What to Do If You’re a Chronic Relapser

What to Do If You’re a Chronic Relapser

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Who is a Chronic Relapser?

Once upon a time, I dubbed myself a chronic relapser. Maybe you’ve heard the term?

It’s someone who’s trying to get sober, but can’t stop using. It’s someone who falls into a vicious cycle of going to meetings, using, going to detox, going to meetings, using, going to detox, and finally declaring, “why even bother trying to get sober?”

Potential and the Chronic Relapser

My life wasn’t always this way.

Years ago, I was a kid with so much potential. Many months ago I was in treatment. I did my thirty days. Hell, I even quit smoking and was nominated floor president!

So, what happened? I left treatment and refused to take any suggestions. My heart wasn’t in recovery. I had reservations, stipulations, and speculations. I was nineteen. I never used a needle. I was jealous of thirty-five year olds getting sober. I was jealous they had more years of using than I did! To put it another way, I was battling my demons and not talking to anyone about it.

There were two ways my situation could have played out.

Scenario One: the Road to Happy Destiny

I could have talked to someone about how I felt. I could have gotten a real sponsor, instead of the sponsor I called only once (to cry about my latest arrest). If I was honest about my feelings, I’d have quickly learned that most people new to recovery have the exact same thoughts!

I could’ve taken suggestions, even though I didn’t want to. I could’ve gone to a halfway house and lived with people just like me. I could’ve tried prayer, whether or not I believed in it. Instead, I spent countless hours looking for proof. By doing so, I missed God (or Higher-Power,if you please) altogether.

Scenario Two: Going on to the Bitter End

I DON’T RECOMMEND THIS!!

This was the scenario I chose instead. It’s a terrible and unhappy life. Unfortunately, this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. So, off I went.

I teased myself at first, saying things like “I’ll call my sponsor later,” and “I don’t really need to go to that meeting. Maybe I needed the pain. Maybe I needed to get it out of my system. Sometimes we need to be beaten completely down. Later, I learned we hit bottom whenever we stop digging!

I think the most important thing I should’ve done was reach out to people. I should have been open, honest, and upfront with other women.

Honesty and the Chronic Relapser

I’m a true believer that if you’re not ready to get sober, you’re not going to get sober. There’s nothing anyone can do. There’s nothing anyone can say. There’s no place, thing, or person that’ll save you.

If you’re done though, if you’re ready to get sober, there’s hope. For the women who’s fed up with living a sh**ty life, there’s so much hope. Once I was done using, I got honest quick. From this honesty, all sorts of remarkable relationships began to spring up in my life. Even though things around me didn’t change a lot, things inside of me did. I felt like a new woman.

To this day, if I’m going through a rough patch, I know all I have to do is reach out to another woman. All I have to do is be honest. All I have to do is talk to my sponsor, or a sober-support, about it and I feel better.

Taking Suggestions and Finally Getting Sober

One Woman’s Story of Taking Suggestions

As a scared eighteen year old girl entering treatment for alcoholism and an eating disorder, I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what to expect from treatment. I had no idea what to expect from my life. I had no idea what to expect in so many ways!

taking suggestions

I tried to convince myself I only needed help for “debilitating anxiety.” I had no plan to stay sober from any of my addictions. I was looking for a temporary break, a bit of peace and quiet. After staying in a hospital and slowly putting together a few days, I took my first suggestion. I came to an extended care treatment center in Florida.

Extended Care in Florida

I’d call my parents everyday, anxious to tell them how well I was doing. Of course, I was lying, I just wanted to get out! I sat in groups, saw doctors, and had individual therapy. I smoked cigarettes with my roommates and talked s**t.

I liked going to outside meetings and getting a glimpse of the real world the most. I couldn’t wait to have what everyone on the outside had. I didn’t want someone checking on me every half-hour. I didn’t want someone verifying if I could go to Starbucks. I didn’t want someone telling me I couldn’t use the phone.

Most of my peers from treatment moved out and roomed together. Some went to “three-quarter houses,” which were loosely organized and should have been called crack houses! I wanted that freedom. I wanted a car. I wanted no curfew. I debated going back to college. I wanted to join a sorority, drink in moderation, and get my life back. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.

Today, most of my peers from treatment aren’t sober. Two are dead. Of the fifty confused, young women I was in treatment with, only myself and one other are still sober.

Today, I thank God I got what I needed, NOT what I wanted.

What the Hell is a Halfway House Anyway?

