by Fiona Stockard | Oct 1, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written By: Fiona Stockard
First Thing’s First
Okay, here’s the deal, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I’m not going to blow smoke up your t*ts for twenty minutes. I’m going get right to the answer. Date a recovering alcoholic or addict.
“But Fiona, what if they relapse?”
Shut up.
The core of this whole “should I date a recovering alcoholic or a normal guy” debate is the word normal. No one, not one soul, is normal. The guy you think is normal is most likely the craziest cat in the alley.
The Truth
Nobody is normal. We all have our issues. That’s why you should date someone in recovery, you already know their issues. They have a problem with drugs and alcohol. Do they have other issues? You bet your little judgmental a*s they do. The cool thing about people in recovery is they’ll tell you exactly what those issues are.
People in recovery love to talk about how f**ked up they are. It helps them stay sober and it helps others stay sober as well. So, date number one rolls around and you pretty much know what to look out for.
The Advantages of Dating a Guy in Recovery
The cool thing is that you know they’re working on these issues. You know they use their issues to fuel recovery.
It’s not like they say, “You know, when I drink I like to put goldfish up my butt, and eat Sour Patch Kids, and I have no plans on quitting that game anytime soon.”
Nope. Instead, they say, “When I used to drink, I’d put goldfish up my butt and eat Sour Patch Kids. I’m very ashamed of it, but if someone can relate to it, or if my story helps them in any way, then it was worth it.”
Now that’s how you explain doing stupid s**t when you were wasted!
The other cool thing about dating a recovering alcoholic or druggie is that everyday they work on becoming a better person. You’re on the ground floor of what could become one of the greatest dudes in the history of the world!
People in Recovery Battle the Pink Robots
People who’re truly in recovery get better and better everyday. Now, so called “normal people,” they don’t do that. Normal people…you know what, I hate that term. Lets call them Robots!
Okay, robots sit in their cubicles, or corner offices, talking about their material possessions, the stock market, last night’s game, the PTA meeting, whatever. This repeats for years and years. Never do they help people. Never do they really open up. They don’t get better. Robots only get worse.
Robots live their entire lives seeming to be normal robots. “Oh, Pastor Mark? He’s such a kind and companionate robot.” Bulls**t. Pastor Mark has been smoking meth behind the Waffle House for ten years. He’s been banging the pool boy. In his spare time, he tells bible stories at church. Oh, and one more thing. Pastor Mark is the one who puts goldfish up his butt and eats Sour Patch Kids and has no plans of stopping.
Robots are always going to be robots. They hide their faults. They live in secret and present fake lives to the world.
Recovering alcoholics admit their faults, face them, fix them, and strive to make themselves, and the world, a better place.
So who do you want to date, a person in recovery or a robot?
If you choose the person in recovery, I wish you nothing but the best.
If you choose the Robot, I’ll buy you some Sour Patch Kids.
by Sally Rosa | Sep 17, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written by: Tim Myers
What Make Sober Women Hot?
I’m a man in recovery and I’m here to tell you today exactly what I think makes sober women hot.
1. Tattoos
2. Great Tits
3. Expensive, Sexy Clothes
4. Sports Car
5. Lack of Fat
Nope, just kidding. None of those, not a single one those things do I find “Hot”. If you do feel that those are 5 things that make a sober woman hot then I really hope you don’t date women and that you get hit by a train. Guess what people, sober women are the hottest women on the planet and looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. Going after a sober woman based off looks alone is as smart as buying a dog based on how cute it looks. Yeah it may look great but I could also bite your stupid face off!
What Makes A Women Really Hot
The hottest sober woman in the world would have these aspects, attributes and qualities.
She has a sponsor and sponsees:
My first sponsor told me, the reason that you sponsor people is because it teaches you how to have a relationship with another person that puts them first always. Sponsoring someone is 100% unselfish. If the bombshell you want to date is sponsoring people and she has a sponsor there is a very good chance she is going to be able to put your needs over hers. If you have a sponsor and are sponsoring people then you’ll put her needs above your own. That my friend is the making of a great relationship. That is hot, because good relationships are hot. Bad relationships are the things we used to be addicted to.
