by Sally Rosa | Apr 24, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Drug Addiction
One Woman’s Story of Quitting Alcohol
I’ve wanted to quit alcohol for awhile now. It’s been years since I could control and enjoy my drinking. I’ve tried to regulate and cut down with little success. Whenever I do, it isn’t fun. I don’t have a good time and I ALWAYS go back to out of control drinking.
So, I went looking for a successful way to quit drinking. I listened to meditations while I slept. I drank non-alcoholic beer. I took up exercise and other activities. Nothing worked! After a ton of research, I found something that did.
How I Quit Drinking
I wrote down the pro’s and con’s of drinking. I put them on paper to see, right in front of me, the truth about what happens when I drink. Some of the pro’s included: drinking helps me unwind, it helps me have fun, and it helps me be more outgoing.
Okay, those are all good things. Still, I had a ton more con’s. These included: strained relationships, lack of energy, lack of accountability, depression, and guilt. There were about 500 more!
So, my con’s far outweigh my pro’s. I made up my mind for good. I was done drinking. Here’s what I did next –
I decided on a quit date. On this specific date, I quit drinking and started to implement constructive goals to work towards.
I began getting rid of temptation. I removed all alcohol from my home and office. I also removed all reminders of alcohol and my drinking days (things like shot glasses, pictures, etc.).
I announced my decision to quit. I told my friends and family that I was done. I gave myself accountability. I’d never done this before because I never really wanted accountability. Now I had it. I was upfront about what I could, and couldn’t, handle and how I needed to stay away from bars and certain events.
I kept a diary of my thoughts and behavior. I wrote down anything and everything that happened to me. I wrote if I wanted to drink. I wrote if I did drink. I began to learn from the past. I began to use the past as a tool to help my future.
Before You Quit
Depending on how much you drink, you should check with your physician before quitting. Scratch that, check with your physician no matter how much you drink. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Besides, alcohol withdrawals can be deadly! If you need help, get help.
by Fiona Stockard | Mar 21, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Drug Addiction
CASE NUMBER: 07-1414
TO: My Mother and Father
Everyone makes mistakes in their life. There are two ways to handle those mistakes, you can turn the experience into a positive, or make it define your lifestyle. I chose to go with option A.
In my case, I have screwed up a lot over the years. Always thinking I was unbeatable, but with time, consequences do arise. You begin to realize that you are above nothing. Even at my lowest point, my parents have stood by me. Originally, this was supposed to be an apology letter, but I have decided to twist it into a thank you letter.
I am not sorry for my addictions, they were not by choice. They helped me become the strong person I am today. They made me realize that life is too short to screw it up for something that benefits me in not one single way.
I choose to look at everything the world has to offer and how I am able to overcome and conquer all. Being a strong person does not get you very far without support from the family.
I just want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow into the person I truly am.
Thank you for your support, trust, confidence, and love- it is all appreciated.
Sincerely,
The Best Bull-Sh**ter Ever
________________________________________________________________________________________
Yeah, this was a letter I wrote two years before I got sober. It was part of my probation. I was a great manipulator my entire life. I mean turning an apology letter into a thank you letter? Come on! Give me a break. I kept my family up countless nights. I made them bail me out of jail in the middle of the night and I still had the audacity to withhold an apology?
Addiction is a disease. I know this NOW. I didn’t know it when I wrote my letter (between bong hits and Natural Ice beer sips, or course). I thought if I promised to stop getting high, I’d be a good kid.
I wasn’t ready to get sober, plain and simple. I wasn’t ready to get sober until I had a habit I couldn’t break. When I made amends to my parents, I had over a year sober. I wasn’t simply saying sorry, that I’d be a better daughter, or that I wanted a relationship with them. I already put these things in motion.
See, in sobriety, I learned that actions speak louder than words. I learned how to stop being the best bull-s**tter ever. I learned how to be an honest and genuine person who really could learn from their past.
