Alcohol and Drug Abuse Defined My Life

“One small step for man, one giant leap for man kind.” That Neil Armstrong quote hung above my Dad’s desk in our home since I was a little girl. It hung right next to the flag Mr. Armstrong gave him after he got back from the moon. My Dad worked at NASA his whole life and that quote always had a huge impact on me. I used to look up at it and say, “One small step for other women on giant leap for Brianna.” Of course I was talking about my own mission fighting alcohol and drug abuse.

I started smoking weed with friends at age 13, I was super tall and impossibly skinny and did it just to fit in. Soon while on a student exchange program in Norway I started drinking and didn’t stop for over 6 years. In New England there isn’t much to do in the winter other than get laid and drink and since I was 5 feet taller than all the guys had no choice but to just drink. I kept to weed and alcohol for a while but when I went to college to study graphic design my alcohol and drug abuse really took off. In my first week at school I tried, crack Cocaine, cocaine, OxyContin, shrooms and heroin. Heroin was my favorite. I was an everyday heroin user for about a year. I couldn’t do a single thing without heroin bursting through my veins.

A Women’s Recovery Center, A Good but Lame Idea

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I didn’t want to stop, well I did, I just didn’t want to lose the one huge benefit of doing heroin, getting laid. Sounds weird right? Well, remember it was hard for me to get guys because I am like 7 foot tall and 15 pounds. When I was hanging out with dudes on heroin everyone wanted to sleep with me. I felt important and dead at the same time. So finally when the alcohol and drug abuse showed up on my parents doorstep in the form of me in handcuffs, a women’s recovery center seemed like a good but lame idea.

Alcohol and Drug Abuse Found Me Again

I needed men, I craved them. It was like my alcohol and drug abuse problem had been replaced by hard abs and a heart beat. I want to say I learned a lot from the women’s recovery center I attended in Florida but I didn’t. All I learned was that I still wanted more of everything.

I woke Up in Detox and I knew I Would Never Use Again

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A year or so would pass after my first stint in a women’s recovery center and I would end up back out on the streets, homeless, sleeping in the rafters of old abandoned taverns and doing anything for the next high. Alcohol and Drug abuse had re-entered my life and I could see that I was dying. I was scared naked and sleeping in an abandoned factory that was covered in graffiti. I had enough. I called my Mom and Dad and went to detox. When I awoke, for some reason, for some strange reason A feelings came over my body and I knew, I would now use again. I went to an all women’s recovery center, did the deal and have been sober for 7 years. You see, I always tried things my way, so finally I decided When Nothing Goes Right, Go Left. Left was recovery.

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