by Fiona Stockard | Oct 10, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Six
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
Today, we’re going to examine the Step Three section of “How It Works.”
Step Three
Step three is “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him” (p. 25)
Putting aside the fact that having a male pronoun for God is sexist, that’s a profound sentence! This simple step completely encapsulates the rest of the program.
It sounds kind of hokey though, right? Why do I need to turn my will and life over to God? Can’t I just go to meetings and be okay? Well, I’d been turning my will and life over long before I entered recovery.
This section opens by stating, “As addicts, we turned our will and our lives over many times to a destructive power. Our will and our lives were controlled by drugs” (p. 25).
My mind was blown the first time I read that sentence! In active addiction, drugs were my Higher Power. Accepting that fact made it easier to begin to have faith in a spiritual Higher Power. It also made me understand the need for turning my life and will over to that Higher Power.
The section goes on to say, “We don’t have to be religious…” and “The right to a God of your own understanding is total and without any catches” (p. 25).
Again, these ideas blew my mind. I was free to pick any sort of Higher Power that made sense to me! I didn’t have to subscribe to any religious principals, although those may help some. I didn’t have to have a specific belief. I simply had to believe!
And I did. I believed the twelve-steps would change me. That was enough to start. That was enough to offer me the chance at a life beyond my wildest dreams!
After we’re convinced that God is worth seeking, that we should turn our will and lives over, how exactly do we? It sounds kind of vague, right? Well, lucky for us addicts, NA explains in detail how to work step three.
One way is explained as – “We simply realize there is a force of spiritual growth that can help us become more tolerant, patient, and useful in helping others” (p. 26). Simple enough!
This section then lays out the third step prayer. “Many of us have said, ‘Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live’” (p. 26).
This is the prayer many addicts say with their sponsor. This is the prayer many addicts say every morning. This is the prayer many addicts say, time and time again, when in emotional turmoil.
After saying the prayer, we need to live on spiritual principals. NA breaks this down, too! “Most of us feel open-mindedness, willingness and surrender are the keys to this step” (pp. 26-27). That’s simple, but not easy. It’s a lifelong process incorporating spiritual principals in our actions. The good news is that we begin to get results as soon as we start!
Another way of working the third step is to simply complete the rest of the steps. After all, by going through the steps, we turn our will and life over to God. Of course, this requires action!
The Basic Text says, “The word decision implies action” and “The proof of this step is shown in the way we live” (pp. 26-27).
Okay, makes sense to me. A decision is just a decision, but a decision coupled with action? That’s life changing and life affirming. That allows spiritual principals to shine through us. That allows women to heal.
In fact, this section of How It Works echoes this statement. It says, “We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt self-pity or depression” (p. 27). That’s the kind of life I want to live. Guess what? Through working the steps, that’s the kind of life I do live.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 3, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Six
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down steps five, six, and seven from the chapter “Into Action”
Step Five from Into Action
Into Action opens by talking about step five. It reads, “This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs” (72).
That’s the fifth step. Let’s be honest, no one wants to tell someone else everything about themselves. I didn’t. It’s about as uncomfortable a situation as can happen.
There are reasons we need to, though! Without working the fifth step, we usually don’t stay sober. Case in point, the chapter reads, “The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking” (72).
There it is, laid out plain as anything. If we don’t get honest and tell another woman everything about ourselves, we may not be able to stay sober. That was enough to convince me. Well, that and the pain of not trying to change!
Into Action addresses this idea of emotional and mental pain, too. “[S]he is under constant fear and tension – this makes for more drinking” (73). Our actions in active alcoholism are selfish and, usually, harmful to others. This makes our lives pretty tense! I know that was the case for me.
So, to stay sober we need to do a fifth step. Or, to put it another way, to stay sober we need to get honest. What about happiness, though? Turns out we also need to be honest if we want to be happy! “We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world” (73-74).
