by Sally Rosa | Jul 28, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Battling All The Suggestions in Early Sobriety
One of the hardest things that young women trying to get sober experience is following the suggestions given to them in early-sobriety. A lot of women think they don’t need to follow suggestions given to them by their therapists and sponsors. Sadly, the great majority of these women learn later that they were greatly misinformed.
Disagreeing with Suggestions Given In Early-Sobriety
In early-sobriety, when a suggestion is given that you don’t agree with, your decision to follow it (or not follow it!) shows a lot about where you’re at in recovery. In a way, this can be seen as a metaphor for whether or not you’ll be able to stay sober. Yes, you might call your sponsor. Yes, you might be working your steps. But what does it say about you and your recovery when you’re still doing everything your way?
Find out jobs you should avoid in early-recovery
I’ll Lie, Cheat, and Steal When I Want To!
We did everything our way, while we were getting high. We got high when we wanted to get high. We stole money when we needed money. We hurt people when we felt they’d hurt us. Early-recovery is about letting go of your ego. When you believe your way is the best way to do something, and ignore a suggestion, your ego is getting in the way. It takes a lot to admit that you might not know what’s best. When you’re in early-sobriety and someone who has a lot more experience than you, like your therapist, is telling you something, listen. They’re almost always right.
Read about the importance of accountability in early-recovery
An Indication in Early-Sobriety of What’s To Come
I’m going to give you fine gals an example. I present to you Jane Doe. Jane has three months sober. She’s living in a halfway house. The general suggestion surrounding halfway houses is that you should make a six month commitment to live there. Jane decides she want’s to leave though. So, she talks to her therapist about it. Her therapist says, “Jane, don’t be an idiot. Finish your commitment!” Jane moves out the next day.
A healthy person would be able to see that staying another three months isn’t going to hurt them. In fact, it’ll probably be a positive experience. In early-sobriety it’s important not to take risks. When you learn to protect your sobriety, you also learn how to stay sober. People who take risks in early-sobriety usually don’t end up staying sober.
Suggestions Suck
Yeah, sometimes they sucks, but what’s the big deal? The way we shape our program in that first year usually determines how our program is going to look down the road. Why pick up white-chip after white-chip? Once you work a strong program, you can take all the risks you want. The funny thing is when you get to this point taking risks usually doesn’t seem so appealing. Usually you’re happy with where you are and what you’ve accomplished.
by Fiona Stockard | Jul 25, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part One
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
What exactly is the Big Book? How does reading a book help someone achieve and maintain sobriety? The aim of these articles are to answer exactly those questions.
Forwards
The Big Book is now in its fourth edition. In each edition there’s been a short forward outlining what changes have been included.
Of particular note is the forward to the second edition, published in 1955. A short section states, “Of alcoholics who came to AA and really tried, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on with AA showed improvement” (XX).
Here we see true statistics, none of that 1% stuff, but true hope for the suffering alcoholic. Remember though, these stats are for alcoholics who work steps!
The Doctor’s Opinion
This chapter outlines the disease model of alcoholism, as presented by doctor William Silkworth. In 1939, when the first edition of the Big Book was published, Silkworth was a leading authority on addiction medicine.
In The Doctor’s Opinion, Silkworth proposes that alcoholism is a three-part disease: physical, mental, and spiritual.
There’s the physical allergy to alcohol. This means that once an alcoholic begins drinking, they cannot stop. Their bodies process alcohol differently. In order to abstain from drinking, they have to be physically stopped (think getting arrested or going to detox).
There’s the mental obsession. This is when the thought to get drunk crowds out all else in the alcoholic’s mind. Basically, getting drunk ceases to be a thought and becomes an all-consuming fixation. This lasts until the alcoholic takes a drink, at which point the physical allergy kicks in.
There’s the spiritual malady. This is compromised of all the things that make the alcoholic drink in the first place. Things like low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. This spiritual malady leaves the alcoholic “restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks” (xxviii-xxix).
Bill’s Story
This chapter is a brief biography of Bill Wilson. Bill, along with Dr. Bob Smith, founded AA in 1935. Bill was a New York stockbroker who had been trying to get sober for years. Although Bill found material and marital success, he struggled privately with alcoholism for most of his adult life.
Bill outlines the progression of his drinking career. He started drinking for fun, to bring out creativity, to loosen his shirttails. He progressed to drinking for necessity. Finally, he drank for oblivion. Bill mixed gin with sedatives and was in-and-out of a dozen treatment centers.
Finally, an old friend introduced Bill to the Oxford Groups. These were the predecessors to AA. Bill met Dr. Bob on a business trip and the rest, as they say, is history.
While reading this chapter, we see how each of the twelve steps are introduced and incorporated into Bill’s life. Just as we saw his descent into alcoholism, we now see his climb out.
