Written By: Fiona Stockard
Looks are Deceiving
Some people are born lucky. They come from decent homes. They have decent looks. They have decent personalities. Hell, maybe they even have a trust fund or two. These are the lucky ones, right?
Everything on the outside seems perfect. Inside though, well, it’s usually a different story. What I’m trying to say is that looks are deceiving.
Addicts = Actors
The same can be said for addicts and alcoholics. If I do say so myself, and I do, we’re the worlds best actors. We lie, cheat, and steal our way into whatever we want. I have a Ph.D in arguing, screaming, crying, and manipulating.
I remember being a kid and not getting what I wanted. What did I do? Accept the situation? Hell no! I kicked, screamed, and generally threw a tantrum until that shiny new toy was in my hands!
If I got in trouble, well, I’d find some way to sneak out of the consequences. On paper I was fine. I did well in school. I did well at work. I was a social butterfly as soon as I hit middle school. From the outside, it looked like I was heading in the right direction. However, that wasn’t the case at all.
On the inside I was a wreck. Am I going to give you the same old sob story? “Oh, I’ve always felt like a piece of crap! There’s so much agony in my heart!” Nope. That wasn’t always the case. For awhile I felt part of life. I felt fine. Once drugs and alcohol became my crutch, my only outlet for dealing with emotions, I became two people. I lost myself. There was the real Fiona, the inside Fiona, the train wreck Fiona. Then there was the fake Fiona, the outside Fiona, the perfect woman.
Blessings of Sobriety
Sobriety’s given me more blessings than I can count. Look, life’s not always perfect, but it’s a million times better than it was. One of the most meaningful blessings, probably the MOST meaningful, is my ability to be one person. Through sobriety, I’ve been able to combine the inside Fiona and the outside Fiona.
I’ve upgraded, if you will. I’ve found out who I really am. Sobriety’s been a crazy journey. A journey filled with beautiful, inspiring, heartwarming “ups,” and dark, painful, devastating “downs.” Still, nothing’s ever been worth more than my recovery. Nothing.
Nothing’s connected me more to a desire for life, to a passion, to a soul, than my sobriety. Yeah, some people are born lucky. But me? I’ve been granted a beautiful blessing.