Jul 12, 2017 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Almost Like a Sponsor
My dog keeps me sober. Or I guess you could say he helps. He doesn’t go to meetings, he doesn’t have a sponsor and he has never worked a step. When he talks I can’t understand a single thing he says. He is very good at listening. I can say things to him that I cannot say to another human being and when I’m done I feel so much better because at least I’m not holding on to it any more. If I want to sleep in I can’t because he needs to go out. If I want to skip work I can’t because I need to make money to pay for the massive amount of dog food I have to buy. I feed him twice a day, walk him 3 times and play with him as much as I can. He has a pretty tight schedule so, now I do too.
On Task
He keeps on task, on time and on point. He brings a rigidity and structure to my life that I have never had before. Wanna stay out late? Can’t he needs me. Wanna blow out of town for Vegas? Can’t he needs me. My dog in a way makes sure I am every where I need to be when I need to be there, you see… he needs me.
Mood Stabilizer
I need him too. When I’m sad, depressed and worn out, he’s there. He thinks everything is cool and funny and he picks me up when I’m down. Wanna meet chicks? Wanna meet friends? He’s great for that. Feel like rushing into a relationship because you’re lonely? Don’t bother you’ve got you dog like I’ve got mine. There is always something to do with him and he always wants to do something. Boredom, isolation, fear haven’t seen them since I got my dog.
Interpersonal Relationship
I’ve been a part of his life since he was 3 months old. I have seen him grow, develop, change, fall, get back up, learn, smile and poop. He’s seen me grow, develop, change, fall, get back up, learn, smile and poop. I’ve been worried about him and he has worried about me. I have taken care of him and he has taken care of me. I give 100% for him expecting nothing in return. Well I expect that he won’t bite me. He gives 100% to me expecting nothing in return. Well, he expects treats.
More than Most in Recovery
My dog has never been to a meeting and has no idea that I am an alcoholic yet he has helped me more than a lot of people in my recovery have. Many people in recovery have helped me get to where I am today, but man have hurt me as well and yes, I have hurt people too, But my dog hasn’t. He has steered me toward the right direction every single day. He has never faltered and he never will. He loves me for me and through this relationship I have learned how to treat people better and I have learned the meaning of friendship. My Dog has never seen me drunk and as long as I have God, AA and a dog… he never will.
May 31, 2017 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles, Blog, Recovery, Sobriety For Women
Date a Drug Addict?
Ok so, here’s the deal, I’m not gonna sugar coat this, or blow smoke up your tits for 20 minutes I’m just gonna get right to the answer. Date a recovering alcoholic, or drug addict. “But Fiona, what if they relapse?”
Shut up.
The core of this whole issue of should I date a recovering alcoholic or a normal guy is the word normal. No one, not one soul is normal and the one you think is normal is most likely the craziest cat in the alley. Nobody is normal, we all have our issues and that is why you should date some one in recovery, because you already know their issues. They have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Do they have other issues? You bet your little judgmental ass they do, but the cool thing is they will tell you what those issues are. People in recovery love to talk about how fucked up they are, it helps them stay sober and it helps others stay sober as well. So date number one rolls around and you pretty much know what to look out for.
Working on Issues
Also the cool thing is that you know they are working on these issues and that they use them to fuel recovery, It’s not like they say, “You know, when I drink I like to put goldfish up my butt and eat sour patch kids and I have no plans on quitting that game anytime soon.” Instead they say, “When I used to drink I’d put goldfish up my butt and eat sour patch kids, I’m very ashamed of it but if someone can relate to it or if my story helps them in any way then it was worth it.” Now that’s how you explain doing stupid shit when you were wasted.
Becoming a Better Person
The other cool thing about dating a recovering alcoholic or a recovering druggie is that everyday the are working on becoming a better person. You are on the ground floor of what could be one of the greatest dudes in the history of the world ever! People who truly are in recovery get better and better everyday, now, so called normal people, the don’t do that. Normal people, you know what I hate that, lets call them Robots. Robots sit in their cubicles or corner offices talking about their material possessions or the stock market or last night’s game or the PTA meeting and it repeats for years and years. Never do they really help people, never do they really open up. They don’t get better, Robots only get worse.
Dating Robots
Robots can live their entire lives seeming to be a normal robot, “Oh Pastor Mark, he is such a kind a companionate robot.” Bullshit, Pastor Mark has been banging the pool boy for 10 years, smoking meth behind the waffle house and in his spare time he tells you all bible stories from the alter. Oh and one more thing, Pastor make is the one who puts goldfish up his butt and eats sour patch kids and has no plans of stopping.
Robots are always going to be robots, they hide there faults, live in secret and present fake lives to the world.
Recovering alcoholics admit their faults, face them, fix them and strive to make themselves and the world a better place.
So who do you want to date, a person in recovery or a robot?
If you choose the person in recovery, I wish you nothing but the best.
If you choose the Robot, I’ll buy you some sour patch kids.
Jun 25, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Fear Won’t Kill You!
