Written by Tim Myers

“All Righty Then”
“Look At The Fun-bags On That”
 “Holy Testicle Tuesday”
 “Holy S**t-balls”
“We Got No Food, We Got No Jobs…Our PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!”
“That John Denver’s Full Of S**t”

How Jim Carrey’s Commencement Speech Can Keep You Sober

Jim Carrey said all of the above. On Saturday, May 24th, he also said something else. He gave the commencement speech to The Maharishi University of Management’s class of 2014 and dropped some serious wisdom.

Jim Carrey’s Speech Turned My Brain Upside Down

“Fear is going to be a big player in your life but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts and worrying about the pathway to the future, but all there will ever be is what is happening here. The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear. So many of us choose a path of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying that I’m proof that you can ask the universe for it,” said Jim.

He went on to talk about what he learned from his father. “You can fail at what you don’t want to do, so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love,” he stated.

Son of a b***h! The same guy that makes his a*s talk just turned my brain upside down! He wrung it out like sponge and forced me to utter a phrase I never though would cross my lips – Jim Carrey’s speech is all you need to get sober.

Am I saying don’t go to rehab, don’t go to a twelve-step fellowship, just sit back, relax and watch Jim Carrey’s YouTube video once a day, everyday, for ninety days and you’ll never drink? Yes!

I’m kidding! I do believe women should go to a women’s treatment center and dudes need to go to a treatment for dudes. I do believe that without some sort of program, it’s very difficult to stay sober.

My point is, if you do everything Jim Carrey’s talking about, if you take his advice, you’ll get sober. Period, exclamation point, end of story. You can debate this point with me, as I’m sure you will, but it’s a fact. Just like water is wet, plants need sunlight, the sky is blue and Smucker’s Uncrustables are the most delicious food on the planet.

In Sobriety We Have No Limits


Okay, let’s dissect this speech from the beginning. Jim Carrey said, “I can not be contained because I am the container.”

What the crap does that mean? It means you’re in charge of your own limitations. You can’t be filled because you can always make yourself bigger. All the limitations on yourself are self imposed. The good news? Anyone can stop self imposing limits on themselves!

There’s no limit to what we can do. If you can’t stop drinking, you can break the contained. If you can’t stop snorting bath salts, or bath water, or whatever it is the kids are killing themselves with, you can break the container. Now, if it’s Rubbermade, you’ll have to melt it, but trust me it can be done! Break Your Container.

Jim Carrey then expands on this idea. “I used to believe that who I was ended at the edge of my skin. That I had been given this little vehicle called a body in which to experience creation, although I couldn’t have asked for a sportier model. It was after all a loner and would have to be returned. Then I learned everything outside of the vehicle was part of me too. And now I drive a convertible.”

Here, he reminds us to open up, to let the top down and experience more than just what’s directly around us. If you’re trapped in a world of drugs, filth, corruption, prostitution, and alcoholism you can change by changing the vehicle you use to travel in life.

I used to drive a crappy 1996 Saturn with cigarette burns on the vinyl, carpet soaked in beer, and puke in the back seat. This isn’t a metaphor, it’s what my car really looked like. My fuel for this vehicle was addiction and self-interest. I changed my car and began a life fueled by Alcoholics Anonymous and helping other people. Now, I drive a convertible. Okay, it’s my Dad’s convertible, but the biggest miracle is that after over a decade of drug use (not to mention nine rehabs), I’m at a place where he actually lets me borrow it! Get A New Vehicle For Life.

Staying Sober Through Prayer and Meditation

Next, Jim Carrey talks about what I’ve come to believe is the most important part of staying sober – meditation. He says, “Meditation allows you to separate from who you are and what is real from the stories in your head. There is a huge difference between a dog that is going to eat you in your mind, and an actual dog that is going to eat you.”

How often do we make up stories in our head of all the horrible things that are going to happen? I do it a lot. Sometimes, it’s weird stuff. I once thought that when I die, I’ll hear Billy Joel’s “Only The Good Die Young” on the radio. So, every time that goddamn song came on, I’d bunker myself in my room and wait until midnight.

