by Sally Rosa | Oct 15, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Hardcore Sobriety
I was lucky enough to get sober with a bunch of Big Book thumpers. Actually, scratch that, I don’t know if I’d have gotten sober without them. Really, I was graced enough to be given the gift of sobriety from a bunch of Big Book thumpers.
If you’ve been sober for any length of time, you probably know what a book thumper is. If you haven’t, let me tell you!
Big Book thumpers are individuals in recovery who stress the importance of working the twelve-steps and spreading a message of hope, straight from Alcoholics Anonymous, more commonly known as the Big Book.
These are the women at meetings who aren’t afraid to call bulls**t when they see it. They’re the one’s who’ll crosstalk, giving newcomers the advice they so desperately need to hear. They’re the ones you see smiling and laughing until the conversation turns to the steps, then they get deadly serious.
In short, they’re the ones saving lives.
Going to Rehab & My Introduction to Book Thumpers
I didn’t get sober the first time I tried to. Like many alcoholics, it took me a few tries. That isn’t to say it’s impossible to be a one-chip wonder, plenty of people are. Still, most alcoholics I know needed to be beaten up pretty good before they became willing.
I was living in a halfway house in Delray Beach. I was going to aftercare and twelve-step meetings everyday. I also couldn’t stop drinking and drugging. Eventually, I ended up back in rehab. This was the definition of a blessing in disguise!
While in treatment, a group of women heavily involved in H&I (Hospitals and Institutions) brought meetings in. These were hardcore book thumpers! I didn’t take their numbers, or even talk to them really, but a seed of hope was planted.
Getting Sober Thanks to Book Thumpers
Seeing these women and their passion for spreading the message of recovery, gave me hope. Plus, they were saying things I’d never heard before. They didn’t rehash the same old “don’t drink and go to meetings” slogans. Good things they didn’t! Not drinking and going to meetings kept me sick! If I could simply not drink, I wouldn’t need twelve-step recovery in the first place!
Instead, they were saying things like “Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles” (Big Book, p. 62).
Or, “Instead, the problem [alcoholism] has been removed. It does not exist for us” (Big Book, p. 85).
They were calling themselves recovered alcoholics. What an idea! You mean I had a chance to recover? To get better? Not to sit around, miserable as f**k, until I inevitability drank again?
The 12-Steps & Staying Sober in the Real World
And then came the fateful day when I got out of treatment. I wasn’t in the safe and protected rehab bubble anymore. I was in the real world. Was I going to stay sober?
Well, a close friend took me to a meeting she described as “different.” Turns out, it was a step-study meeting, packed with book thumpers! They weren’t the same women who’d brought the H&I meeting into my rehab, but they preached the same message.
I got involved almost immediately. I asked a woman to sponsor me. A few days later, we sat in Moe’s (great burritos, btw!) and worked the first three steps. It took a total of about fifteen minutes. Then she got me writing. The dreaded fourth step!
It turns out the big bad fourth step wasn’t so bad after all. Neither were steps eight and nine. None of the twelve-steps were scary or hard! Maybe I had that gift of desperation people talk about. I don’t know. I just know that I started to feel better and I was going to do whatever I could to keep that feeling going.
Being a Book Thumper Myself
Six years later, I sponsor women the same way. I’m a book thumper! I get girls into the steps quickly. They get better quickly. Of course, very little of their success or failure has anything to do with me. It all has to do with their level of willingness.
When I was first getting sober, my book thumper sponsor asked me, “are you willing to go to any length for your sobriety?” I had no idea what she was talking about, so of course I said yes. I thought she’d have me go to a lot of meetings or something like that.
Today, I know what she really meant. Going to any length means exactly what it sounds like. It means doing what my sponsor asked. If your sponsor is a book thumper, she’s going to ask you to get into the Big Book. Do it. Trust me, that simple book is the key to a whole new life!