She goes to meetings a lot:
Nothing is hotter than a woman in an AA meeting. It shows you that she shares the same beliefs that you do. It shows a commitment to making a better life for herself and those around her. Now if she shows up with a bunch of other chicks that’s great too because it shows that she goes out of her way to carry the message to other women. Think how good she’ll be to you if she is that good to strangers.
She has made amends:
OK, think about this, it will blow your mind. What if you dated a woman who admits she is wrong? Boom! That’s hot! Women in my humble and completely judgmental opinion have a hard time admitting they are wrong. It’s been 57 years and my Mom still has not admitted she is wrong about anything. A sober woman who admits she is wrong is a woman who is in touch with her strengths and weaknesses. She knows when she is on top, she knows when she is struggling, she is in control of her actions and emotions. That is wicked hot.
She Laughs:
I got sober to be happy. A sober woman laughing, smiling and enjoying life is super hot. That’s what I want. I want the woman who is already happy. Not the one whose happiness is based on the tattoos I buy her or the purse she flaunts because it cost $5,000. A woman who needs a man to be happy in order to cover up the pain she hasn’t faced is not hot. What is hot is the happy sober woman who is 100% happy with her self and by adding a relationship together we achieve 200% happiness.
She has a great big smile:
The only body part I find hot is a smile. That’s it. I do not care what you like I only care about your smile. Do you have one? If so than you are hot. Period. Ass, Tits, Legs I Do! Not! Care! They tell me nothing about your insides. Your smile well, it tells me everything.
So if you’re a sober woman and your wondering how to be hot, here’s what you need to do…
Get a sponsor, get sponsees, got to a lot of meetings, make amends, laugh and smile.
If you do those things you will be with out a shadow of a doubt the hottest sober woman on the planet, period.
by Sally Rosa | Sep 8, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Laura’s Story
In 2010, my husband of over six years filed for divorce. He took my name off of our bank accounts, so I couldn’t get money to hire a lawyer.
In court, the judge gave me a continuance to seek council. On the courthouse steps, my ex-husband’s lawyer gave me papers to sign. They were to give my ex-husband temporary custody of our house and children. I didn’t know I could object to these terms.
It was the beginning of the end. I found my children and myself homeless. I began to drink and take Xanax to cope with the stress.
Things Went From Bad to Worse
The following year, in 2011, I lost custody of my children. They were one, two, three, five, and twelve. I’d been a stay at home mother during my marriage. However, the judge ruled my ex-husband was more mentally and financially stable and gave him full custody of our children. I’d been diagnosed Bipolar after the birth of our second child.
I couldn’t accept that I only had visitation rights to my children. The judge gave my ex-husband full custody! I had no rights, only visitation. I was devastated.
A year after my ex and I divorced, he married a much younger woman. They married and moved to Georgia a month later. They moved with my children! My ex-husband gave me three days notice before they left. I scrambled to set up an emergency hearing, but they were gone before anything could be done. My children were enrolled in a Georgia school and no judge was going to take them out of school.
That’s when things really got bad. I couldn’t function any longer. I started drinking from the minute I woke up to the second I passed out. I started smoking pot, taking pills, partying every night, and sleeping with all kinds of men. I started doing whatever I could to not feel. My children were my whole world and without them I had no reason to live.
I couldn’t just pick up and move to Georgia with my children. I’m disabled and receive only $800 a month of support. I was literally out of my mind with grief. I was able to arrange for my children to visit me at Christmas. Watching them leave was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Not long after, I received a public intoxication and DUI change. This didn’t help me one bit in court. My lawyer gave up on me. I ended up receiving supervised visitation rights and was ordered to pay my ex-husband $500 a month in child support. For five children, you’re not supposed to pay more than 26% of your income. I was ordered to pay 500 out of 800 dollars!
A Light at Last
I checked myself into treatment in July of 2013. It wasn’t an easy journey. I relapsed the day I got out. I found out that it’s easy to stay sober when you’re in a safe environment. It isn’t so easy when you’re in the real world.
