Oct 27, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Eight
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down step ten from the chapter “Into Action”
Step Ten
Step ten is “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
This is the cornerstone of our spiritual growth! If we want to continue to grow in the image of likeness of God as we understand God, we must be vigilant! Taking a daily inventory is how we stay vigilant. It’s how we nurture our souls. It’s how we, as women in sobriety, become women of grace and dignity.
It’s important to remember that our daily inventory can take many different forms. It doesn’t have to be a written reflection of our day before bed. It can be a spot check, or throughout the day, inventory. It can be a morning meditation followed by periodic “God check-ins.”
Like most aspects of AA, it’s personal to each woman. Whatever sort of inventory allows us to connect with God is the sort of inventory we should be doing. In fact, the Big Book says,
“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone” (p. 84).
If we take this sort of inventory on a daily basis, our lives change dramatically. Into Action then lists the Tenth Step Promises. This is a wonderful section of the Big Book that requires its own, in-depth, exploration. Expect an article soon!
It’s hard to keep up this level of spiritual action and growth. Into Action addresses this idea, too. It says, “It is easy to let up on our spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe” (p. 85).
That’s the truth! Growing in the image and likeness of a Higher Power isn’t easy! Pain is a great motivator, but what about when our lives get good? What about when pain fades and is replaced by freedom and happiness?
Well, the Big Book reads, “We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition” (p. 85).
If we don’t stay vigilant, if we don’t keep up this level of spiritual growth, we lose our daily reprieve. In turn, the mental obsession returns and we drink. It’s that simple.
Into Action then offers suggestions for how we can carry God with us, despite the many inevitable struggles of life. It says,
“’How can I best serve Thee – Thy will (not mine) be done.’ These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will” (p. 85)
I love this idea! Of course, it’s easier said than done. When I get upset, angry, or experience any strong emotion, it’s hard to keep God’s will at the forefront of my thinking. Still, if I strive to maintain an attitude of God-centered thought, I can’t go wrong.
I also love the idea that once we’ve established a spiritual connection with God, we’re able to use our will effectively. I didn’t get sober to be in constant indecision! I got sober to be a strong and independent woman. I’m always dependent upon God, though.
This idea, of God-consciousness being vital to long-term sobriety, ends the section on the tenth step. Into Actions says, “To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further and that means more action” (p. 85).
There’s always more action! The book is talking about the eleventh step, which goes hand-in-hand with the tenth. Tune in next week to learn about prayer and meditation!
Oct 17, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Seven
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down steps eight and nine from the chapter “Into Action”
Step Eight
Step eight is “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Sounds kind of scary, huh?
Steps eight and nine, much like the fourth and fifth steps, have this mystique of fear around them. We make a list of everyone we’ve harmed, go over that list with our sponsor, and make amends. That’s scary stuff for an alcoholic like me, who thrived on avoiding uncomfortable situations and lying to everyone!
We shouldn’t be worried, though. It turns out we already have our eighth step list. See, when we were doing the fourth step, we wrote a list of everyone we’d harmed. That’s our eighth step list right there.
Of course, having this list and working up the courage and willingness to face those people are two very different things! Fear not, dear readers, we just have to pray for willingness. It’ll come. The Big Book promises us that.
Step Nine
Step nine is “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
Now that we have the willingness to go out and make amends, how do we actually make them?
Well, the first thing Into Action tells us to remember is – “To some people we need not, and probably should not emphasis the spiritual feature on our first approach” (76).
Sounds good to me! When I was making amends, I was very hesitant to announce I’d found God. After all, I was living a spiritual life, but most people mistake that for a religious life. I didn’t want to make amends and have the person think I’d become some sort of religious monk!
Next, the book lays out one of the most important distinctions of the ninth step. We’re making amends, not simply apologizing. To wit, “[S]he is going to be more interested in a demonstration of good will than in our talk of spiritual discoveries” (77).
I love that! Making amends demands not only words, but action! Later in the chapter, this idea is once again brought up. “A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won’t fit the bill at all” (83).
You’re right I was sorry…I was living a pretty sorry life! Amend means to change, to alter. We can’t alter past wrongs with an apology. If I stole my mom’s Rolex, saying I’m sorry isn’t enough. Not even close. I need to get her a new Rolex or at least start giving her money (Rolex’s are expensive!).
