by Fiona Stockard | Sep 12, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Four
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
Today, we’re going to examine part of Chapter Four of the Basic Text, “How It Works.” This chapter breaks down the twelve-steps of NA.
How It Works
This chapter is the meat and potatoes of NA’s Basic Text. It’s divided into an explanation of each of the twelve-steps NA members use to overcome addiction. I’ll be going step by step through “How It Works.” Today, let’s look at the intro and Step One.
The intro of “How It Works” ushers in a famous phrase, “…one is too many and a thousand never enough” (18). My experience getting high confirms this! If you’re reading this, chances are your experience was the same! People like me simply CAN’T use drugs successfully. If I have one pill, one line, one blunt, one anything, I set off the physical allergy (explained in detail later) and can’t stop. Simple as that.
Also in the intro to “How It Works,” a very important point is made – alcohol is a drug! NA states, “Before we came to NA many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addition who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover” (18).
I needed to hear that! I was guilty of thinking I could quit drugs, but still drink. After all, I got sober at nineteen. I hadn’t even had a legal drink! Turns out, nope, alcohol is a drug. I can’t drink. Not even a little!
Next, we’re introduced to the idea that the twelve-steps are our solution to addiction and life. NA says, “We learn to work the steps in the order that they are written and to use them on a daily basis. The steps are our solution. They are our survival kit” (19).
Okay, sounds fair to me. I mean, I couldn’t control my addiction. I couldn’t control my emotions. I couldn’t control my relationships. I couldn’t control anything! So, finding out there’s a solution to my many problems was relieving. It gave me a sense of hope, a desire to recover.
“How It Works” then goes into Step One. It says, “We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable” (19). Simple enough, right? A quick look back at my track record made it clear I was powerless.
Maybe it isn’t so easy for others to admit powerlessness. Well, NA has that covered, too. They say, “When some of us have doubts, we ask ourselves this question: ‘Can I control my use of any form of mind or mood-altering chemicals?'” (20).
Ask yourself that question and answer honestly. That’s what I thought, you’re in the right place! Moving on, “How It Works” breaks down the three part disease of addiction.
“The physical aspect of our disease is the compulsive use of drugs: the inability to stop using once we have started. The mental aspect of our disease is the obsession, or overpowering desire to use, even when we are destroying our lives. The spiritual part of our disease is our total self-centeredness” (20).
Okay, when I use, I’m compelled to keep using. That’s the physical allergy. Once I take a drug, my body processes it differently and demands more.
When I start thinking about drugs, I can’t get the thought out of my head. That’s the mental obsession. Once the idea of using enters my mind, I can’t shake it…until I use.
Oh, and I’m self-centered in the extreme! That’s the spiritual malady. That’s why I gravitated to drugs and booze in the first place.
That’s my disease. It’s three parts and it’s deadly. So, how do I begin to recover from addiction? How do I begin to change from this deadly disease? I admit defeat.
The chapter reads, “The foundation of our program is the admission that we, of ourselves, do not have power over addiction” (21). That’s how I begin the first step. That’s how I begin to change. That’s how I begin to heal.
There’s more though! I need to accept and understand that my life is unmanageable. How can I do this? Once again, the answer is as simple as looking at my past. NA says, “Unemployability, dereliction and destruction are easily seen as characteristics of an unmanageable life. Our families generally are disappointed, baffled and confused by our actions and often desert or disown us” (21-22).
That described my life to a T. It was unmanageable and I was powerless! Remember though, there’s hope. NA’s description of the first step ends with this uplifting message. “When we admit our powerlessness and inability to manage our own lives, we open the door for a Power greater than ourselves to help us. It is not where we were that counts, but where we are going” (23).
There’s hope and lots of it! Find out how a Higher Power offers a new life in the next installment of Faith Facts Friday with Fiona – NA Edition!
by Fiona Stockard | Sep 5, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Four
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down chapter four, We Agnostics.
We Agnostics
This chapter is all about how to build a relationship with God – with a God of our own understanding! Before we even consider God though, we need to be convinced we need God.
We Agnostics lays out some problems we experience as a result of active alcoholism. It states, “We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people…” (52).
S**t! That described me perfectly. In other words, I was a mess who couldn’t live life! My friends (my REAL friends) and family weren’t shy about telling me the help a Higher Power could offer.
Guess what? This chapter addresses that, too! “…how frequently did we all say, ‘I wish I had what that man has. I’m sure it would work if I could only believe as he believes. But I cannot accept as surely true the many articles of faith which are so plain to him’” (47).