On August 24th, 2013, I went back to residential treatment. This time, I followed residential with an outpatient program. I’ve been sober a year and am fighting to get my children back
I haven’t seen my kids in over a year. As of May 2014, my ex-husband has stopped answering my calls. He won’t let me speak to my children anymore because I can’t pay the full $500 child support payment.
Being sober isn’t easy because it means I have to FEEL the grief and anguish from missing my babies. I know that being sober is the only way I’ll get my children back. This gives me the strength to keep on, one day at a time.
If you’d like more information about Laura and her story, visit her website.
by A Women in Sobriety | Aug 18, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Firsthand Addiction: What ODing is Really Like
Welcome to Sobriety For Women’s newest column, Firsthand Addiction!
In our first article, we explore what overdosing is really like. None of that after-school special s**t, just one addict’s experience. Enjoy!
My Overdose
The year was 2006 and I was in BAD shape. I was strung out on opiates, heroin mainly, and taking handfuls of Xanax for breakfast. Of course, like most addicts, I was sure this was just a phase and eventually I’d be fine. Then I ODed.
I remember taking about ten footballs (one milligram Xanax pills) and walking into a gas station. I remember seeing a cop. He probably should have scared me off, but I was pretty hardheaded. Plus, I was dope sick and we all know how that goes.
I bee-lined straight to the bathroom and cooked up some heroin. I remember throwing an extra bag in my cooker and thinking, “I’m going to get HIGH right now.”
The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. If you’ve never woken up with tubes down your nose and throat, let me tell you, it’s not fun. Apparently, I had ODed.
According to the police report, I stumbled out of the bathroom and right into that cop. He searched me and found heroin and Xanax. As he was cuffing me, I passed out and couldn’t be woken up. He decided a hospital was better than jail. Thanks Mr. Policeman, you saved my life.
The scary part of this whole experience was that I don’t remember ODing. I remember cooking the dope and that’s it. If I were alone, I probably wouldn’t be here today.
Like any addict worth her salt, ODing wasn’t enough to make me stop. It did, however, wake me up to just how bad my addiction was. Not long after, I went to treatment for the first time.
Signs and Symptoms of Overdose
General signs and symptoms of a heroin overdose include:
• Having a hard time breathing
• Having a weak heartbeat
• Tightness in muscles
• Twitching of muscles
• Face, mouth, and fingernails turning blue
• Extreme nodding off (falling asleep for short periods of time)
How to Avoid ODing
It’s a bit harder to talk about how to avoid ODing than it is to list signs and symptoms of an overdose. However, here are some common sense tips to help avoid an overdose.
Don’t Use Heroin
Duh! If you don’t use heroin, you’re not going to overdose! For many addicts though, this advice is pretty impractical.
Use With Other People
If it hadn’t been for that cop, I probably would have died. Make sure to use with other people.
I know, I know, this sucks. You have to share drugs and other people are annoying. Still, it beats dying.
Don’t Use Too Much
Again, this is kind of an obvious tip. If you don’t use too much heroin, you won’t OD, simple as that.
What I mean is – don’t use too much of a new batch. If you just got a new stamp (heroin package) and don’t know its strength, do half as much as you normally would.
Don’t Inject
It’s harder to OD if you’re not injecting. Yes, it’s still possible to overdose by sniffing or smoking heroin, but it’s MUCH more rare.
Don’t Mix Heroin and Other Drugs
If I hadn’t mixed heroin and Xanax, I probably wouldn’t have ODed.
I know mixing opiates and benzo’s feels good. I know mixing opiates and coke feels good. I know mixing opiates and anything feels good, but trust me, just say no!
I ODed, What Now?
There are a lot of myths about what to do when someone OD’s. Most of these are just myths though!
Don’t put the ODing person in the shower, don’t inject them with anything, don’t make them puke, don’t make them eat or drink, and definitely don’t let them sleep it off.
If someone around you is ODing, you do two things. First, and most importantly, call 911.
I don’t care if you still have drugs, or if you don’t like cops. Save someone’s life. Don’t be an assh**e.
