by A Women in Sobriety | Oct 29, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Articles are the sole work of the individual author and do not express the opinion of Sobriety for Women.
Grateful Alcoholics Don’t Drink?
If you’re in recovery, you go to meetings. If you go to meetings, you hear corny sayings. If you hear corny sayings, you’ve heard “grateful alcoholics don’t drink.” So, by the transitive property, if you’re in recovery, you’ve heard that grateful alcoholics don’t drink.
I hate that saying, okay? It’s clichéd, shallow, corny, and worst of all, misleading! Now, before you write me off as a ranting and raving lunatic, let me explain.
Why I Hate That Saying
“Grateful alcoholics don’t drink” isn’t inherently bad. I mean, if you know the true meaning of gratitude, you probably won’t drink (or get high). Okay, sounds reasonable. Besides, gratitude is an important part of sobriety.
Here’s the thing though, the saying is used as a sort of band-aid AA. It’s right up there with “don’t drink and go to meetings,” “meeting makers make it,” “put the plug in the jug,” and “easy does it.” Hey, someone should write articles about those too!
Let me explain something very clearly. Alcoholics drink. Grateful alcoholics drink. Sober alcoholics drink. Drunk alcoholics drink. Alcoholics in any form drink. We drink because we’re alcoholic and we’re alcoholic because we drink. We drink because we don’t have a choice and we don’t have a choice because we drink.
However, once you do the work, you have a choice about whether to drink or not. Do what work?, you ask. I thought I only had to go to meetings?, you ask. Here’s the reason why “grateful alcoholics don’t drink,” and all those other sayings, suck.
Do Some Work
I didn’t get sober until I got off my butt and did some work. I sat in meetings immediately after shooting up. I relapsed over and over and over again, until the day I decided to try something different.
When I say I did some work, or that I tried something different, I’m talking about working the twelve-steps. You’d be surprised how many people go to meetings and don’t work the steps. Well, maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you’ve sat in meetings and seen the girl nodding off.
See, AA wasn’t designed around meetings. In fact, meetings came about as an offshoot of doing step-work. Bill W., Dr. Bob, and the other original AA’s met weekly to talk about issues in their lives. They met to encourage each other and provide a safe haven for new members. They met in each other’s houses and had meetings downstairs. Upstairs, sponsor and sponsee would be working the steps together. Guess what? Everyone wanted to be upstairs. They knew that was where you started to get better.
When we first get sober (or dry, if we’re using the correct term), we sit in meetings and are literally insane. We don’t know what it is to be sane. Yeah, we’re not drinking or drugging, but we’re not better! We’re still delusional, selfish, and manipulative. Simply put, we’re still sick.
So, how do we get better? We get a sponsor and start to get in touch with a god of our own understanding. We have honest talks with our sponsor. We write down the people we don’t like. We write down our fears, our character defects, and our sexual escapades. We write down the people we’ve hurt, then we go out and make things right with those people. Simply put, we work the steps!
After Doing Some Work You Probably Won’t Drink
See, gratitude is a verb. You can’t sit in meetings and be grateful for being there. You can’t be in south Florida and be grateful for the palm trees. You can’t white-knuckle being dry and be grateful for “being sober.” No, in order to be grateful for anything you need to put the work in.
Know what I’m grateful for today? I’m grateful my parents answer the phone when I call. I’m grateful I can show up for work. I’m grateful I have friends. Know how I got those things? Well, I made amends to my parents and then stopped screwing them over. I got a job and showed up everyday, whether I wanted to or not. I talked to people and showed them, through my actions, that I was worthy of friendship.
In each of those cases, work was involved. After doing the work, and feeling the peace that came from it, I’m able to be grateful. After doing the work, I’m able to appreciate things.
So, you want to be a grateful alcoholic who doesn’t drink? Get a sponsor, work the twelve-steps, start getting in touch with god as you understand god, make things right, and show up for life. Otherwise, you’re going to get drunk.
by Sally Rosa | Oct 13, 2014 | Recovery
By: Tim Myers
How To Tell Your Co-Working is a Recovering Alcoholic
Almost four years ago I stopped drinking. I have no idea why I did, I just did. I’d tried for many years to quit, but for some reason on December 6th 2010, I stopped.
Now, my problem wasn’t stopping. My problem was figuring out for the love of God how to stay stopped! I’d tried the girlfriend maintenance program. I’d tried the white-knuckle roller coaster. I’d tried the “non-alcoholic” beer club. Nothing worked, until everything worked.
For years and years, my co-workers suffered as my alcohol fueled body roared through their lives, making them work longer and harder, while I got drunker and drunker.
Today, I try to treat those I work with better than that. I try to be an asset instead of a liability. Recovering alcoholics who work a good program are the nicest and hardest working people in the office. You’d have no idea they used to sleep in the bathroom of a strip club.
So, if you’re thinking, “Man, I wonder why Jim from the mail room is such a great dude?” It could be because he’s a recovering alcoholic. Before asking Jim, look for these five signs.
