by Sally Rosa | Dec 31, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Sobriety is the Best Gift
Okay, that’s kind of corny, right? Wrong! Sobriety really is the best gift! It’s the best gift you can give yourself. It’s the best gift you can give your family and loved ones. It’s the best gift you can give to coworkers. It’s even the best gift you can give to strangers. After all, they’re probably sick of dealing with a hungover and miserable woman!
All jokes aside, sobriety is a one-of-a-kind blessing. It’s the foundation upon which we can build the rest of our life. It’s a way to grow as women and give back to those that have helped us time and time again.
This last point, giving back, is huge. I’m going to tell you all about my first sober holiday experience. It should come as no surprise that giving back, being of service in all areas of my life, kept me sober during this time.
My First Sober Thanksgiving
I got sober in April 2008. I was living in a halfway house in Delray Beach, FL and my parents were a million miles away. Well, they were really only a thousand miles away, but it seemed like a million!
I skipped Thanksgiving that year. Even at around six months sober, I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with my entire family. I couldn’t wait to see my parents and brother, but aunts, uncles, and cousins? Thanks but no thanks!
So, my mom, dad, and brother came to Florida. We had Thanksgiving at a local restaurant and then walked along the beach. We talked about what we were thankful for. Of course, my sobriety was number one on everyone’s list!
That was my first sober Thanksgiving. It was pretty awesome and gave me some of the confidence I needed to tackle my first sober Christmas!
My First Sober Christmas
This time, I couldn’t stay in Florida. While I’d missed Christmas the previous year, thanks to being in treatment, this time my family wasn’t having it. They wanted to see me and I knew I needed to be there.
In preparation for my trip back home, I buckled down. I hit my knees more than ever. I finished my steps and started reaching out to newcomers. I got a sponsee and began to take her through the twelve-steps. I made sure to research meetings in New York and reached out to the local Intergroup office.
When it was time to fly up, I did. The next week was a whirlwind of seeing family members I hadn’t seen in years. Most of the time, seeing them was great! Sometimes, it wasn’t. I have uncles and cousins who love to drink and smoke weed. They didn’t do anything around me, but it was plain to see they were messed up.
What did I do? Did I join them in the backyard for a quick joint? Did I join them at the kitchen island for wine? Nope, I prayed for them! They may or may not be addicts and alcoholics. I don’t know and it’s not my place to know. It is my place to be of service to everyone, though.
So, I prayed and asked God how I could help those around me. I went to a meeting every morning. I raised my hand and shared at each meeting. I reached out to other alcoholics who were having a hard time during the holidays. In turn, God had my back. She kept me safe and protected. The thought of drinking never even crossed my mind!
And that, my friends, is one hell of a miracle!
by Sally Rosa | Jul 28, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Battling All The Suggestions in Early Sobriety
One of the hardest things that young women trying to get sober experience is following the suggestions given to them in early-sobriety. A lot of women think they don’t need to follow suggestions given to them by their therapists and sponsors. Sadly, the great majority of these women learn later that they were greatly misinformed.
Disagreeing with Suggestions Given In Early-Sobriety
In early-sobriety, when a suggestion is given that you don’t agree with, your decision to follow it (or not follow it!) shows a lot about where you’re at in recovery. In a way, this can be seen as a metaphor for whether or not you’ll be able to stay sober. Yes, you might call your sponsor. Yes, you might be working your steps. But what does it say about you and your recovery when you’re still doing everything your way?
Find out jobs you should avoid in early-recovery
I’ll Lie, Cheat, and Steal When I Want To!
We did everything our way, while we were getting high. We got high when we wanted to get high. We stole money when we needed money. We hurt people when we felt they’d hurt us. Early-recovery is about letting go of your ego. When you believe your way is the best way to do something, and ignore a suggestion, your ego is getting in the way. It takes a lot to admit that you might not know what’s best. When you’re in early-sobriety and someone who has a lot more experience than you, like your therapist, is telling you something, listen. They’re almost always right.
Read about the importance of accountability in early-recovery
An Indication in Early-Sobriety of What’s To Come
I’m going to give you fine gals an example. I present to you Jane Doe. Jane has three months sober. She’s living in a halfway house. The general suggestion surrounding halfway houses is that you should make a six month commitment to live there. Jane decides she want’s to leave though. So, she talks to her therapist about it. Her therapist says, “Jane, don’t be an idiot. Finish your commitment!” Jane moves out the next day.
