by Fiona Stockard | Apr 2, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Addiction Treatment
Heroin Addict or Heroin Dealer?
I just read the story of Matthew, a twenty-four year old heroin addict from Texas. Matthew, like many of today’s addicts, was brought up in a solid middle-class household. He’s from a suburb of Dallas and went to a good high school.
Matthew has also been in prison for three years for the sale and distribution of heroin. As of writing this, he’s probably a free man. The article I read was written in mid 2014, just as he was about to be released.
Matthew, I hope you’re free from actual prison and the self-imposed prison of addiction!
Matthew’s story resonated with me because his story could have easily been mine. To hear him tell it, he only sold heroin to support his own habit. How many of us addicts and alcoholics have been in a similar situation? I know I sure have!
While I never sold heroin, I did engage in illegal activities to support my addiction. I’m not proud of that fact, but it’s the simple truth. I’m pretty certain I’m not alone in my actions either. In a society that marginalizes addiction, what other option do addicts have?
While reading it, Matthew’s story raised a number of questions. Should addicts be treated the same as high profile drug dealers? Should addicts be sent to jail instead of the treatment we so desperately need?
Find Matthew’s story below. I hope it touches you all as much as it touched me!
A Quick Downward Spiral
Matthew was introduced to heroin in high school. This was the mid-2000’s and a drug called “cheese” was all the rage. Cheese, for those who may not remember, was a popular form of black tar heroin mixed with Tylenol PM.
After becoming addicted, Matthew started selling small amounts of cheese to support his habit. He’s quoted as saying, “I started selling twenties, thirties, whatever. Mainly to friends and people at my high school. Just some small-time dealing” (Huffington Post).
I can relate to that! Again, I never sold heroin, but I certainly wasn’t a saint during my addiction. I lied, stole, and sold whatever I could get my hands on, narcotic or otherwise.
As his addiction grew, Matthew began to inject heroin. He’s quoted as saying, “I went from snorting to shooting in like six months. I never thought I’d be using a needle. People started off looking for powder and before you know it, you’re going to upgrade” (Huffington Post).
Again, I can relate. I started out swallowing pills. Before long, I moved to sniffing them. Not long after, I was introduced to heroin and fell prey to the needle, as so many addicts do.
Matthew was selling cheese to maintain his personal habit. He soon sold to the wrong buyer, though. The Huffington Post reports,
“It ended when he made some sales to an undercover agent who infiltrated his circle of friends. The DEA was targeting dealers selling to high school students…He’d been using and selling for little more than two years.”
I was addicted to heroin for two years too. From seventeen to nineteen, my life was a train wreck of dishonesty, broken promises, petty crime, and disappointment. Thankfully, I didn’t end up in prison like Matthew, though it was a very real possibility.
Treatment Not Jail
At nineteen years old, I went to an inpatient treatment center. It was my second in as many years. I was spared the punishment Matthew received. I was afforded a real chance at the so-called rehabilitation that prisons claims to offer.
Imagine if all those who need treatment received it! Imagine if instead of prison, addicts were offered substance abuse treatment! What a difference that would make!
Sadly, that’s not the world we live in. It is, however, a worthy goal to work towards. Organizations like Faces & Voices of Recovery are advocating for addiction laws to be changed nationwide.
And that’s just one advocacy group! There are thousands more like them across the world, all with one common goal – to break the misunderstanding and stigma surrounding addiction and recovery.
What a great goal! If even a small number of these groups succeed, I believe we’ll see a real shift away from jailing addicts and towards offering affordable treatment options.
Imagine if Matthew was placed in rehab instead of jail. Then, maybe he’d be writing this essay today. Maybe he’d be offering his experience and strength to the still sick and suffering addict. We can only hope.
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 28, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
What Do I Do If a Loved One Relapses?
Relapse is a part of recovery. It’s an unfortunate part, but a part nonetheless. It’s like the sky being blue, grass being green, or Taco Bell being the tastiest fast food. Addicts and alcoholics relapse. It’s that simple.
So, what happens when someone close to us relapses? It could be a family member, friend, roommate, significant other, sober support, or even a sponsor. What happens to us when they pick up that drink? What are our options?
