Being an Alcoholic with an Anxiety Disorder
Addicted to Recovery
Hi, I’m Krissy and I’m an alcoholic. I grew up in a small town on the outskirts of Boston. From as far back as I can remember, I felt apart from, instead of a part of. Until I found alcohol, anyway!
I can’t remember when I learned how to tie my shoes or what my first birthday was like, but I can tell you EVERYTHING about my first drink. I can tell you where I was, who I was with, what I was wearing, even what the weather was like! After that first drink, I couldn’t imagine living my life without alcohol. For me, alcohol was a channel, a way to be comfortable in my own skin. I never realized it was going to be a catalyst for grave destruction.
In my early twenties, I worked as a bartender and went to college. Daytime drinking and partying all night were normal. Needless to say, I soon crossed that invisible line where alcohol was a need and no longer a want. I’d tell myself I needed alcohol to feel normal, or that I’d just have one. Turns out one drink is too many and a thousand drinks are never enough. When the party was over, when everyone was moving on with their lives, I was left alone. I was left alone with my disease.
It wasn’t too long before I found myself suffering from an anxiety disorder. I unsuccessfully tried to fix this with alcohol. Panic attacks dominated daily life, which, in turn, fueled my addiction. The only solution I knew was alcohol.
By now, I was drinking every night, often to the point of functioning blackouts. I found myself in jails, hospitals, and more unfamiliar places than I can count, but I still wasn’t willing to admit I had a problem. However, I was willing to quit drinking for long stretches. Of course, these would be followed by destructive relapses. Half-measures availed me nothing!
I was told, on my last trip to the ER, if I continued down this road, I’d die. By the next morning, I was willing to admit total surrender to my disease. I admitted that I was an alcoholic, powerless and hopeless. I crawled my ass into a sunrise meeting, broken and scared. This is when my recovery journey began.
Honesty, openness, and willingness were taught to me. I walked through hell for over a decade and I was finally ready to experience freedom. I opened up my heart and my mind. Amazingly, the mental obsession began to lift and people could see glimpses of my old self peaking through.
Today, I am truly grateful to feel what it’s like to be recovering from my disease. I’m finally at peace with my past. I have a sponsor, work the steps, and participate in service to keep myself focused in my recovery. My life has miraculously changed and for that – I’m truly grateful.
How Do I Quit Drinking On My Own?
One Woman’s Story of Quitting Alcohol
I’ve wanted to quit alcohol for awhile now. It’s been years since I could control and enjoy my drinking. I’ve tried to regulate and cut down with little success. Whenever I do, it isn’t fun. I don’t have a good time and I ALWAYS go back to out of control drinking.
So, I went looking for a successful way to quit drinking. I listened to meditations while I slept. I drank non-alcoholic beer. I took up exercise and other activities. Nothing worked! After a ton of research, I found something that did.
How I Quit Drinking
I wrote down the pro’s and con’s of drinking. I put them on paper to see, right in front of me, the truth about what happens when I drink. Some of the pro’s included: drinking helps me unwind, it helps me have fun, and it helps me be more outgoing.
Okay, those are all good things. Still, I had a ton more con’s. These included: strained relationships, lack of energy, lack of accountability, depression, and guilt. There were about 500 more!
So, my con’s far outweigh my pro’s. I made up my mind for good. I was done drinking. Here’s what I did next –
Before You Quit
Depending on how much you drink, you should check with your physician before quitting. Scratch that, check with your physician no matter how much you drink. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. Besides, alcohol withdrawals can be deadly! If you need help, get help.