by Sally Rosa | Nov 26, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
What are the 10th Step Promises?
Much like the ninth step promises, the tenth step promises are a section of the Big Book where recovering alcoholics are promised peace and recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Sounds too goo to be true, right? Wrong! The tenth step promises are available for everyone who works for them. They’re guaranteed to you, to me, and to the broken woman who just walked through the door.
Of course, there’s a pretty big caveat here. We have to do the work! These promises don’t just magically happen in our lives. We have to sweat. We have to earn it. We have to earn recovery!
Bill Wilson Wrote –
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
–(Big Book pp. 84-85)
Again, like the ninth step promises, I didn’t know what those words meant until I experienced them. It’s easy to read, “…the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.” To experience that freedom firsthand, though? I can’t describe it. It’s simply freedom.
My Experience with the 10th Step Promises
I’m a tried and true alcoholic and addict. Before picking up a drink, I would use things like attention, controlling my weight, boys, and good grades to feel different. Then I got high. After that, all bets were off.
See, I have the three-part disease of alcoholism and addiction. My body processes alcohol and drugs differently than “a normie’s” body. Once I start, I can’t stop. Of course, stopping wouldn’t be a problem if I never started in the first place.
I always begin to drink again. I always begin to drink until I reached “a position of neutrality – safe and protected.” See, I had a mental obsession with drinking and drugging. Once I started to think about alcohol, I wouldn’t stop until the thought of drinking pushed out all else. I wouldn’t stop until a drink was in my hand.
That’s the heart of alcoholism – the bizarre mental obsession. Did you notice, though, that I wrote in past tense in the above paragraph? That’s because I’ve recovered. I’ve been granted safety from a God of my own understanding. I’ve been set free.
That’s my experience with the tenth step promises. They set me free. When I was newly sober, they offered me hope. My sponsor showed them to me almost immediately. I thank God she did. They showed me that recovery isn’t only possible, it’s promised if I do the work.
See, I have to complete the steps in order for these promises to manifest in my life. Even then, they don’t always occur during the tenth, eleventh, or twelfth step. It takes some women much longer to have them come true in their lives. For some lucky women, the obsession is lifted before they reach the tenth step. Like most of sobriety, these promises are an entirely subjective experience.
The bottom line, though, is if I do the work, if I search within myself and find God, the obsession to drink and drug will be removed. That’s all I can ask for and all I continue to ask for on a daily basis.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 27, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Eight
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down step ten from the chapter “Into Action”
Step Ten
Step ten is “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
This is the cornerstone of our spiritual growth! If we want to continue to grow in the image of likeness of God as we understand God, we must be vigilant! Taking a daily inventory is how we stay vigilant. It’s how we nurture our souls. It’s how we, as women in sobriety, become women of grace and dignity.
It’s important to remember that our daily inventory can take many different forms. It doesn’t have to be a written reflection of our day before bed. It can be a spot check, or throughout the day, inventory. It can be a morning meditation followed by periodic “God check-ins.”
Like most aspects of AA, it’s personal to each woman. Whatever sort of inventory allows us to connect with God is the sort of inventory we should be doing. In fact, the Big Book says,
“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone” (p. 84).
If we take this sort of inventory on a daily basis, our lives change dramatically. Into Action then lists the Tenth Step Promises. This is a wonderful section of the Big Book that requires its own, in-depth, exploration. Expect an article soon!
It’s hard to keep up this level of spiritual action and growth. Into Action addresses this idea, too. It says, “It is easy to let up on our spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe” (p. 85).
That’s the truth! Growing in the image and likeness of a Higher Power isn’t easy! Pain is a great motivator, but what about when our lives get good? What about when pain fades and is replaced by freedom and happiness?
Well, the Big Book reads, “We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition” (p. 85).
If we don’t stay vigilant, if we don’t keep up this level of spiritual growth, we lose our daily reprieve. In turn, the mental obsession returns and we drink. It’s that simple.
Into Action then offers suggestions for how we can carry God with us, despite the many inevitable struggles of life. It says,
“’How can I best serve Thee – Thy will (not mine) be done.’ These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will” (p. 85)
I love this idea! Of course, it’s easier said than done. When I get upset, angry, or experience any strong emotion, it’s hard to keep God’s will at the forefront of my thinking. Still, if I strive to maintain an attitude of God-centered thought, I can’t go wrong.