This is a selfish way of looking at things, but an absolutely vital one to preserve our own sobriety! This goes double if you’re in early-sobriety when a loved one relapses.
What do we do? Find some of my (hard won) advice below. I hope it helps!
Limit Contact
This one’s kind of obvious, but limit your contact with a relapsing loved one! Now, this might be hard depending on who it is that decided to pick up a drink or drug. It’s one thing to limit contact with a friend, it’s a whole other thing to limit contact with a significant other!
If it’s at all possible, don’t spend as much time with them. See them only in social settings. Don’t hang out with them late into the night. Take these general precautions to protect your own sobriety!
These might sound harsh, but remember – it’s easier for a relapsing loved one to take us out, than it is for us to get them back into the rooms.
Don’t See Them Alone
This goes along with limiting contact. Don’t hang out with your relapsing loved one alone!
I know what you’re thinking. “But So and So loves me! He or she would never use around me. I’ll be fine!” Guess what? You’re probably right. 99% of the time you will be fine. It’s that 1% that makes seeing a relapsing loved one alone dangerous.
Remember, you’re dealing with the disease of addiction and alcoholism. It overwhelms us all. It doesn’t matter how much your loved one cares about you. If they’re drinking and drugging, all that love goes out the window. That’s just how it is.
Seek Professional Help
Seeking professional help can take a few different forms depending on who in your life relapsed.
Let’s say it’s your significant other. Well, then seeking professional help could include going to marriage therapy, going to couples therapy, joining a support group like Al-Anon, or simply placing your loved one in treatment.
Let’s say it’s a friend that relapsed. If that’s the case, seeking professional help could take the form of attending a support group, going to more twelve-step meetings, or even planning an intervention (with an interventionist, of course!).
Let’s say it’s a family member. In this case, maybe you should attend family therapy. Whatever form it takes, don’t be afraid to turn to the professionals. After all, there’s a reason they’re called professionals!
Encourage Them!
This might also be kind of common sense, but I see it get neglected a lot! Remember, your loved one is in a lot of emotional, mental, and spiritual pain. They’re drinking, using, and engaging in harmful and selfish behavior. They could use some kind words!
So, if someone close to you starts drinking or drugging, tell them some of the things your sponsor tells you. It’ll help more than you know.
Pray For Them
And here we’ve reached the most important thing (in my humble opinion anyway!) you can do for a loved one who’s relapsing. Pray for them! It’s that simple.
Alcoholism and addiction are diseases of powerlessness. Addicts and alcoholics are powerless over drugs and booze. They’re powerless to say no. They need something more powerful than they are to help.
That’s where a God of our own understanding enters the picture. This God is much more powerful than any drug or drink.
So, say a prayer for your loved one. It’s one of the simplest, and most powerful, things we can do!
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 16, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
How Do You Tell a Child You’re Sober?
I don’t have children, so this is a hypothetical question for me. For many women (hell, for many men!) in recovery, it’s a very real question. How do you explain to your kids that mommy or daddy is a recovering alcoholic?
I’ve been in meetings where there are young children present. This rocks for two reasons. First, they’re kids and they’re so cute! Second, it shows a huge level of dedication to sobriety. Think about it – the child’s parents are so committed to staying sober that they’re willing to bring their child to a meeting. My metaphorical hat is off!
I always wonder, though, what the child thinks. Do they understand the seriousness of what’s going on? Can they pick up on the life or death struggle that alcoholics deal with? Do they think mommy and daddy’s friends are a bunch of tattooed weirdos?
So, with that in mind, I’ve gathered some of my thoughts about explaining addiction and recovery to children. They may be wonderful, awesome, one-of-a-kind thoughts. They may stink. I’m not sure! Like I said, I’m not a parent.
It’s my hope that the following can help someone struggling with the frightening question of how to best tell their kid that they’re a sober woman of grace and dignity!
Be Open & Honest From a Young Age
Children are smart! They pick up on then we give them credit for. If you bring your kids to meetings, or even if you used to drink around them, I’m sure they’ve figured out that something’s up.
So, lay it all on the table. Tell them that you used to drink or drug and no longer do. Don’t go into your war stories, or share details that are inappropriate, but be open and honest.