That one other girl who’s still sober, well, her and I chose to go to halfway houses after treatment. When my treatment center suggested a halfway house, I reaction was dismal at best. I didn’t even know what a halfway house was!

One of my childhood friends lived next door to a halfway house. She always told me not to make eye contact with the residents and to go inside when they were smoking. I asked her why and she responded, “they’re all crazy people who do crack all day and have mental diseases.” So, when my treatment center suggested I go to a halfway, I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of it.

I finally learned what a halfway house really was. I was still skeptical. Bed-checks? Curfews? Been there, done that. I was pretty fed up with people running my life.

Taking Suggestions Saved My Life!

Today, I look at going to a halfway house as the best decisions I ever made. Sure, I didn’t want authority, but I was willing to try it out for a few months.

My thinking went something like this, “sure, authority sucks. What other option do I have though? If I start using again, I’ll probably die. Even if I don’t, I’ll be separated from my family and everyone else…”

Sharing a house with six women and sleeping in a twin-bed was never my idea of luxury. The feeling of belonging, hope, and happiness I experienced was better than anything else I’d ever felt. See, through living in a halfway house, I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was introduced to young women in recovery. I was introduced to a new life.

Women with time took me to AA meetings my treatment center didn’t go to. I loved these meetings! There were women I could relate to. There were women talking about the Big Book and “recovering from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.” There were women talking about sponsorship and the twelve-steps.

Above all, my halfway house kept me accountable. I met my sponsor at a meeting the halfway house brought in. My halfway house manger consistently asked me where I was with my step work. When I wasn’t doing it, she pushed me to. I finished the twelve-steps. I felt, for the first time in my life, a real difference. I didn’t want to go home and try to drink in moderation. I wasn’t obsessed with getting high. I was taught how to live my life!

I started working part-time and taking college classes. I had the love and support of other girls doing the same thing. Sure, there were times I wanted to drink. If I hadn’t been in a halfway house, if I was in my own apartment, the chances are high that I would have. To put it another way, I never lacked a shoulder to lean on. Anytime I needed to vent (which, in early sobriety, was always!), there was someone there.

A Sober Woman

My experience in a halfway house allowed me to get reacquainted with life and all the responsibilities it entails.

Today, I have a full life. I’m a college graduate. I’m a sponsor. I’m still sober. These are high milestones for an addict and alcoholic!

I frequently remember my time in the halfway house with a bittersweet smile. I remember the ups and downs, the times I wanted to leave. I remember the end of my commitment, when I was actually ready to leave. I don’t have any regrets.

The women from my halfway house shaped me from a scared nineteen year old girl, to a mature and sober woman. Today, I can accept life’s hardships. Today, life is good, but only because I did the necessary work!

Fake It ‘Till You Make It!

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Fake It ‘Till You Make It

“Fake it ’till you make it” is one of the many slogans I heard early on in AA. I thought most of the slogans were stupid, but this one, I could never really wrap my head around it.

Fake…what, ’till I make…what? Fake my smile? Fake my laugh? Fake my sobriety?

Now that’s an interesting take on a commonly used slogan! I began to fake my sobriety, I began to wear a mask.

fake it till you make it

Fake Sobriety

I was told early on that action precedes thought. That if I take an action, my thoughts would change too.

So, I took the first action and many more after that. I went to meetings. I raised my hand to speak. I shared my experience, strength, and hope (I know now I was only sharing my craziness!). I talked to new girls. I really did “act as if.”

I got high on some weekends, plain and simple. I didn’t use every weekend. By this point, most of my friends were sober. The guy I was dating was sober. I couldn’t afford to use every weekend, but now-and-again, I’d sneak off and get loaded.

I prayed. I wasn’t honest with myself though, so there was no way I was honest with God.

I became the queen of recovery! Everyone thought I was doing so well. Hell, that’s all that matters anyway, right? My parents were off my back. My legal issues had all been resolved. I had a “great” life. I literally faked it and made it. I found the loophole!

Well, as soon as I thought I found that loophole, I started to get sloppy. I couldn’t control my hidden use anymore. It wasn’t every third weekend anymore. It was everyday. The mental, emotional, and spiritual torture was too much. I stopped going out. I stayed home, hiding from friends. I watched the entire series of LOST (which I still don’t get!) and it was a pretty great metaphor for my life. I was lost!