5) They’re on the Phone A Lot Having Secret Conversations
It’s not a job interview or a mistress. Nope, they’re called sponsees.
After I had one year sober, I was always bouncing to the stairwell to answer a call. Sponsees call five times a day or never at all. They could be calling to tell you they drank, calling to discuss the Doctor’s Opinion, or just calling to tell you their calves hurt from the 5K they ran in. No matter what the reason, every call helps us stay sober.
So yeah, he may be on the phone a lot but, he’s getting pretty sober.
4) Everything Always Seems to Work Out for Them
You know that guy who always seems to be in the right place at the right time? That guy who always seems to get what he wants? Well, that guy may be a recovering alcoholic.
Here’s why – as alcoholics in recovery, we help other people stay sober. We live our lives honestly and justly, by helping others stay sober and by living a life of service. Through doing that, we’re making the world a better place. God likes that.
When you help others, good things happen to you. If you punch you sister in her stupid face, steal twenty dollars from your Mom, and then ask Dad to borrow the car, he’s going to say no, you’re an a*shole.
If you help your sister with her homework, kiss her stupid face, and help mom with the laundry, then Dad’s probably going to give you the keys, and few bucks for gas.
The same thing applies here. Help others and good things happen to you. So, if everything in your co-worker’s life seems to be star-spangled awesome, he might just be making the world a more sober place.
3) They Seem to Admit They Were Wrong
It’s called direct amends. It’s one of the things we do on a daily basis that keeps us from being a total a*shole. It’ll probably garner a lot of attention in the office, since most people like to stuff that humility and responsibility down their pants.
This isn’t a sign of weakness. They’re not being a push over. They’re just showing you what integrity looks like.
2) They Make Your Life Better
You know that person that just makes you feel better by being there? That person who always seems to have your back? They’re funny, kind, and give great advice. That’s how it feels to have a true and honest-to-goodness recovering alcoholic in your life, or at least that’s how the ones in my life make me feel.
1) They Never Drink Ever
Period.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 8, 2014 | Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Addiction is a Family Disease…So What?
First, let me say that my brother isn’t a junkie! He’s a great guy with absolutely no substance abuse problems. It was just a catchy title, I swear!
It’s 2014. By now, we all believe and accept that addiction is a disease. More than that, we believe and accept that addiction is a family disease. That means it’s partially genetic in nature and can be passed down through generations of a family. No shockers there. None of that’s a revelation.
What I want to talk about is a little different. I want to talk about are the dynamics of being sober and having family members in active addiction.
Now, I’m the oddball out in my nuclear family. Neither my mom, dad, or brother are addicts or alcoholics. My parents don’t even like to drink. My brother’s a social drinker. If he’s at a party, he’ll have a couple of beers.
However, I do have uncles and cousins who’re active alcoholics. I’ll tell you a little bit about how I’ve dealt with them in my sobriety.
My Experience with Family Members in Active Alcoholism
I come from a large family with a ton of extended relatives. Of these, several of my uncles and cousins are alcoholics. That’s my take, anyway. I have one uncle who, in his forties, still lives with his dad. I have another who, despite being a successful banker, drinks everyday.
As for my cousins, oh man, they’re wrecks. I have two guy cousins who can’t stop getting into trouble. I have a girl cousin with severe anxiety issues who medicates with weed.
My Uncles
My family gets together for every major holiday. That’s mostly where I see my uncles. Being honest here, I haven’t seen either of them drunk or high more than once or twice. Yeah, they’ll drink, and occasionally smoke a joint in the backyard, but they rarely get really loaded.
That isn’t to say they aren’t drinking. They literally always have a beer in their hands. The second they finish that beer, they get another. They’re not shotgunning beers and getting rowdy, but they’re never without alcohol.
My Cousins
When I was younger, I’d get drunk and high with my cousins. My guy cousins love to smoke weed. They’re about the same age as me, so when I was younger, we’d smoke before school. Then during the day, we’d sneak out to smoke more. Basically, we were always blazing. My girl cousin is a bit younger, so we never used together.
Things are different with my cousins than they are with my uncles. I have a history of getting loaded with them. Today, it’s strange to see them at family gatherings. They’re all over twenty-one, so drinking at these gatherings is accepted.
Much like my uncles, my cousins are rarely without a drink in their hands. However, unlike my uncles, they’re actively getting as drunk and high as possible. My guy cousins will smoke weed in the backyard constantly. My girl cousin grew up to love weed, so she’s out there with them. By the end of the night, someone has to drive them home because they’re far, far gone.
Dealing with Family in Active Addiction
It’s important to note, seeing family members use and drink isn’t triggering at all. It definitely is uncomfortable to see them behave in stupid ways, but it isn’t triggering.
But Fiona, you may be asking, why doesn’t it trigger you? Well, dear reader, it isn’t triggering because I’m spiritually fit. See, the Big Book tells us that if we’re spiritually fit drugs and alcohol won’t bother us. To quote a wonderful passage –
“We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p 85).
Once I get in contact with a God of my own understanding, I don’t have to worry about being triggered. I don’t have to worry about alcohol and drugs making me uncomfortable. I do have to worry about keeping in fit spiritual condition.