Bill’s Story ends with the quote, “Each day my friend’s simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will to men” (16).
by Fiona Stockard | Jul 23, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
The Trick to Dealing with Disappointment in Sobriety
Disappointment in Sobriety Requires Acceptance
One of the first lessons I learned in treatment was acceptance. Acceptance of the decisions I’d made to land me in rehab and acceptance of the situations I find myself in. It wasn’t easy!
What I’ve found is that acceptance is usually the first step towards change. Once I was able to accept I was an alcoholic and addict, I was able to make the right decisions towards getting better. In early-sobriety, these decisions are simple, but hard to implement. These include: not picking up a drink or a drug, speaking up in group therapy, attending twelve-step meetings, dealing with disappointment rationally, and getting a sponsor.
Doing the Right Thing
As we continue to do the right thing, our lives start getting better. In time, we come to expect this from ourselves. What I mean is, we expect things to work in our favor. It’s easy to forget the bad feelings and unmanageability that came along with drinking and using. Nevertheless, things don’t always go our way. Sometimes, even when we’re doing the right thing, life happens.
I don’t know about you, but I used to use ANY excuse I could find to get high, especially when I was dealing with disappointment. I wasn’t very good at handling disappointment and used it as the perfect excuse to get as messed up as possible.
Wondering how to deal with disappointment in relationships? This article’s a must read!
How To Cope With Disappointment Better
There are a couple tools I learned in my women’s treatment center that I still use today. The first is “move a muscle, change a thought”. Sometimes, the worst thing you can do is sit around and mope. Take a shower or go for a run. Often, changing activities helps you forget about disappointment, even if it’s only for a little while.
The second tool is to talk about it. Use your sober supports, friends, therapists, and sponsor. A lot of times, talking about something takes the power out of it. Once you take the power out of something you can accept that maybe it was supposed to happen how it did. Have faith that there might be something better for you on the horizon. This is one of my best tools for dealing with disappointment!
Struggling with anxiety? Here are some helpful tips to deal with it.
The last thing I learned in rehab was how to change my perspective. Happiness and serenity has a lot to do with how we view our lives. Write a gratitude list! Appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you have lost.
When I was using, my mind was closed off to these suggestions. I thought drugs and alcohol were a better way to deal with my issues. After I ended up in treatment, I realized they weren’t. They were only a temporary solution to my problems and disappointments.
When all else fails, appreciate that you’re a person in the world and do something for someone else. A lot of times, helping others takes us away from disappointment. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter! You’ll realize quickly how lucky you are.
by Fiona Stockard | Jul 21, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Katie Schipper
The Steps to Recovery Aren’t the Same for Everyone
Opinions on Taking Twelve-Steps to Recovery
Outside opinions on the inner-workings of twelve-step fellowships range from mild curiosity, to total disinterest, to insistence that they’re cults. At it’s very core, AA and other twelve-step recovery programs operate on the basis that if you want to recovery and remain anonymous, than you have a safe haven to do so. It’s on that foundation that you’re able to build a recovery program for yourself. You do this through sponsorship and the guidance of those that have come before you.
However, AA is in no way a one-size-fits-all program. Anyone who sees AA that way and represents it as such is operating from personal opinion. It’s hard for someone not in a recovery program to recognize the value of a support group. It’s probably even harder to understand the concept of anonymity. Hell, understanding those things is hard enough for people in recovery!
Twelve-step recovery is open to anyone with a desire to quit drinking or getting high (or a slew of other addictions). The truth is the actual journey of recovery looks different for each member.
Learn about the first step of twelve-step programs
The Twelve-Steps are a Process
The recovery process is exactly that, a process. It isn’t a thirty-day stay at an addiction treatment center for women. It isn’t a magic bullet that solves all of life’s problems.
Recovery, as a concept, goes way beyond the scope of the twelve-steps. It includes recovering from physical injuries, depression, emotional trauma, anxiety, and eating disorders. The list is endless – recovering from a break-up, from an ended friendship, from the death of someone you love. Recovering from these things doesn’t happen overnight. Some are easier to get through than others, but all pain demands attention. It doesn’t matter if that recovery is physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, or something else.
Why would an addict or alcoholic be any sort of exception to that rule? We don’t ask that someone “get over it” when they suffer an emotional loss (or at least we shouldn’t). Why would anyone expect that a lifestyle based on lies, fear, manipulation, denial, desperation, self-serving, and self-centeredness would heal without some intense and ongoing work?
In twelve-step recovery programs, the initial work of going through the steps with a sponsor is based on a set of suggestions. These suggestions clarify the nature of what we face (addiction and alcoholism). They advise we look at a lifetime of our thought and behavior patterns, which reveal how we’ve been running our lives (by fear and selfishness). Finally, they advise we try and make right some of the things we did. When this initial step-work process is complete, we show gratitude by taking new women through the same process. We keep our recovery alive by passing it onto others.
For those who believe AA and NA are cults, there are other options! Do your research, you’ll find plenty.
