by A Women in Sobriety | Feb 24, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Breaking the Stigma
It’s possible to break our anonymity in such a way that we don’t harm the various twelve-step fellowships we belong to. In fact, it’s possible to break our anonymity in such a way that not only are we not harming twelve-step fellowships, but we’re also helping the still sick and suffering.
Isn’t that what recovery is all about? Helping those who are struggling with active addiction? Helping those who can’t, come hell or high water, put down the bottle, the pipe, the syringe?
It was made clear to me very early on that my primary purpose in life was to help those struggling with drugs and alcohol. It doesn’t matter how busy I am. It doesn’t matter what else I have to do. It doesn’t matter if I don’t feel like it. If someone reaches out, I need to always be there to help.
So, with all that in mind, the question becomes how can I help people the best? How can I be of service to the still sick and suffering addict or alcoholic the best?
I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way to help those struggling with addiction, this entire planet’s worth of active addicts, is to break my anonymity. It’s to proclaim from the metaphorical rooftops that I’m a sober woman. It’s to shout at the top of my lungs that yes, I’ve recovered and yes, you can too.
Consider this my coming out, of sorts. I’m an addict in recovery. I’m a sober alcoholic. I’m a self-harmer who hasn’t seen light shine off a blade in years. I’m an eating disorder survivor. I’m depressed but still get out of bed each morning. I’m anxious but still talk to strangers. I’m mentally ill but still take my meds.
Of course, I’m not all of those things, but I might as well be. I’m many of them and the one’s that I’m not, well, I can identify with. The important part is the fact that I’m just like you. Yes, you. You reading this right now. I’m just like you.
I’ve felt the same despair and the same hope. I’ve celebrated and mourned the same things. I’ve been through the same impossible situations. It doesn’t matter if my impossible situations were different in the details than yours. We’re the same.
And, more importantly than anything else I’ve said so far, we can recover. At time it might not seem like it. At times it might seem like we’re doomed to die from our demons, or, even worse, to live with them. But I promise you that’s not the case. I promise you we can recover.
I’ll leave you with a quote that I can’t seem to stop thinking about. It’s from an essay I recently read about addiction and recovery.
The author, David Cohen, is the clinical director for one of the oldest and most respected rehabs in the country. He’s many years my senior. He been educated, I’m sure, at the country’s top schools. He’s a man and I’m a woman. Despite all of that, we’re the same.
We’re the same because we’ve both survived the same disease. A disease of our thinking and a disease of our actions. A disease of dishonesty. A disease that tries its hardest to appear to be anything but a disease. I’m talking, of course, about the disease of addiction.
So, enjoy David Cohen’s words. I certainly did. They triggered something in me that I can’t quite place my finger on. Read them and remember that we can all change!
“It is due time that the recovery community mobilizes to haul addiction out from the depths of dark basements, and into the light of the open and evolving nature of our society. I am proud to be in recovery. I am grateful everyday that I am free from the crippling grips of active addiction. Now is a time for all of us to spread the message of hope and healing to others who are still suffering. No longer should we glamorize addiction, nor should we oust the addicted individual from society, but rather we should join with the force of the current recovery movement to rejoice and celebrate the very human journeys of recovery that continue to emerge among us” (Huffington Post).
by Fiona Stockard | Feb 6, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Is AA a Cult?
Before getting sober, I wanted nothing to do with Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or any other twelve-step fellowship. I was convinced meetings were some sort of cult ritual and everyone in the rooms was a brainwashed zombie. Of course, this couldn’t be further from the truth!
Still, I’ve heard this complaint come up time and time again. Before entering the rooms of recovery, most addicts and alcoholics don’t think very highly of twelve-step principles. And why should they? Twelve-step principles are a complete one hundred and eighty degrees from how we live our lives in active addiction.
There are a million and a half reasons addicts and alcoholics think AA is a cult. I’ll explore some common myths, and why they’re completely false, below. First, though, I’d like to make the bold declaration that twelve-step recovery saved my life. More importantly, it gave me a life that’s so amazing, so indescribably wonderful, that sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.
That should be enough to make anyone give meetings a chance. If it isn’t, well, keep on reading!
I Have to Go to Meetings Forever?
Those still in active addiction tend to make this a huge sticking point. I know I did. I was convinced that going to meetings forever was the worst possible thing that could happen to me.
Here’s a newsflash – you don’t have to go to meetings forever! You only have to go to one meeting a day. I’m living my life one day at a time. I have no idea if I’ll go to meetings in twenty years, but I do know I’m going to one tonight.
Plus, I’ll let you all in on this little secret that people with long-term sobriety don’t like to share. Are you ready? Going to meetings rocks! Where else can I share the most off the wall stuff and have people clap for me and love me?