A healthy person would be able to see that staying another three months isn’t going to hurt them. In fact, it’ll probably be a positive experience. In early-sobriety it’s important not to take risks. When you learn to protect your sobriety, you also learn how to stay sober. People who take risks in early-sobriety usually don’t end up staying sober.
Suggestions Suck
Yeah, sometimes they sucks, but what’s the big deal? The way we shape our program in that first year usually determines how our program is going to look down the road. Why pick up white-chip after white-chip? Once you work a strong program, you can take all the risks you want. The funny thing is when you get to this point taking risks usually doesn’t seem so appealing. Usually you’re happy with where you are and what you’ve accomplished.
by Sally Rosa | May 16, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Safe Sex in Sobriety
Written By: Anjelica G
Hey, remember those safe sex presentations they gave in school and treatment centers? Yeah, of course you do, they were also known as nap time! Remember what was said in those presentations? Nope, me neither. They were boring as hell and pretty f**king unrealistic. Who stops in the heat of the moment and says, “Hey Bobby, I can see we’re about to start bumpin’ uglies but first I need you to answer a few questions. How many sexual partners have you had? Do you have any STD’s? Do you like STD’s? When was the last time you were tested? Ever use needles? Ever share needles? What about butt-sex? I just want to be safe!”
Are women in recovery practicing safe sex?
No One’s Using Condoms
Let’s be honest here, no ones asking those questions. No one cares. No one’s using condoms and certainly no one’s using dental-dams or whatever the hell they things are called. Asking a guy to put a condom on is enough of a boner-kill, imagine what would happen if you whipped a dental-dam out of your pocket. Yup, you’ll never see him again. You might as well just hop up and take a cold shower, honey.
Who the f**k has safe sex anymore? But more importantly, why don’t we? Listen, I’m a woman in recovery (with a past that makes Anna Nicole Smith look like a saint) and even I just sat here for a good twenty minutes trying to think of a reason why we don’t practice safe sex. There isn’t a reason.
Is it laziness? Do we truly believe that we’re forever exempt from STD’s? Hey, Magic Johnson is still alive and kicking. Maybe we just don’t care? I really have no idea!
I’m not going to write all the dangers of unprotected sex because everyone knows them and if you don’t you’re just dumb. So, if we all know it’s bad, why do we still do it so goddamn much?
IF ANYONE SHOULD BE HAVING SAFE SEX, IT’S DRUG ADDICTS!
I see a common pattern with women in recovery. Broken, insecure women go into treatment and fall in love with some day-one-dingbat who doesn’t understand how to put his life together. For some reason, these young women always say the same thing, “Bobby understands me.” No, he doesn’t! Bobby only understands that you have a zipper on your pants and it goes down!
Once Bobby and Whitney get out of treatment, they think their rehab romance is going to last forever. What do they do? They drive the good ol’ skin bus into tuna town. They don’t think of the huge risks associated with unsafe sex. They don’t think of the even bigger risk of having unprotected sex with an IV drug user, who’s just short of thirty days clean from his three year meth and heroin bender. Sounds like you’re keeping it real safe, Whitney.
You Can’t Fix It Later
See, as addicts, we’re stubborn. We don’t learn ‘till we crash. However, STDs aren’t, in most cases, things we can fix later.
You never know if the “man” you’ve been sleeping with has been sneaking out of his halfway house to meet up with those classy chicks from backpage.com. You never know if the “man” you showed your tata’s to, behind the dumpster of your local twelve-step clubhouse, has been sharing needles with BooBoo, the HEP-C infested homeless cowboy.
So, saddle up there sweetheart, you’re in for a ride – a ride to and from the hospital, several times a month, to treat your brand new STD.
There’s no women’s treatment center you can check into to get rid of HIV. There’s no twelve-steps that help you recover from Hepatitis. No, The Doctor’s Opinion isn’t about how to cure an STD. Being a woman in early sobriety, you’re already emotionally vulnerable – don’t make your bodies vulnerable, too.
by A Women in Sobriety | Dec 21, 2012 | Addiction Treatment, Sobriety For Women
One Woman’s Story of Taking Suggestions
As a scared eighteen year old girl entering treatment for alcoholism and an eating disorder, I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what to expect from treatment. I had no idea what to expect from my life. I had no idea what to expect in so many ways!
