Dec 28, 2016 | Addiction Articles, Body Image / Eating Disorders, Drug Addiction
A Princess of Substance Abuse Recovery and Role Model
When I heard the news that Carrie Fisher, (better known to the world as Princess Leia for Star Wars) had passed away I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I was on my way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting at lunch, so in the car I turned on the Star Wars Theme song and began to cry. I wasn’t crying because the Princess of Alderaan, Imperial Senator and General of the Resistance had died. The reason for my tears was that one of the true, outspoken female role models of substance abuse recovery and eating disorders had passed away.
Her Death Star Was Drug Abuse and Eating Disorders
Following the 1977 smash hit “Star Wars” the 19 year-old Carrie Fisher found fame, cocaine and eating disorders. An empire of darkness that she would battle for several decades. Fisher once told an audience that her addiction had gotten so bad that even John Belushi told her to slow it down. Yes, the same man who died from an overdose of speed and coke. In Star Wars, Princess Leia showed us an example of a strong, powerful, independent women who was as beautiful and sexy as she was intelligent and confident. On set Carrie Fisher was the opposite of Leia, usually high during filming and drunk ‘til all hours of the night. The drug abuse wasn’t the only dark side of the force plaguing Carrie Fisher during the filming of Star Wars. She was under constant pressure to lose weight and the extreme ridicule gave her a depressing and debilitating eating disorder. She wouldn’t find substance abuse recovery for another 25 years.
The Force and Recovery Were Strong With This One
In 2005 when Gregory Stevens, a Republican lobbyist spent the night in her bed and died, things changed for Carrie Fisher. He died of a drug overdose and Carrie blamed her self. This event caused her to go back to rehab and she remained sober, so we think for the rest of her life. Right now it is unclear what caused her heart attack that ended the life of the Princess, but I want to believe it has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol. Carrie Fisher spoke openly about her eating disorders and substance abuse recovery. He one woman play “Wishful Drinking” brought humor, compassion and texture to the disease of addiction and she was proud to do it. Anonymity can at times make it difficult to find those in substance abuse recovery. Carrie Fisher didn’t care about anonymity she wanted to help the entire galaxy through her personal struggles.
“If You’re Scared, Stay Scared and Get Sober Anyway” –Carrie Fisher
For many young women she was their only hope. She led and incredible sober life and was at the forefront of women’s issue in substance abuse recovery, eating disorders and mental health. She made recovery fun, acceptable and healing. In her recovery Carrie Fisher gave us a new hope, fought against the dark side and became the leader the women of the galaxy needed. In her substance abuse recovery she became Princess Leia.
Oct 20, 2016 | Body Image / Eating Disorders, Blog
Donald Trump’s Words Could Prove Fatal To Women With An An Eating Disorder
As a woman in recovery from an eating disorder, I have been glued to CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, CSPAN and all the others throughout the election. I have been waiting for one of the thousands of reporters and pundits to mention the group of women Donald Trumps comments affect the most: Women with an Eating Disorder. It still hasn’t happened. Women who suffer from Anorexia and Bulimia or any other eating disorder are the single most victimized group in this election because the effects could be instantly fatal. Images and words regarding the “appropriate” size of women are the fuel that feed the deadly fire of eating disorders in America. Donald Trump has carpet bombed the entire eating disorder recovery community with reason to keep killing themselves.
Donald Trump Called A Woman with Anorexia and Bulimia Miss Piggy
Miss. Piggy. Calling anyone Miss Piggy is offensive but calling a woman suffering from the eating disorder anorexia and bulimia is criminal. Donald Trump, (I will not refer to him as Mr. because he is not a gentleman) called former Ms. Universe Alicia Machado “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Eating Machine” after she gained weight after winning The Miss Universe pageant. The Now 39-year-old mother said that Trump’s comments stripped her of her confidence and contributed to her almost deadly battle with an eating disorder. For years Alicia Machado struggled to overcome her eating disorder.
“I had a lot of problems,” she told Good Morning America. “Anorexic, bulimic – that kind of problems.”
Donald Trump could have killed Alicia Machado. The NADA (National Eating Disorder Association) estimates that 10-15% of all Americans suffer from some type of serious eating disorder and that 6% of people with a serious eating disorder die from their disease. Stick and stones may break our bones but Donald Trump’s words could kill you. The words Donald Trump used to assault Alicia Machado weren’t even the worst part of this story. He made her work out in front of the cameras, on video! Alicia Machado suffered from a near fatal eating disorder and almost dies because of her fight with anorexia and bulimia and someone who could be the next president of The United States made her work out on national TV! That should be enough to have him arrested for attempted murder.
