by A Women in Sobriety | Mar 26, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
Recovery Isn’t Easy
On of my favorite sayings goes a little something like this – I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.
I’m not sure who first uttered those words. Maybe it was an athlete or a coach or somebody like that. What I am sure of is that saying applies 100% to recovery.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about recovery from addiction, from an eating disorder, from self-harm, or from anything else. Recovery is difficult. It’s fraught with emotional valleys and tough terrain.
Of course, recovery’s also filled with the most wonderful moments I could ever imagine. In my experience, though, we remember the challenging times more than the good ones. I think that’s just how life is.
Recovery is Worth It
Even though it’s difficult at times, recovery is SO worth it! I’m preaching to the choir here, I’m sure, but let’s explore some of what makes sobriety so wonderful.
First, and most importantly, there’s the freedom! Imagine being imprisoned for so long that you forget you’re imprisoned. Imagine forgetting what the outside looks like. The sun, the breeze, the bright blue sky…you don’t remember what any of those are.
That’s what active addiction and alcoholism are like! We’re stuck in a self-imposed prison of fear, anger, resentment, self-pity, and selfishness. We’ve been stuck there so long that we’ve forgotten freedom even exists!
So, to get sober is to be free. Even during the tough times, the times when a drink or drug is screaming our name, we’re still free. We’re bathed in the sunlight of the spirit, to quote the Big Book.
Then there’s the relationships recovery gives us! Did you know I never once had a real relationship before getting sober? Well, with the exception of my parents and grandparents. I had selfish motives in mind, coconsciously or unconsciously, during every other interaction with a human being.
And then I got sober. I suddenly realized there was an entire world (really, the entire world!) of people I could help. There was an entire world of people I could talk to with nothing selfish in mind. I could do something for someone and except nothing in return!
That was an eye opener to say the least!
What other blessings did I receive as a result of recovery? Well, they’re pretty much endless! I gained acceptance. If something doesn’t go my way, well, I don’t have to like it. What I do have to do, though, is accept it.
I could never do that in active addiction and alcoholism. I could never accept anything, good or bad! Today, I can accept anything. Sometimes it takes a little kicked and screaming (remember, recovery isn’t easy!), but I’ll eventually feel the truth of it in my bones.
I gained love, which goes back to being selfless. I learned how to love someone with my entire heart. Want to know the secret? It’s as simple as putting someone else’s needs before your own. That’s love! Of course, then we have to watch out for codependency, but that’s an article for another time!
I gained emotional stability. I’m no longer a rollercoaster of up’s and down’s. I’m no longer angry, scared, happy, and sad all within ten seconds! Today, I’m able to experience an emotion without running from it. I’m able to embrace everything this world makes me feel.
Sometimes these feelings are good and sometimes they’re bad. But guess what? I’m able to sit and experience each one. What a blessing!
So remember, it’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be so worth it!
by A Women in Sobriety | Mar 24, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome
Ah, good old Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome! Maybe you’ve heard of it. If not by that name, I bet you’ve heard of PAWS. If you’re anything like me, that acronym left you scratching you, wondering why people were talking about animal feet!
Most women in recovery know Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome all too well. It’s the reason we were a bit off the walls in early-sobriety. Well, okay, one of the reasons!
For those who aren’t familiar with PAWS, sit back and learn the in’s and out’s of post acute withdrawal. Being prepared and knowing how to best mitigate Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome can be a HUGE help in early-recovery.
After all, anything that gives us a proverbial leg up is welcome. I hope you all enjoy and this helps!
PAWS Symptoms
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome symptoms can range from mild to serious. It’s important to remember two things when reading the following list. A) I’m not a doctor, but rather a recovering alcoholic with firsthand experience of PAWS. B) Everyone’s body is different. You may not get all the following symptoms (fingers crossed!).
