by Fiona Stockard | Jun 5, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Katie Schipper
Remembering What It Was Like Out There
For any woman who’s made it to the point where they attend a women’s treatment center, the idea that there was anything good left in continuing to get high sounds insane. Knowing that intellectually is pretty obvious, but remembering on a daily basis what our lives used to be like? Well, that isn’t always so easy. See, us addicts have a peculiar mental proclivity towards euphoric recall. That’s when we decide that active addiction actually had quite a few perks (no, not those perks!) and that drinking and using resulted in fun stuff.
Maybe that’s true. It probably is for most people, because most people don’t start out at the bottom. For the real alcoholic and addict though? The reality of our lives in active addition is misery, tragedy, and loss. The reality of our lives is misery, tragedy, and loss for everyone involved, not just ourselves. The memory of this pain will fade and warp in our minds. To stave off euphoric recall and the idea that addiction has anything to offer, the newly sober woman might want to find some new things to do.
Some women start collecting tattoos. Why you might want to think twice.
Having Hobbies
There’s a really amazing and very simple way to make sobriety appealing: pick up some hobbies!
Sometimes, it’s a great idea to look to your past. What were things you loved to do in high school, or even further back? Think about sports that made you feel good. Did you like to read, or paint, or be outside? Make a list, choose things you like.
If you haven’t ever had hobbies you love, now’s a really stellar time to start. Think about the things you’ve always wanted to do, but never did because you were a) drunk b) high c) in a codependent relationship d) all of the above. Go do one. Go do them all.
The idea is to do something. You’ll hear a million times in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous , “I didn’t get sober to be miserable.” The reality is that once you choose to get sober and to take recovery seriously, you get to decide if you’re miserable. That doesn’t mean you get to choose whether you feel pain or negative emotions. Those happen, they’re a part of life. As for your overall happiness, your day-to-day contentment, your ability and willingness to experience joy – that’s all yours for the taking.
Hobbies aren’t only an incredible source of fun and fulfillment, they can also be a path to self-discovery. Learning who you really are is one of the many, infinite, and endless gifts of sobriety.
If you feel like you have no interests, or don’t know what your interests are, start by sitting quietly and envisioning yourself happy. What surrounds you? What are you doing? Try to set aside judgment and doubt.
If all else fails, find someone who seems happy. Find someone who seems to be sober and having fun. What’s she doing? Tag along until you find things you like and make them your own!
See why Delray Beach is a great place to recover!
by Sally Rosa | Jun 3, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Written By: Katie Schipper
Clichés are those really annoying phrases we hear so often that they lose all meaning. We hear them often in twelve-step meetings. Clichés are repeated because they’re recognizable and often seem to be a go to for old-timers and sponsors.
AA has a lot of clichés! It’s easy to look at them as annoying, but in reality most of them have a lot of weight and meaning. Sometimes, we just have to hear them in the right context. When that happens, something clicks. What was once a played out cliché becomes something valuable. So, get over your resentment and start to learn why some clichés are important!
New to meetings? Read about some twelve-step meeting etiquette.
AA Clichés – Giving Them Back Their Meaning
Most of the go-to phrases in AA can be found posted on the wall of any clubhouse or meeting room. Let Go and Let God seems to be a good place to start. This cliché is an easy target because it’s an over-simplification of something that most alcoholics are miserably bad at doing – giving up control! So, the natural tendency is to hear this and sneer.
For us alcoholics, the fact is the truth is almost always simple. We don’t have a complicated solution. What we’ve found over and over again, and is shown in both our addiction stories and our sober transformations, is that we’re at our worst when we’re grabbing for control. So, this simple cliché, to let go of our desperate need to control not just what’s in front of us, but even our drive to control outcomes, turns out to be powerful. Let God take the wheel. That’s simple, but like everything else in AA, just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.
So, next time you hear someone say Let Go and Let God in a meeting, think about what that really means. Think about how beautiful it is when that cliché works in our lives.
Need help picking a sponsor? Here’s a few pointers.
Another cliché that’s almost impossible for newcomers to make sense of is One Day at a Time. Like letting go, learning to make a home in the present moment is an endless gift.
One of the hurdles that frequently emerges in early-sobriety is the concept of not getting stuck in the future. To quote a wise Jedi Knight, one should always be mindful of the future, but never at the expense of the present moment. This idea is the crux of this cliché. One Day at a Time also goes beyond present moment awareness, to the ever-present and inescapable fact that every sober person has a daily reprieve. We’re only sober insofar as we put in the work to not pick up a drink or a drug, today. Tomorrow, we’ll get the chance to try all over again.
