by Fiona Stockard | Jun 23, 2014 | Addiction Articles, 12 Steps
Written By: Katie Schipper
Busting the Myths of Quitting Tobacco in Early-Sobriety
Giving up drugs and alcohol is hard. If it were easy, then we wouldn’t need treatment, and twelve-step fellowships, and therapy, and IOP, and so on. Getting sober is really hard. Giving up tobacco in the midst of giving up drugs and alcohol can sound absolutely psychotic. Trust me, it isn’t.
There’s no evidence that supports the folklore that smoking cigarettes will help you stay sober or that giving up cigarettes is harder in early-sobriety than at other times. In support groups or addiction treatment centers, it might seem like everyone is smoking. Remember, this isn’t true! Besides, it’s going to be hard no matter when you decide to quit. So, if you want to quit smoking, guess what? There are a lot of resources to help! There are also some universal tips, regardless of whatever method you decide to use.
If you’re a Florida resident, check out what the Florida Quitline has to offer
Tips to Help Quit Smoking: Getting Started
The first thing to keep in mind is why you want to quit. For most people, knowing cigarettes are deadly and knowing the benefits of quitting aren’t enough. The consequences aren’t staring us in the face, so death isn’t a big motivator for most.
For me, I’d gotten to the point where I was waking up in the middle of the night because of the smell of cigarettes on my clothes and hands. I was essentially disgusted beyond justification. I couldn’t keep smoking. I kept all that in mind as one of many small motivators for quitting.
Tips to Help Quite Smoking: The Announcement
Another tip to help quit smoking is that you don’t have to quit alone! Now, that doesn’t mean you have to recruit others to quit with you, but let people know you’re quitting. If you try to do it without letting anyone know, it’ll be that much easier to quit quitting.
Remember, quitting smoking isn’t easy! You’ll want to start smoking again! Telling a roommate/significant other/family member/loved one that you’re quitting helps keep you accountable. It also reminds you why you wanted to quit in the first place.
Read more about accountability in sobriety
Tips to Help Quite Smoking: Managing Stress
Try to manage your stress levels in other ways. Giving up a vice like cigarettes is rough, not just because of the nicotine addiction, but because cigarettes are used in a myriad of ways to ease minor anxieties. You’re going to have to learn how to deal with these after quitting smoking. In a group setting and need a break? Go outside and smoke a cigarette. Fighting with someone you love? Go smoke a cigarette? Awake and breathing? Go smoke a cigarette.
Pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one is an intensely reliable ritual. If you can find other ways to manage day-to-day stress, it’ll increase your chances exponentially.
Read how finding new hobbies can fill up free time
Tips to Help Quit Smoking: Don’t Give Up!
The very best tip to help you quit is that you shouldn’t give up if you slip. Keep trying. Not smoking is a process and you don’t have to give up if you don’t do it perfectly. Doing other simple things, like eating well and exercising, can help as you’re quitting.
Reward yourself for small milestones. A day without a cigarette is a big deal, just like a week, or a month, or a year is a big deal. You can reward yourself for those accomplishments.
To get further help, visit the American Cancer Society’s website – there are a lot of tools to help.
by Sally Rosa | May 27, 2014 | Addiction Articles, 12 Steps
Written By: Katie Schipper
What is Sponsorship?
In twelve-step recovery programs, sponsorship is vital. A sponsor has a singular purpose – to take another alcoholic or addict through the twelve-steps so that that woman may in turn take others through the steps. Sponsorship began in AA before it even had a name. Sponsorship began when Bill W. wanted to drink and found a solution through sharing what he knew with another alcoholic who couldn’t stay sober on his own. That alcoholic was Dr. Bob.
Who Can Be a Sponsor?
Today, particularly in Delray Beach and the surrounding areas, the options for finding a sponsor are endless. There are different fellowships and different types of recovering addicts and alcoholics in each one. Finding a sponsor only seems intimidating until you actually do it. A sponsor is someone who knows how to help an addict when all other attempts have failed. A sponsor is someone who knows how to help an addict when family, friends, and significant others can’t. Sponsorship is a vital part of recovery.
Read about the dangers of resting on your laurels
How to Choose a Sponsor
So, how does someone go about finding a sponsor? You might have heard the phrase “find someone who has what you want” at meetings. This is a good starting point, but you might not know how to identify that person. You might not be totally sure what it is that you want. As a newly sober woman, you might have concerns about trusting another female. It’s in a newcomer’s best interest to set aside these fears and take the first leap of faith in recovery, choosing a sponsor in spite of fear.
Looking to connect with other women in sobriety?