To really drive this point home, that our amends consist of action and more action, the chapter contains another wonderful quote. It reads, “Our behavior will convince them more than our words. We must remember that ten or twenty years of drunkenness would make a skeptic out of anyone” (83).
Don’t listen to my mouth, watch my feet. Whatever direction they’re going is the truth, is my truth.
Getting back to how exactly to make amends, Into Action offers some great suggestions. I had to make amends to quite a few people I disliked. They cover that. “It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us…His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified by the result” (77-78).
Yeah, making amends to people I disliked sucked. It was SO necessary though. The feeling of peace and spiritual alignment I left those amends with? It was nothing short of pure freedom and serenity.
What about making amends to someone who doesn’t want to hear us? Into Action has that covered, too. It reads, “In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens…It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his [or her] office. We have made our demonstration, done our part” (78).
My sponsor made sure to point that out before I started making amends. “Not everyone is going to take your amends well,” she said, “you may get cursed out a few times.”
Dang! You know what though? It doesn’t matter. I made my amends anyway. I cleaned up my side of the street. I cleared away my wreckage of the past. The rest is in God’s hands. If someone doesn’t want to accept my amends, they have the right to refuse it.
The chapter goes on to give specific examples of owing money, domestic problems, having committed crimes, and generally having been an a*shole. The consensus is that we check with God, our sponsor, and other trusted friends before making amends. After all, sometimes we shouldn’t make a direct amends. Sometimes (and I can’t stress this enough, only sometimes), making a direct amends hurts someone more than it helps.
What do we do in cases like that? Simple. We make an indirect amends. That’s when we do some other sort of good deed to make right the past. In my case, in high school, I stole money from a Hispanic classmate. I didn’t know her name or where to find her. So, I donated the amount of money I stole to a Hispanic charity. This was after a lot of discussion with my sponsor and praying, of course!
Step nine in the Big Book ends by listing the ninth step promises. I’d write them out here, but I think they deserve a more thorough examination. Look for that article soon! And look for the next installment of Faith Facts next week!
Oct 3, 2014 | 12 Steps
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Six
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down steps five, six, and seven from the chapter “Into Action”
Step Five from Into Action
Into Action opens by talking about step five. It reads, “This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs” (72).
That’s the fifth step. Let’s be honest, no one wants to tell someone else everything about themselves. I didn’t. It’s about as uncomfortable a situation as can happen.
There are reasons we need to, though! Without working the fifth step, we usually don’t stay sober. Case in point, the chapter reads, “The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking” (72).
There it is, laid out plain as anything. If we don’t get honest and tell another woman everything about ourselves, we may not be able to stay sober. That was enough to convince me. Well, that and the pain of not trying to change!
Into Action addresses this idea of emotional and mental pain, too. “[S]he is under constant fear and tension – this makes for more drinking” (73). Our actions in active alcoholism are selfish and, usually, harmful to others. This makes our lives pretty tense! I know that was the case for me.
So, to stay sober we need to do a fifth step. Or, to put it another way, to stay sober we need to get honest. What about happiness, though? Turns out we also need to be honest if we want to be happy! “We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world” (73-74).
So, if we want to stay sober and have any level of happiness, we need to work a fifth step. There’s good news, too! Once we share our story, 100% honestly, with another woman, we get this sense of relief.
It’s hard to describe what happens after the fifth step. The best way I can describe it is to say that, for the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe. I felt a different sort of high than I was used to. I felt free.
Into Action describes it this way, “We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but we now begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly” (75).
Sounds appealing, right? Remember, though, we need to keep on doing work! After all, it says “the feeling that the drink problem has disappeared…” It doesn’t say our actual drinking problem has disappeared! That only comes after we complete all twelve of the steps!
Step Six
Before we get into steps six and seven, we need to be sure we’ve completed the first five to the best of our ability. The book reads, “Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done…Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything…” (75).
Once we can say that we’ve worked the first five steps to the best of our ability, being as honest and open as possible, then we’re able to move to step six.
Step six is when we become willing to have God remove our character defects. Remember, we’ve identified a rough outline of our defects through writing a fourth step. For step six, we need to ask ourselves one simple question – “Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?” (76).
Once we’re willing, the sixth step turns into the seventh step.
