by Sally Rosa | Jan 30, 2015 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
My Experience Switching Sponsors
My first sponsor had around six months when she started taking me through the twelve-steps. Despite not having a ton of time, she’d been through her steps, had a spiritual experience, and was ready to spread a message of hope and recovery.
We didn’t have that much in common, aside from both being alcoholics. She was much older than I was, although at nineteen almost everyone was much older than I was! She taught Social Studies and coached baseball at a local high school. She was married. She had money in the bank.
I could continue this list, but I think you all get the idea. We were brought together by the twelve-steps and the need to live our lives on spiritual principles. She began to take me through the steps. Six months later, I’d finished my steps and she’d picked up her one-year medallion.
It was around this time, when I started sponsoring women, that I began to think about switching sponsors. Don’t get me wrong, my original sponsor saved my life. I’m going to spend the rest of my days working off that debt by helping other women.
Still, we didn’t have much in common. I wanted a sponsor that was closer to my age and had similar experiences, both in active addiction and recovery. So I started “shopping around” as my friends call it.
On the Hunt for a New Sponsor
All of a sudden, meetings took on a whole new meaning. Not only was I going to spread the message of recovery, I was also going to see what other women had to say. Of course, that’d always been one reason for meetings, but now it took on a new importance.
I reached out, got a ton of phone numbers, and put together a list of potential sponsors. I prayed, meditated, and asked God for guidance. I also ran some of my potential ideas by another alcoholic.
God works in mysterious ways, my friends! Guess who I ended up asking to sponsor me? The woman I ran my list by! I’m getting ahead of myself though.
I called this woman up and we talked for a couple of hours. She gave me a piece of advice that’s stuck with my ever since. This is also the advice that made me realize she was the perfect sponsor for me.
She said, “Whoever you pick, make sure they’re someone who’s always been there for you in the past.” That was God talking to me through another alcoholic! That was what I’d been praying and meditating for. Those were the words I’d been waiting to hear.
Actually Switching Sponsors
After we got off the phone, I said another prayer. I then called the woman who’d taken my through the steps. I was so nervous! I thought she was going to be angry and never talk to me again!
It turns out, like most things in sobriety, that I was up in my head for nothing. She completely understood and even acknowledged some of what I’d been thinking. We ended the phone call closer than we’d been previously! God certainly does work in mysterious ways.
I then called my new sponsor (though she didn’t know it yet!) and asked her to sponsor me. She said yes and the rest, as they say, was history. That was almost six years ago and I haven’t looked back since.
I heard a simple and profound saying early in my recovery. It went something like “if you don’t think you have the best sponsor in the world, you picked the wrong woman.”
I’ve been blessed in my sobriety with two amazing sponsors. What more can a girl ask for?
by Fiona Stockard | Nov 28, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Thirteen
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down a section of the chapter Working With Others.
Working With Others
Part of getting sober is learning how to deal with our families. By deal, I don’t mean begrudgingly exist with them! No, I’m talking about being helpful, kind, patient, and loving.
That’s new for most of us! It was for me anyway. Prior to sobering up, I was nothing but a drain on my family and loved ones. It was hard to start giving instead of taking. It was hard to start comforting instead of being comforted.
My new relationship with my family began after I’d made amends and shown them that I meant business. Working With Others echoes this idea. It reads,
“When your prospect has made such reparation as [s]he can to his [or her!] family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principals by which [s]he is living, [s]he should proceed to put those principals into action at home” (p 98).
Before I cleared away the wreckage of my past, I wasn’t able to live on spiritual principals. Once I’d made amends and, more importantly, incorporated the ideas behind my amends into my life, well, that’s when things began to change. That’s when I stopped blaming my dad for all my mistakes. That’s when I stopped arguing with my mom about every little thing.
Again, Working With Others emphasis this. It says, “[S]he should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like the plague” (p 98).
That’s much easier said than done! For me, learning how to live in harmony, peace, and usefulness with my family was a trial and error process. After enough errors, I started to get it right!
Then there’s the idea of continued sobriety and spiritual growth. Simply telling my parents and brother I was sorry, then continuing to act on old behavior, wasn’t going to cut it. Nope. I had to live a completely new way of life. A.A. puts it like this,
“…the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that [s]he can be sober, considerate, and helpful, regardless of what anyone says or does. Of course, we all fall much below this standard many times. But we must try to repair the damage immediately…” (p 99).
What happens if we don’t get our family back, though? What happens if our drinking and drugging was so bad, took us to such a dark place, that our family wants nothing to do with us? Well, we can still get better!
Getting sober with the support and love of family is the easier path. Just because they may not want a relationship, though, doesn’t mean we can’t still heal. The only person we need a relationship with is God. Working With Others reads,
“Let no alcohol say [s]he cannot recover unless [s]he has his [or her!] family back. This just isn’t so…Remind the prospect that his [or her] recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his [or her] relationship with God” (pp 99-100).
That’s the truth. I was lucky because, despite hurting them time and time again, my family gave me another chance. That’s not always the case. If they hadn’t wanted me in their life, I’d still have been okay as long as I had God in my life.
It’s that simple. God is or God isn’t. God is everything or God is nothing. You choose.
So, what happens once we have God in our lives? Well, A.A. says, “Both you and the new [wo]man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen” (p 100).
Remarkable things? Sounds good to me. Where do I sign up?
Tune in next week for another installment of Faith Facts Friday with Fiona!
by Fiona Stockard | Nov 14, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Eleven
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be breaking down a section of the chapter Working With Others.
Working With Others
Picking up from last week, Working with Others urges us to use simple language when working with sponsees. It reads, “…you had better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There is no use arousing any prejudice…” (p. 93).
Remember, the goal of sponsorship, of any service work, is to be helpful. We can’t be helpful if we’re using ten-dollar words! That’s only going to confuse people.
What about working with newcomers who have strong religious backgrounds? Don’t worry, the chapter has that covered too. It says –
“Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours…But he will be curious to learn why his own convictions have no worked and why yours seem to work so well…To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action” (p. 93).
This is absolutely true! I’ve worked with many women who know more about a particular religion than I do. Their knowledge didn’t keep them sober though. This goes back to one of the pillars of A.A. – knowledge isn’t enough to achieve and maintain sobriety.
Self-knowledge doesn’t work. Religious knowledge doesn’t work. Knowledge in any form isn’t enough. We need, as the Big Book says, “self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.”
How do we get to action? Simple. Working with Others says, “Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him” (p. 94).
There you have a very vague description of the twelve-steps. Our self-appraisal is the fourth step. Straightening out our past is the ninth step. Being helpful to others is the twelfth-step.
Through working these steps (and the other nine!), we have a spiritual experience. And that, my friends, is what sobriety is all about!
Getting back to helping newcomers, the chapter touches upon some common roadblocks we, as sponsors, experience. It says –
“Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic housecleaning which requires discussion with other people” (p. 94).
and –
“Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action” (p. 94).
and –
“If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind” (p. 95).
and finally –
“If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us” (p. 95).
I can’t overstate these enough! Not everyone who asks for our help will really want it. I’ve sponsored more than my share of women who call for a few weeks, maybe even work the first couple of steps, and then disappear.
On the flip side, I’ve been that woman! I pulled the disappearing act myself. I had quite a few sponsors before I actually worked the steps.
What made this last time different? I’m not sure. I think I was ready to commit to going through all of the steps. I didn’t pull the disappearing act. I stuck around.
Guess what? It’s led to a life beyond my wildest dreams!