The list of clichés could go on and on (and on and on and on), but the bigger idea is to realize that even if a slogan’s annoying, or doesn’t have personal value to you, it comes from a meaningful place. As for those rare slogans that are just stupid? Well, we can ignore those!
by Fiona Stockard | May 29, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
As I sit here at my house watching Beyond Scared Straight, a few questions come to mind. I’m watching parents beg their kids to get their lives together. I’m watching parents plead for their children not to waste their lives committing crimes and doing drugs. I’m watching parents going on and on about their kids’ potential and how much they can get out of life, if they’d only change.
Were They Even Scared At All?
Original photo by Adam Jones, Ph.D.
Watching these emotional families visit their kids in jail, I see the pain in their eyes. I see these families hoping, with all their strength, that their loved one will be…scared straight.
At the end of the show, there’s an update on the kids. I eagerly wait for these updates to see the success stories. I sit there, puffing on my electronic cigarette, watching the screen intently. Guess what? These poor kids are still doing the same thing! They’re still making the same mistakes, hurting the same people, telling the same lies, and making the same empty promises. This is the definition of insanity! Since the show, some kids have gone to jail, some have died, some have gone missing. There are a few success stories, but these are few and far between.
Watch the story of a young women who’s turned her life around
My Personal Experience
As a recovered addict, I started thinking about these scare tactics. Do they work? Can we scare our kids, our family members, our coworkers, or our friends away from a life of drugs?
I remember being an adolescent and a participant in the D.A.R.E Program. D.A.R.E stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. It’s used to educate today’s youth about the danger of drugs and gang membership. At the time, I thought I’d never smoke pot, let alone become a daily user of opiates and crack! Some people in my class used the D.A.R.E program as a shopping guide for which drugs they should try out first. Some kids even thought the “dangers” didn’t sound much like dangers at all, in fact, they sounded like a good time. Even when armed with facts about the dangers of drug use, and the potential harsh consequences, I wasn’t detoured from using illicit substances.
Why is accountability so important in our lives?
Availability of the Product
In a time when there’s a heroin epidemic raging in the Northeast and legal drugs (kratom, bath-salts, etc.) being sold in convenience stores everywhere, it’s no wonder many young people are developing drug problems!
With delicious sounding alcoholic beverages like Smirnoff Mango, passion fruit shots, and whipped cream flavored vodka, how can we expect our kids to “just say no?” These drinks are basically advertised as candy. Not to mention, the half naked models enjoying and glorifying these poisons!
With more and more treatment centers all over the country, and more adolescent facilities than ever before, what’s the solution? How do we, as a society, combat the drug epidemic in this country? Do we continue to try to “scare our children straight,” or do we try to educate them?
Drugs Are Bad, We Know
Everyone and their mother knows that drugs are bad. We get it. Don’t do drugs. But what if I have a problem? How do I even know if I have a problem? What should parents do if their kids are using drugs? That’s the conversation we need to be having.
I’d have gotten help a lot sooner if I knew there was help available! If I’d known that twenty year olds can get sober, you bet you a*s that I’d have gotten sober! Now, after being sober several years, I know that anyone can get better. I walk into a young peoples’ twelve-step meeting and more than half the room has over a year of sobriety. Remember, that’s sobriety from ALL drugs and alcohol.
Why is Delray Beach Florida is a great place for young women to recover?
Finding Help Doesn’t Have To Be Scary
There are a ton of resources available for individuals suffering from addiction. There are women’s only treatment centers, male treatment centers, adolescent treatment centers, and a variety of other facilities available for anyone in need of help.
We need to spend more time educating parents and teens! We need to let them know that not only are drugs bad, but what resources are available if they do end up with an addiction. We need to explain there is a solution and how to find it!
by Fiona Stockard | May 28, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Body Image / Eating Disorders
Written By: Katie Schipper
Eating Disorders are incredibly dangerous and deeply misunderstood diseases. They claim the lives of every gender, religion, social class, age group, culture, and race. There’s no one who’s immune to an eating disorder, just like there’s no one who’s immune to addiction. The idea that eating disorders are a choice was discussed in Part I. In Part II, we’ll talk about the common misconception that eating disorders are reserved for white, privileged women.