I tried to convince myself I only needed help for “debilitating anxiety.” I had no plan to stay sober from any of my addictions. I was looking for a temporary break, a bit of peace and quiet. After staying in a hospital and slowly putting together a few days, I took my first suggestion. I came to an extended care treatment center in Florida.
Extended Care in Florida
I’d call my parents everyday, anxious to tell them how well I was doing. Of course, I was lying, I just wanted to get out! I sat in groups, saw doctors, and had individual therapy. I smoked cigarettes with my roommates and talked s**t.
I liked going to outside meetings and getting a glimpse of the real world the most. I couldn’t wait to have what everyone on the outside had. I didn’t want someone checking on me every half-hour. I didn’t want someone verifying if I could go to Starbucks. I didn’t want someone telling me I couldn’t use the phone.
Most of my peers from treatment moved out and roomed together. Some went to “three-quarter houses,” which were loosely organized and should have been called crack houses! I wanted that freedom. I wanted a car. I wanted no curfew. I debated going back to college. I wanted to join a sorority, drink in moderation, and get my life back. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.
Today, most of my peers from treatment aren’t sober. Two are dead. Of the fifty confused, young women I was in treatment with, only myself and one other are still sober.
Today, I thank God I got what I needed, NOT what I wanted.
What the Hell is a Halfway House Anyway?
That one other girl who’s still sober, well, her and I chose to go to halfway houses after treatment. When my treatment center suggested a halfway house, I reaction was dismal at best. I didn’t even know what a halfway house was!
One of my childhood friends lived next door to a halfway house. She always told me not to make eye contact with the residents and to go inside when they were smoking. I asked her why and she responded, “they’re all crazy people who do crack all day and have mental diseases.” So, when my treatment center suggested I go to a halfway, I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of it.
I finally learned what a halfway house really was. I was still skeptical. Bed-checks? Curfews? Been there, done that. I was pretty fed up with people running my life.
Taking Suggestions Saved My Life!
Today, I look at going to a halfway house as the best decisions I ever made. Sure, I didn’t want authority, but I was willing to try it out for a few months.
My thinking went something like this, “sure, authority sucks. What other option do I have though? If I start using again, I’ll probably die. Even if I don’t, I’ll be separated from my family and everyone else…”
Sharing a house with six women and sleeping in a twin-bed was never my idea of luxury. The feeling of belonging, hope, and happiness I experienced was better than anything else I’d ever felt. See, through living in a halfway house, I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was introduced to young women in recovery. I was introduced to a new life.
Women with time took me to AA meetings my treatment center didn’t go to. I loved these meetings! There were women I could relate to. There were women talking about the Big Book and “recovering from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.” There were women talking about sponsorship and the twelve-steps.
Above all, my halfway house kept me accountable. I met my sponsor at a meeting the halfway house brought in. My halfway house manger consistently asked me where I was with my step work. When I wasn’t doing it, she pushed me to. I finished the twelve-steps. I felt, for the first time in my life, a real difference. I didn’t want to go home and try to drink in moderation. I wasn’t obsessed with getting high. I was taught how to live my life!
I started working part-time and taking college classes. I had the love and support of other girls doing the same thing. Sure, there were times I wanted to drink. If I hadn’t been in a halfway house, if I was in my own apartment, the chances are high that I would have. To put it another way, I never lacked a shoulder to lean on. Anytime I needed to vent (which, in early sobriety, was always!), there was someone there.
A Sober Woman
My experience in a halfway house allowed me to get reacquainted with life and all the responsibilities it entails.
Today, I have a full life. I’m a college graduate. I’m a sponsor. I’m still sober. These are high milestones for an addict and alcoholic!
I frequently remember my time in the halfway house with a bittersweet smile. I remember the ups and downs, the times I wanted to leave. I remember the end of my commitment, when I was actually ready to leave. I don’t have any regrets.
The women from my halfway house shaped me from a scared nineteen year old girl, to a mature and sober woman. Today, I can accept life’s hardships. Today, life is good, but only because I did the necessary work!