I Have to Believe in God?
No, you don’t have to believe in God. In fact, you don’t have to believe in anything you don’t want to.
However, if you want to stay sober, you should probably talk to some AA members about a Higher Power. You’ll soon learn that a Higher Power can be absolutely anything you want it to be.
So, find something you’re comfortable with like nature or the ocean. That’s your Higher Power right there. Pretty easy, right?
People in AA are Weirdly Happy All the Time
Yeah, of course people in twelve-step groups are happy all the time! We’ve been saved from death and active alcoholism. We’ve been saved from a life that isn’t a life at all. We’ve gone from existing to living.
Wouldn’t you be happy if those things happened to you? No, we’re not weirdly happy because we’re in a cult. We’re weirdly happy because our lives are amazing. You should try it out sometime.
Isn’t Sober Life Boring?
Want to know some of thoughts about sober life from before I got sober? They went something like – “Oh man, how will I be able to live without going to parties?” or “I can’t imagine talking to boys without drinking a little first.”
I thought that drugs and alcohol made life exciting. They replaced the fear inside of me with false confidence. With this false confidence, I thought life was exciting.
It turns out that life was actually pretty boring. I mean, you tell me which of the following is more exciting. Going kayaking in the ocean with a few good friends or sitting in a room, smoking weed, and watching Comedy Central for eight hours?
Go ahead, which is more exciting? That’s what I thought.
by Sally Rosa | Nov 5, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
You Got it Wrong, Vice
By: David Greenspan
Vice recently published a two-part exposé on the sad state of this country’s for-profit substance abuse treatment centers.
The videos and article centered around the story of Brandon Jacques, your typical American every-kid, who passed away on April 2nd, 2011 in a California detox.
While Brandon’s is a touching and true story, Vice’s damning depiction of the rehab industry left a lot to be desired. Are there problems with this industry? Absolutely. Do they apply to every treatment center? Not at all. Not even a little bit.
Because Vice’s report took the form of Brandon Jacques’ narrative, I thought I’d write an open letter to them about my own narrative. Treatment saved my life. It’s that simple.
How Rehab Saved My Life
I’ve had a problem with drugs and alcohol since I was twelve years old. Right from the get go, I suffered consequences from my drug use. The first time I smoked weed was on school property. I was caught and suspended.
The following year, I sold Ambien to a kid in my school. He had an allergic reaction and almost died. I was once again caught and suspended. You’d think these events would be a wake up call, right? Nope. I was already caught in the cycle of active addiction.
I was sent to my first intensive outpatient program (IOP for short) pretty soon afterwards. Thus began my illustrious career as a rehab client.
By the time I was eighteen, I’d been to three outpatient programs and two jail cells. Each IOP was a for-profit center located in or around New York City. Throughout all three, I drank and drugged. Is that the rehab’s fault? Absolutely not.
Each IOP program went above and beyond while trying to help me. They offered family services for my parents. Counselors spent long hours arguing with me about my drug use, which, by this time, had turned to full-fledged addiction. Counselors took time from their weekends to bring me to twelve-step meetings.
None of it worked. You know why? Because I wasn’t ready to stop. Because I was a full blown alcoholic and addict who, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary, thought everything was fine.
Once I turned eighteen, I entered my first for-profit inpatient rehab. It was one of the many in south Florida. I was out and using six months later. Again, this treatment center went above and beyond for me and my family. To this day, I’m still in contact with counselors, behavioral health professionals, and doctors I met there.
Was it the rehab’s fault I relapsed? Nope. I remember waiting for a bus while being strung out. I was shaking like a leaf, the Florida heat didn’t help one bit. Guess who walks up to me? A behavioral health professional from the rehab. We talked for over an hour. She took me to a meeting and got me into a halfway house.
I was promptly kicked out of the halfway house for getting high. See, that’s what active addicts and alcoholics do. We drink and drug until we’re forced to stop.
The following year, at the ignorant age of nineteen, I entered my second for-profit rehab. By this point, I’d been arrested a handful of times. I’d overdosed more times than I could count. I crashed cars and suffered serious medical consequences as a result of my drug use. I’d burned every bridge I had left. I was done.
This facility, also in south Florida, saved my life. While all the other rehabs went above and beyond, this place was really something. The doctors, counselors, BHP’s, and everyone else working there, were simply amazing. They got me on the right medication. They ran the right groups.
Guess what else happened at that rehab? My insurance ran out. Did they kick me out? Nope. They worked out a payment plan that seemed fair. They continued to treat me. When I had trouble making those payments, they continued to treat me.
See, Vice, there are certainly some shady for-profit rehabs in the U.S. There are certainly places that engage in illegal referrals for kickbacks. There are certainly places that market themselves as “full-service,” despite offering limited treatment options. But not all rehabs are like that. Not even close.