The Media Must Protect Women With Anorexia
I still have not seen an all out effort in the media to point of how damaging these comments are towards women with an eating disorder. The wide spread coverage have shown no eating disorder therapists, had no representation for eating disorder treatments centers and has not brought on a single woman who has suffered from diseases such as anorexia and bulimia. These are the experts that should be giving their testimony about Donald trump right now, the women he is helping to destroy, the innocent women who suffer from an eating disorder.
Internal: Eating Disorder
Apr 16, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Body Image / Eating Disorders
New Facts about Eating Disorders
According to a recent study done by researchers at the University of Southampton and the Solent NHS Trust, women experiencing financial difficulties are more likely to develop an eating disorder.
This study, led by clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas Richardson, examined college age women in the UK. The results, published in The International Journal of Eating Disorders, are a telling look into an often misunderstood area of mental health.
What the Study Found
The study itself was conducted on more than four hundred undergraduate college students from across the UK. Researchers complied information on family affluence, current money troubles, and attitudes towards food (measured using the Eating Attitudes Test).
Participants completed research surveys between one and four times at intervals of three months apart. It’s safe to say Dr. Richardson and his researchers were thorough.
Perhaps the most interesting piece of information uncovered by this new study is the “vicious cycle” aspect of financial insecurity and eating disorders. This came to light when researchers determined that not only do financial difficulties increase the chance a woman will develop an eating disorder, but extreme attitudes regarding food are indicative of future financial trouble.
In layman’s terms, this means that a lack of money can trigger an eating disorder and an eating disorder can further contribute to a lack of money. This may lead to a vicious cycle of financial insecurity, harmful eating, and further financial insecurity.
Aside from the interesting cyclical nature of eating disorders and financial troubles, researchers also discovered:
- Alarming eating attitudes occur more frequently in women from lower income families
- In fact, a lower median family income led to increased potentially harmful eating behavior in later surveys
- Increased financial insecurity in initial surveys led to troubling attitudes towards food in later surveys
- The higher an individual’s Eating Attitudes Test score was initially, the higher their level of financial insecurity in the second survey
- All surveys indicated that financial troubles and eating disorders are linked in women, but not in men
Dr. Richardson had the following to say about his findings,
“There may be a ‘vicious cycle’ for these students, where negative attitudes towards eating increase the risk of financial difficulties in the short term, and those difficulties further exacerbate negative eating attitudes in the longer term” (Medical Express).
Recovery Options
So, what does this information mean for recovery from eating disorders? After all, it’s easy to identify a problem, but fixing it is a bit harder!
Well, this new study shows just how much power money has in our culture. If worrying over money can increase a woman’s risk of developing an eating disorder, well, then something needs to change.
So, women struggling with disordered eating should be able to receive financial assistance. While this is sometimes the case, thanks for family support or treatment centers offering scholarships, it’s not always the case. Let’s change that! Let’s petition the government, or other federal resources, to offer financial assistance for those in early-recovery!
Obviously, this can get dicey. An addict in early-sobriety doesn’t need access to large amounts of cash. With the proper oversight, though, this could be a valid option for decreasing financial trouble for women in early-recovery!
Dec 17, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Body Image / Eating Disorders
Is Being Skinny Everything?
You can’t turn on your TV, check your email, or go on Facebook and Instagram without being bombarded by the message that skinny is everything. In today’s world, we’re constantly, and I mean constantly, told that less pounds = more attention, self-confidence, and self-esteem.
Are these messages true, though? Does a smaller waistline really solve all our problems? It should come as no surprise that I think this is a bunch of baloney. Not only do I think it’s BS, but I think a lot of people agree with me
Is this hot?
To prove my point, and to set the record straight on what men and women really like, I interviewed my friends. I talked to guys and girls about what they find attractive. I even asked a couple of strangers their thoughts on skinny.
What they have to say may just surprise you!
What Men Find Attractive
I asked three guys I know, and one random stranger, what they find attractive. I also asked them why they think being skinny is perceived as so important.
J: I like women with self-confidence. Yeah looks are important obviously, but the way they carry themselves is more important. Like if I meet a girl and it’s obvious she’s insecure about herself, I’m less attracted to her. Or if she’s always asking if she looks hot, or if I’m attracted to her, I’m going to like her less. Is that messed up?
I think women put so much importance on being skinny because…it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They’re told that there’s nothing more important than being skinny so much they believe it. Then being skinny is all they care about and they start spreading the “message” of skinny to other women. It’s a circle.