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 10, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Six
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
Today, we’re going to examine the Step Three section of “How It Works.”
Step Three
Step three is “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him” (p. 25)
Putting aside the fact that having a male pronoun for God is sexist, that’s a profound sentence! This simple step completely encapsulates the rest of the program.
It sounds kind of hokey though, right? Why do I need to turn my will and life over to God? Can’t I just go to meetings and be okay? Well, I’d been turning my will and life over long before I entered recovery.
This section opens by stating, “As addicts, we turned our will and our lives over many times to a destructive power. Our will and our lives were controlled by drugs” (p. 25).
My mind was blown the first time I read that sentence! In active addiction, drugs were my Higher Power. Accepting that fact made it easier to begin to have faith in a spiritual Higher Power. It also made me understand the need for turning my life and will over to that Higher Power.
The section goes on to say, “We don’t have to be religious…” and “The right to a God of your own understanding is total and without any catches” (p. 25).
Again, these ideas blew my mind. I was free to pick any sort of Higher Power that made sense to me! I didn’t have to subscribe to any religious principals, although those may help some. I didn’t have to have a specific belief. I simply had to believe!
And I did. I believed the twelve-steps would change me. That was enough to start. That was enough to offer me the chance at a life beyond my wildest dreams!
After we’re convinced that God is worth seeking, that we should turn our will and lives over, how exactly do we? It sounds kind of vague, right? Well, lucky for us addicts, NA explains in detail how to work step three.
One way is explained as – “We simply realize there is a force of spiritual growth that can help us become more tolerant, patient, and useful in helping others” (p. 26). Simple enough!
This section then lays out the third step prayer. “Many of us have said, ‘Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live’” (p. 26).
This is the prayer many addicts say with their sponsor. This is the prayer many addicts say every morning. This is the prayer many addicts say, time and time again, when in emotional turmoil.
After saying the prayer, we need to live on spiritual principals. NA breaks this down, too! “Most of us feel open-mindedness, willingness and surrender are the keys to this step” (pp. 26-27). That’s simple, but not easy. It’s a lifelong process incorporating spiritual principals in our actions. The good news is that we begin to get results as soon as we start!
Another way of working the third step is to simply complete the rest of the steps. After all, by going through the steps, we turn our will and life over to God. Of course, this requires action!
The Basic Text says, “The word decision implies action” and “The proof of this step is shown in the way we live” (pp. 26-27).
Okay, makes sense to me. A decision is just a decision, but a decision coupled with action? That’s life changing and life affirming. That allows spiritual principals to shine through us. That allows women to heal.
In fact, this section of How It Works echoes this statement. It says, “We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt self-pity or depression” (p. 27). That’s the kind of life I want to live. Guess what? Through working the steps, that’s the kind of life I do live.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 3, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Six
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down steps five, six, and seven from the chapter “Into Action”
Step Five from Into Action
Into Action opens by talking about step five. It reads, “This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs” (72).
That’s the fifth step. Let’s be honest, no one wants to tell someone else everything about themselves. I didn’t. It’s about as uncomfortable a situation as can happen.
There are reasons we need to, though! Without working the fifth step, we usually don’t stay sober. Case in point, the chapter reads, “The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking” (72).
There it is, laid out plain as anything. If we don’t get honest and tell another woman everything about ourselves, we may not be able to stay sober. That was enough to convince me. Well, that and the pain of not trying to change!
Into Action addresses this idea of emotional and mental pain, too. “[S]he is under constant fear and tension – this makes for more drinking” (73). Our actions in active alcoholism are selfish and, usually, harmful to others. This makes our lives pretty tense! I know that was the case for me.
So, to stay sober we need to do a fifth step. Or, to put it another way, to stay sober we need to get honest. What about happiness, though? Turns out we also need to be honest if we want to be happy! “We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world” (73-74).
So, if we want to stay sober and have any level of happiness, we need to work a fifth step. There’s good news, too! Once we share our story, 100% honestly, with another woman, we get this sense of relief.