Did the Big Book read my mind? Aside from using male pronouns, that passage sums up all the issues I had with God. Another frequent issue people have with spirituality is that they confuse it with religion. “To others, the word ‘God’ brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood” (45).
I certainly relate to that. Everyone has memories of religion being pushed on them as a child. The chapter goes on to say, “Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you” (47).
Okay, so I need to let go of my judgment and intolerance. That’s much easier said than done. Once again, AA seemed to read my mind. This chapter reads, “To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face” (44).
Addicts and alcoholics are the only people I know who weigh that choice! Who else says to themselves, “now, what exactly do you mean by alcoholic death? How bad is it, really?” I’ve been guilty of asking that question once or twice!
So, how do I let go of intolerance and grow? The only way I know is through experiencing enough pain! I’m a bit hardheaded like that! We Agnostics has an answer for people like me, “Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness” (48).
Hmmm. Sounds true to me! I had to get beaten up pretty badly before I was willing to consider God as an answer. Luckily, when I was ready to consider God, AA made things very simple. I was told “We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. ‘Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?’” (47).
That seemed fair to me. I was willing to believe that maybe, just maybe, spirituality could help me. I wasn’t willing to believe in some all-mighty white guy in the clouds though! Once again, We Agnostics has me covered. “Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another’s conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact…” (46).
Wait a minute, you mean not only can I believe in a God of my own understanding, but it doesn’t matter how crummy that understanding is? Sign me up! Now, it was made clear very early on that I couldn’t make a doorknob or a light bulb my Higher Power. That wasn’t going to work. After all, a doorknob isn’t going to keep me sober! I didn’t have to believe in anyone else’s idea of God though. I was free to meet God on my own terms.
I started working my butt off and doing the twelve-steps. Guess what I found? Well, I found a ton of stuff, but most mind-blowing was the idea that I’d actually had faith all along. Seems hard to believe, I know.
This chapter states, “Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith?” (53). My faith in AA, and my sponsor, brought me to the point where I had faith in a Higher Power. Mind = blown!
We Agnostics goes on to state, “Had we not variously worshipped people, sentiment, things, money, and ourselves?” and “In one form or another we had been living by faith and little else” (54).
You mean all along I’d had faith? I believed drugs and alcohol would solve my problems (and they did, until they stopped working!). I believed people would solve my problems (and they did, until they stopped bailing me out!). I believed AA would solve my problems. It did and it hasn’t stopped working.
Huh, I guess I really did have faith all along!
by Sally Rosa | Sep 3, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Recovery Can Be Overwhelming
Getting sober is scary! We’re thrown into a new location, told to change people, places and things (this means change everything!), and begin to reach out to other sober people. We begin to experience feelings again.
Basically, we experience everything we avoided through our addiction! Fear not Ms. Freshly Sober, Sobriety For Women is here to help. We’ve whipped up a handy guide to the common types of twelve-step fellowships and twelve-step meetings. We’ve even sprinkled in some basic meeting etiquette.
Sounds like one less thing to freak out over. Now, get back to doing step work!
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA is the original twelve-step fellowship and has been around since 1935. Hmm, they’ve been around for over seventy-five years? They must be doing something right!
A common misconception about AA is that it’s only for people with a drinking problem. This isn’t the case at all. I’m a certified junkie and I go to mainly AA meetings. I work AA steps and sponsor the AA way. Just because you’re an addict, doesn’t mean you can’t go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Here’s where that meeting etiquette I talked about earlier comes in. I don’t talk about drugs during AA meetings. When I share, I say things like “my drinking was out of control,” or “alcohol worked for me, until it didn’t!”
I swap the word drugs for alcohol and it works fine. When I’m doing step-work with a girl, well, then I’m very open about my addiction. During meetings though? I respect the house I’m in.
Plus, alcohol is only mentioned once during the twelve-steps. The rest is all about us and how we relate to other people.
Narcotics Anonymous
NA was founded in 1953 and is over sixty years old. Again, those recovering addicts must be doing something right!
NA is, generally speaking, a bit looser than AA. Obviously, you can talk freely about drugs. Don’t start telling war stories though, or you’ll get chewed out by old-timers pretty quick!
I’ve noticed, through my personal experience with NA, they generally don’t dive into the steps. They have a saying, which goes a little something like “we didn’t get sick overnight and we’re not going to get better overnight, either.”
Personally, I don’t agree with this. I think we need to start to get better right away. Still, NA works for hundreds of thousands of people. If you’re looking for a slow and steady approach, NA may be right for you!
Cocaine Anonymous
An AA old-timer founded CA in 1982. While CA is a separate fellowship from AA, they work steps from AA’s Big Book and practice AA sponsorship.