A: I think girls who look healthy are hot. It’s weird too, ‘cause girls can be skinny and healthy and large and healthy. For me it’s all about health. Maybe ‘cause I’m in the gym so much. I don’t know. If a girl’s ribs are poking out and it’s obvious she hasn’t eaten in like a week, I just don’t find that attractive.
Being skinny is important to women because it’s all they hear. Have you ever looked at the magazines next to the register at Publix? It’s “how to lose ten pounds,” or “do this to look good in a bikini.” Of course girls are going to want to be skinny ‘cause it’s all they know.
B: It’s kind of hard to say. I mean I definitely like skinny girls, but I like girls with a little meat on their bones too. Should I not say that? I like all kinds of girls is what I mean. Definitely though there are girls who are too skinny or weigh too much. I guess I like normal girls. Skinny, fat, whatever.
It’s definitely society’s fault girls think being skinny is so important. There are entire channels, sites, Facebook groups, whatever, just dedicated to how to lose weight. That seems kind of messed up.
Stranger: I like women who are a bit bigger. You know how supermodels look like toothpicks? I’m just not into that. It’s fine if women want to try and be that, but it’s just not my thing.
I think women make being skinny the most important thing because of society and culture. That skinny supermodel look is all you see everywhere. That’s what girls see when they’re young and that’s what they grow up believing. It’s pretty sick actually. It’s like that for guys too. Not in the same extreme way, but it exists.
What Women Find Attractive
I asked two women, and another stranger(!), the same questions.
H:Being skinny is attractive for sure, but so is being large or bigger or whatever you want to call it. Being healthy is attractive and you can be healthy when you’re skinny or when you’re big. Most men and women think skinny is hotter than being normal sized or bigger and I guess that’s true a lot of the time, but not always.
It’s definitely about how the media portrays women. It pisses me off whenever I think about it and I think about it a lot. Seriously go on any site and the models never look like me. Not that I think I’m fat but I’m not model skinny. Go to Forever 21 right now on your phone. What do you see?
C: Skinny is definitely attractive. It just looks good. I feel better when I’m skinnier. I have that confidence, guys look at me more, and like I know it’s messed up, but that’s just how it is. You don’t have to be skinny to be hot but it definitely helps.
I don’t know really why being skinny is so important. Probably it has to do with how I was raised. It’s probably like that for a lot of girls. My mom would tell to watch my weight or boys wouldn’t like me. And look at TV. Aside from Kim [Kardashian] there’s like no big women. Jennifer Lawrence always says how fat she is, but that’s not true. She’s pretty normal.
Stranger: I feel more attractive when I’m skinny, but I don’t know how much guys like that. I dated a guy who always told me to gain weight [laughs]. That was a weird relationship. But yeah, being skinny is important to me. It’s important to every woman. Think about it, no one tells you to be fat but they always tell you to be skinny.
It’s our culture that makes being skinny so important. Like what I said a minute ago, people are always telling you to lose weight. It doesn’t matter how little you weigh, you’re always persuaded to weigh less. It’s on TV, movies, the internet, social media…everywhere. If we can change that then being skinny probably wouldn’t be important to so many women.
Nov 10, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Body Image / Eating Disorders
How It All Started
At the age of twelve, I started to feel different about myself. I saw flaws and didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. It was the summer and I remember looking in my friends mirror and seeing my body for what felt like the first time.
I hated my body. All I can see was fat and it scared me.
I made a mental note that I was going to change this. For the whole six weeks of summer, I was going to make my body different.
I started by running everywhere when out playing with my friends. Then I slowly cut back on eating. No snacks, eating less at dinner, etc. Before I knew it, I was hardly eating anything at all and exercising all day.
I used to go to tell my family I was going to bed at six. Really, I’d exercise in my room constantly until eleven. My parents found me going to bed this early strange, but I made excuses. That’s one thing anorexia is good for – making up lies so it doesn’t get found out.
When it came to time to eat and people were around, I’d pretend to dish myself up food and eat it. If they were watching me closely, I’d even put food on my plate. Then I started to hide food.
I’d wear clothes with pockets so when people weren’t looking, I could quickly stuff food into them. I’d tip my drink down the back of the sofa and flush food down the toilet. If I ate, my brain wouldn’t be happy.
My anorexia started with my in control, but ended with my losing completely control, rather quickly too.
Anorexia Takes Over
I was admitted to an adolescent mental health unit by the age of thirteen. Sadly, this facility was no help to me at all. The longer I was there, the more anorexic I became. The longer I was there, the more ingrained my eating disorder became.