It’s hard to describe what happens after the fifth step. The best way I can describe it is to say that, for the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe. I felt a different sort of high than I was used to. I felt free.
Into Action describes it this way, “We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but we now begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly” (75).
Sounds appealing, right? Remember, though, we need to keep on doing work! After all, it says “the feeling that the drink problem has disappeared…” It doesn’t say our actual drinking problem has disappeared! That only comes after we complete all twelve of the steps!
Step Six
Before we get into steps six and seven, we need to be sure we’ve completed the first five to the best of our ability. The book reads, “Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done…Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything…” (75).
Once we can say that we’ve worked the first five steps to the best of our ability, being as honest and open as possible, then we’re able to move to step six.
Step six is when we become willing to have God remove our character defects. Remember, we’ve identified a rough outline of our defects through writing a fourth step. For step six, we need to ask ourselves one simple question – “Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?” (76).
Once we’re willing, the sixth step turns into the seventh step.
Step Seven
The seventh step is as simple as asking God to remove our character defects. The cool thing about this step is that we don’t have to 100% mean it when we ask God. As long as we’re willing to acknowledge we have these character defects and continue to ask God to remove them, until we do mean it, we’re good to go.
At this point, we say the seventh step prayer, or some form of it that expresses the same ideas. The seventh step prayer from the Big Book reads,
“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go from here, to do your bidding. Amen” (76).
And just like that, we’re done with the seventh step. Of course, like many parts of AA, this is just the beginning of a lifelong process.
by Fiona Stockard | Sep 26, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Five
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
Today, we’re going to examine the Step Two section of “How It Works.”
Step Two
Step Two is when “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” (23).
Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not always! I didn’t think I was insane. I didn’t think I needed God or a Higher Power or whatever you recovery weirdo’s wanted to call it.
It urns out I was insane! “How It Works” makes my insanity pretty clear. “Insanity is using drugs day after day knowing that only physical and mental destruction comes when we use” (24).
See, us addicts and alcoholics have strange minds. We’re able to convince ourselves that we’re not behaving in a crazy manner. Did I pawn my mom’s jewelry? Yep. Did I try to steal checks from my dad? Yep. Did I take anything my friends didn’t nail down? Yep.
Not to mention the physical and mental pain I inflicted on my loved ones and myself. I didn’t think I was insane at the time, but oh boy I was definitely insane! Lesson learned – active addiction equals insanity. What about God, though?
The chapter goes on to say, “Even when we admitted that we needed help with our drug problem, many of us would not admit the need for faith and sanity” (24).
Yeah, f**k faith! I can stay sober all on my own. I don’t need God, meetings, or sober women. I don’t need any of that crap! Well, that didn’t work out so hot for me. Case in point –
“In this program, the first thing we do is stop using drugs. At this point, we begin to feel the pain of living without drugs or anything to replace them. The pain forces us to seek a Power greater than ourselves that can relieve our obsession to use” (24).
That was my experience. When I tried to stay sober on my own, I felt like s**t. I felt so bad that I relapsed. See, drugs and alcohol aren’t my problem. I’m my problem. Drugs and alcohol are my solution to living life. Drugs and alcohol are my solution to existing with my thoughts and feelings.
So, through pain, I came to believe that I needed a Higher Power. What was that H.P. going to be, though? “How It Works” says,
“Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves” (24).
I liked reading that! I was told it didn’t matter what I believed in, as long as I believed. Now, I was also told I couldn’t make a light bulb, a chair, or any other stupid stuff my Higher Power. Remember, I needed something greater than myself. A chair was NOT greater than Fiona, even active addict Fiona.
I believed in the group. I believed in my sponsor. I believed that maybe, just maybe, if I did what they said, I’d get better. To put it another way, I accepted that I needed to believe.