Step Seven
The seventh step is as simple as asking God to remove our character defects. The cool thing about this step is that we don’t have to 100% mean it when we ask God. As long as we’re willing to acknowledge we have these character defects and continue to ask God to remove them, until we do mean it, we’re good to go.
At this point, we say the seventh step prayer, or some form of it that expresses the same ideas. The seventh step prayer from the Big Book reads,
“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go from here, to do your bidding. Amen” (76).
And just like that, we’re done with the seventh step. Of course, like many parts of AA, this is just the beginning of a lifelong process.
Sep 22, 2014 | Recovery
Why Anonymity Sucks: An Anonymous Perspective
No One Can Pronounce Anonymity
It’s f**king impossible to say. No one ever says anonymity right in meetings! Ammanitiittty? Anomaniny? We’ve all tried and failed. Yeah, admit it, you have, too.
Even now, as I’m writing, spellcheck keeps putting the little red line below that stupid word. Oh, wait, it just shot a popup saying, “Stop, you obviously can’t spell. Just stop!”
Before I get into a bunch of other reasons, I want you to know that my number one, absolute, biggest reason for hating annonimity (f**k, did it again) is grammar and pronunciation.
Anonymity Kills People
Okay, moving on, anonymity sucks because it kills people. Yep, I said it – anonymity kills people. I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “What’s this crazy person mean?” Well, I’m happy to tell you.
Bill W. and Dr. Bob founded AA and it worked very well. It worked extremely well, in fact. AA isn’t a cure for alcoholism, it’s better than a cure. It changes lives. It changed my life.
I’m a much better person for having found AA. Think about it, if I’d just stopped drinking and never came into recovery, I’d just be a basic b***h from upstate New York.
Today, I’m a mature, honest woman. I lead by example. AA made me who I am, yet it remains anonymous! My life was flipped and turned upside down! My disease is in remission, yet no one is supposed to know how that happened. Are you kidding me?!
“This just in to NBC Nightly News. Two men in Ohio cured cancer. We can’t tell you how they did it, because they’re calling it Cancer Anonymous. For more info on how to save your life from cancer, find someone who used to have cancer and ask how you can get involved with Cancer Anonymous. You better hurry though, cancer kills fast.”
How f**king stupid does that sound?
Bill W. famously quipped that if he could change anything in the Big Book, he’d change the line, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path” to “NEVER have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”
If AA works so goddamn awesome, why’d you make it anonymous, Bill? Why’d you make it so hard to find? If we applied this anonymity clause to cancer, the government would swoop in and stop it right away!
Now, I’m not saying we should put up giant billboards saying “AA SAVED MY LIFE.” No, I’m saying put up giant billboards saying “AA SAVED MY LIFE, NEXT MEETING IN FIVE MILES ON THE LEFT, ADMISSION IS FREE.” Tell me that wouldn’t work! You can’t, because it totally would work!
Anonymity Breeds Hypocrisy
AA members are fond of saying we’re only as sick as our secrets. Still, AA wants us to keep our recovery a secret! AA wants me to keep my biggest accomplishment, the thing that saved my life, a secret?! Yeah, right, I’ll get right on that.
If I’m only as sick as my secrets, well, I guess I’m sick right now. Well, if I’m sick right now, I don’t want to be well! The last three and a half years have blown my mind. I wish I could tell you more, but you know, anonymity. Plus, I’m pretty sure Dr. Bob would haunt me in my sleep.
Anonymity Hides Our Success Rate
Know how many people have achieved and stayed sober through AA? No, you don’t? Me neither. Not one single person can find an accurate number or statistic, because of motherf**king anonymity!
Have you ever seen those Passages Malibu commercials? Yeah, we all have. That guy Pax says, “This is not a twelve-step program. This works.” Well, Pax is wrong. Still, we can’t offer evidence to prove him wrong! Know why?, because anonymity has handcuffed our statistics!
Those people who scream and cry that AA doesn’t work haven’t worked the steps. Those quiet people in the back of the room, who say nothing about how well AA works, they’ve worked the steps. So, they remain silent and others die.
Look, I get it, anonymity was important and crucial. In today’s culture, though? In today’s culture, anonymity hurts way more people than it helps.
AA shouldn’t charge money or have spokespeople. It should get out from the shadows, though! It should make itself more available to those who need it. It should let people know that it works 100% of the time, if you follow the steps.
The only way, in my humble opinion, to accomplish this is by getting rid of anonymity.