So, if we want to stay sober and have any level of happiness, we need to work a fifth step. There’s good news, too! Once we share our story, 100% honestly, with another woman, we get this sense of relief.
It’s hard to describe what happens after the fifth step. The best way I can describe it is to say that, for the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe. I felt a different sort of high than I was used to. I felt free.
Into Action describes it this way, “We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but we now begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly” (75).
Sounds appealing, right? Remember, though, we need to keep on doing work! After all, it says “the feeling that the drink problem has disappeared…” It doesn’t say our actual drinking problem has disappeared! That only comes after we complete all twelve of the steps!
Step Six
Before we get into steps six and seven, we need to be sure we’ve completed the first five to the best of our ability. The book reads, “Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done…Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything…” (75).
Once we can say that we’ve worked the first five steps to the best of our ability, being as honest and open as possible, then we’re able to move to step six.
Step six is when we become willing to have God remove our character defects. Remember, we’ve identified a rough outline of our defects through writing a fourth step. For step six, we need to ask ourselves one simple question – “Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?” (76).
Once we’re willing, the sixth step turns into the seventh step.
Step Seven
The seventh step is as simple as asking God to remove our character defects. The cool thing about this step is that we don’t have to 100% mean it when we ask God. As long as we’re willing to acknowledge we have these character defects and continue to ask God to remove them, until we do mean it, we’re good to go.
At this point, we say the seventh step prayer, or some form of it that expresses the same ideas. The seventh step prayer from the Big Book reads,
“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go from here, to do your bidding. Amen” (76).
And just like that, we’re done with the seventh step. Of course, like many parts of AA, this is just the beginning of a lifelong process.
by Fiona Stockard | Sep 26, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Five
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
Today, we’re going to examine the Step Two section of “How It Works.”
Step Two
Step Two is when “We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” (23).
Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not always! I didn’t think I was insane. I didn’t think I needed God or a Higher Power or whatever you recovery weirdo’s wanted to call it.
It urns out I was insane! “How It Works” makes my insanity pretty clear. “Insanity is using drugs day after day knowing that only physical and mental destruction comes when we use” (24).
See, us addicts and alcoholics have strange minds. We’re able to convince ourselves that we’re not behaving in a crazy manner. Did I pawn my mom’s jewelry? Yep. Did I try to steal checks from my dad? Yep. Did I take anything my friends didn’t nail down? Yep.
Not to mention the physical and mental pain I inflicted on my loved ones and myself. I didn’t think I was insane at the time, but oh boy I was definitely insane! Lesson learned – active addiction equals insanity. What about God, though?
The chapter goes on to say, “Even when we admitted that we needed help with our drug problem, many of us would not admit the need for faith and sanity” (24).
Yeah, f**k faith! I can stay sober all on my own. I don’t need God, meetings, or sober women. I don’t need any of that crap! Well, that didn’t work out so hot for me. Case in point –
“In this program, the first thing we do is stop using drugs. At this point, we begin to feel the pain of living without drugs or anything to replace them. The pain forces us to seek a Power greater than ourselves that can relieve our obsession to use” (24).
That was my experience. When I tried to stay sober on my own, I felt like s**t. I felt so bad that I relapsed. See, drugs and alcohol aren’t my problem. I’m my problem. Drugs and alcohol are my solution to living life. Drugs and alcohol are my solution to existing with my thoughts and feelings.
So, through pain, I came to believe that I needed a Higher Power. What was that H.P. going to be, though? “How It Works” says,
“Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves” (24).
I liked reading that! I was told it didn’t matter what I believed in, as long as I believed. Now, I was also told I couldn’t make a light bulb, a chair, or any other stupid stuff my Higher Power. Remember, I needed something greater than myself. A chair was NOT greater than Fiona, even active addict Fiona.
I believed in the group. I believed in my sponsor. I believed that maybe, just maybe, if I did what they said, I’d get better. To put it another way, I accepted that I needed to believe.
