by A Women in Sobriety | Feb 2, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Attitude is Everything
Want to know when in my life I was happiest? The answer might surprise you! I was happiest in early-sobriety while living in a halfway house.
Now don’t get me wrong, my life since getting sober has been nothing short of amazing. I’ve gotten to experience all sorts of things I never thought would happen. I’ve been blessed with friends, family, significant others, and a wonderful God. I’ve gotten to travel, to have amazing jobs, and to grow as a woman.
In other words, I truly have a life beyond my wildest dreams!
Still, there was something about early-sobriety and the simplicity of life that stands out. There was something about that period that makes me gooey with nostalgia. Life was simple, easy, and above all else, amazing!
I think it had something to do with my attitude!
Making the Most of What You Have
My attitude was what made this period in my life so wonderful. I was practicing gratitude like never before. I was taking unselfish and constructive action on a daily basis. I was giving instead of taking. Guess what? By giving, I received more than I ever imagined.
Now, there’s a whole debate (which I’ve participated in!) about how gratitude is steeped in action. Let’s set that aside for a moment and simply look at how gratitude changed my life!
The True Meaning of Gratitude
I was nineteen years old and living successfully on my own for the first time ever. I was coming off a one-year relapse. Prior to that year, I’d had almost six months sober. Prior to those six months, I’d been drugging and drinking for seven years.
So, being sober alone was enough to instill gratitude and humility in little old me! I was so grateful for a bed to sleep on, a pillow to lay my head on, and an air conditioner to keep me cool. I was so grateful for my roommates, friends who would answer their phones, and the ability to set past mistakes right. I was so grateful for my sponsor, my sober supports, and my new twelve-step family!
I was even grateful for my responsibilities. That’s something I tend to forget today. I was so excited to do step-work, to go to my job, and to go to school. Today, these things sometimes seem like a chore. In early-sobriety, though, they were blessings of the highest order.
I think that’s why I look back at this period as the happiest in my life. Now, I’d again like to say that my life today is beyond my wildest dreams. It’s truly amazing. Still, there’s always going to be a special place in my heart for those early days spent living in a halfway house.
There’s always going to be a special place in my heart for meeting with my sponsor, scared out of my mind to be completely honest, and walking away feeling light and free. That’s something special, my friends, it really is.
by Sally Rosa | Jan 30, 2015 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
My Experience Switching Sponsors
My first sponsor had around six months when she started taking me through the twelve-steps. Despite not having a ton of time, she’d been through her steps, had a spiritual experience, and was ready to spread a message of hope and recovery.
We didn’t have that much in common, aside from both being alcoholics. She was much older than I was, although at nineteen almost everyone was much older than I was! She taught Social Studies and coached baseball at a local high school. She was married. She had money in the bank.
I could continue this list, but I think you all get the idea. We were brought together by the twelve-steps and the need to live our lives on spiritual principles. She began to take me through the steps. Six months later, I’d finished my steps and she’d picked up her one-year medallion.
It was around this time, when I started sponsoring women, that I began to think about switching sponsors. Don’t get me wrong, my original sponsor saved my life. I’m going to spend the rest of my days working off that debt by helping other women.
Still, we didn’t have much in common. I wanted a sponsor that was closer to my age and had similar experiences, both in active addiction and recovery. So I started “shopping around” as my friends call it.
On the Hunt for a New Sponsor
All of a sudden, meetings took on a whole new meaning. Not only was I going to spread the message of recovery, I was also going to see what other women had to say. Of course, that’d always been one reason for meetings, but now it took on a new importance.
I reached out, got a ton of phone numbers, and put together a list of potential sponsors. I prayed, meditated, and asked God for guidance. I also ran some of my potential ideas by another alcoholic.
God works in mysterious ways, my friends! Guess who I ended up asking to sponsor me? The woman I ran my list by! I’m getting ahead of myself though.
I called this woman up and we talked for a couple of hours. She gave me a piece of advice that’s stuck with my ever since. This is also the advice that made me realize she was the perfect sponsor for me.
She said, “Whoever you pick, make sure they’re someone who’s always been there for you in the past.” That was God talking to me through another alcoholic! That was what I’d been praying and meditating for. Those were the words I’d been waiting to hear.
Actually Switching Sponsors
After we got off the phone, I said another prayer. I then called the woman who’d taken my through the steps. I was so nervous! I thought she was going to be angry and never talk to me again!
It turns out, like most things in sobriety, that I was up in my head for nothing. She completely understood and even acknowledged some of what I’d been thinking. We ended the phone call closer than we’d been previously! God certainly does work in mysterious ways.
I then called my new sponsor (though she didn’t know it yet!) and asked her to sponsor me. She said yes and the rest, as they say, was history. That was almost six years ago and I haven’t looked back since.