Second, slap them in the face. This is more for fun than anything else, but hey, it just might help.
by Sally Rosa | Jul 17, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
A member of AA reacts to The NY Times article about The Center For Motivation and Change
Responding to “A Different Path To Fighting Addiction.”
On July 3rd, 2014 Gabrielle Glaser wrote an article for The New York Times entitled, “A Different Path To Fighting Addiction.” In this article, Ms. Glaser profiled The Center for Motivation and Change (CMC) located in New York City. The CMC rejects the AA model of substance abuse recovery, instead using a “practical, hands on approach to solving emotional and behavioral problems.” It does not ask its patients to swear off chemicals forever.
As an active member of AA, it was not the idea of “a new way” that brought on my frustration, indeed I love and welcome new ways to get sober. It was the misguided and unethical treatment of the facts that caused my eyes to roll. The article seemed more interested in bashing AA and it’s members, than in presenting the CMC’s treatment philosophy.
The Message from The Center For Motivation and Change
The article opens by stating that AA and Al-Anon “Either force them [the patients] into rehab or detach until they hit rock bottom.” It goes on to say, “Science tells us those formulas don’t work very well.” AA and Al-Anon don’t say that. In fact, AA and Al-Anon have no official position on how to achieve long-term sobriety. Some AA and Al-Anon members hold the view that hitting bottom and entering a treatment center work. The reason they hold this view is because, well, it works.
It worked for me. I’m the only person who can make the decision to get sober. The choice is mine and mine only. By letting the consequences of my addiction hit me square in the jaw, my parents gave me everything I needed to make the choice to get sober. Again, let me say, this was my path to AA and not what AA encouraged me to do. Once I was open to the idea of recovery, the twelve steps helped me find not only a way to achieve and maintain long-term sobriety, but a spiritual path to find my true self.
For the record, what AA actually says is,
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature
of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with
God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our
affairs.
Service Material from the AA General Service Office
That’s what AA says and what AA is about. It doesn’t say parents should “issue edicts, demanding an immediate end to all substance use,” or that AA is “an all-or-nothing commitment for life.” What I found is that once I begin to practice the twelve steps, I didn’t want to live my life any other way. AA, and what it actually says, helped me become a better person. It helped with problems far surpassing my alcoholism. AA has given me a “practical approach to solving emotional and behavioral problems.” It’s worth noting that this “practical approach” is what The Center for Motivation and Change claims to do. Why, I ask, reinvent the wheel?
Perhaps, because as The Center For Motivation and Change states, “Science tells us those formulas [the twelve steps] don’t work very well.” Let’s examine what exactly science tells us.
In 1956, the American Medical Association voted to define alcoholism as a medical disease. The Center For Motivation and Change states that alcoholism is not a disease. It looks like they disagree with science on one major point. They also site numerous studies that say AA does not work. They’re correct, based on the studies they chose to reference, it doesn’t work. In fact, based on most studies, it appears that AA doesn’t work. Here lies the great issue of AA facts and figures, it’s an anonymous programs.
That Facts about The Center For Motivation and Changes Facts
AA members who work each step and practice AA’s principals in their affairs are taught humility and anonymity, thus encouraging them to stay quiet about their successes. AA members who attend a few meetings, don’t work the steps, and subsequently drink, are more likely to speak out. They’re more likely to blame AA for not working, than to accept personal responsibility for their actions.
AA is a program of action. Our literature states, “Faith without works is dead.” The recovering individual is simply a person living among you and working with you. Only when asked for assistance, will our anonymity be broken. That is why study after study paint AA as a failure.
The only fact that’s proof of AA’s effectiveness is the only fact anyone needs to know. In 2006, there were a reported 106,202 AA groups worldwide, with a membership totaling 1,867,212 recovering individuals.
That statistic didn’t make it into the CMC’s article. My question for The Center For Motivation and Change is, scientifically, is it possible that 1,867,212 people are wrong, and the 25 of you are right?
Doesn’t seem possible.
Gabrielle Glasser’s article is posted here
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/06/nyregion/a-different-path-to-fighting-addiction.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=NY_ADP_20140707&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=2