Fear won’t kill you, but it definitely feels like it will! I say this as a woman in long-term recovery who’s faced more than a few “fear situations” in my time.
Look, fear sucks. We’re told in treatment that fear is responsible for a large portion of the stupid actions we took while drinking and drugging. We’re told how corrosive and poisonous fear is, how it can warp even the best intentions.
What we may not be told, though, is how to get through fear. I was told to remember that fear stands for “forgetting everything’s all right,” but that didn’t help me much. I mean, how do we take that and put it into our lives? How can I, a fear based alcoholic, remember that everything’s all right?
With those questions in mind, I put together a guide for walking through fear in early-sobriety (or any other time in sobriety). I hope it helps you all!
Talk to Someone
This is probably the easiest way to get rid of fear (it was for me anyway), so it tops the list. Just talk to someone! It can be your sponsor, a friend, a significant other, someone at work…it can be anyone!
It doesn’t matter who you talk to, simply talking to someone makes the fear so much easier to deal with. If it’s anxiety-based fear, like a lot of mine was, then this cuts the anxiety in half.
Talking to someone could also take the form of getting a therapist. This is a great tool for women, or anyone, in early-sobriety. After all, there’s a lot more going on than simply stopping our drug and alcohol abuse!
Go to a Meeting
This tip connects back to talking to someone. Sometimes the simple act of connecting with other human beings is all we need to kick fear’s butt.
Go to a meeting. Surround yourself with other alcoholics and addicts. Surround yourself with your people! If you can, raise your hand to share. You’ll be amazed how many people come up to you after the meeting and say they know exactly what you shared about.
See, fear is based in isolation. It’s based in thinking we’re different, inferior, or fundamentally wrong. One of the easiest ways to break this type of thinking is to be around people who reassure us we’re not different. We’re the same as them. We’re okay!
Pray
The simple act of praying can help beat the heck out of fear. The way it was explained to me was like this – alcoholics and addicts are fearful people. We’re afraid we won’t get something we want or we’ll lose something we have.
The fear of those two situations causes us all kinds of trouble. It’s also all based in self. Not getting something we want or losing something we have is inherently selfish.
Guess what gets rid of selfishness? Prayer! It connects us to a Higher Power. That power, whatever it is, then allows us to think of other people before ourselves. If we’re no longer being selfish, then the fear of losing something we have or not getting something we want goes away.
Breathing Techniques
Breathing techniques are priceless when it comes to anxiety-based fear. Things like panic attacks and social anxiety can be effectively controlled by simply changing how we breathe.
Fear that’s anxiety based is a physiological response. It’s our fight or flight response. By changing how we take in oxygen, we can calm the body down. We can slow our heart rate and decrease blood pressure.
These, in turn, will make us calmer and help to diminish whatever fear we’re feeling.
Help Someone
This goes back to prayer and the idea that fear is based in selfishness. If we’re not being selfish, then we’re not going to be afraid either! This isn’t always the case, but it is a lot of the time.
So, if you’re scared, nervous, anxious, or feeling any of the other hundred ways fear manifests itself, go help someone! Not only will you be doing something selfless rather than selfish, but you’ll also be connecting with another human being.
That’s like a double whammy of fear beating goodness!
It doesn’t matter how much or how little you help someone out. It could be holding a door open for someone, helping an older person cross the street, or giving someone a ride. The simple fact you’re doing something for someone else is all that matter.
Take a Nap
Let me just say this isn’t the best advice. It’s not a long-term solution and offers no real emotional or mental benefits. Still, it helps in the short-term.
If you’re scared of something, whatever that may be, take a nap! The very act of falling asleep relaxes the body. It’s similar to using breathing techniques to calm down.
Plus, who doesn’t love naps? They’re like my favorite part of the day!
Jun 18, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Can Listening to Certain Music Make You Relapse?
I’ve asked friends this question over the last few weeks. Their response has been overwhelmingly NO! Still, it’s a question worth asking and one that’s been on my mind a lot lately.
See, the first rehab I ever went to, way back at eighteen years old, advised me not to listen to certain music until I had a year sober. They said I shouldn’t listen to music I liked when I was using, music that glorifies drugs or alcohol, or music made by active addicts and alcoholics.
While I sort of agree with the first point, not listening to music I got high to, I don’t know about those other two ideas.
For example, I LOVE Pink Floyd. Does being in early-recovery mean I can’t listen to “Comfortably Numb?” I also love The Beatles. Does being in early-sobriety mean I can’t listen to Sgt. Pepper’s?
Maybe I’m just overthinking things. I’ve been known to do that (hello – alcoholic here!). I’m not so sure though. Let’s explore this idea of music in early-recovery being a trigger a bit more in-depth.
Were My Therapists onto Something?
I don’t believe in triggers. I’ve said it before and, most likely, I’ll say it many more times. That’s just my opinion though. Everyone has different opinions and everyone is entitled to their own! That little nugget of wisdom was learned the hard way!
