by Fiona Stockard | Aug 7, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Two
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down chapter two, There Is a Solution.
There Is a Solution
The chapter opens by saying, “We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem” (17).
This is the great promise of AA, a SOLUTION to alcoholism. AA doesn’t claim to keep only certain members sober. They don’t offer single digit recovery statistics. Rather, Alcoholics Anonymous lets people RECOVER from alcoholism.
Recover. As in get better. As in “the problem has been removed” (85). Of course, this only happens after some serious work with a sponsor and god!
The chapter goes on, “But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours” (18).
This is another pillar of AA, the idea that alcoholics can help fellow alcoholics, in ways no one else can. I’ve had a ton of great therapists, but they didn’t get me sober. Hell, they didn’t even help me to cut down.
Once I met this ex-problem drinker, who ended up being my sponsor, I started to change. Of course, I didn’t trust her all at once. She established trust by telling me her crazy experiences. She told me about how badly she wanted to stop drinking and using, but couldn’t. She shared her experiences, emotions, feelings, and thoughts, which were just like mine!
On the next page, it says, “We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs” (19).
I’ll explore this idea in greater detail in later columns. For now though, it’s important to remember that abstinence itself is only a beginning. Recovery is about much more than not drinking. It’s about living a life that benefits other people and society at large. I mean, how selfish and stupid would it be to get sober and still be an asshole!
Next, the chapter lays out some of the different types of drinkers. They propose there are moderate drinkers, hard drinkers, and alcoholics. The moderate drinker is your typical social drinker. They can take or leave booze. The hard drinker suffers consequences from their drinking, but ultimately is able to stop. The alcoholic though, pardon my French, but they’re f**ked. That is, they’re f**ked until they find a solution!
Maybe the solution to alcoholism is will power. Maybe alcoholics just don’t have enough will power. That makes sense, right? Nope. AA says, “ Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink” (24).
Okay, that makes sense. It’s definitely true to my experience. So will power doesn’t work. What about embarrassing and painful memories? What’s that they always say in rehab? Play the tape through? Wait, so that won’t work either?! What if I go to a lot of therapy and counseling? Surely a better understanding of myself will work.
Nope. The chapter goes on to say, “Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time” (26).
Okay, I’m screwed. I can’t use will power and I can’t use therapy. What can I use to get better?
The answer’s simple. Remember when I talked about RECOVERING a little while ago? Well, according to AA, “ There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others” (25).
The process they’re talking about is the twelve-steps. Through working the steps (all of the steps, in the correct order, under the guidance of a sponsor!!), we recover. Simple as that.
by Fiona Stockard | Aug 1, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part One
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
What exactly is the Basic Text? How does reading a book help someone achieve and maintain clean time? The aim of these articles are to answer exactly those questions.
Prefaces
The NA Basic Text is now in its sixth edition. Throughout each edition, there have been short prefaces explaining the changes made. Now, in the sixth edition, there are only two prefaces. One is the preface of the most recent edition, while the other is the preface of the very first edition.
Of particular interest is a short section from the preface to the first edition. It states, “As addicts, we know the pain of addiction, but we also know the joy of recovery we have found in the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous” (xxiii).
This is a central facet of NA, the fellowship. Anytime an addict is struggling with cravings or other issues, they can go to a meeting and instantly be surrounded by family. They’re home in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.
Introduction
This chapter, as the name suggests, is a brief introduction to the program of NA. Founding NA members adopted their program of recovery from Alcoholics Anonymous. However, they make sure to note, “Alcoholism is too limited a term for us; our problem is not a specific substance, it is a disease called addiction” (xxv).
Here, they lay out an important concept, the disease model of addiction. This, much like AA’s disease model of alcoholism, is a three-part model. There’s a mental obsession, a physical allergy, and a spiritual malady. In order to recovery, all three parts of the disease must be addressed.
The way that NA treats the disease of addiction is by getting connected to a Higher Power and carrying a message of hope and healing to new members. This can be seen when, on the next page, they say “Our purpose is to remain clean, just for today, and to carry the message of recovery” (xxvi).