I also love the idea that once we’ve established a spiritual connection with God, we’re able to use our will effectively. I didn’t get sober to be in constant indecision! I got sober to be a strong and independent woman. I’m always dependent upon God, though.
This idea, of God-consciousness being vital to long-term sobriety, ends the section on the tenth step. Into Actions says, “To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action” (p. 85).
There’s always more action! The book is talking about the eleventh step, which goes hand-in-hand with the tenth. Tune in next week to learn about prayer and meditation!
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 8, 2014 | Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Addiction is a Family Disease…So What?
First, let me say that my brother isn’t a junkie! He’s a great guy with absolutely no substance abuse problems. It was just a catchy title, I swear!
It’s 2014. By now, we all believe and accept that addiction is a disease. More than that, we believe and accept that addiction is a family disease. That means it’s partially genetic in nature and can be passed down through generations of a family. No shockers there. None of that’s a revelation.
What I want to talk about is a little different. I want to talk about are the dynamics of being sober and having family members in active addiction.
Now, I’m the oddball out in my nuclear family. Neither my mom, dad, or brother are addicts or alcoholics. My parents don’t even like to drink. My brother’s a social drinker. If he’s at a party, he’ll have a couple of beers.
However, I do have uncles and cousins who’re active alcoholics. I’ll tell you a little bit about how I’ve dealt with them in my sobriety.
My Experience with Family Members in Active Alcoholism
I come from a large family with a ton of extended relatives. Of these, several of my uncles and cousins are alcoholics. That’s my take, anyway. I have one uncle who, in his forties, still lives with his dad. I have another who, despite being a successful banker, drinks everyday.
As for my cousins, oh man, they’re wrecks. I have two guy cousins who can’t stop getting into trouble. I have a girl cousin with severe anxiety issues who medicates with weed.
My Uncles
My family gets together for every major holiday. That’s mostly where I see my uncles. Being honest here, I haven’t seen either of them drunk or high more than once or twice. Yeah, they’ll drink, and occasionally smoke a joint in the backyard, but they rarely get really loaded.
That isn’t to say they aren’t drinking. They literally always have a beer in their hands. The second they finish that beer, they get another. They’re not shotgunning beers and getting rowdy, but they’re never without alcohol.
My Cousins
When I was younger, I’d get drunk and high with my cousins. My guy cousins love to smoke weed. They’re about the same age as me, so when I was younger, we’d smoke before school. Then during the day, we’d sneak out to smoke more. Basically, we were always blazing. My girl cousin is a bit younger, so we never used together.
Things are different with my cousins than they are with my uncles. I have a history of getting loaded with them. Today, it’s strange to see them at family gatherings. They’re all over twenty-one, so drinking at these gatherings is accepted.
Much like my uncles, my cousins are rarely without a drink in their hands. However, unlike my uncles, they’re actively getting as drunk and high as possible. My guy cousins will smoke weed in the backyard constantly. My girl cousin grew up to love weed, so she’s out there with them. By the end of the night, someone has to drive them home because they’re far, far gone.
Dealing with Family in Active Addiction
It’s important to note, seeing family members use and drink isn’t triggering at all. It definitely is uncomfortable to see them behave in stupid ways, but it isn’t triggering.
But Fiona, you may be asking, why doesn’t it trigger you? Well, dear reader, it isn’t triggering because I’m spiritually fit. See, the Big Book tells us that if we’re spiritually fit drugs and alcohol won’t bother us. To quote a wonderful passage –
“We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p 85).
Once I get in contact with a God of my own understanding, I don’t have to worry about being triggered. I don’t have to worry about alcohol and drugs making me uncomfortable. I do have to worry about keeping in fit spiritual condition.
Staying spiritually fit’s accomplished by helping others, taking a daily inventory, making amends when needed, praying, meditating, and staying honest. So, as long as I do those things, I don’t have to worry about my cousins and uncles drinking and drugging. I pray for them, but I don’t have to be bothered by their use.
It’s that simple! There’s no trick or life hack that makes us okay with others drinking and drugging. Nope, it accomplished through old-fashioned hard work!
