by Sally Rosa | May 16, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Safe Sex in Sobriety
Written By: Anjelica G
Hey, remember those safe sex presentations they gave in school and treatment centers? Yeah, of course you do, they were also known as nap time! Remember what was said in those presentations? Nope, me neither. They were boring as hell and pretty f**king unrealistic. Who stops in the heat of the moment and says, “Hey Bobby, I can see we’re about to start bumpin’ uglies but first I need you to answer a few questions. How many sexual partners have you had? Do you have any STD’s? Do you like STD’s? When was the last time you were tested? Ever use needles? Ever share needles? What about butt-sex? I just want to be safe!”
Are women in recovery practicing safe sex?
No One’s Using Condoms
Let’s be honest here, no ones asking those questions. No one cares. No one’s using condoms and certainly no one’s using dental-dams or whatever the hell they things are called. Asking a guy to put a condom on is enough of a boner-kill, imagine what would happen if you whipped a dental-dam out of your pocket. Yup, you’ll never see him again. You might as well just hop up and take a cold shower, honey.
Who the f**k has safe sex anymore? But more importantly, why don’t we? Listen, I’m a woman in recovery (with a past that makes Anna Nicole Smith look like a saint) and even I just sat here for a good twenty minutes trying to think of a reason why we don’t practice safe sex. There isn’t a reason.
Is it laziness? Do we truly believe that we’re forever exempt from STD’s? Hey, Magic Johnson is still alive and kicking. Maybe we just don’t care? I really have no idea!
I’m not going to write all the dangers of unprotected sex because everyone knows them and if you don’t you’re just dumb. So, if we all know it’s bad, why do we still do it so goddamn much?
IF ANYONE SHOULD BE HAVING SAFE SEX, IT’S DRUG ADDICTS!
I see a common pattern with women in recovery. Broken, insecure women go into treatment and fall in love with some day-one-dingbat who doesn’t understand how to put his life together. For some reason, these young women always say the same thing, “Bobby understands me.” No, he doesn’t! Bobby only understands that you have a zipper on your pants and it goes down!
Once Bobby and Whitney get out of treatment, they think their rehab romance is going to last forever. What do they do? They drive the good ol’ skin bus into tuna town. They don’t think of the huge risks associated with unsafe sex. They don’t think of the even bigger risk of having unprotected sex with an IV drug user, who’s just short of thirty days clean from his three year meth and heroin bender. Sounds like you’re keeping it real safe, Whitney.
You Can’t Fix It Later
See, as addicts, we’re stubborn. We don’t learn ‘till we crash. However, STDs aren’t, in most cases, things we can fix later.
You never know if the “man” you’ve been sleeping with has been sneaking out of his halfway house to meet up with those classy chicks from backpage.com. You never know if the “man” you showed your tata’s to, behind the dumpster of your local twelve-step clubhouse, has been sharing needles with BooBoo, the HEP-C infested homeless cowboy.
So, saddle up there sweetheart, you’re in for a ride – a ride to and from the hospital, several times a month, to treat your brand new STD.
There’s no women’s treatment center you can check into to get rid of HIV. There’s no twelve-steps that help you recover from Hepatitis. No, The Doctor’s Opinion isn’t about how to cure an STD. Being a woman in early sobriety, you’re already emotionally vulnerable – don’t make your bodies vulnerable, too.
by Sally Rosa | Apr 18, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Body Image / Eating Disorders
Facebook Is The Biggest Thing Around
In the HBO show Girls, Shoshanna and Jessa have the following conversation –
Shoshanna: Your not serious, that’s like not being on Facebook!
Jessa: I’m not on Facebook.
Shoshanna: You’re so f**king classy.
Since way back in 2004, when Facebook started, it’s been a HUGE part of our society in every way. Facebook lingo has infiltrated our language with “likes” and “add me” becoming common phrases. Hell, Facebook’s even had a major motion picture made about it. When the company went public in 2012, they had a market value of over one hundred billion dollars. One hundred. Billion. Dollars. Dang!
Facebook isn’t without its haters though. Many people believe it’s ruined our culture and society. They argue that we’re so obsessed with capturing and posting our lives, that we miss out on them! This has gotten even worse since smartphones came out. Today, people go into a state of panic if they’re missing their phones.
So, How Is Facebook Detrimental to Women in Early-Recovery?
I think it’s obvious that Facebook is a dangerous place for women who tend to compare themselves. Who doesn’t have the tendency to do that every once and awhile?
In another Girl’s scene, Marni finds a picture of her recent ex-boyfriend on vacation with his new girlfriend. What twenty-something can’t relate to Facebook stalking an ex?