Misconception: Eating Disorders Only Affect White Adolescent Girls from Wealthy Families
The idea that someone chooses to have an eating disorder and therefore, should easily be able to stop, is pretty dangerous. Equally as dangerous is the idea that only rich, white girls suffer from eating disorders. The danger, of course, lies in the fact that this leaves out thousands and thousands of men and women who suffer from eating disorders. This is like assuming a crack addict must be a black man from the inner city. These types of myths help perpetuate deadly misinformation.
First things first, there are reasons this misconception has gained so much momentum. Like most lies, it started out with a kernel of truth. Eating disorders usually (usually, not always) develop in the early teens. Based on current research, women tend to be at a higher risk for developing eating disorders. That’s pretty much it for the true part. The reality, as always, is much more complicated and covers much more ground.
Get an expert’s option on eating disorders
Many More Are At Risk
Women aren’t the only group at a higher risk for developing an eating disorder. Other groups include: people who engage in certain sports, those who experience acute stress, those who experience intense stress, and those with other mental or physical illnesses (including addiction). Even these groupings shouldn’t overshadow the much more vital truth – anyone is at risk. Eating disorders can occur at any age, in any income family, to any gender identity, to any race…the list goes on and on.
Do you know the warning signs of Anorexia?
Taking It Too Far
Another trait shared between eating disorders and addiction is the idea that individuals have an imaginary “line” they cross. This means that what may start as just a diet, or an attempt to lose a little weight, can develop into an eating disorder. The same can be said of what initially may be just comfort food or the occasional overindulgence. What might start as small changes in behaviors and habits can easily (and quickly) develop into something very dangerous. Unfortunately, as is true with addiction, by the time someone notices these changes, the line has often already been crossed.
Dispelling lies and misinformation is essential for eating disorder treatment and recovery. The more accurate information that’s spread, the more likely under-representing groups will be to seek and receive help. To believe that any group is exempt from developing an eating disorder is to deny them the chance to recover.
by Sally Rosa | May 27, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Katie Schipper
What is Sponsorship?
In twelve-step recovery programs, sponsorship is vital. A sponsor has a singular purpose – to take another alcoholic or addict through the twelve-steps so that that woman may in turn take others through the steps. Sponsorship began in AA before it even had a name. Sponsorship began when Bill W. wanted to drink and found a solution through sharing what he knew with another alcoholic who couldn’t stay sober on his own. That alcoholic was Dr. Bob.
Who Can Be a Sponsor?
Today, particularly in Delray Beach and the surrounding areas, the options for finding a sponsor are endless. There are different fellowships and different types of recovering addicts and alcoholics in each one. Finding a sponsor only seems intimidating until you actually do it. A sponsor is someone who knows how to help an addict when all other attempts have failed. A sponsor is someone who knows how to help an addict when family, friends, and significant others can’t. Sponsorship is a vital part of recovery.
Read about the dangers of resting on your laurels
How to Choose a Sponsor
So, how does someone go about finding a sponsor? You might have heard the phrase “find someone who has what you want” at meetings. This is a good starting point, but you might not know how to identify that person. You might not be totally sure what it is that you want. As a newly sober woman, you might have concerns about trusting another female. It’s in a newcomer’s best interest to set aside these fears and take the first leap of faith in recovery, choosing a sponsor in spite of fear.
Looking to connect with other women in sobriety?
Suggestions on Sponsorship
While choosing a sponsor is as informal as anything else in AA, there are a few simple suggestions offered by those familiar with twelve-step fellowship.
The first is to find someone with experience. For some, this might mean someone who has at least a year between herself and her last drink or drug. However, that’s not a requirement. It’s simply a guideline. After all, Bill W. started sponsoring Dr. Bob when he had six months.
You might want someone with multiple years or double digits.
A very basic rule of thumb is to find someone who has completed all twelve of her steps, with a sponsor of her own.
Another basic suggestion is to find a sponsor who herself has a sponsor, someone who’s an active member of the fellowship. Those active in recovery seem to have an idea of how to help addicts and alcoholics.
Another suggestion for finding a sponsor is to simply ask someone with whom you feel compatible.
It’s also suggested that newcomers look for someone who seems to be enjoying her sobriety.
Don’t just pick someone who looks good or sounds good in a meeting. Ask yourself, does your sponsor practice what she preaches? In recovery, action always speaks louder than words.
No two people sponsor in exactly the same way. What might be ideal for one woman could be disastrous for another. The willingness to believe that someone may be able to help is an incredible first step in recovery. Besides, the relationship between a sponsor and a sponsee is unlike any other. Don’t believe me? Go find out for yourself!