Suggestions on Sponsorship
While choosing a sponsor is as informal as anything else in AA, there are a few simple suggestions offered by those familiar with twelve-step fellowship.
The first is to find someone with experience. For some, this might mean someone who has at least a year between herself and her last drink or drug. However, that’s not a requirement. It’s simply a guideline. After all, Bill W. started sponsoring Dr. Bob when he had six months.
You might want someone with multiple years or double digits.
A very basic rule of thumb is to find someone who has completed all twelve of her steps, with a sponsor of her own.
Another basic suggestion is to find a sponsor who herself has a sponsor, someone who’s an active member of the fellowship. Those active in recovery seem to have an idea of how to help addicts and alcoholics.
Another suggestion for finding a sponsor is to simply ask someone with whom you feel compatible.
It’s also suggested that newcomers look for someone who seems to be enjoying her sobriety.
Don’t just pick someone who looks good or sounds good in a meeting. Ask yourself, does your sponsor practice what she preaches? In recovery, action always speaks louder than words.
No two people sponsor in exactly the same way. What might be ideal for one woman could be disastrous for another. The willingness to believe that someone may be able to help is an incredible first step in recovery. Besides, the relationship between a sponsor and a sponsee is unlike any other. Don’t believe me? Go find out for yourself!
by Sally Rosa | Apr 28, 2014 | Addiction Articles, 12 Steps
Made a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory of Ourselves
“A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up, which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.
Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.”
-A.A Big Book p.64
How Do You Do a Fourth Step?
Well, to get to the fourth step, you must have done the first three! Once we admit we have no control over alcohol, we can come to believe in a power greater than ourselves. Then, we can become willing to put our will and life (thoughts and actions) into that Higher Power’s hands. Then, and only then, are we ready to do Step Four.
There are a million ways to work a fourth step. Each sponsor does it differently. The important part is that we follow some basic guidelines.
First, there are three sections of the a fourth step: resentments, fears, and a sexual inventory. While thinking about and writing each section, we need to always to 100% truthful. That’s the hard part! It’s scary to write everything on a piece of paper. It’s even scarier to think about sharing this with another woman! It’s also necessary to overcome alcoholism and addiction.
What Does a Fourth Step Look Like?
For the resentments section, we
- List all the people, places, or principles we have resentments towards (I’m resentful at…)
- List the cause of our resentment (what happened?, why am I resentful?)
- List how we were hurt or threatened in the following categories: self-esteem, pride, emotional security, finances, ambitions, personal relations, and sexual relations
- List how we played a part, using: selfishness, dishonesty, self-seeking, fear, and inconsideration
- List the exact and specific nature of our wrongs for each resentment
For the fears section, we
- List the people, places, and principals that we fear
- List why we are afraid
- List the parts of our lives which have failed us and resulted in our fears. We use the following categories: self-reliance, self-confidence, self-discipline, and self-will
- List the parts of ourselves that specific fears are affecting. We use the following categories: self-esteem, pride, emotional security, finical, ambitions, personal relations, and sexual relations
- Pray and begin to have faith in a Higher Power. We then pray for our Higher Power to help remove these fears
For the sexual inventory, we
- List all the people who we’ve had sexual and romantic relationships with
- List what happened and what we did
- List the exact nature of our wrongs, faults, mistakes, defects, and shortcomings. We use the following questions: Was I selfish? Was I dishonest? Was I inconsiderate? Was I self-seeking? Was this relationship selfish?
- List who exactly was harmed
- List what we should have done differently
What’s the Point of Step Four?
The Big Book says, “Resentment is the number one offender.” Through working a Fourth Step, we’re able to begin to let go of resentments. Now, losing resentments is a lifelong process, but a thorough fourth step is a great way to start!
Through working a fourth step, we’re able to examine ourselves objectively and honestly (with the help of our sponsor, of course!). We learn the roles we’ve played in our resentments, fears, and sexual conduct. Once we know where we’ve been wrong, we seek spiritual strength and a spiritual solution.
Does it work?
By discovering our emotional conflicts, dependences, displacements, disturbances, scars, complications, appeals, disorders, binges, balances, and insecurities, we’re able to fix them and change. Through change, we’re able to fully connect with a power greater than ourselves and grow in its likeness. Without willingness, courage, and honesty there’s little success for alcoholics like us.
Without Step Four, sobriety is impossible. We may remain dry from booze for periods of time, but we’re unable to live a happy and meaningful life. So, get off your a*s and start writing!
by Sally Rosa | Apr 14, 2014 | Addiction Articles, 12 Steps
What Does Resting On Your Laurels Even Mean?
