by Sally Rosa | May 21, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
By: Tim Myers
Good Evening People of the United States,
Well, my wife and I are here before you today to announce that the rumors are true. I, Timothy K. Myers, am running for President of The United States of America.
Over the next year my opponents are going to say a lot of things about me. Many of them, probably most of them, will be negative. Some will be true and some will be false. Listen, I can handle any mud they decide to fling. What I cannot handle is lies.
I don’t think it’s okay for politicians to lie to the American people. So, right here, right now, even before my fellow candidates have a chance to tell the world all the horrible things about me, I’m going to do it for them. At least this way, you, the American people, will have the facts.
I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I have not used drugs or alcohol for over four years. I went to a meeting today and I’ll go to one tomorrow. I don’t plan on this changing and I don’t plan on drinking ever again. Yes, obviously, in the past I drank too much and I did some pretty bad things.
This one time I drove drunk…and then I drove drunk about 300 more times. I never got caught. Go ahead check for an arrest record. I did get charged with criminal trespassing though.
I was nineteen and ran on to a professional baseball field drunk (as I’m sure you can imagine). I just wanted to play in the big leagues, you know! Anyway, the cops got one time called because I vandalized my dorm in college. Not just my dorm room, the entire dorm. We threw all the toilets out the window and all the mirrors and all the sinks. I didn’t get in trouble though. See, I informed on my roommate.
I failed out of three colleges, but finally got my music business degree. Not sure that will help me as President, but Jay-Z thinks I’m cool.
I had a bunch of girlfriends and can’t remember most of their names. I’m sure they’ll remember mine though. As soon as I start appearing on TV, you’ll see them on CNN too.
Guess how many rehabs I’ve been to? Nine. That’s a record.
I visited about a dozen crack houses. I bet I’m going to be the only President who did that. I call it getting to know my constituents.
I once was so drunk I got hit by a train… and lived! Now, if you ask me, I want a President who got hit by a train. That’s one tough Commander and Chief.
Oh and I died once. Yup, died. I drove drunk, crashed my car, and my lungs and heart stopped. Thank God for Ben Franklin, ‘cause those paddles shocked me back to life in a hurry! No need for a VP folks. I already died once, it’s not going to happen again. It’s impossible.
Okay, about the drugs, I tired ‘em all except heroin. I mean, I gave Tiffany money to get me some, but she always came back high, with no money, and no heroin for me. I don’t get it. I did love cocaine though.
Also, in the last 4 years I got a job, a career, helped over 100 men stay sober, met a woman, got married, bought a home, bought two cars, a dog, and two cats. I pay my bills, pay my taxes, and people love me.
I made mistakes. I will not make them again. I’ve been in the ditch, so I can show America the way out.
My name is Tim Myers. I am an alcoholic and I am running for President. So, what were those bad things you were going say about me?
by Sally Rosa | May 5, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
By: Tim Myers
I Can’t Do What??
There are so many things in recovery that “they” say you should never ever do.
They say…
You shouldn’t be in a relationship until you have a year. You should never have Redbull. Never smoke or hang out at bars. You should never live by yourself or sleep around and never work too much or never work at all.
They say you should never take money from your parents. Never stay out too late. Never go to clubs or casinos or strips clubs. They say you should never be alone. Never be without a sponsor. Never miss a meeting. Never go to two meetings in a day. Never got to less than two meetings in a day. Never say recovered and never say recovering,
Never swear in a meeting. Never talk about AA at work and never talk about work at AA. Never say your last name. Never say anyone else’s last name. They tell us all the time that we should never put personalities before principals.
Never talk about a step unless we have worked it. They say to never leave the meeting until the Lord’s Prayer is over. Never text during the meeting. We should never be playing games during the meeting, whispering during the meeting, flirting during the meet, emailing during the meeting, Facebooking during the meeting, Instagraming, Googling, Yahooing, Pintersting, Youtubing, Myspacing, or Facetubing.
They say to never live far from your meetings. Never preach. Never quit. Never give up. Never stop sharing. Never stop sponsoring. Never judge. Never let yourself be judged. Never gossip. Never stray. Never walk out before the miracle happens.
Never promote. Never hit on a girl at a meeting. Never hit on a guy at a meeting. Never hit on a girl after a meeting. Never hit on a guy after a meeting.
Never bring in a dog. Never bring in a non-alcoholic to a closed meeting. Never bring in food or drink. Never put your feet on the chairs. Never leave the lights on. Never put nothing in the basket. Never sponsor ‘til you have one year. Never sponsor ‘til you have worked all twelve steps.
The say you should never take prescribed drugs. They say to never loan money. They say to never lie. Never cheat. They say to never steal. Never fight. Never hurt someone. Never post your recovery online. Never take a picture inside a meeting. Never force someone to a meeting. Never show up late. Never leave early.
They say never talk about coke in an AA meeting. They say never talk about heroin or needles in an AA meeting. They say never talk about pills in an AA meeting. They say never talk about acid or ‘shrooms in an AA meeting. They say never talk about weed or food in an AA meeting.
They say never have resentments. Never forget to call your sponsor. Never go to bed mad. Never forget to pray. They say never, never, never, never, never.
They say never drink.
That we all agree with.