So, when my therapist in rehab told me their opinions, that certain music is triggering, I initially disregarded it. They were telling me that I had to go an entire year without listening to my two favorite genres – classic rock and hip hop (weird mix, I know).
I didn’t want to hear that! I was going through ten million different things. I needed the comfort blanket that music provided me. At least, that’s what I thought at the time.
Looking back on their advice, it wasn’t half bad. Plus, they were coming from a place of compassion and care. At the time, though, I just thought they were evil old men who were out of touch with today’s culture.
Whether you believe in triggers or not, there’s something to be said for avoiding triggering events in the early days of sobriety. As we grow in our sobriety, as we effect a spiritual awakening and connection, we’re free to do whatever we want (as long as it fits within spiritual principles, of course).
Times are hard during those early days though. I don’t know if listening to Led Zeppelin would have caused me to relapse. I don’t know if listening to 50 Cent would have caused me to relapse. I don’t know if listening to the same music I nodded out to would have caused me to relapse.
But guess what? I stayed away from all that music while I was in rehab, and in the months after, and relapsed anyway.
The Case for Listening to Whatever You Want
I kind of laid this out above, but I’ll repeat it because us alcoholics and addicts are hardheaded. After we become connected to a power greater than ourselves, the obsession to drug and drink is removed. We can go anywhere, do anything, and listen to any music without being tempted to relapse.
That’s the amazing thing about spiritual sobriety – we become free! That’s certainly been the case in my own recovery and in those closest to me.
Once we do the work and become connected to a God of our own understanding, we can listen to whatever type of music we want. Triggers don’t exist once we’re at this point. Our mind and spirit have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state.
Of course, there’s a very important caveat to that statement. We have to do the work! We have to be actively practicing God-consciousness. If we’re not, well, then we still have an alcoholic mind and an alcoholic mind always leads to relapse.
If we’re suffering from untreated alcoholism/addiction and listen to “harmful” music, music from our using days or that glorifies drugs and booze, then we probably will relapse over it. It’ll bring up a lot of emotions, feelings, and cravings we don’t want to deal it. At that point, it’s in our nature to drink.
The Final Verdict
So, is music in early-recovery triggering? The answer is both yes and no. That’s my experience and opinion anyway.
What about you? What’s your experience been like with music during the early days of sobriety? Let us know on social media!
May 21, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
By: Tim Myers
Good Evening People of the United States,
Well, my wife and I are here before you today to announce that the rumors are true. I, Timothy K. Myers, am running for President of The United States of America.
Over the next year my opponents are going to say a lot of things about me. Many of them, probably most of them, will be negative. Some will be true and some will be false. Listen, I can handle any mud they decide to fling. What I cannot handle is lies.
I don’t think it’s okay for politicians to lie to the American people. So, right here, right now, even before my fellow candidates have a chance to tell the world all the horrible things about me, I’m going to do it for them. At least this way, you, the American people, will have the facts.
I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I have not used drugs or alcohol for over four years. I went to a meeting today and I’ll go to one tomorrow. I don’t plan on this changing and I don’t plan on drinking ever again. Yes, obviously, in the past I drank too much and I did some pretty bad things.
This one time I drove drunk…and then I drove drunk about 300 more times. I never got caught. Go ahead check for an arrest record. I did get charged with criminal trespassing though.
I was nineteen and ran on to a professional baseball field drunk (as I’m sure you can imagine). I just wanted to play in the big leagues, you know! Anyway, the cops got one time called because I vandalized my dorm in college. Not just my dorm room, the entire dorm. We threw all the toilets out the window and all the mirrors and all the sinks. I didn’t get in trouble though. See, I informed on my roommate.
I failed out of three colleges, but finally got my music business degree. Not sure that will help me as President, but Jay-Z thinks I’m cool.
I had a bunch of girlfriends and can’t remember most of their names. I’m sure they’ll remember mine though. As soon as I start appearing on TV, you’ll see them on CNN too.
Guess how many rehabs I’ve been to? Nine. That’s a record.
I visited about a dozen crack houses. I bet I’m going to be the only President who did that. I call it getting to know my constituents.
I once was so drunk I got hit by a train… and lived! Now, if you ask me, I want a President who got hit by a train. That’s one tough Commander and Chief.
Oh and I died once. Yup, died. I drove drunk, crashed my car, and my lungs and heart stopped. Thank God for Ben Franklin, ‘cause those paddles shocked me back to life in a hurry! No need for a VP folks. I already died once, it’s not going to happen again. It’s impossible.
Okay, about the drugs, I tired ‘em all except heroin. I mean, I gave Tiffany money to get me some, but she always came back high, with no money, and no heroin for me. I don’t get it. I did love cocaine though.
Also, in the last 4 years I got a job, a career, helped over 100 men stay sober, met a woman, got married, bought a home, bought two cars, a dog, and two cats. I pay my bills, pay my taxes, and people love me.
I made mistakes. I will not make them again. I’ve been in the ditch, so I can show America the way out.
My name is Tim Myers. I am an alcoholic and I am running for President. So, what were those bad things you were going say about me?