You’re Looking in the Wrong Places, Vice
The Vice exposé focused on luxury California treatment centers and one in Arizona. That’s not really surprising. California has a ton of overpriced and under qualified rehabs. I don’t know about Arizona, but I’d guess they’re the same.
What about south Florida, though? What about Delray Beach, affectionately known as “the recovery capital of the world?”
Now Vice, let me stop you right there. “But David,” they’re saying, “south Florida also has a ton of shady rehabs and halfway houses. Haven’t you read this article?”
I did read it and you’re right, Vice. South Florida has its bad seeds. It has treatment centers, detoxes, and sober living facilities that were founded based on nothing more than greed. It also has a vibrant and one-of-a-kind recovery community.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I work at a for-profit rehab. Does that bias my view about for-profit treatment centers in south Florida and elsewhere? Probably. Does that change the fact that there are plenty of rehabs saving lives left and right? Not one bit.
So, the next time you want to do a report on the treatment industry, Vice, why don’t you try talking to one of them.
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 8, 2014 | Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Addiction is a Family Disease…So What?
First, let me say that my brother isn’t a junkie! He’s a great guy with absolutely no substance abuse problems. It was just a catchy title, I swear!
It’s 2014. By now, we all believe and accept that addiction is a disease. More than that, we believe and accept that addiction is a family disease. That means it’s partially genetic in nature and can be passed down through generations of a family. No shockers there. None of that’s a revelation.
What I want to talk about is a little different. I want to talk about are the dynamics of being sober and having family members in active addiction.
Now, I’m the oddball out in my nuclear family. Neither my mom, dad, or brother are addicts or alcoholics. My parents don’t even like to drink. My brother’s a social drinker. If he’s at a party, he’ll have a couple of beers.
However, I do have uncles and cousins who’re active alcoholics. I’ll tell you a little bit about how I’ve dealt with them in my sobriety.
My Experience with Family Members in Active Alcoholism
I come from a large family with a ton of extended relatives. Of these, several of my uncles and cousins are alcoholics. That’s my take, anyway. I have one uncle who, in his forties, still lives with his dad. I have another who, despite being a successful banker, drinks everyday.
As for my cousins, oh man, they’re wrecks. I have two guy cousins who can’t stop getting into trouble. I have a girl cousin with severe anxiety issues who medicates with weed.
My Uncles
My family gets together for every major holiday. That’s mostly where I see my uncles. Being honest here, I haven’t seen either of them drunk or high more than once or twice. Yeah, they’ll drink, and occasionally smoke a joint in the backyard, but they rarely get really loaded.
That isn’t to say they aren’t drinking. They literally always have a beer in their hands. The second they finish that beer, they get another. They’re not shotgunning beers and getting rowdy, but they’re never without alcohol.
My Cousins
When I was younger, I’d get drunk and high with my cousins. My guy cousins love to smoke weed. They’re about the same age as me, so when I was younger, we’d smoke before school. Then during the day, we’d sneak out to smoke more. Basically, we were always blazing. My girl cousin is a bit younger, so we never used together.
Things are different with my cousins than they are with my uncles. I have a history of getting loaded with them. Today, it’s strange to see them at family gatherings. They’re all over twenty-one, so drinking at these gatherings is accepted.
Much like my uncles, my cousins are rarely without a drink in their hands. However, unlike my uncles, they’re actively getting as drunk and high as possible. My guy cousins will smoke weed in the backyard constantly. My girl cousin grew up to love weed, so she’s out there with them. By the end of the night, someone has to drive them home because they’re far, far gone.
Dealing with Family in Active Addiction
It’s important to note, seeing family members use and drink isn’t triggering at all. It definitely is uncomfortable to see them behave in stupid ways, but it isn’t triggering.
But Fiona, you may be asking, why doesn’t it trigger you? Well, dear reader, it isn’t triggering because I’m spiritually fit. See, the Big Book tells us that if we’re spiritually fit drugs and alcohol won’t bother us. To quote a wonderful passage –
“We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p 85).
Once I get in contact with a God of my own understanding, I don’t have to worry about being triggered. I don’t have to worry about alcohol and drugs making me uncomfortable. I do have to worry about keeping in fit spiritual condition.
Staying spiritually fit’s accomplished by helping others, taking a daily inventory, making amends when needed, praying, meditating, and staying honest. So, as long as I do those things, I don’t have to worry about my cousins and uncles drinking and drugging. I pray for them, but I don’t have to be bothered by their use.
It’s that simple! There’s no trick or life hack that makes us okay with others drinking and drugging. Nope, it accomplished through old-fashioned hard work!
