Submitted By Frances
At a Crossroads
I have made it over two years without taking a drink and yet hours ago I found myself at a crossroads. I was at the supermarket staring down a six-pack of beer as if the liquid inside those dark bottles had all of the answers. I pictured myself bringing the six-pack home, treating the bottles as if they were royalty, taking a swig and feeling my insides melt in warm, delight. This is day two of wanting to drink. Yesterday, as I admired park goers lounging around enjoying an alcoholic beverage my insides screamed for a drink with an intensity that rivaled early sobriety. But, as the urge splashed over me I closed my eyes tightly and remembered that the past two years without alcohol have given me life, interests other than drinking and, most importantly, joy.
Yes, my sobriety has given me life, but sometimes life is not easy. Lately I have had trouble making decisions about the future and this weekend my body wanted a drink because it understands (more than I do) the instant relief that comes from drinking. But, no matter how strong the desire, taking that drink is no longer an option. I have way too much to lose and past experience tells me that there is no negotiation on whether drinking will or won’t wipe away the ability to even have freedom to make decisions in the first place. In the not too distant past I was under the impression that after I quit drinking life would be a breeze. That hasn’t been the case. But, I’ve learned that even though some weekends are harder than others drinking will not eliminate any difficulties I experience. This time around I am willing to fight for my sobriety and give myself the chance to see what life is like without drinking. How will I ever know what sober me is like if I shut the door on her. Alcohol will always be waiting for me, but time will not.