Find a list of common Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome symptoms below:
this is when activities which used to be pleasurable no longer are. The best way I can describe it is like a strange form of apathy. I know I should be happy to be at the beach (because, duh, I love the beach), but I’m simply not.
depression as a result of alcoholism or addiction makes sense. I mean, many drugs are depressants and alcohol definitely is! I’m going to make a very unscientific claim here and say that depression is the number one side effect of prolonged drug use.
again, no surprises here. Being sober after using drugs and booze to medicate is scary! So it makes sense that anxiety is a common PAWS symptom. Sometimes post acute withdrawal anxiety is low-level and constant. Other times, it comes in sharp bursts known as panic attacks. Either way, trust me when I say it gets better!
I was convinced that I had ADHD in early-sobriety. It turns out I had no such thing. Prolonged drinking and drugging impact the frontal lobe, the area of our brain that controls concentration, pretty hard. So, it makes sense that I had trouble concentrating.
The frontal lobe also controls judgment, inhibitions, our emotions, and organizational skills. Watch out for trouble in all of those areas during Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome!
I was basically a huge mess in early-sobriety. While this was largely due to PAWS, it was also due to some of my character defects! One thing that straddled the fence between both was irritability. Watch out for this when you’re counting days. Trust me, it’s better to catch yourself before you say something stupid, than to make amends afterwards!
ah, mood swings! These are probably the most recognizable aspect of PAWS. Your emotions in early-sobriety will often go a little something like this
10:00a.m. – I’m happy! OMG, life is so good!
10:01a.m. – This is so annoying, I can’t even deal right now.
10:02a.m. – No, I just need to chill. Life is really pretty amazing. I can’t believe how blessed I am!
10:03a.m. – I’m so angry! Someone stole my parking spot, don’t they know what I’m going through!
And listen, ladies, if you think I’m poking fun at you, think again. I’ve experienced the above scenario thought for thought…some are sicker than others!
another one of the most common symptoms of post acute withdrawal is disturbed sleep. It’s uncomfortable and, since sleep affects most other areas of our lives, has far reaching implications. It’s for this reason that many doctors recommend taking non-narcotic sleep aides in early-sobriety. Of course, that decision is ultimately up to each woman, her doctor, and a God of her own understanding.
having drug cravings in early-sobriety is perfectly normal. In fact, it might be stranger if someone freshly sober didn’t have the occasional, or quite frequent, craving. Unfortunately, this doesn’t make them any easier to deal with! The good news is that the longer we stay sober, and the more work we do on ourselves, the less intense and frequent cravings become!
Beating PAWS
Now that we know the more common symptoms of post acute withdrawal, let’s figure out how to overcome it! The answer is surprisingly simple – take good care of yourself!
This can mean different things for different people, but there are some general guidelines on how to practice good self-care.
First, eat healthy! Avoid processed food, high fructose corn syrup, and taking in large amounts of refined sugar. Stick to fish, whole grains, fiber rich foods, natural sugars, and fresh vegetables. Although this sounds tough (and expensive!), it’s actually pretty easy. Once you start feeling the benefits (thinks like increased energy, a better/more stable mood, and increased concentration), you’ll want to stick with it.
Second, practice meditation! There’s nothing better to keep you in the moment than practicing staying in the moment! That may sound a bit cliché and corny, but I promise it’s true. Plus, mediation helps alleviate mood swings, irritability, anxiety, and poor concentration.
Next, get plugged in with a support group. Support groups can range from twelve-step fellowships, to “rational recovery” groups, to group therapy, to plain old friends. They’ll do wonders for your overall mental health and cravings. A support group also fosters a sense of belonging that’s vital to long-term recovery.
Finally, do some work on yourself! Although this is one of the harder suggestions to implement, it’s also one of the most beneficial. Working on ourselves is the first positive step many addicts and alcoholics take. It’s the doorway through which we walk to freedom and recovery!
by Sally Rosa | Mar 19, 2015 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Spirituality & Science…Together?
We all know that AA and other twelve-step fellowships work. Most women in long-term recovery are living, breathing, and awesome proof of it! What we don’t know, though, is why AA works.