Chapter One – Who Is an Addict?
This chapter outlines who may benefit from the Narcotics Anonymous program.
One of the first things it points out is that “Some of us believe that our disease was present long before the first time we used” (3).
This idea, that drugs weren’t the problem, is central to any recovery programs. In fact, for many addicts, drugs were the solution! The problem rests within the addicts themselves. The problem was our inability to cope with life!
In fact, the chapter goes on to state this very notion. “We tried drug and combinations of drugs to cope with a seemingly hostile world” (4).
Once again, as addicts, drugs offer us a solution to the hardships in life. The problem is our inability to deal with these problems.
The chapter goes on to say, “We had to reach our bottom, before we were willing to stop” (7).
This is another idea central to NA – that addicts can only get better after hitting a bottom. I know this was certainly true for me. I had to lose everything before I thought that maybe I needed help. I had to isolate myself from everyone before I thought I might be the problem.
by Fiona Stockard | Jul 25, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part One
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
What exactly is the Big Book? How does reading a book help someone achieve and maintain sobriety? The aim of these articles are to answer exactly those questions.
Forwards
The Big Book is now in its fourth edition. In each edition there’s been a short forward outlining what changes have been included.
Of particular note is the forward to the second edition, published in 1955. A short section states, “Of alcoholics who came to AA and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on with AA showed improvement” (XX).
Here we see true statistics, none of that 1% stuff, but true hope for the suffering alcoholic. Remember though, these stats are for alcoholics who work steps!
The Doctor’s Opinion
This chapter outlines the disease model of alcoholism, as presented by doctor William Silkworth. In 1939, when the first edition of the Big Book was published, Silkworth was a leading authority on addiction medicine.
In The Doctor’s Opinion, Silkworth proposes that alcoholism is a three-part disease: physical, mental, and spiritual.
There’s the physical allergy to alcohol. This means that once an alcoholic begins drinking, they cannot stop. Their bodies process alcohol differently. In order to abstain from drinking, they have to be physically stopped (think getting arrested or going to detox).
There’s the mental obsession. This is when the thought to get drunk crowds out all else in the alcoholic’s mind. Basically, getting drunk ceases to be a thought and becomes an all-consuming fixation. This lasts until the alcoholic takes a drink, at which point the physical allergy kicks in.
There’s the spiritual malady. This is compromised of all the things that make the alcoholic drink in the first place. Things like low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. This spiritual malady leaves the alcoholic “restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks” (xxviii-xxix).
Bill’s Story
This chapter is a brief biography of Bill Wilson. Bill, along with Dr. Bob Smith, founded AA in 1935. Bill was a New York stockbroker who had been trying to get sober for years. Although Bill found material and marital success, he struggled privately with alcoholism for most of his adult life.
Bill outlines the progression of his drinking career. He started drinking for fun, to bring out creativity, to loosen his shirttails. He progressed to drinking for necessity. Finally, he drank for oblivion. Bill mixed gin with sedatives and was in-and-out of a dozen treatment centers.
Finally, an old friend introduced Bill to the Oxford Groups. These were the predecessors to AA. Bill met Dr. Bob on a business trip and the rest, as they say, is history.
While reading this chapter, we see how each of the twelve steps are introduced and incorporated into Bill’s life. Just as we saw his descent into alcoholism, we now see his climb out.
Bill’s Story ends with the quote, “Each day my friend’s simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will to men” (16).
by Fiona Stockard | Jul 21, 2014 | Addiction Articles, 12 Steps
Written By: Katie Schipper
The Steps to Recovery Aren’t the Same for Everyone
Opinions on Taking Twelve-Steps to Recovery
Outside opinions on the inner-workings of twelve-step fellowships range from mild curiosity, to total disinterest, to insistence that they’re cults. At it’s very core, AA and other twelve-step recovery programs operate on the basis that if you want to recovery and remain anonymous, than you have a safe haven to do so. It’s on that foundation that you’re able to build a recovery program for yourself. You do this through sponsorship and the guidance of those that have come before you.