Staying spiritually fit’s accomplished by helping others, taking a daily inventory, making amends when needed, praying, meditating, and staying honest. So, as long as I do those things, I don’t have to worry about my cousins and uncles drinking and drugging. I pray for them, but I don’t have to be bothered by their use.
It’s that simple! There’s no trick or life hack that makes us okay with others drinking and drugging. Nope, it accomplished through old-fashioned hard work!
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 1, 2014 | Recovery
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Written By: Fiona Stockard
Recovery on Your Phone
My name is Fiona and I’m a smartphone addict! Raise your hand if you are, too. Oh, everyone here’s a smartphone addict?
Look, everyone’s on their phone 24/7. It’s a part of life. The sky’s blue, grass is green, penguins are the cutest animals, and smartphones are surgically attached to our hands. Them’s the facts.
For addicts though, our phones can be helpful with recovery. Not only can we call anyone, anytime, but we can also go online and read twelve-step literature. We can attend online meetings. We can reach out to treatment centers and recovery organizations. We can…use sobriety apps?
What’s a sobriety app? Which sobriety apps are good? Should I have to pay for a sobriety app? Learn the answers to these questions and more! Let’s find out how to get plugged in to sobriety resources on our phones!
What’s a Sobriety App?
Well, it’s pretty self-explanatory. A sobriety app is any app that helps with your sobriety! There are a ton of these. In fact, a quick Google search turns up pages upon pages upon pages of sobriety apps!
There are twelve-step based apps. These sobriety apps show you how many years, months, weeks, days, and minutes since your last drink or drug. They have the Big Book and Basic Text available to read. They have local meeting and intergroup locations, numbers, and addresses.
There are religious based apps. These have scripture and verses pertaining to addiction and recovery. They have church, synagogue, and mosque directories.
There are self-help sobriety apps. These have tips and tricks to help in recovery. They have links and contact information for non-twelve-step based groups and organizations.
There are about one million more sobriety apps! With so many different choices, how can we make sense of them all? Which apps are good and which apps aren’t? Let’s find out.
Some Good Sobriety Apps
12 Steps AA Companion
This app has a running sobriety calculator, the Big Book, AA intergroup directories, and meeting times. It also allows you to highlight and save passage of the Big Book for easy access.
This is my favorite sobriety app, hands down. I’ll admit, I’m a little biased though, ‘cause I downloaded it when it was free! Today, it costs between $1.99 and $2.99, depending on your phone.
AA Big Book and More
For those who don’t want to pay, there’s this app. AA Big Book and More has the Big Book, a sobriety calculator, and delivers daily motivational message.
Sponsor Support
This neat app makes sure you’re always able to reach your sponsor. You can call and email your sponsor through the app. You can journal. You can keep AA meeting info (location, time, etc.). You can even keep track of your therapists/councilors. Oh, and Sponsor Support’s free. That’s a pretty sweet deal!
Friends of Jimmy
This is an NA sobriety app, which has a sobriety calculator. It also offers A TON of slogans and motivational messages with cute graphics. Friends of Jimmy isn’t yet ready for download, though the site claims it’ll be coming out any day now.
One Day at a Time
This app offers the Big Book. It also has a sobriety calculator, but unlike other apps, let’s you compare your sober-time to friends. Think of it as a reminder to do the next right thing! One Day at a Time costs $1.99.
Lift – Daily Motivation
This app keeps you motivated. It’s easy for us addicts to start something, but finishing it? Well, that’s a bit harder. Enter your goal and when you complete it, Lift throws you a smartphone party! Lift is free.
Mindfulness Meditation
This app offers at-home (or on the go!) meditations. It allows you to pick the length of meditation and offers soothing, guided instruction. It also lets you share your personal meditations through social media. Mindfulness Meditation offers a free lite version.
iPromises Recovery Companion
This app is like a recovery calendar. It reminds you of meetings, appointments, and personal goals. It also has an out-of-town AA meeting directory. iPromises Recovery Companion is free, so get it while it’s hot!
Biblical Encouragement – Alcohol Addiction
This app has the bible. It offers recovery related passages and lets you highlight and save favorite verses. You can even share them with your friends and family through social media. Biblical Encouragement – Alcohol Addiction is .99 cents.
by Sally Rosa | Sep 30, 2014 | Recovery
There’s Strength in Numbers
Check out the newest addition to Lighthouse Recovery Institute’s ever-growing addiction treatment resources – Sobriety For Men.
We’re an online community for men in recovery. We aim to discuss a variety of men’s issues and offer a unique, gender-specific take on sobriety. You’ll find things like addiction articles, links to helpful online and offline resources, recovery videos, and much more.
After running Sobriety For Women, our team of women’s addiction professional thought, “hey, what about men’s recovery?” We assembled a team of men’s addiction professionals and they got right to work creating a safe space for men in recovery.
Do you have a male family member, significant other, or loved one in recovery? Send them over our way. We’re still growing, so come join us and remember – there’s strength in numbers!