The chapter addresses this idea of accepting before trusting. It says, “As we see coincidences and miracles happening in our lives, acceptance becomes trust” (25). That was so true for me!
Step Two says, “came to believe.” Came. As in, it’s a process. As in, it doesn’t happen all at once. As in, I didn’t wake up one morning and say “gee, I believe in God now!” I trusted others. I took some action. I started trying to help women. Guess what? I started to get better.
One of the really cool things about having faith in a Higher Power is that your Higher Power starts to work before you’re aware what’s happening. NA says, “We can use this Power long before we understand it” (24).
That was certainly true for me. God started to work in my life before I understood it. Hell, I still don’t understand it! I just know that if I do good things, if I try to be a little bit better each day, life is pretty awesome!
by Fiona Stockard | Sep 19, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Five
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down chapter five, How It Works.
How It Works
This chapter opens with one of the most famous lines from The Big Book. “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program…” (58).
Starting out with a bang! I love this quote. I also love the story behind it. Rumor has it that Bill W. was asked, years after writing The Big Book, if there was anything he’d have changed. He responded by saying he wanted to change “rarely” to “never.” That’s been my experience. If you’re committed to working the twelve-steps, you don’t fail. I didn’t and I was as big a f**k up as they come!
The Third Step
How It Works then talks about Step Three. They use a wonderful metaphor comparing alcoholics to directors. We want to direct this play (or movie!) called life. We want everyone to do exactly what we say. Wouldn’t life be wonderful then?
The problem here is that people don’t do what we want. Guess what? They don’t have to! In fact, it’s pretty selfish for us alcoholics to want them to! How It Works addresses this selfishness. The chapter states,
“Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt” (62).
That’s one of my favorite passages from The Big Book. It describes exactly how I lived life! I was driven by fear and other negative emotions/needs. I hurt people. I hurt people and they hurt me back. I thought they hurt me for no reason. I couldn’t see my part in anything!
The twelve-steps, including steps three and four, showed me my part. They showed me how selfish I really was. Guess what? I was pretty damn selfish! Luckily, there were more steps and these (specifically eight and nine) helped me to change.
But back to step three. My sponsor explained the third step very simply. She told me it was just a decision to complete the rest of the steps. She told me that by working the remaining steps, I’d have turned my life and will over to God as I understand God.
Simple enough. How It Works then moves on to step four.
The Fourth Step
“Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning…” (63).
The important words here are “vigorous action.” My sponsor explained that the first three steps weren’t action oriented. They were two conclusions (I’m an alcoholic. I can’t get better on my own) and a decision (going through with the remaining steps). But step four? Step four was about action.
How It Works describes how to properly write a fourth step. It’s not an autobiography. It’s four charts: my resentments, my fears, my sexual and romantic history, and the harms I’ve caused others. Simple as that.
There’s an example chart, breaking down how my charts should look, on page 65. I highly recommend checking it out! It shows how to write the cause of various resentments, fears, etc. It then shows how to list and examine my part in these fears, harms, etc.
Remember, us alcoholics are selfish! We need to be exposed to exactly how we’ve triggered resentments and the like, if we’re going to understand our part in the suffering of others.
How It Works continues, to the end of the chapter, with information and tips for writing out your fourth step. Pages 64 to 71 of The Big Book are, hands down, some of the most informative writing I’ve ever read. They explain the weird inner workings of alcoholics. They explain things I thought no one would ever understand.
One of these, and one of my favorite quotes, comes towards the end of the chapter:
“Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink” (70).
That’s deep! That passage explains the real meaning of “progress not perfect.” It says guess what, I’m never going to be perfect. I’m going to fall short of who I want to be, and who God wants me to be, but that doesn’t mean I have to drink or drug.
No, just because I fall short doesn’t mean I’m a failure. As long as I keep trying to do better, I’ll be okay. As long as I keep trying to grow as a person, I’ll be okay. As long as I keep trying to put God as I understand God first, I’ll be okay.