Let me clarify, we don’t know scientifically why AA works. While it’s easy to say that the twelve-steps work because of God, that answer doesn’t satisfy most scientists, researchers, or academics.
The first question you may be asking yourself is who cares what scientists think? I know I certainly asked myself that more than once! My opinion, our opinion really, doesn’t matter in this case, though. After all, think of how many suffering addicts and alcoholics would flock to AA if it were better understood!
(I know, I know, recovery is for people who want it and do it, not for people who need it. That fact aside, we can all agree that a better understand of AA, NA, CA, etc. would benefit the public at large. Remember, our lives today are about how we can best help everyone!)
Well, a substance abuse and mental health counselor named Joe Nowinski set out to understand the how and why of Alcoholics Anonymous. Find out what he found out below!
A Surprising Introduction
In the 1980’s, Joe Nowinski worked in student health at the University of Connecticut. One day, he went to a training at Hazelden, one of the country’s oldest and most respected treatment centers.
Of his introduction to AA, Joe says,
“I looked up at a large poster on the wall. It was the 12 steps. My eye was immediately caught by the word God that appeared there a number of times, and my gut reaction was something like, “Oh no! I’m a cognitive-behavioral therapist! I don’t believe in God!” (The Fix).
Sounds like someone had a little contempt prior to investigation!
After spending a week at Hazelden, Joe soon changed his mind. He was able to experience firsthand the power of twelve-step recovery. He saw the change it brought over people. He saw the benefits of honesty, open mindedness, and willingness!
Research into 12-Step Recovery
Following his auspicious introduction to Alcoholics Anonymous, Joe participated in something called Project MATCH. This was a study that looked at the outcomes, or rates of abstinence, quality of life, etc., of various therapies. It was also, to date, the largest psychotherapy outcome study ever conducted.
The results were astounding to researchers and clinicians alike. It turns out that “Twelve-Step Facilitation Treatment,” aka becoming involved in a twelve-step fellowship, kept more people sober!
William R. Miller, a therapist involved in Project MATCH, wrote,
“On at least one time-honored outcome measure—the percentage of patients maintaining complete abstinence—those in the Twelve Step Facilitation treatment fared significantly better than did patients in the other two conditions—a substantial advantage of about 10 percentage points that endured across three years” (The Fix).
I’ll stick with something that gives me a 10% better shot at staying sober!
Various other studies have examined the effectiveness of twelve-step recovery. “Twelve-Step Facilitation Treatment” was compared to something called Motivational Enhancement Therapy. The results showed that those involved with “Twelve-Step Facilitation Treatment” (really, can we just call it working the steps!!) stayed sober for longer.
Another type of therapy that includes twelve-step principles is called MAAEZ (which stands for Making AA Easier). MAAEZ has been shown to lead to higher rates of abstinence than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, long considered the gold standard of addiction treatment.
So, it’s abundantly clear that twelve-step based therapies work! It’s obvious, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that twelve-step principles work. What Joe Nowinski also found out is that all self-help groups help people.
Organizations like SMART Recovery and Women for Sobriety (not to be confused with us, Sobriety for Women!) also help boost rates of abstinence and improve quality of life.
What Joe didn’t find out was exactly why AA and other twelve-step fellowships work. While that’s unfortunate, all he had to do to get an answer, however unscientific it might be, was ask a member of twelve-step recovery!
The twelve-steps work because they take me outside of myself. They allow me, through a God of my own understanding, to become selfless, honest, and strong. They allow all of us to experience real freedom for the first time!
by A Women in Sobriety | Mar 17, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Honesty – Her Story Begins on 11/24/13
As I sit here it’s Saturday night, well early sunday morning now, and I can’t believe it. I am sober. The TV isn’t spinning as I watch it. I’m not vomiting. My mind is clear. This is the first Saturday night in six years that I haven’t been completely smashed out of my mind.
Hi everyone, my name is Amelia and I’m an alcoholic. It wasn’t until Thursday night that I actually said those words out loud to a group of people. I never thought that day would come. I never thought I would be the one standing in an AA meeting admitting to people I barely know that I’m an alcoholic.