I’m speaking from personal experience. I have an aunt who’s sober. While being an aunt is different from being a parent, the same principles apply. When I started to get into trouble with drugs and booze, she sat me down and explained her past struggles.
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back I appreciate her reaching out so much!
Have Your Sober Supports in Their Life
Did someone say free babysitting? I kid, I kid!
All jokes aside, introduce your sponsor to your children. After all, she’s the woman who taught you how to live. She’s the woman who gave you the chance to be a responsible parent. I’m sure your kids will adore her!
Sober supports, sponsor or otherwise, are the lifeblood of recovery. They’re the reason we’re sane members of society! At least, they are for me! Remember what I said about children picking up on things? I’m willing to bet they’ll pick up on your sober supports’ serenity and peace.
When the day comes that I have kids, I can’t think of a woman I want them to meet more than my sponsor!
Let Them Read the Big Book When They’re Old Enough
Although there are sections of the Big Book that aren’t suitable for children, most of it is a great lesson in how to be selfless, patient, giving, and responsible. What more could a child ask for? Well…probably some video games!
Really, though, Bill, Dr. Bob, and the first one hundred managed to write an amazing manual on how to live the type of life everyone wants. They managed to write about how to be happy, joyous, and free.
That seems like the kind of lesson to pass on to a child!
Include Them in Your Prayer & Meditation
This is, for me anyway, the most important part about telling a child you’re in recovery. Although sober supports are the lifeblood of sobriety, prayer and meditation are sobriety itself.
What better way to expose a kid to what recovery is really about then involving them in your prayer life? They’ll learn that, no matter what, they can turn to a Higher Power for help.
In today’s tumultuous world, that seems like a priceless gift.
by Sally Rosa | Nov 3, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
As Ebola Panic Dies Down, Let’s Talk about Addiction
A number of new polls show that Americans are less worried about an Ebola outbreak than they were last week! Three cheers for doctors and first-world medical care!
According to Bloomburg Politics, 69% of Americans were “somewhat or very concerned” about Ebola in early October. As of October 29th, that number dropped to 61%.
Also, according to Fox News, a mere 59% of Americans believe Ebola will spread throughout the country. Again, three cheers for medicine!
What does Ebola have to do with Sobriety For Women? I’m asking myself the same question. Well, according to a controversial Huffington Post article, we should be talking about the addiction epidemic, not the Ebola epidemic.
The Real Cost of Addiction
According to Huffington Post, and more importantly the C.D.C., the scope of addiction is staggering. Really, some of these numbers are unbelievable.
Consider the following facts and statistics:
- In 2012, overdoses were the leading cause of death injury. In fact, overdoses killed more people in the twenty-five to sixty-four age bracket than car accidents.
- In 2012 alone, 41,502 people died after overdosing. Over half of these deaths were due to pharmaceutical overdoses (oxycodone, Vicodin, Xanax, etc.).
- There’s been a 117% increase in overdose deaths from 1999 to 2012.
Okay, those are some alarming numbers! More important than shocking numbers, though, is the human cost of addiction.
What if it was YOUR Loved One?
That’s a scary question. I don’t particularly want to think about what my family would have gone through if I’d died as a result of my overdoses.
It’s important to ask though. It’s questions like “what if my sister overdosed and died?” and “what if my daughter overdosed and died?”, that are going to change the conversation about addiction. Remember, we can all change! We can also all change the conversation!
Right now, the public generally views addiction as an unpleasant and misunderstood disease. That last part’s important– a misunderstood disease. While addiction is undoubtedly a disease, this way of thinking tends to dehumanize its victims.
Women in Recovery are More Than Statistics
By adding a personal touch to addiction stories, by adding a face and a smile, the public won’t be able to dehumanize addiction any longer.
Women in recovery aren’t merely statistics. We’re not numbers to be spewed out like an afterschool special. We’re people! We’re daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, cousins, friends, girlfriends, wives, and so much more! We’re spiritual warriors fighting each day to make the world better!
We’re the human face of addiction. Reminding the world that we’re sober addicts and alcoholics (and so much more!) is what’s going to make the addiction dialogue shift.
Our lives and our stories are going to change the conversation from the Ebola epidemic, to the addiction epidemic, to the blessings of recovery!