However, AA is in no way a one-size-fits-all program. Anyone who sees AA that way and represents it as such is operating from personal opinion. It’s hard for someone not in a recovery program to recognize the value of a support group. It’s probably even harder to understand the concept of anonymity. Hell, understanding those things is hard enough for people in recovery!
Twelve-step recovery is open to anyone with a desire to quit drinking or getting high (or a slew of other addictions). The truth is the actual journey of recovery looks different for each member.
Learn about the first step of twelve-step programs
The Twelve-Steps are a Process
The recovery process is exactly that, a process. It isn’t a thirty-day stay at an addiction treatment center for women. It isn’t a magic bullet that solves all of life’s problems.
Recovery, as a concept, goes way beyond the scope of the twelve-steps. It includes recovering from physical injuries, depression, emotional trauma, anxiety, and eating disorders. The list is endless – recovering from a break-up, from an ended friendship, from the death of someone you love. Recovering from these things doesn’t happen overnight. Some are easier to get through than others, but all pain demands attention. It doesn’t matter if that recovery is physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, or something else.
Why would an addict or alcoholic be any sort of exception to that rule? We don’t ask that someone “get over it” when they suffer an emotional loss (or at least we shouldn’t). Why would anyone expect that a lifestyle based on lies, fear, manipulation, denial, desperation, self-serving, and self-centeredness would heal without some intense and ongoing work?
In twelve-step recovery programs, the initial work of going through the steps with a sponsor is based on a set of suggestions. These suggestions clarify the nature of what we face (addiction and alcoholism). They advise we look at a lifetime of our thought and behavior patterns, which reveal how we’ve been running our lives (by fear and selfishness). Finally, they advise we try and make right some of the things we did. When this initial step-work process is complete, we show gratitude by taking new women through the same process. We keep our recovery alive by passing it onto others.
For those who believe AA and NA are cults, there are other options! Do your research, you’ll find plenty.
Learn about twelve-step meeting etiquette
No Requirement for “Membership”
None of the above are requirements for membership. Even within specific twelve-step programs, there are variants and adjustments each member can make. After getting through all twelve-steps of recovery, it becomes abundantly clear that recovery is exactly what you make it. You get to decide what it means to live differently, if living differently is what you want. Suggestions are made in the rooms of AA by sponsors and old timers, and anyone with a mouth really, but the reality is that you decide what rings true and speaks to your soul.
There’s No Right or Wrong Way
There isn’t a right or wrong way to start getting honest. There isn’t a right or wrong way to start learning who you really are. As time goes on, the spiritual principles you truly value will begin to develop and you decide how to nurture them. You choose how to pray. You choose how to meditate. You choose how to help another person – if you choose if you do those things at all! Recognizing that we’re all unique people, who happen to share a common bond, is meant to empower rather than subjugate. It’s up to you to own that power however you see fit.
by Sally Rosa | Jun 30, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Articles are the sole work of the individual author and do not express the opinion of Sobriety for Women
You Want Me to What?!
I came to a halt at step three. “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood Him.” Sounds like a bunch of bulls**t to me. Now, I’m not saying those who have a god of their understanding are bulls**t, so just hear me out.
Some of us grow up with our family’s conception of god. Some of us find our own. Some of us just simply don’t have one. Can we get sober without finding god? Why do we get so hung up on such a small part of the program?
Many questions, from all different types of people, may arise at this point.
The traumatized adolescents – “If god was real, he’d have never let those horrible things happen to me.”
The smarty pants scientists – “I prefer the theories of evolution.”
The Catholic school survivors – “The priests at my school touched my little brother!”
The metal heads – “If my favorite band, Slayer, is anti-god, than so am I!”
The logical thinkers – “Seeing is believing.”
Here’s the scapegoat us addicts have been searching for. Once we see the word “god” in step three, we run for the hills. We just assume the program isn’t going to work. We finally have an excuse to say f**k it (not like we ever really needed an excuse). Well, you don’t have to run anymore because sobriety is possible for all.