Surrender – Step One
I think that Step One must be the hardest step. It has been for me.
all photos courtsey of the author unless otherwise noted. This isn’t one of hers
Now, my story doesn’t start with me having a horrible upbringing and coming from alcoholic parents. I think a lot of people have that misconception about addicts. I had the best childhood a girl could ask for. I had the most amazing parents who loved me dearly. I was so happy.
I believed in my religion with all my heart and never wavered. The only time I was ever around alcohol was when I would visit my grandpa on Sundays. He was always sipping on a double vodka cranberry. I have always been a curious type, so naturally I wondered what it felt like to be drunk. Still I never wavered in my beliefs.
When I turned eighteen I moved down to Cedar City for school and had the best roommates ever. I absolutely loved my first year of college. I met the love of my life, or I thought so at the time anyway. We got engaged after a year of dating. I was preparing to get married in the SL temple as an avid Mormon. Life was going just as I had planned and dreamed as a little girl.
The wedding date was set for June 18, 2004. I remember going through the temple on June 15th and having so much love and support from family and friends. I was making everyone so proud and I felt proud of myself. The night before the wedding my world came crashing down. My fiancé called the wedding off.
It was one of the most surreal experiences I have ever faced. To this day it seems weird that it actually happened to me and I’m sitting here writing about it. I made it through. I made it. At the time I didn’t think I was going to. It seems like life was a constant “I made it through” moment. At least it was for me.
After my wedding I didn’t know what to do. I was now nineteen wearing garments with no real idea what that meant. All I knew was that I couldn’t take them off simply because I didn’t get married. I always had to wear them. To me it didn’t seem fair, but because of what I was taught I wore them religiously for two years.
An Alcoholic is Born
About six months before my twenty-first birthday, I started having second thoughts about everything. I didn’t understand a lot about the Mormon church and I felt like I was stuck in something that I couldn’t get out of. I was living in fear of everything. What would happen if I slept without my garments on? What if I missed church? I knew that this was not how God wanted me to feel.
God is not fear based. God is love. No one should feel fearful of what happens to you when you take your garments off. So I did it, I took them off. I walked out into the world without my garments. It felt good to not have to put on a perfect face anymore. I could be me.
On my twenty-first birthday I got invited to go out with a few friends to the bar. I was skeptical because my parents were already hurting that I took my garments off and was not going to church. It took a minute to decide what to do. I lied that night about going out drinking and little did I know that eight years later I would still be lying not only to them, but to myself. Until today. I will not lie anymore. I am going to be 100% honest and real.
The second alcohol touched my lips I was hooked. I’ve been taught this week that alcoholism’s actually a disease. It’s something you’re born with. It’s like cancer or diabetes. It needs to be treated or you will die.
me while drinking
At first I didn’t think I was hooked. I just knew I liked going out and I liked to party. When I was twenty-two I got into a relationship with a really awesome guy. He drank, but I didn’t think it was a big deal. I thought it was cool that I was able to go home and make myself a cocktail and relax. I was told that it was normal to go home and have a cocktail. If you aren’t an alcoholic, it is normal. But if you have a brain like me, its not.
I remember everyday just really looking forward to going home to that drink. I would make myself a cocktail as soon as I walked through the door. At first it was one or two, but as the years went on it turned into three and four with a few shots in between. I still talked myself into thinking it was normal because I was home relaxing.
I found myself going to bed some nights and, as soon as my boyfriend fell asleep, I’d get up and take three or four more shots. Jason used to make the comment all the time like, “Wow, it seems like this vodka is running out fast. I swear we aren’t drinking this much.” I would always tell him that we were and try to talk him into thinking he had more than he did. Lies. I was lying again.
A few years into our relationship, Jason and I started fighting a lot. I’ve learned over the past few days that it’s hard for alcoholics to hold relationships unless they get help. I believe that to be true now and I blame alcohol for my breakup with Jason.