A more practical form of this comes from self defeating thoughts like, “I can’t stay sober or get sober or quit heroin or stop drinking.” These are NOT real dogs that are going to eat you. They’re just negative thoughts that you can remove through prayer and meditation. Meditate.

Next, Jim goes into the paragraph at the beginning of this article. He says, “All there will ever be is what is happening here.”

One day at a time. It’s not a cliché when you really believe it. It’s a way of life. Stay in Today.

Jim Carrey’s Commencement Speech is About Living in Love, Not Fear

Fun With Dick and Jane Los Angeles Premiere

“The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear.” – Jim Carrey

There are a number of spiritually based programs that suggest the alcoholic is a producer of confusion, rather than harmony. Jim’s saying the same thing. He’s reminding us to choose love not fear, to choose harmony not confusion. Nothing great was every conceived through fear and confusion. Fear and confusion, as a resource, remind me of Nazi concentration camps. Love and harmony remind me of a beautiful beach, blue skies, sunshine, and lemonade. You choose the place you want to hang out in.

Choose Love.

“So many of us choose our path of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying that I’m proof that you can ask the universe for it.” –Jim Carrey

Getting Sober Isn’t Impossible Because Nothing is Impossible

Jim emphasizes again and again that nothing’s impossible. Yes, you may not have the money for treatment. You may be in jail. You may be a single mother who can’t take twenty-eight days off from the kids, but also can’t stop popping Xanax like Mike & Ikes. It may not seem practical for you to stop using, but that’s just fear yelling in your ear. Fear dances, twerks and shakes its a*s to lure you in. Fear pretends to be practicality when it’s really just fear telling you to make the wrong decision.

Fear can be a lot like a stripper. It pretends to love you. It pretends it will never leave you. It pretends it’s going to go home with you and stop sliding up and down the brass pole. What really happens? When the club closes, you’re alone with no money, crying in your car because “Destiny” ditched you for the table of frat boys. Oh, that Visa pre-paid card your grandma gave you for Chanukah? It’s out of money, by the way.

The practical choice is always the one that’ll make you happy and better the lives of those around you. Both factors need to be in conjunction though.

Asking The Universe For What you Want: A Highlight of Jim Carrey’s Speech

During Jim sobering speech, he said to dare and ask the universe for what you want. Do it. In many cases, we’ve lost so much to our addiction that all we have left is prayer. Turns out, that’s all we need.

You want to be sober? Ask for it. You want to stop drinking? Ask for it. Pray for it, meditate on it, and the answer will come. It has for me. I once prayed everyday for a wife. I went to the beach and prayed. I went back to my car and guess what? There was no hot chick waiting by my Saturn. So, I went to a meeting. This repeated over and over and over and over and over, until I met the woman I’m engaged to, outside that same meeting. If you want it, ask for it!

“You can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love.” – Jim Carrey

Simple, right? Yet why do so many of us not do it? Do what you love! Make yourself happy!

If you like planting things, start a garden. If you like animals, get a job at a animal shelter. Following this rule will ensure that when you die (many years from now!), you’ll be able to say “I did what I love.” How awesome would that be? Do What You Love!

Find Your Way Through Faith

“Take a chance on faith, not hope but faith. Hope walks through the fire, faith leaps over it.” – Jim Carrey

This was the moment when I thought Jim Carrey may actually be Jesus. I haven’t heard a statement of truth this powerful since MLK’s “I Have a Dream Speech.”

Hope is “uh maybe this will work,” or “boy, it’d be cool if I don’t get burned!” Hope is your fingers crossed. Faith is “f**k you fire, I’m jumping over you because I know I can!” Did Moses part the Red Sea? Nope, he didn’t. He had faith so strong that God opened the Red Sea up. His faith made that happen. Have Faith.

Break Your Container

Get A New Vehicle For Life


Stay In Today

Choose Love

Ask For It

Do What You Love

Have Faith

See, you can have a life that is so star-spangled freaking awesome! All you have to do is – Break Your Container, Get A New Vehicle For Life, Meditate, Stay in Today, Choose Love, Ask For it, Do What You Love and Have Faith! That’s a fact brought to you by Jim Carrey.

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