Atheists and Agnostics Can Get Sober Too
The program can work for anyone who actually has a little self-will. This s**t is not rocket science. If you don’t want to stop, you’re not going to stop. Plain and simple. Nothing is going to just miraculously push you into recovery if you honestly don’t believe you have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Believing you have a problem with drugs and alcohol is more important to getting sober then believing in a god. If you want to stop, but don’t believe in god, it’s going to be tough, but possible.
The AA Big Book actually has a chapter dedicated to people who don’t believe in god. You can’t pray away an illness, but having the faith that everything will be okay certainly does ease the mind of some people. You’re not doomed to an alcoholic death just because you don’t devote your life to a religion.
As for all you bible-thumping, god-nazis who think you have some sort or minor in grammar, you’re probably critiquing my usage of a lowercase “g” in the word god. Just a quick clarification to avoid dumb comments about it (that I probably won’t read anyway) – I’m using a lowercase “g” because god isn’t a proper noun. Unless “God” is the actual name of your god, it’s lower case. It’s funny because I bet you googled it rather then having “faith” in my facts. Yet most of you have faith that there’s a man who lives in the sky, who built the world in seven days and took your addiction away. Makes a lot of sense. Now, moving on…
I Have A Problem
A few things bother me about the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings I’ve attended. Anniversary night, the celebration of yearly milestones of one’s sobriety, the same things gets repeated and I can’t f**king stand them!
People get up to make their Academy Award speech and always say “This wouldn’t have been possible without god.” That immediately makes me ask myself, “if you didn’t have a god then you wouldn’t have gotten sober? What kind of message is that sending to our newcomers?” Why are there even twelve-steps if the above statement is true. Why not just go to a church and get cured?
I feel like people don’t even know what they’re saying anymore. They’ve just heard the same regurgitated s**t over and over again. They think it’s what we want to hear, so they say it, but I see right through all that nonsense. I know for damn sure god didn’t get me sober. I believe I did a lot more work then god did, when it comes to me and my sobriety. Guess what else? I’m a very spiritual person. It took me a while to find my own conception of a higher power, but the work I put into my recovery is what ultimately saved my life.
I’ve also heard people say, “I had nothing to do with this, it was all god.” Really? You had NOTHING to do with it? Are you that f**king ignorant to truly credit all your hard work to god? I think back to my personal sobriety and god played a very small role in my life. Yet, we have these narrow-minded people telling all our newcomers that god did the hard work. They then b***h at their sponsees for not getting involved or for not doing step-work. In their minds, god’s going to take care of it all and cure them, because that’s what they heard some moron say in a meeting. That is, if they stick around long after they hear the word god.
Yes, I understand faith without works is dead. Let me tell you, you can work without faith, my friend, because at the end of the day the task gets done. Another thing I despise in the rooms is the Lord’s Prayer at the end of meetings. We preach day-in and day-out about how this is a spiritual not religious program, yet we’re reciting a Catholic prayer at the end? I refused to say it the first nine months of my sobriety because I was tortured in Catholic school my whole life. There was no way in hell I was going to utter blasphemous words against my will again. I don’t support organized religion and I shouldn’t be made to say religious prayers at a meeting that has nothing to do with religion.
Credit Where Credit’s Due
I do believe that god has done a lot of good for people. I do believe god has inspired many. God has done a lot for me. I pray often and give thanks to my higher power, but should we really be giving god ALL the credit?
Addicts already struggle with self-confidence and when they accomplish something as big as staying sober for a year, they have to hand over success to an invisible being? Have a little faith in yourself, people. After all, you did most of the work. Maybe this isn’t the case for some people, but I feel like if I took the god steps out of my sobriety, I’d still have been able to get sober. It’s not right that we tell people you can’t move on to step four (the important work) without finding god in step three. If someone gets discouraged from not having a god, or because of resentments against god, and they turn back to a drink or drug, we’re robbing them of a beautiful life.
Own your sobriety! You did it. You came this far. You worked hard for it. You made changes. You mended relationships. You’re self aware. You’re f**king awesome for all that! Take credit for it! Don’t downplay your hard work because you heard someone say a corny line like “If you didn’t drink today, thank your higher power because you had nothing to do with it.” Guess what? You had a lot to do with it.