I heard a simple and profound saying early in my recovery. It went something like “if you don’t think you have the best sponsor in the world, you picked the wrong woman.”
I’ve been blessed in my sobriety with two amazing sponsors. What more can a girl ask for?
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 28, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
What Do I Do If a Loved One Relapses?
Relapse is a part of recovery. It’s an unfortunate part, but a part nonetheless. It’s like the sky being blue, grass being green, or Taco Bell being the tastiest fast food. Addicts and alcoholics relapse. It’s that simple.
So, what happens when someone close to us relapses? It could be a family member, friend, roommate, significant other, sober support, or even a sponsor. What happens to us when they pick up that drink? What are our options?
This is a selfish way of looking at things, but an absolutely vital one to preserve our own sobriety! This goes double if you’re in early-sobriety when a loved one relapses.
What do we do? Find some of my (hard won) advice below. I hope it helps!
Limit Contact
This one’s kind of obvious, but limit your contact with a relapsing loved one! Now, this might be hard depending on who it is that decided to pick up a drink or drug. It’s one thing to limit contact with a friend, it’s a whole other thing to limit contact with a significant other!
If it’s at all possible, don’t spend as much time with them. See them only in social settings. Don’t hang out with them late into the night. Take these general precautions to protect your own sobriety!
These might sound harsh, but remember – it’s easier for a relapsing loved one to take us out, than it is for us to get them back into the rooms.
Don’t See Them Alone
This goes along with limiting contact. Don’t hang out with your relapsing loved one alone!
I know what you’re thinking. “But So and So loves me! He or she would never use around me. I’ll be fine!” Guess what? You’re probably right. 99% of the time you will be fine. It’s that 1% that makes seeing a relapsing loved one alone dangerous.
Remember, you’re dealing with the disease of addiction and alcoholism. It overwhelms us all. It doesn’t matter how much your loved one cares about you. If they’re drinking and drugging, all that love goes out the window. That’s just how it is.
Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help can take a few different forms depending on who in your life relapsed.
Let’s say it’s your significant other. Well, then seeking professional help could include going to marriage therapy, going to couples therapy, joining a support group like Al-Anon, or simply placing your loved one in treatment.
Let’s say it’s a friend that relapsed. If that’s the case, seeking professional help could take the form of attending a support group, going to more twelve-step meetings, or even planning an intervention (with an interventionist, of course!).
Let’s say it’s a family member. In this case, maybe you should attend family therapy. Whatever form it takes, don’t be afraid to turn to the professionals. After all, there’s a reason they’re called professionals!
Encourage Them!
This might also be kind of common sense, but I see it get neglected a lot! Remember, your loved one is in a lot of emotional, mental, and spiritual pain. They’re drinking, using, and engaging in harmful and selfish behavior. They could use some kind words!
So, if someone close to you starts drinking or drugging, tell them some of the things your sponsor tells you. It’ll help more than you know.
Pray For Them
And here we’ve reached the most important thing (in my humble opinion anyway!) you can do for a loved one who’s relapsing. Pray for them! It’s that simple.
Alcoholism and addiction are diseases of powerlessness. Addicts and alcoholics are powerless over drugs and booze. They’re powerless to say no. They need something more powerful than they are to help.
That’s where a God of our own understanding enters the picture. This God is much more powerful than any drug or drink.
So, say a prayer for your loved one. It’s one of the simplest, and most powerful, things we can do!
by A Women in Sobriety | Jan 21, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
Emotional Sobriety: A Four Letter Word?
Ah, emotional sobriety! I’ve written about it before, I’m writing about it now, and you best believe I’ll write about it in the future.
That’s because this tricky little idea encapsulates, in my opinion, the rest of the program. Emotional sobriety is how we gauge how well we’re living. It’s how we tell whether we’re practicing spiritual principles in all our affairs.
It’s also super hard! Imagine going through life a serene, peaceful person. Sounds nice, right? Too bad it rarely happens! Now, that isn’t to say we don’t have minutes, hours, or even days of emotional serenity, but it usually doesn’t last.
So, how can we make it last? How can we stretch those minutes, hours, and days into weeks, months, and years? Perhaps that’s a questions best left to the old-timers. I’m taking a stab at answering it today though!
Practice Radical Honesty
It’s hard to be bent out of shape if you’re honest all the time!
When I’m practicing radical honesty, I don’t have any secrets to hide. I don’t have any regrets or anxious thoughts clouding my mind. Basically, when I practice radical honesty, I’m also emotionally sober.
It’s important to remember, though, there’s a fine line between radical honesty and being mean! Let’s say I’m sitting in a meeting and I don’t like what someone shared. Do I raise my hand and tear them to pieces? That’s being honest, right?