Sometimes, you just need to reflect and thank God you’re smarter than you used to be!
by Fiona Stockard | Feb 19, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Drug Addiction
I Will Wait…
I will wait. I will wait for you. These are the words taunting me. Why? Waiting. Hoping. Praying. Healing. Addicts like me don’t easily possess these qualities.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve waited for something. I’ve waited for someone, something, anything to make me better. If I only had this one person, this one thing, this one place, I’d be whole. I’d be complete. I just have to wait. Sometimes, rarely, I’d get what I wanted. I’d be happy for a few minutes. That’s life. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. What if the only thing you want in life, what if the only thing you were waiting for…was someone else’s life?
That’s what I wait for. I wait for the day you get sober. I wait for the day when the lies, the deception, the hurt stops. I wait for the day when I don’t have to stay up, worry, panic. I wait for the day when something more than love binds us together. I wait for the day when our passion for life binds us together.
Addiction brought us together in a different way. We bonded. We nodded. We laughed. Those days are over. Those days have been over for years. Now I wait. I wait for you. I wait for the day when you decide that being happy is more important than being high. I wait for you to live alongside me again.
I wait for the day you call and say “I’m done.” I wait for the day when ask for help. I wait for the day when you scream for help because simply asking doesn’t work. I wait for the day when you wave your white flag so high and so quick that it can’t be mistaken for anything other than a sign of defeat.
I wait and I wait. It’s hard for an addict like me. I have God to guide me through. I have a thousand other distractions. Nothing takes me away from the longest line I’ve ever been in. Waiting.
I will wait…for you.
(Shout out to Mumford and Sons)
by A Women in Sobriety | Dec 21, 2012 | Addiction Treatment, Drug Addiction
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Who is a Chronic Relapser?
Once upon a time, I dubbed myself a chronic relapser. Maybe you’ve heard the term?
It’s someone who’s trying to get sober, but can’t stop using. It’s someone who falls into a vicious cycle of going to meetings, using, going to detox, going to meetings, using, going to detox, and finally declaring, “why even bother trying to get sober?”
Potential and the Chronic Relapser
My life wasn’t always this way.
Years ago, I was a kid with so much potential. Many months ago I was in treatment. I did my thirty days. Hell, I even quit smoking and was nominated floor president!
So, what happened? I left treatment and refused to take any suggestions. My heart wasn’t in recovery. I had reservations, stipulations, and speculations. I was nineteen. I never used a needle. I was jealous of thirty-five year olds getting sober. I was jealous they had more years of using than I did! To put it another way, I was battling my demons and not talking to anyone about it.
There were two ways my situation could have played out.
Scenario One: the Road to Happy Destiny
I could have talked to someone about how I felt. I could have gotten a real sponsor, instead of the sponsor I called only once (to cry about my latest arrest). If I was honest about my feelings, I’d have quickly learned that most people new to recovery have the exact same thoughts!
I could’ve taken suggestions, even though I didn’t want to. I could’ve gone to a halfway house and lived with people just like me. I could’ve tried prayer, whether or not I believed in it. Instead, I spent countless hours looking for proof. By doing so, I missed God (or Higher-Power,if you please) altogether.
Scenario Two: Going on to the Bitter End
I DON’T RECOMMEND THIS!!
This was the scenario I chose instead. It’s a terrible and unhappy life. Unfortunately, this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. So, off I went.
I teased myself at first, saying things like “I’ll call my sponsor later,” and “I don’t really need to go to that meeting. Maybe I needed the pain. Maybe I needed to get it out of my system. Sometimes we need to be beaten completely down. Later, I learned we hit bottom whenever we stop digging!
I think the most important thing I should’ve done was reach out to people. I should have been open, honest, and upfront with other women.
Honesty and the Chronic Relapser
I’m a true believer that if you’re not ready to get sober, you’re not going to get sober. There’s nothing anyone can do. There’s nothing anyone can say. There’s no place, thing, or person that’ll save you.
If you’re done though, if you’re ready to get sober, there’s hope. For the women who’s fed up with living a sh**ty life, there’s so much hope. Once I was done using, I got honest quick. From this honesty, all sorts of remarkable relationships began to spring up in my life. Even though things around me didn’t change a lot, things inside of me did. I felt like a new woman.
To this day, if I’m going through a rough patch, I know all I have to do is reach out to another woman. All I have to do is be honest. All I have to do is talk to my sponsor, or a sober-support, about it and I feel better.