Truthfully, I haven’t been to a ton of CA meetings. The one’s I have attended are lively and solution oriented. That means members share about how to get better, rather than reminisce about drugs or booze.
CA seems to mirror AA in that members don’t need to have only a cocaine addiction. In fact, most people I’ve met at CA were opiate addicts.
Other Anonymous Fellowships
While AA, NA, and CA are the most prevalent twelve-step fellowships, there are about five thousand others. These include: Al-Anon (for those affected by someone else’s drinking), Gambler’s Anonymous (GA), Sex and Love Anonymous (SLA), Codependents Anonymous (CODA), and Overeater’s Anonymous (OA).
Types of Meetings
Within the above fellowships, there are many different types of meetings. Let’s look at some.
Open Meeting
This simply means that anyone, addict or alcoholic or otherwise, can attend. Want to bring your significant other to a meeting? Take them to an open meeting.
Closed Meeting
This means that you have to me a member to attend.
The third tradition of most twelve-step fellowships reads, “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking [or using].”
So, to attend closed meetings, you have to have a desire to stop destructive behavior. You don’t, and this is important so pay attention, you don’t have to identify as an addict or alcoholic.
All meetings are either open or closed. So, open and closed are sort of the macro-categories of twelve-step meetings.
Speaker Meeting
Speaker meetings are where someone speaks. Simple enough, right? In these meetings, the speaker can share their story, or speak on a particular topic.
Literature Meeting
This is a meeting where the topic is based around specific literature.
This literature can be fellowship approved (AA’s Big Book) or unapproved (AA’s “Little Red Book”).
Literature meetings can have a speaker, be a discussion meeting, or be any other type of meeting.
Discussion Meeting
These are meetings where a topic is discussed. The topic can be about anything. Common topics include gratitude, resentment, relapse, spirituality, etc.
Step Meeting
Step meetings are when the topic is one of the twelve-steps. These meetings can take the form of speaker meetings, discussion meetings, or literature meetings.
Anniversary Meeting
This is a meeting where addicts and alcoholics celebrate their sober anniversaries. Typically, the last meeting each month is an anniversary meeting. Medallions are given to anyone with a year or more. There’s cake and sweets.
Anniversary generally don’t take up the entire meeting. The rest of the meeting is whatever type of meeting it normally is.
Now that you know all about the different types of fellowships and meetings, get out there and start getting better!
by Fiona Stockard | Aug 29, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part Three
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
Today, we’re going to examine Chapter Three of the Basic Text, “Why Are We Here?” This chapter explains why we need Narcotics Anonymous!
Why Are We Here?
This chapter opens with italicized text. Like in the previous chapter, What Is The Narcotics Anonymous Program?, this text is read at the start of most NA meetings. This italicized text reads, “We seemed incapable of facing life on its own terms” (13).
That’s an important point! I don’t just suffer from addiction. I suffer from escapism, which often wears the mask of addiction. Before drugs and booze though? I’d read, or play games, or do anything else to avoid facing real life. By that logic, a solution to my addiction must address more than drugs. The solution that’ll work for me needs to address life itself!
The chapter goes on to list some ways addicts try to manage their use. We tried things like “…substituting one drug for another…limiting our usage to social amounts…” (14).
There are about ten million other examples, but let’s focus on these two. They’re the ways I have the most experience with! I can’t count how many times I swapped drugs. I was convinced I could smoke crack like a lady! I mean, I only really had a problem with opiates, right? I’d drink all night because, hey, at least I’m not doing drugs, right?
On the flip side, I’d only do as much coke as my friends were doing. We weren’t cokeheads, just girls having a good time! I’d smoke a blunt because everyone else was smoking. I tried, desperately, to make my addiction into something social. Do I even need to tell you this didn’t work? Well, guess what? It didn’t work!
The chapter soon echoes this idea. “Regardless of what we tried, we could not escape from out disease” (14). Ain’t that the truth! I couldn’t outrun myself, or my addiction. No matter how high I got, I ALWAYS had to face myself afterwards. No matter how long I refused to look in the mirror, I’d ALWAYS catch myself looking from the corner of my eye.
“Failure had become our way of life and self-esteem was non-existent” (15). That was the result of my addiction. I destroyed myself. I hated myself. I couldn’t do anything positive. The few desperate times I tried, I failed. This wasn’t on purpose (though I was an excellent self-sabotager), but because I was 100% selfish and self-centered.
The chapter goes on to make it clear that addiction is a disease, not a moral issue. “We find that we suffer from a disease, not a moral dilemma. We were critically ill, not hopelessly bad” (16). You mean, I’m a failure and have no self-esteem because I’m sick? I’m not a bad person? That realization was huge for me! After all, sickness can be cured. There’s medicine for it. I found my medicine lives in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous!