The chapter addresses this idea of accepting before trusting. It says, “As we see coincidences and miracles happening in our lives, acceptance becomes trust” (25). That was so true for me!
Step Two says, “came to believe.” Came. As in, it’s a process. As in, it doesn’t happen all at once. As in, I didn’t wake up one morning and say “gee, I believe in God now!” I trusted others. I took some action. I started trying to help women. Guess what? I started to get better.
One of the really cool things about having faith in a Higher Power is that your Higher Power starts to work before you’re aware what’s happening. NA says, “We can use this Power long before we understand it” (24).
That was certainly true for me. God started to work in my life before I understood it. Hell, I still don’t understand it! I just know that if I do good things, if I try to be a little bit better each day, life is pretty awesome!
by Fiona Stockard | Sep 19, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Five
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down chapter five, How It Works.
How It Works
This chapter opens with one of the most famous lines from The Big Book. “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program…” (58).
Starting out with a bang! I love this quote. I also love the story behind it. Rumor has it that Bill W. was asked, years after writing The Big Book, if there was anything he’d have changed. He responded by saying he wanted to change “rarely” to “never.” That’s been my experience. If you’re committed to working the twelve-steps, you don’t fail. I didn’t and I was as big a f**k up as they come!
The Third Step
How It Works then talks about Step Three. They use a wonderful metaphor comparing alcoholics to directors. We want to direct this play (or movie!) called life. We want everyone to do exactly what we say. Wouldn’t life be wonderful then?
The problem here is that people don’t do what we want. Guess what? They don’t have to! In fact, it’s pretty selfish for us alcoholics to want them to! How It Works addresses this selfishness. The chapter states,
“Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt” (62).
That’s one of my favorite passages from The Big Book. It describes exactly how I lived life! I was driven by fear and other negative emotions/needs. I hurt people. I hurt people and they hurt me back. I thought they hurt me for no reason. I couldn’t see my part in anything!
The twelve-steps, including steps three and four, showed me my part. They showed me how selfish I really was. Guess what? I was pretty damn selfish! Luckily, there were more steps and these (specifically eight and nine) helped me to change.
But back to step three. My sponsor explained the third step very simply. She told me it was just a decision to complete the rest of the steps. She told me that by working the remaining steps, I’d have turned my life and will over to God as I understand God.
Simple enough. How It Works then moves on to step four.
The Fourth Step
“Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning…” (63).
The important words here are “vigorous action.” My sponsor explained that the first three steps weren’t action oriented. They were two conclusions (I’m an alcoholic. I can’t get better on my own) and a decision (going through with the remaining steps). But step four? Step four was about action.
How It Works describes how to properly write a fourth step. It’s not an autobiography. It’s four charts: my resentments, my fears, my sexual and romantic history, and the harms I’ve caused others. Simple as that.
There’s an example chart, breaking down how my charts should look, on page 65. I highly recommend checking it out! It shows how to write the cause of various resentments, fears, etc. It then shows how to list and examine my part in these fears, harms, etc.
Remember, us alcoholics are selfish! We need to be exposed to exactly how we’ve triggered resentments and the like, if we’re going to understand our part in the suffering of others.
How It Works continues, to the end of the chapter, with information and tips for writing out your fourth step. Pages 64 to 71 of The Big Book are, hands down, some of the most informative writing I’ve ever read. They explain the weird inner workings of alcoholics. They explain things I thought no one would ever understand.
One of these, and one of my favorite quotes, comes towards the end of the chapter:
“Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink” (70).
That’s deep! That passage explains the real meaning of “progress not perfect.” It says guess what, I’m never going to be perfect. I’m going to fall short of who I want to be, and who God wants me to be, but that doesn’t mean I have to drink or drug.