I basically lost everything all over again, except for my job. I couldn’t lose my job, it was the only way I was supporting my expensive as hell drug habit. To put it another way, I let the s**t hit the fan. Finally, I reached out for help.

Let’s be honest here. I didn’t reach out for help, I was caught. My boyfriend finally noticed that when I went out, I came home with tiny pupils. He found the bottle of gin under my bed (yeah, I still wonder what he was doing under there too). I came clean. I let it all out. I admitted I had been faking it, I was never truly sober.

Here’s the deal, I wanted to be sober. When I was high, I messed everything up. I spent a ton of money. I became a lone wolf. The people that loved me got hurt. Those things all suck. BUT, did I want to be sober because I couldn’t imagine never drinking another beer? Because I couldn’t imagine snorting another pill? At this point, nope.

Real Sobriety!

I finally got a sponsor and came clean about what was going on in my life. I still fight this battle everyday though. I have 100% faith that AA works. I’ve seen it work in hundreds of people. I’ve seen the change and growth occur in my friends and even some family members.

Still, I’m “faking it ’till I make it.” This time though, I’m being honest. I’m staying sober in spit of myself. I know the truth, my best thinking isn’t the best at all.

I have no idea what’s going to happen. I have no idea if all of a sudden a lightbulb will go off and I’ll truly have made it. Maybe I’ll always be faking it. I just know that today my life is good. I smile. For the first time in my life, I’m honest. That’s all I have and for today, that’s more than enough!

Mental Health & Trauma Recovery Guide for Women in Sobriety

Mental Health & Trauma Recovery

For many women, the journey to recovery from addiction is not solely about giving up substances—it’s a deeper process of healing emotional wounds, addressing past trauma, and restoring mental health. Women in sobriety encounter distinct emotional and social challenges that require compassionate, targeted care. This mental health and trauma recovery guide explores how trauma-informed centers, therapeutic support, and integrated recovery programs empower women to reclaim their identity and rebuild their lives after addiction

Why Women Struggle Differently in Recovery

Women’s addiction stories are often deeply intertwined with emotional pain, trauma, and relationships. Unlike men, women are more likely to self-medicate due to unresolved emotional distress, often stemming from abuse, abandonment, or grief. Recovery requires addressing these root causes, not just the symptoms.

Emotional and Social Challenges Faced by Women

Women may face social stigma, guilt over leaving children or families, or pressure to maintain relationships with toxic partners. Sobriety requires courageous choices and support systems that understand these complexities.

Understanding the Link Between Addiction and Mental Health in Women

Co-occurring Disorders and Dual Diagnosis

Mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and PTSD are common among women in addiction recovery. Dual diagnosis treatment—addressing both addiction and mental health—is essential for long-term sobriety.

The Role of Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD

These conditions can fuel addiction and hinder recovery. Without treating them, relapse is far more likely. That’s why trauma-informed, women-centered treatment is so critical.

The Impact of Trauma on Women’s Addiction Recovery

How Trauma Leads to Addiction

Many women develop substance use disorders as a way to cope with traumatic experiences, such as physical or emotional abuse. Trauma rewires the brain, making escape through substances feel like the only solution.

The Need for Trauma-Informed Recovery Programs

Trauma centers offer therapy that addresses the specific emotional wounds many female addicts carry. From EMDR to somatic therapy, these approaches help women heal from the inside out. For many part of their mental health and trauma recovery guide includes attending trauma therapy at a licensed trauma therapy center.


Recovering from Mental Health and Trauma

People, Places, and Things That Trigger Relapse

One of the first lessons in sobriety is that we only need to change everything. That includes leaving behind old friends who still use, avoiding toxic environments, and releasing destructive habits.

How to Identify and Change Toxic Environments

Changing surroundings might mean moving homes, switching jobs, or ending a relationship. It’s hard, but necessary. These decisions lay the groundwork for emotional freedom and mental health recovery.

Navigating Relationships in Sobriety

Breaking Free from Codependent and Abusive Relationships

Many women in active addiction are entangled in codependent or abusive relationships. These relationships often reinforce negative behaviors and hinder emotional growth. Recovery offers a fresh start—a chance to choose healthier, respectful connections. Trauma recovery centers often include relationship therapy to help women develop awareness and build emotional safety.

Rebuilding Healthy Intimacy and Boundaries

Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial. Whether it’s with a partner, family member, or friend, boundaries protect your sobriety and mental well-being. Women’s trauma centers offer workshops and one-on-one counseling to guide this process with compassion and clarity.