Wrong! It’s being selfish! Just because I don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean I have the right to act out. So toe that line, ladies!
Live on God’s Terms
This one might be kind of obvious, but here ya go. If I’m living life on God’s terms, rather than my own, I’m emotionally sober.
If I’m praying, meditating, doing daily inventories, going to meetings, reaching my hand out to struggling women, calling my sober supports, working with sponsees, and handling all of life’s responsibilities – I’m also living in emotional sobriety.
It’s that simple!
Rework the Steps
I’ve found the best way for me to live life on God’s terms is to dive back into step work. Remember, that’s just for me.
If I’m struggling to live the sort of life I should be living, I need to get back to the book. I need to get back to what twelve-step sobriety is all about! I accomplish this by reworking the steps.
Sometimes this takes the form of reworking my steps with my sponsor. Sometimes it takes the form of working the steps with a new sponsee. Sometimes it takes the form of going to twelve step-series meetings.
Whatever the form, the result is the same. I end up feeling better. I end up living healthier. I end up in emotional sobriety!
Seek Outside Help
Sometimes our problems (okay, okay, I’ll only speak for myself!) are so big that I need to seek outside help. Think things like being sober yet acting out on self-harm or an eating disorder. Think clinical depression, anxiety, or other disorders.
When I’m struggling with issues like these, emotional sobriety is impossible. Not only is emotional sobriety and stability impossible, but so it being a decent human being!
So, when dealing with these game changers, I need to seek outside help. It can be from a private therapist, a therapy group, a mental health facility, or even from a friend who’s specialized in any of the above areas.
Basically, taking these measures is how I address all my emotional needs. And, dear readers, once my emotional needs are in order, I’m able to practice that ever so elusive emotional sobriety!
by Sally Rosa | Jan 19, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
The Benefits of a Deadly Disease
Chances are that if you ask ten random people the benefits of being an alcoholic, they won’t be able to list any. Well guess what random people, you’re wrong!
It took me awhile to realize that being an alcoholic, in recovery of course, is actually a blessing. Think about it, we survived! We survived and we thrived! We survived, thrived, and now have pride!
Okay, lame rhyming attempts aside, it’s absolutely true that being an alcoholic is a blessing. Seriously, where else can you gain gratitude, humility, and a spiritual way of life? I can’t think of anywhere!
Take a trip with me, readers. Take a trip with me down a road by the name of “why being an alcoholic rocks!”
We Have the BEST Friends
Duh! I have the type of friends that I can call crying at three in the morning and they’ll stay up talking to me until sunrise. Where else do you find friends like that?
In the rooms of recovery, we’re in a life or death struggle with our disease. We’re all in the same boat, whether we have twenty days or twenty years. For this reason, and many, many more, the friendships that develop are extra special.
Not only do my friends and I share similar experiences, but we also share similar thinking! We share similar thoughts, neurotic or otherwise!
So yeah, being an alcoholic rocks because we have the best friends.
We Have Gratitude
I read these articles and watch these TV shows where they talk about how people need to have gratitude. Guess what? I have it in spades!
I’m grateful I’m alive. I’m grateful I’m able to help other women. I’m grateful I’m able to let other women help me. I’m grateful my parents answer the phone when I call. I’m grateful I can hold a job. I’m grateful I can grow at a job. I’m grateful.
Remember, though, gratitude is an action word. It’s easy for me to forget about gratitude and get caught up in life. When that happens, I need to start reaching out to new women. Then I’m knocked right back on the gratitude train!
We Have Perspective
You know what happens when I get cut off in traffic, am late for work, get yelled at, spill salad dressing on my shirt, and go home to find the cat threw up on my bed? I smile and thank God I’m sober.
Think about it, we’re sober today. How amazing is that! Alcoholics and addicts are hardwired and programmed to drink and drug. Today we’re not drinking and drugging. Today we’re living by spiritual principles. Toady we’re helping others.
That’s nothing short of a miracle. And that knowledge, my friends, is called perspective. So I had a bad day? Guess what, it’s better than any day I had a bottle to my lips or a needle in my arm. End of story.
We Have God in Our Lives
As if all of the above weren’t enough, being sober also let’s us have God in our lives. Now this is the biggest blessing of them all. This is how I’m able to experience all those other blessings. This is how I’m able to look the world in the eye and exclaim “Bring it on!”
See, normies have no need for God. Well, that’s not true. Most of them need God pretty badly! But they don’t always see it that way.
Us addicts and alcoholics, though, we know the score. We know that without some form of Higher Power, we’re toast. How cool is that?
We’re basically forced into letting God into our lives. Then we find out that having God in our lives is the best thing that could ever happen. She, he, it, them, whatever you want to call your Higher Power, is a source of inspiration, comfort, hope, and, above all else, love.
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