Learn about twelve-step meeting etiquette
No Requirement for “Membership”
None of the above are requirements for membership. Even within specific twelve-step programs, there are variants and adjustments each member can make. After getting through all twelve-steps of recovery, it becomes abundantly clear that recovery is exactly what you make it. You get to decide what it means to live differently, if living differently is what you want. Suggestions are made in the rooms of AA by sponsors and old timers, and anyone with a mouth really, but the reality is that you decide what rings true and speaks to your soul.
There’s No Right or Wrong Way
There isn’t a right or wrong way to start getting honest. There isn’t a right or wrong way to start learning who you really are. As time goes on, the spiritual principles you truly value will begin to develop and you decide how to nurture them. You choose how to pray. You choose how to meditate. You choose how to help another person – if you choose if you do those things at all! Recognizing that we’re all unique people, who happen to share a common bond, is meant to empower rather than subjugate. It’s up to you to own that power however you see fit.
by Sally Rosa | Jul 17, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
A member of AA reacts to The NY Times article about The Center For Motivation and Change
Responding to “A Different Path To Fighting Addiction.”
On July 3rd, 2014 Gabrielle Glaser wrote an article for The New York Times entitled, “A Different Path To Fighting Addiction.” In this article, Ms. Glaser profiled The Center for Motivation and Change (CMC) located in New York City. The CMC rejects the AA model of substance abuse recovery, instead using a “practical, hands on approach to solving emotional and behavioral problems.” It does not ask its patients to swear off chemicals forever.
As an active member of AA, it was not the idea of “a new way” that brought on my frustration, indeed I love and welcome new ways to get sober. It was the misguided and unethical treatment of the facts that caused my eyes to roll. The article seemed more interested in bashing AA and it’s members, than in presenting the CMC’s treatment philosophy.
The Message from The Center For Motivation and Change
The article opens by stating that AA and Al-Anon “Either force them [the patients] into rehab or detach until they hit rock bottom.” It goes on to say, “Science tells us those formulas don’t work very well.” AA and Al-Anon don’t say that. In fact, AA and Al-Anon have no official position on how to achieve long-term sobriety. Some AA and Al-Anon members hold the view that hitting bottom and entering a treatment center work. The reason they hold this view is because, well, it works.
It worked for me. I’m the only person who can make the decision to get sober. The choice is mine and mine only. By letting the consequences of my addiction hit me square in the jaw, my parents gave me everything I needed to make the choice to get sober. Again, let me say, this was my path to AA and not what AA encouraged me to do. Once I was open to the idea of recovery, the twelve steps helped me find not only a way to achieve and maintain long-term sobriety, but a spiritual path to find my true self.
For the record, what AA actually says is,
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature
of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with
God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our
affairs.
Service Material from the AA General Service Office
That’s what AA says and what AA is about. It doesn’t say parents should “issue edicts, demanding an immediate end to all substance use,” or that AA is “an all-or-nothing commitment for life.” What I found is that once I begin to practice the twelve steps, I didn’t want to live my life any other way. AA, and what it actually says, helped me become a better person. It helped with problems far surpassing my alcoholism. AA has given me a “practical approach to solving emotional and behavioral problems.” It’s worth noting that this “practical approach” is what The Center for Motivation and Change claims to do. Why, I ask, reinvent the wheel?
Perhaps, because as The Center For Motivation and Change states, “Science tells us those formulas [the twelve steps] don’t work very well.” Let’s examine what exactly science tells us.
In 1956, the American Medical Association voted to define alcoholism as a medical disease. The Center For Motivation and Change states that alcoholism is not a disease. It looks like they disagree with science on one major point. They also site numerous studies that say AA does not work. They’re correct, based on the studies they chose to reference, it doesn’t work. In fact, based on most studies, it appears that AA doesn’t work. Here lies the great issue of AA facts and figures, it’s an anonymous programs.
That Facts about The Center For Motivation and Changes Facts
AA members who work each step and practice AA’s principals in their affairs are taught humility and anonymity, thus encouraging them to stay quiet about their successes. AA members who attend a few meetings, don’t work the steps, and subsequently drink, are more likely to speak out. They’re more likely to blame AA for not working, than to accept personal responsibility for their actions.
AA is a program of action. Our literature states, “Faith without works is dead.” The recovering individual is simply a person living among you and working with you. Only when asked for assistance, will our anonymity be broken. That is why study after study paint AA as a failure.
The only fact that’s proof of AA’s effectiveness is the only fact anyone needs to know. In 2006, there were a reported 106,202 AA groups worldwide, with a membership totaling 1,867,212 recovering individuals.
That statistic didn’t make it into the CMC’s article. My question for The Center For Motivation and Change is, scientifically, is it possible that 1,867,212 people are wrong, and the 25 of you are right?
Doesn’t seem possible.
Gabrielle Glasser’s article is posted here
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/06/nyregion/a-different-path-to-fighting-addiction.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=NY_ADP_20140707&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=2