No, just because I fall short doesn’t mean I’m a failure. As long as I keep trying to do better, I’ll be okay. As long as I keep trying to grow as a person, I’ll be okay. As long as I keep trying to put God as I understand God first, I’ll be okay.
by Fiona Stockard | Sep 12, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Four
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
Today, we’re going to examine part of Chapter Four of the Basic Text, “How It Works.” This chapter breaks down the twelve-steps of NA.
How It Works
This chapter is the meat and potatoes of NA’s Basic Text. It’s divided into an explanation of each of the twelve-steps NA members use to overcome addiction. I’ll be going step by step through “How It Works.” Today, let’s look at the intro and Step One.
The intro of “How It Works” ushers in a famous phrase, “…one is too many and a thousand never enough” (18). My experience getting high confirms this! If you’re reading this, chances are your experience was the same! People like me simply CAN’T use drugs successfully. If I have one pill, one line, one blunt, one anything, I set off the physical allergy (explained in detail later) and can’t stop. Simple as that.
Also in the intro to “How It Works,” a very important point is made – alcohol is a drug! NA states, “Before we came to NA many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addition who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover” (18).
I needed to hear that! I was guilty of thinking I could quit drugs, but still drink. After all, I got sober at nineteen. I hadn’t even had a legal drink! Turns out, nope, alcohol is a drug. I can’t drink. Not even a little!
Next, we’re introduced to the idea that the twelve-steps are our solution to addiction and life. NA says, “We learn to work the steps in the order that they are written and to use them on a daily basis. The steps are our solution. They are our survival kit” (19).
Okay, sounds fair to me. I mean, I couldn’t control my addiction. I couldn’t control my emotions. I couldn’t control my relationships. I couldn’t control anything! So, finding out there’s a solution to my many problems was relieving. It gave me a sense of hope, a desire to recover.
“How It Works” then goes into Step One. It says, “We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable” (19). Simple enough, right? A quick look back at my track record made it clear I was powerless.
Maybe it isn’t so easy for others to admit powerlessness. Well, NA has that covered, too. They say, “When some of us have doubts, we ask ourselves this question: ‘Can I control my use of any form of mind or mood-altering chemicals?'” (20).
Ask yourself that question and answer honestly. That’s what I thought, you’re in the right place! Moving on, “How It Works” breaks down the three part disease of addiction.
“The physical aspect of our disease is the compulsive use of drugs: the inability to stop using once we have started. The mental aspect of our disease is the obsession, or overpowering desire to use, even when we are destroying our lives. The spiritual part of our disease is our total self-centeredness” (20).
Okay, when I use, I’m compelled to keep using. That’s the physical allergy. Once I take a drug, my body processes it differently and demands more.
When I start thinking about drugs, I can’t get the thought out of my head. That’s the mental obsession. Once the idea of using enters my mind, I can’t shake it…until I use.
Oh, and I’m self-centered in the extreme! That’s the spiritual malady. That’s why I gravitated to drugs and booze in the first place.
That’s my disease. It’s three parts and it’s deadly. So, how do I begin to recover from addiction? How do I begin to change from this deadly disease? I admit defeat.
The chapter reads, “The foundation of our program is the admission that we, of ourselves, do not have power over addiction” (21). That’s how I begin the first step. That’s how I begin to change. That’s how I begin to heal.
There’s more though! I need to accept and understand that my life is unmanageable. How can I do this? Once again, the answer is as simple as looking at my past. NA says, “Unemployability, dereliction and destruction are easily seen as characteristics of an unmanageable life. Our families generally are disappointed, baffled and confused by our actions and often desert or disown us” (21-22).
That described my life to a T. It was unmanageable and I was powerless! Remember though, there’s hope. NA’s description of the first step ends with this uplifting message. “When we admit our powerlessness and inability to manage our own lives, we open the door for a Power greater than ourselves to help us. It is not where we were that counts, but where we are going” (23).
There’s hope and lots of it! Find out how a Higher Power offers a new life in the next installment of Faith Facts Friday with Fiona – NA Edition!