That’s the one that matters most.
by A Women in Sobriety | Mar 3, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Women in Recovery
Alcoholics Anonymous, the primary program of recovery from addiction amongst substance abusers worldwide, was founded by – and initially exclusively for – men.
Men would gather for coffee and conversation as their devoted wives met separately and figured out how to cope with the emotional distresses their husbands had caused them over the years. While some of these women undeniably struggled with excessive consumption themselves, it was their duty as wives to support their husbands as they overcame addiction, keeping up the home and caring for the children.
In 1935, the societal role of the female in any matrimonial relationship was relatively cut-and-dry. It was a woman’s responsibility to fulfill expectations of being a good wife and mother, and sweep any personal hindrances under the rug. As times began to change and women’s liberation gained momentum nationwide, ladies began speaking up and seeking help themselves.
While the first female member of Alcoholics Anonymous, Florence Rankin, joined the fellowship in March of 1937, females did not heavily infiltrate the program until the 1960s.
Girls Rule!
The first women in recovery displayed absolutely astonishing amounts of courage, and helped to pave the way for decades of recovering women that came after them. The initial role of women within the fellowship was complicated by numerous factors, and sadly, many wives and mothers found it easier to simply perpetuate the allocated role of committed homemaker than to rattle societal standards.
Not only did gendered structure assume an alcoholic to be male, but there were also fears revolving around the alleged sexual behavior of drinking women – a stereotype that has trickled down for years since and shaped the current prevalence of women in the rooms.
While the innumerable benefits of Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs in the lives of women have been proven time and time again, less than one-third of all fellowship are females. This is due, in large part, to the misguided stereotypes that have followed women throughout history. While these pigeonholes are constantly being disproven, many women fail to seek treatment based on fear of disapproval or the general stigmas relating to women in recovery.
Fortunately, in recent times, being a woman in recovery is not only accepted – it is celebrated! Female-exclusive treatment centers have been established nationwide, and the importance of addiction recovery amongst females has become exceedingly clear.
As women, the only current barriers we face are self-imposed. We are strong, we are capable, and we are deserving. Slowly but surely, the role of women in recovery is growing, and as it does, more and more ladies are casting the hindrances of shame and stigma aside and giving themselves the chance at the fulfilled and joyous lives they so warrant!
This essay was written by Cayla Clark, a woman in recovery and writer for many top south Florida drug rehabs!
by Fiona Stockard | Feb 6, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Is AA a Cult?
Before getting sober, I wanted nothing to do with Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or any other twelve-step fellowship. I was convinced meetings were some sort of cult ritual and everyone in the rooms was a brainwashed zombie. Of course, this couldn’t be further from the truth!
Still, I’ve heard this complaint come up time and time again. Before entering the rooms of recovery, most addicts and alcoholics don’t think very highly of twelve-step principles. And why should they? Twelve-step principles are a complete one hundred and eighty degrees from how we live our lives in active addiction.
There are a million and a half reasons addicts and alcoholics think AA is a cult. I’ll explore some common myths, and why they’re completely false, below. First, though, I’d like to make the bold declaration that twelve-step recovery saved my life. More importantly, it gave me a life that’s so amazing, so indescribably wonderful, that sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.
That should be enough to make anyone give meetings a chance. If it isn’t, well, keep on reading!
I Have to Go to Meetings Forever?
Those still in active addiction tend to make this a huge sticking point. I know I did. I was convinced that going to meetings forever was the worst possible thing that could happen to me.
Here’s a newsflash – you don’t have to go to meetings forever! You only have to go to one meeting a day. I’m living my life one day at a time. I have no idea if I’ll go to meetings in twenty years, but I do know I’m going to one tonight.
Plus, I’ll let you all in on this little secret that people with long-term sobriety don’t like to share. Are you ready? Going to meetings rocks! Where else can I share the most off the wall stuff and have people clap for me and love me?
I Have to Believe in God?
No, you don’t have to believe in God. In fact, you don’t have to believe in anything you don’t want to.
However, if you want to stay sober, you should probably talk to some AA members about a Higher Power. You’ll soon learn that a Higher Power can be absolutely anything you want it to be.
So, find something you’re comfortable with like nature or the ocean. That’s your Higher Power right there. Pretty easy, right?
People in AA are Weirdly Happy All the Time
Yeah, of course people in twelve-step groups are happy all the time! We’ve been saved from death and active alcoholism. We’ve been saved from a life that isn’t a life at all. We’ve gone from existing to living.
Wouldn’t you be happy if those things happened to you? No, we’re not weirdly happy because we’re in a cult. We’re weirdly happy because our lives are amazing. You should try it out sometime.
Isn’t Sober Life Boring?
Want to know some of thoughts about sober life from before I got sober? They went something like – “Oh man, how will I be able to live without going to parties?” or “I can’t imagine talking to boys without drinking a little first.”
I thought that drugs and alcohol made life exciting. They replaced the fear inside of me with false confidence. With this false confidence, I thought life was exciting.
It turns out that life was actually pretty boring. I mean, you tell me which of the following is more exciting. Going kayaking in the ocean with a few good friends or sitting in a room, smoking weed, and watching Comedy Central for eight hours?
Go ahead, which is more exciting? That’s what I thought.