For women in recovery though, social media is a perilous place. For people trying to live by spiritual principles, looking at Facebook and judging, or becoming jealous, leads to a place far away from God.
In early-recovery, seeing others drinking and drugging can be difficult. Scratch that, it IS difficult! Glorifying the party lifestyle, while trying to stay sober, is dangerous. On the flip side, seeing friends from high school and college having success is also hard. In short, Facebook is dangerous if you’re freshly sober.
For women suffering from body dysmorphia and eating disorders, Facebook is also a difficult place. Comparing our bodies with other women’s isn’t healthy. Comparing our pictures against thinner versions of ourselves isn’t healthy either.
What’s My Point?
It might be a smart idea to delete your Facebook during early-recovery. At the very least, limit the amount of time you spend on social media. Use it to check in with family (if your family relationship is healthy!).
Your free time might be better used reading recovery literature. Your free time might be better used working the twelve-steps. Your free time might be better used making real friends, not Facebook friends. Your free time might be better used finding out what you really like, not what you Facebook like.
by Sally Rosa | Mar 24, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Why Do Women In Recovery Relapse?
Relapse is too often a part of women’s recovery stories. This doesn’t have to be the case though! It’s possible for addicts to go a lifetime without relapsing!
Even if a woman in recovery does relapse, hope isn’t lost. In fact, valuable lessons can be learned after relapsing! We can take our slip and turn it into a stronger, more vigorous, program of spiritual action!
1) Stress
While we’re in our active addictions, we’re usually using or drinking to suppress negative emotions. One of these is stress. Raise your hand if you like stress. I don’t see any hands!
Early recovery isn’t easy. Staying sober is overwhelming. Finding and keeping a job is overwhelming. Making sober friends is overwhelming. Life is overwhelming! Working a strong recovery program (aka being spiritually fit) provides us with the foundation and support network we need. Without this support, it’s easy to deal with stress in negative, harmful ways.
2) Not Changing People, Places, and Things
People– Being surrounded by old friends isn’t healthy. They may remind you of old habits, be negative towards your recovery, or just generally be assh**es. Hanging around old people is one of the easiest ways to justify a relapse. “Everyone else is drinking, why can’t I?,” you might ask yourself. To put it another way, people can change our motives and early-recovery is all about motives.
Places – Many women try to get sober in the same area they used in. This usually doesn’t work too well. It’s hard to stay sober when you know you can get high within five minutes. In early-recovery, it’s important to stay away from places that trigger strong thoughts of using.
Things – Getting rid of anything that reminds us of drinking or getting high is key! Holding onto paraphernalia and objects associated with active addiction isn’t a good idea. Imagine if someone kept a crack pipe with them during early-recovery. They’d probably end up smoking crack. Duh!
3) Occasions
Holidays, celebrations, and family get-togethers are some of the happiest occasions around. However, for addicts in early-recovery, they can be tough to get through sober. I know I’ve been guilty of thinking “you mean I can’t drink on my wedding day? What kind of crap is this!”
Holidays and celebrations require a strong support system to get through. Without people to talk to, without an active spiritual connection, it’s easy to justify one glass of wine. We all know what just one glass of wine leads to!
Then there are funerals. Funerals are stressful, emotionally challenging, and plain-old suck! Who wants to deal with emotional pain when they could get high instead? Without an active and strong support systems, we can easily relapse into harmful behaviors.
4) Relationships
In early-recovery, us addicts often swap addictions. Oh, you’re a pill addict? Well, now you’re codependent. I know that was true for me!
We reach for anything that makes us feel better. Getting into a relationship in early-sobriety is pretty dangerous. I mean, we hear it all the time! It’s commonly recommended to stay away from relationships (that means sex too!) until we’ve finished our steps. At that point, we’re spiritually fit and have a firm understanding on what’s appropriate and inappropriate.
One final reason to stay away from relationships in early-sobriety is that the people we seek out are usually sick. Imagine if you’re dating a boy and he relapses. It becomes that much easier to justify getting high with him.
5) Not Working a Program of Recovery
This is probably the biggest reason women, of all lengths of sobriety, relapse. Going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the twelve-steps, and sponsoring other women, is a vital part of recovery. Hell, that is recovery!
Graduating a women’s treatment center is also pretty important. Us addicts are good at staring things, but pretty lousy at finishing them. Let’s finish something!
Going to treatment and working a program of recovery is what keeps women sober. Without these things, we’re often miserable and depressed, which makes getting high look like a pretty good option.
Although relapse in a part of many women’s stories, it doesn’t have to be! If you do relapse, hopefully you’ll learn some valuable lessons and make it back to the rooms of recovery. To avoid relapse, shut up and listen to the women who came before you! Take a few suggestions and grow into a woman of grace and dignity!
