 135, at the end of the chapter “The Family Afterward.” It tells the recovering alcoholic’s family to be easy on him (or her!). So, Easy Does It DOESN’T mean take years to work the steps. It DOESN’T mean to only go to meeting. It DOESN’T mean anything other than to treat situations involving family with great consideration and care.

Easy Does It? How Am I Supposed To Get Better?

Up to now, I may have been ranting. Okay, I was ranting! But why? Why do these cheesy slogans get me so worked up? Because they’re killing alcoholics, that’s why.

The idea behind Easy Does It is the same idea behind grateful alcoholics don’t drink, meeting makers make it, don’t drink no matter what, and countless other sayings. The idea is a watered down version of recovery, which doesn’t give alcoholics the proper chance to get better.

To put it another way, if us alcoholics don’t take our medicine (the twelve-steps), we don’t get better. If we don’t get better, we drink and drug ourselves to death.

See, I have a three-part disease. It’s physical, mental, and spiritual. I have a physical allergy, which means once I start drinking, I can’t stop. I have a mental obsession, which means once I start thinking of booze, I can’t stop until I drink. I have a spiritual malady, which means I have a bunch of crap inside which makes me turn to alcohol in the first place.

Through working the twelve-steps, the mental obsession and spiritual malady are removed. God as I understand God removes the mental obsession. It can return, but doesn’t as long as I stay connected to God. God also removes my spiritual malady. Through working the steps, I’m put into contact with God, who then “fills the void” where my spiritual malady was.

I’m always going to be an alcoholic and an addict. The physical allergy never leaves.
My body will always process alcohol and drugs differently than normal peoples’ bodies. If I take a drink after twenty years of being sober, I won’t be able to stop.

What I have done is recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I’ve recovered from active alcoholism. I’ve recovered from active addiction.

It’s important to note that I’m speaking in the past tense. I’m a recovered alcoholic. The problem of active alcoholism no longer exists for me. That’s straight from the Big Book. Look it up, pages 84 and 85.

What the twelve-step and God as I understand God offer is a way to get better. Upon coming into a twelve-step fellowship, alcoholics and addicts generally don’t have that much time to recover. The mental obsession is tricky, insidious, and powerful. Without God, it comes back fast.

Case in point – how many times have you seen someone pick up a white chip, do no work, and relapse a month later? I see it almost everyday. If us alcoholics and addicts want to get better, we can’t wait around. We can’t take it easy! We simply don’t have that luxury.

So, What Should I Do?

Don’t take it easy! Get a sponsor and call your sponsor. Get into the twelve-steps. You don’t have to do them in a week, but start them right away. Write a fourth-step and share it with your sponsor in a fifth-step. Start making amends (with direction from your sponsor and sober supports!).

If you’re new in recovery and take it easy, chance are you’re going to drink. This is true for women with some sober time, too. We can’t let up on our program of action. If we do, we drink. If we drink, we die a spiritual death. It’s as simple as that.