That’s a good question! Resting on your laurels is when you’re so satisfied with your achievements that you stop growing. You stop making an attempt to grow in the image and likeness of God as you understand God.
Resting on your laurels is serious business! It happens to those new in recovery and those with time. Learning why resting on your laurels can lead to relapse is yet another step towards long-term sobriety.
Page Eighty-Five in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says
“It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. ‘How can I best serve Thee – Thy will (not mine) be done.’ These are thoughts, which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.”
Even AA admits that it’s easy to rest on our laurels! Remember though, sobriety is a marathon, not a sprint! Just because we rest on our laurels for a little while, doesn’t mean we can’t start working a spiritual program of action again. Wait a minute, just what is a spiritual program of action?
What is a Spiritual Program of Action?
This is different for everyone. Basically, as long as you have a Higher Power, which has been found through the twelve-steps, you’re good to go.
That last part is important. We must find our Higher Power through the twelve-steps. Once we’ve found that Higher Power, we need to continue to work steps ten, eleven, and twelve in our daily lives. We need to live in the solution!
To practice step ten, we need to write a personal inventory and reflect on our day. By doing this, we’re able to see where we were selfish and fearful. We’re able to see how our Higher Power can help us change those behaviors.
To practice step eleven, we need to pray and meditate on a daily basis. A simple way of thinking about prayer and meditation is that in prayer we’re talking to our Higher Power and in meditation we’re listening to it. Through practicing the eleventh step, we learn that nothing happens by accident!
To practice step ten, we need to carry the message and help others. That’s how we stay sober. Those of us who’ve finished the steps experience a spiritual awakening. At this point, our perceptions change. We see things in a way we never thought was possible. We’re able to start helping other women.
What Happens When You Rest on Your Laurels?
When you rest on your laurels things progressively get worse. That’s just how it goes. Eventually, you relapse. Because of how alcoholism works, you may be resting on your laurels and not even realize it!
There have been countless stories of alcoholics and what they did to get better. Usually, after a certain degree of success, we feel like we don’t need AA anymore, or that we’re okay where we’re at.
Even after graduating a women’s treatment center, even after completing the twelve-steps, us alcoholics CAN’T do this on our own. We must find a power greater than ourselves. Sober time doesn’t matter. As long as we stay spiritually fit, maintain what we learn through the steps, and continue to grow, we’re going to be okay. We’re going to live a meaningful, sober life.
It’s our choice whether we continue to grow or rest on our laurels. If we do rest on our laurels, we begin to fall back into a dry-drunk life, until we eventually drink. Them’s the facts, kiddos.
by Sally Rosa | Apr 11, 2014 | Addiction Articles, 12 Steps
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
What’s The Definition of Powerlessness and Unmanageability
The definition of powerless is “being unable to do something, or unable stop doing something; lacking strength or power; helpless and totally ineffectual.”
The definition of unmanageable is “difficult or impossible to manage; given to resisting control or discipline by others.”
What Do These Mean When Related to Alcohol and Our Lives?
What powerlessness means to me is drinking against my will. If I’m unable to stop drinking, well, how can I think I’m able to control my life? Even with incredible willpower and a genuine desire to stop, I had no choice. I had to drink and once I started drinking I couldn’t stop. That’s because alcoholism is a disease.
Have you ever said the following things as a result of alcoholism? I know I have.
- I can’t keep a job
- I’ve lost all my money and savings
- I’ve lost all my friends and no one in my family will talk to me
- I’ve gotten DUI’s
- I have liver disease
- I’ve been to the hospital three times for alcohol poisoning!
- My spouse divorced me
- I’ve been to rehab multiple times
The First Step
It makes perfect sense why this is the first step of recovery! I mean, how am I going to stay sober and grow spiritually if I can’t even believe that I’m an alcoholic?
We have to know, and I mean really know, that we have no control whatsoever over alcohol. We have to know that if we drink, even one drink, our lives will soon spiral out-of-control. Those of us who’ve relapsed (and I’m one of them) know that when we drink, life gets worse and worse.
The first step is a relief for many. The first step is a kind of freedom. Being able to admit and come to terms with being an alcoholic is the start of a new chapter. Being able to openly accept and admit that our drinking and lives are unmanageable is a new beginning.
Those who can’t admit powerlessness and unmanageability may have a reservation to drink again. Don’t get discouraged! Many alcoholics find it hard to admit, at first. Through honestly working the rest of the twelve-steps, our perspectives change. To put it another way, the twelve-steps show us a part of ourselves we never knew existed!