Mental Health Support During Recovery

Therapy Options for Recovering Women

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and trauma-informed care are among the most effective approaches in supporting women through addiction and trauma recovery. These therapeutic models help women identify triggers, reframe thought patterns, and develop emotional regulation skills.

Group Therapy, One-on-One Counseling, and Medication

Group therapy provides shared understanding, while individual counseling allows for deep personal healing. Some women may also benefit from medication-assisted treatment (MAT), especially when supervised by professionals in a dual-diagnosis or trauma center setting.

Trauma Centers: A Safe Space for Women in Recovery

What to Expect at a Women-Focused Trauma Center

Trauma centers designed for women prioritize emotional safety, privacy, and empowerment. Services often include medical detox, psychiatric evaluations, trauma-specific therapies, holistic healing methods, and ongoing mental health care—all in an environment that understands the unique needs of women.

How Trauma Centers Aid Mental Health and Addiction Healing

By treating underlying trauma, these centers reduce the urge to self-medicate. Women gain tools to manage flashbacks, anxiety, and depression—allowing sobriety to become a sustainable lifestyle rather than a short-term fix.

Building a New Life in Sobriety

Creating a Support System

Recovery thrives in community. Support networks can include 12-step meetings, sober mentors, spiritual groups, and friends who encourage healthy habits. Women who join trauma-informed recovery programs often continue these connections long after treatment ends.

Developing New Routines and Purpose

Sobriety brings the opportunity to pursue passions, hobbies, and meaningful work. Structured routines—like journaling, exercise, or volunteering—reinforce mental clarity and prevent relapse. Recovery becomes more than abstinence—it becomes a fulfilling way of life.

The Importance of the 12 Steps in Recovery for Women

Steps 4–7: Identifying Patterns and Letting Go

These steps invite deep self-examination. Women list resentments, explore personal defects, and begin to release guilt and shame. It’s an emotional but freeing part of the process that helps restore mental health and self-esteem.

Living Authentically and Embracing Change

After completing core steps, women often experience emotional breakthroughs. They begin to live authentically, reclaim personal power, and walk with newfound confidence. The trauma no longer controls their narrative.

Success Stories: Women Who Transformed Through Sobriety

Real-Life Stories of Resilience

Many women have moved from the depths of addiction to lead inspiring lives. From single mothers rebuilding families to entrepreneurs launching wellness brands, success after sobriety is real and attainable.

Lessons Learned and Wisdom Shared

These women often say the same thing: sobriety gave them back their lives. The biggest lesson? Asking for help is a sign of strength. Healing is possible—and joy is waiting on the other side

Addressing Stigma and Shame in Female Recovery

Overcoming Social Judgments

Women often face harsher judgment for substance use than men. Societal expectations around motherhood, appearance, and roles create extra pressure. Trauma-informed care helps women shed this shame and reclaim their stories.

Empowering Women to Speak Out

When women share their mental health and recovery journeys, they not only heal themselves—they create safe spaces for others. Every voice matters in the movement to normalize mental health and recovery.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. How can trauma therapy help in addiction recovery?

Trauma therapy addresses the root causes of addiction—helping women process emotional pain, reduce triggers, and build resilience for lasting sobriety.

2. What makes a trauma center different from a regular rehab?

Trauma centers focus on healing emotional wounds with specialized care, while standard rehabs may not address trauma’s impact on addiction and mental health.

3. Why do women relapse more often in early recovery?

Emotional triggers, unresolved trauma, and toxic relationships can make early recovery harder for women. Support and trauma-informed care greatly reduce relapse risk.

4. Can I recover from both trauma and addiction at the same time?

Yes. In fact, integrated treatment that addresses both simultaneously is often the most effective path for sustained recovery.

5. Are there sober living communities just for women?

Absolutely. Women-only sober living homes provide a safe, supportive environment where female residents can focus on healing together.

6. What mental health therapies are best for female addicts?

CBT, DBT, EMDR (for trauma), and holistic therapies like yoga and art therapy are highly effective when combined in a trauma-centered recovery plan.

Empowerment, Healing, and Long-Term Sobriety

Women in sobriety are more than survivors—they are warriors reclaiming from their mental health, recovering from addiction, and transforming trauma into strength. With the help of trauma centers, therapy, and community support, they are writing new chapters filled with courage, connection, and hope. Mental Health and Trauma recovery isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about rediscovering who you were before the world told you otherwise.