When we moved to MT it was kind of a last ditch effort to fix things. We had good days, but we also had a lot of bad. Most of those days I was drunk. I don’t think Jason knew how much I was drinking. A lot of times before he would come home from work, if I was home first, I’d take a few shots just to start the night. Sometimes it would be up to fifteen quick ones.
The problem with an alcoholic is when we drink it changes us. It turns us into a different person. I remember one night actually throwing my phone at the wall and breaking it. That is not Amelia. That is alcohol.
I remember calling the one I love the most horrible names. I remember just blacking out at night then getting up and starting it all over again. Waking up knowing there was a fight but not remembering what was said. I still didn’t think I had a problem. I just told myself I was dealing with a hard relationship. Excuses.
The Downward Spiral
When Jason and I broke up, he moved out and my drinking got really bad. I would go to school, stop at the liquor store, go home, and drink. The entire bottle. Now those ten shots weren’t working. I had to have a pint to feel it.
I remember waking up some mornings and my mom would call me and talk about things we spoke about the night before. I would have zero recollection of talking to her. I would play along as if I knew what she was talking about but could not remember. I had friends in MT that told me I drank a lot. A couple of my friends called me “cocktail girl” as a joke. I thought it was funny. I didn’t think it was a concern at all because I was dealing with a breakup and I was single. Again, excuses.
When I moved back to Utah is when it started to click that maybe I had a problem. I was so used to living by myself and doing whatever I wanted. Now, suddenly, I was back in a religious setting where nothing I would normally do was allowed. I remember panicking because I didn’t know where I was going to drink at night to “relax.” That didn’t stop me though. I started putting booze in my car and running out all night to drink vodka straight from the bottle.
this photo isn’t of the author
By the time I went to bed, I was so drunk. No one could tell though. I was very good at playing it off. Alcohol was the only way I could sleep at this point. I couldn’t live without it. People would make comments to me about my drinking but I would always defend myself and say I was fine because I’d never had a DUI. Excuses. Excuses!!
Alcoholism doesn’t always mean that you’ve had a DUI. Alcoholism is a disease. You can’t just have a drink like a normal person and enjoy it. There is no controlled drinking and never will be. You will kill yourself trying to make yourself like other people.
Weekdays were horrible. I would get up every day hungover. Throwing up in the shower was a normal routine. There was one night in the week that I worked the graveyard shift and I always had my bottle in my car waiting for me when I got off Saturday morning. I would drink the entire pint before falling asleep, which would leave me waking up hungover at 2pm. Working for Hospice it was especially hard because I saw a lot of death. My patients and their families loved me, but I always wondered why. I hated myself. I always though “if only they knew the kind of person I really was.”
On the weekends I would go out with friends and my bar tab was always more than everyone else’s. I would get so drunk that sometimes my friends would have to pull over so I could get out of the car and vomit. By the time I got home I was so drunk that most of the time I couldn’t make it upstairs without holding on to everything in sight. My mom would come upstairs and ask me what I had been doing and I was so drunk I could barely hear the question.
There was one night I fell down eleven stairs. My mom found me at the bottom. I slightly remember that night and also some nights trying to smooth things over telling her I only had one drink, but she knew I hadn’t. Lying to her was the only thing I knew how to do when it came to alcohol. I couldn’t hurt her anymore than I knew I already had. I had to lie.
Most of the time I was still nursing the bottle in my purse that she couldn’t see. I know one day I am going to have to apologize to her. She deserves that. She never deserved waking up at 2am from me falling down a flight of stairs. I can’t imagine the worry I put her through. Maybe one day when I have my own child I’ll understand. I know that my mom is the only one in this world that could handle me and God knew this when he gave her to me. That is one thing that I am grateful for through all of this.
Rock Bottom
I drank every day but weekends I went all out. Saturday nights I’d go through a half gallon of vodka alone. Because of that, Sunday’s were never really the best days. The only word I’ve been able to associate with them are “hungover.” I have been hungover to the point where I throw up ’til I go to bed at night. This happened most Sundays.
sober on the left, while drinking on the right
My mom would ask me why I would lay in bed all day and I would just say I was tired from the work week. Most of the time I would just lay there and cry because I wanted to change so bad and be like a normal person. I would look on Facebook and be so jealous of my friends who were out doing things. I wanted to be like that, but didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to be normal. I was a slave to the bottle. It was my friend but it was also my worst enemy.