Probably the most important part of Why Are We Here?, comes in the form of three realizations addicts often have:
“1. We are powerless over addiction and our lives are unmanageable;
2. Although we are not responsible for our disease, we are responsible for our recovery;
3. We can no longer blame people, places and things for our addiction. We must face our problems and our feelings” (15).
Coming to terms with the idea I’m powerless and my life is unmanageable was easy. I mean, one look at my track record proves that. I also knew I wasn’t responsible for my disease. In fact, after learning I had a disease I was super relieved! Taking responsibility for my recovery sounds hard though. I mean, who likes responsibility? For that matter, what addict likes anything even resembling responsibility?
The final idea, number three, scared the s**t out of me. It was the hardest to wrap my mind around, the hardest to accept. I had to stop blaming other people and other things? I had to face my problems? I had to face my feelings? I had to face life?
F**k! I started getting high in the first place to escape other people, problems, and feelings! I started getting high to escape life! Besides, how the hell do you deal with that stuff, anyway?
Find out in the next installment of Faith Facts Friday With Fiona – NA Edition!
by Fiona Stockard | Aug 22, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Three
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down chapter three, More About Alcoholism.
More About Alcoholism
This chapter is all about identification. At its most basic, it’s designed to let prospective AA members identify their drinking with alcoholic drinking. That’s what More About Alcoholism did for me. It gave me hope knowing that others drank like I did, yet were able to get better.
On the second page, various methods of controlled drinking are listed. They’d be comical, if I hadn’t tried some myself. Drinking only beer? Been there, done that. Not drinking at work? Been there, done that. Did these methods work for me? Not even a little!
Later in More About Alcoholism, Jim’s story is told. Jim was a used car salesman (big surprise!) who couldn’t stop drinking. He managed to put a bit of sober time together, but relapsed after mixing whiskey with milk. He thought he could drink, as long as he had a full stomach and mixed his drinks! While I never tried this exact pairing, I did mix weed with tobacco. I was convinced I could smoke weed, as long as it wasn’t only weed.
Further on in the chapter, AA compares our alcoholic drinking to jaywalking. We get sideswiped, clipped, maybe ever full on hit, but just can’t stop. Finally, we’re badly injured and taken to the hospital. After getting out, we start jaywalking again. We’re promptly hit by a truck and killed.
Seems a little bit extreme, right? Well, think about how our loved ones view our addiction. To them, we’re just as tragic as the jaywalker. We keep getting hurt, yet can’t stop drinking or using. We’re incapable!
Fair enough, but what if you’re not convinced you’re an alcoholic? Don’t worry, AA has that covered, too. “Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once” (pp. 31-32).
I couldn’t pass this test once, let alone more than once. Then again, it’s a little harder to try controlled dope shooting and crack smoking! Still, the point remains. People that drink like we drink, that use like we use, can’t control their intake. It simply isn’t possible.
Finally convinced you’re an alcoholic? Try this on for size, “The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker” (p. 30).
This was certainly true for me. All I wanted, and I mean all I wanted, was to use like other people. I didn’t understand why every time I drank, or got high, bad things happened. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that I wasn’t able to control my use.
The chapter goes on to say, “We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control” (p. 30) and “Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever” (p. 33).
Again, these were true for me. I could stay clean for short periods, but every time I used, my life rapidly spiraled out of control. Okay, so what could I do to stop? Go to treatment and learn about myself? Yeah, that sounds good!
More About Alcoholism says, “He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all his reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside…” (pp. 36-37).
Here, alcoholics are introduced to a very important idea. Self-knowledge won’t keep us sober. It’s that simple. Self-knowledge can help normal drinkers stop, but people like me? It just isn’t enough.
In fact, the chapter goes on to say almost those exact words. “But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge” (p. 39).
Why can’t we stop drinking through self-knowledge? I’m not sure of all the reasons, but one is that we simply can’t remember how bad our drinking was! AA members say as much, “They said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots” (p. 42).
So, we have these “strange mental blank spots.” That makes sense to me. There have been countless times where I started getting high without a second though. It didn’t once cross my mind that using was a bad idea.
What can I do? How can I stay sober? How can I live a life where I don’t hate myself and everyone else? Am I screwed? Nope. There’s hope. More About Alcoholism ends with the quote “His defense must come from a Higher Power” (p. 43).
When I first came into the rooms of AA, I didn’t like the idea of God or a Higher Power. Still, I was beaten up enough give it a try. Guess what? The God idea worked better than I ever could have imagined. We’ll learn how in two weeks!