They staff didn’t understand eating disorders and I was surrounded by people with serious mental illnesses. Not like me. Of course, I know see how sick I was.
Slowly, I became more and more depressed. My brain wouldn’t give me even one moment of peace. I just couldn’t escape. My mind and body were deteriorating. That’s when I turned to self-harm.
At first, it gave me some form of release. It made me feel a tiny bit better, if only for a minute. It was the same when I started acting out on anorexia. It made me feel better about myself. I could never please the voices in my head, though. Nothing I did was ever good enough.
From Bad to Worse
I was in and out of that adolescent unit until the age of fifteen. Then I was sent to a specialized eating disorder unit. I hated ever moment. I hated being made to eat. It terrified me.
I still found ways of hiding food, though. By this time, I’d also started to make myself sick. I couldn’t stand to keep any food in my body. I hated the feeling of being full. It drove me mad. It scared me. It tormented me.
Eventually, the nurses found out I was throwing up and I had to have someone come to the toilet with me. I also had to have someone follow me around all day, but I still found ways to cheat.
I’m not proud of what I did, but deep down I know it wasn’t really me doing it.
I began to throw up into things in my room. Video boxes, my wash bag, even the floor if I was desperate.
I stayed in this eating disorder unit for three more years. By the time I turned eighteen, I could no longer stay on the adolescent unit. I wasn’t allowed to leave of my own free will, either.
My parents couldn’t even take me home. I remember them being told to leave. I watched them from my window. At that moment, my whole world fell apart. I hit the absolute bottom.
I started to learn how to cope with my illness. I started to become a healthier weight. I was still underweight, but getting healthier. The doctors and nurses noticed and I was finally allowed to go home.
She Lost Everything
I did well until I reached twenty, when I relapsed. This wasn’t my first relapse, mind you, but this was the first time I’d managed to live successfully for years before everything came crashing down.
I was sent to a different eating disorder unit and it was the worst experience of my life. The staff didn’t understand at all. We were left for whole days with nothing to do.
I slept away most of my time there. Eventually, though, it all became too much. I started to fight to get better. This wasn’t ‘cause I wanted to get better, but because I couldn’t stand to be there for another minute. It was pure hell.
A Cycle of Relapse
Eventually, I discharged after I reached my target weight. Things went well for another few years. I was happy and life seemed good. I managed to stay out of any mental health units…until I turned twenty-four.
At twenty-four years old, I relapsed again. This time things didn’t get as bad as they had in the past. Still, I needed help, so I was admitted to a day unit. This time I had a very different experience!
I met some wonderful and lovely people there. I met some of my closest friends there. That was two years ago. In the past two years, I have relapsed. I haven’t gone back to the beginning though.
That’s what those suffering from an eating disorder have to hold on to. Yes, you may relapse, but it’s a different stage of relapse. It becomes easier to return to normality, to recovery.
Although I’ve never been fully rid of the illness, I’ve had times where I can manage it and live with it in health. If you relapse, admit it to yourself! Admit you’ve fallen, dust yourself off, and get back up.
There’s HOPE
We have to be strong! Eating disorders are cunning and find ways to creep back into our lives, especially when we’re most vulnerable. We can fight!
We can realize the feeling eating disorders offer is a lie. It doesn’t give us control. No, it takes away control. Eating disorders control us. “Life” with this illness isn’t life at all. Life with this illness is merely existing, not living.
There may be times you want to give up and die because it seems easier than fighting the voice in your head. There may be times you want to quit life because it seems easier than dealing with the torment and self-hatred.
There’s more to life than anorexia. I promise you. Eating disorders don’t want you to realize this.
It’s definitely a long and hard road, but no matter how long it takes – don’t give up! Don’t let it win! It’s time to get your life back!
I never thought that I’d suffer from this illness for over half my life. If I could turn back the clock, I’d never stopped eating. I didn’t plan to be anorexic. It simply took over.
It became me, until I was nothing but anorexia and I lost every tiny part of myself. I lost my friends, family, and relationships. This illness doesn’t give you anything. It just takes and takes. It takes everything.
If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with anorexia or any other eating disorder, keep fighting! One day it’ll get easier! One day you’ll get who you really are back. One day you’ll see that all this fighting’s been worth it!
You’re worth so much more than this illness. I promise you, you are! Always stay strong and remember you’re not alone. Always stay strong and remember we can all change!
Find Rayne87 on Instagram to learn more about her amazing story!
