by Sally Rosa | Jun 16, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
One Question? It’s Really That Simple?
First, let me say that nothing written below is original. I didn’t come up with any of it. They’re my words, but the ideas all belong to twelve-step fellowships.
With that disclaimer out of the way – do you think you’re an alcoholic? Maybe you’re drinking too much on weekends. Maybe you’re drinking too much on weekdays. Maybe you’re drinking in the morning, at work, and until you pass out at night.
We all have different definitions of what alcoholism is. There’s the medical and scientific definition, the twelve-step definition, the treatment definition…the list goes on.
With all these conflicting definitions, how can anyone ever REALLY be sure they’re drinking alcoholically?
Well, dear readers, time spent in active alcoholism and in recovery have given me an answer! It’s a question to ask yourself. It’s pretty straightforward and commonsense. It shouldn’t be hard to answer either.
Can I Picture a Life Without Alcohol?
That’s it. From my time spent in the rooms of recovery (almost ten years), I’ve learned that asking yourself this simple question can speak volumes.
Can I picture a life without alcohol? If the answer is yes, then you’re probably not an alcoholic. If booze isn’t that important to you, if it’s merely something that enhances social situations or relieves a bit of stress, then you’re 99.9% not an alcoholic.
Can I picture a life without alcohol? If the answer is no, then you’re in trouble. If you absolutely cannot picture a life in which you don’t drink, something’s wrong. It doesn’t 100% mean you’re an alcoholic, but it does make things complicated.
But Fiona, you might be saying, I can’t picture a life without alcohol…but it’s only because I want to drink at my wedding!
Guess what? That’s alcoholic thinking. Again, it doesn’t mean you’re 100% an alcoholic, but that’s the type of thinking I displayed time and time again in active alcoholism.
See, my wedding isn’t guaranteed. I think I’ll get married one day, but it’s in the future and I can’t predict the future. So, if I can’t picture getting married without drinking, well, things are already looking bad. That means I can’t picture a future date, which may or may not happen, without alcohol!
Sounds a bit alcoholic to me!
Not Convinced?
Still not convinced that this simple question can help determine if you suffer from alcoholism or not? Fair enough. It’s a bold claim, right? Saying that a single question can accurately gauge a complex mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical disease is a bit of a stretch.
It’s not too much of a stretch though. Most good things in this world (religion, government, etc.) are based on simple ideas. Alcoholism is no different.
Religion is based on the idea that being connected to God and living a good life will payoff in eternity. Government is based on the idea that civilizations need a source of order and protection. Alcoholism is based on the idea that alcohol fills a void in the alcoholic.
If you can’t picture life without alcohol, well, you’re probably using it to fill a void inside your heart and soul. I say this as someone who struggled with that void for years. Guess what I eventually found out?
No amount of booze can make me feel whole. The only way I know to be “happily and usefully whole” is to be sober and be of service to others.
If you think you have a problem with alcohol, ask yourself that question. Ask yourself if you can picture a life without alcohol. Ask yourself honesty and answer honestly.
The answer may just surprise you.
by A Women in Sobriety | Aug 20, 2013 | Drug Addiction
Discover the Truth About Yourself
How do I know if I’m an elephant? How do I know if I’m a tiger? How do I know if I’m an alcoholic? Well, if you have a trunk and you’re the largest land mammal around, you’re an elephant! If you’re a wild cat with orange and black stripes, are owned by Siegfried and Roy (or if you’re a professional golfer with a Nike endorsement and have cheated on your wife), you’re a tiger! Those two are easy.
How do you know if you’re an alcoholic, though? That isn’t an easy question to answer. Unlike being an elephant or tiger, appearances and behaviors aren’t exclusive signs of alcoholism. Yes, alcoholics have some general characteristics, but there aren’t any exclusive traits. That homeless guy holding a sign and sleeping under a bridge? He’s probably an alcoholic, but all alcoholics aren’t homeless. So, the answer to whether you’re an alcoholic is elusive and, at times, subjective. How do we answer this question? How can I tell if I am an alcoholic?
My Moment of Clarity
Well, a few years ago, I was in upstate New York. I was in a hair salon, asking myself this very question. I was reading Reader’s Digest, while the toxic fumes of AquaNet burned my nose. A few pages into Reader’s Digest, I saw a questionnaire titled “How Do I Know If I’m an Alcoholic?” It was a multiple-choice, ten question test. I was like “perfect! I’ll finally know!”
I borrowed a pen from the front dest and began to answer the first question. As soon as my pen hit paper, an eighty-year old woman snatched the magazine from my hands. “Oh, honey, only alcoholic’s take that test,” she said. “I’m not an alcoholic, just curious.” I replied. She smiled and shook her head. “No, you’re not just curious, you’re an alcoholic.”
Okay, now I’m getting pissed. This old broad has no idea who I am and here she is judging me! She’s judging me just because I wanted to take some stupid Reader’s Digest quiz! Somehow, I kept my cool and asked her “how do you know I’m an alcoholic?”
“Well, the non-alcoholic person doesn’t wonder. They don’t ask themselves questions, they don’t even let the thought cross their mind, See, for them, being an alcoholic isn’t even an option, because alcohol isn’t that important to them. They don’t need it. So, if they had couple rough nights, or even a rough couple of weeks, they stop and that’s it. But, the person who puts pen to that test is struggling with the idea of alcoholism. They’re wrestling with the concept of not drinking. They’re fighting against the idea of a better life without alcohol. That’s how I know you’re an alcoholic! Plus, your car has an empty bottle in the back seat, your eyes are bloodshot from last night, and you still smell like booze,” she replied. She knew!
It turned out she was a recovering alcoholic herself, with over forty years in recovery. Guess what else. It turned out she was right. I was an alcohol. How did she know and I didn’t? How did she know YEARS before I did?
Well, if I’m wondering if I’m a tiger, I’m going to get the best possible answer from a tiger. If I’m wondering if I’m an alcoholic, I’m going to get the best possible answer from another alcoholic. We know what despair feels like. What know what despair smells like, looks like, walks like, and talks like.
So, if you’re asking yourself if you may be an alcoholic, go to a meeting and ask someone. Ask someone with a few years sober. Hell, ask someone with a few months sober (who’s worked the steps, of course). They may tell you “yes.” They may tell you “no.” Regardless, they’ll be able to help like no one else.