It was a hate/love relationship. When it was around, it called to you and made you feel like the only way you’re going to feel good is if you drank or that you won’t be able to sleep unless you got drunk. It’s a never ending battle and it takes a wake up call to actually change.
My wake up call happened a few weeks ago. I remember waking up one Sunday morning and being completely soaked in my own urine. I had drank to the point where my brain was no longer connected to my body. I shouldn’t be alive. I shouldn’t be here typing this and if it weren’t for my dog, I wouldn’t be. I have never in my life felt like that. It was that moment of low that I can’t explain.
I knew that I had to do something, because if I didn’t I’d die. I can’t live like that anymore. I can’t and I won’t. So here I am. It took me a couple weeks to decide to quit after that incident, but here I am.
I’m not going to lie and say I enjoy being sober. My body feels better, but because of how my brain works I just naturally like being drunk. I won’t give in though. I won’t. I am going to overpower the one thing that has overpowered me. I’m going to take this challenge that God has given me and make it just a slight stepping stone to my next place.
I hope one day I can help other people that struggle with addiction. I’ve got this. Today, day seven. One week sober. Come with me on my journey to sobriety.
Thanks for reading my story 🙂
Today I celebrate day 103 🙂
I am a completely different person inside and out!
me at 90 days!
by Sally Rosa | Mar 12, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
By Tim Myers
How to Deal with a Relapsing Roommate
The number one phone call us people in recovery get goes a little something like this – “my roommate is using…what do I do?” This happens every day in recovery communities like Delray Beach and, if you’re living with a recovering alcoholic, it can 100% happen to you!
If three people move into an apartment, one of them will most likely use. Those are the facts. I’m not being pessimistic, just realistic. So, for all of you out there who may find yourself in this predicament, here’s a handy guide.
If your roommate is drinking, you should…
STEP ONE: Have a House Meeting
Confront your roommate together, never one on one.
Bring along someone with more time than you and someone who’s been in this situation before. Ask your roommate if they’ve been using. Point out several things that you’ve noticed about their behavior that makes you believe this.
If the deny it, you can ask them to take a drug test. You can pick these up at any local drug store. Once you have confirmed that they are using, move to step two.
STEP TWO: KICK THEM OUT!
“I can’t do that, they’ll have no where to go!” or “I can’t do that we have rent to pay.” These are poor excuses to kick someone out.
100% of the time the situation gets 100% worse if you don’t make the using roommate leave. Never ever has it worked out. Never.
Tell them they can’t live here anymore and they have to leave right away. Now, you don’t have to be a jerk about it. They’re sick and suffering, so be compassionate and helpful. You can do this in step three.
If your roommate is accepting help and wants to be sober move on to steps three to five. If not, stay away. Ask them to leave, call the cops if they won’t, and above all else, keep you and your home safe.
STEP THREE: Help Them Find a Halfway House
Your relapsing roommate is broken and scared right now. Help them get on the phone and help them find a place to stay. There are many halfway houses and many will work with your roommate on payments if they have a job. Once you have a place that your roommate has committed to, move on to step four.
STEP FOUR: Take Them To A Meeting
By taking them to a meeting you’re showing your roommate that you still care about them and their recovery. They’ll remember this and hopefully they’ll do the same thing for another person if the situation arises.
This will also put them in a good mood and get them back on the right path before they even step foot in the halfway house.
STEP FIVE: PRAY!
This is the most important step because it’s showing God that you care for your friend and that you’re grateful that you’re still sober.
Take this time to reflect on all the blessings in your life and ask for help for your roommate. In trying times like these, it’s easy to forget to pray, but praying is probably why you’ve stayed sober. It’s probably what your roommate should have been doing.
