by A Women in Sobriety | Mar 26, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
Recovery Isn’t Easy
On of my favorite sayings goes a little something like this – I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.
I’m not sure who first uttered those words. Maybe it was an athlete or a coach or somebody like that. What I am sure of is that saying applies 100% to recovery.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about recovery from addiction, from an eating disorder, from self-harm, or from anything else. Recovery is difficult. It’s fraught with emotional valleys and tough terrain.
Of course, recovery’s also filled with the most wonderful moments I could ever imagine. In my experience, though, we remember the challenging times more than the good ones. I think that’s just how life is.
Recovery is Worth It
Even though it’s difficult at times, recovery is SO worth it! I’m preaching to the choir here, I’m sure, but let’s explore some of what makes sobriety so wonderful.
First, and most importantly, there’s the freedom! Imagine being imprisoned for so long that you forget you’re imprisoned. Imagine forgetting what the outside looks like. The sun, the breeze, the bright blue sky…you don’t remember what any of those are.
That’s what active addiction and alcoholism are like! We’re stuck in a self-imposed prison of fear, anger, resentment, self-pity, and selfishness. We’ve been stuck there so long that we’ve forgotten freedom even exists!
So, to get sober is to be free. Even during the tough times, the times when a drink or drug is screaming our name, we’re still free. We’re bathed in the sunlight of the spirit, to quote the Big Book.
Then there’s the relationships recovery gives us! Did you know I never once had a real relationship before getting sober? Well, with the exception of my parents and grandparents. I had selfish motives in mind, coconsciously or unconsciously, during every other interaction with a human being.
And then I got sober. I suddenly realized there was an entire world (really, the entire world!) of people I could help. There was an entire world of people I could talk to with nothing selfish in mind. I could do something for someone and except nothing in return!
That was an eye opener to say the least!
What other blessings did I receive as a result of recovery? Well, they’re pretty much endless! I gained acceptance. If something doesn’t go my way, well, I don’t have to like it. What I do have to do, though, is accept it.
I could never do that in active addiction and alcoholism. I could never accept anything, good or bad! Today, I can accept anything. Sometimes it takes a little kicked and screaming (remember, recovery isn’t easy!), but I’ll eventually feel the truth of it in my bones.
I gained love, which goes back to being selfless. I learned how to love someone with my entire heart. Want to know the secret? It’s as simple as putting someone else’s needs before your own. That’s love! Of course, then we have to watch out for codependency, but that’s an article for another time!
I gained emotional stability. I’m no longer a rollercoaster of up’s and down’s. I’m no longer angry, scared, happy, and sad all within ten seconds! Today, I’m able to experience an emotion without running from it. I’m able to embrace everything this world makes me feel.
Sometimes these feelings are good and sometimes they’re bad. But guess what? I’m able to sit and experience each one. What a blessing!
So remember, it’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be so worth it!
by A Women in Sobriety | Jan 21, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Benefits of Sobriety
Emotional Sobriety: A Four Letter Word?
Ah, emotional sobriety! I’ve written about it before, I’m writing about it now, and you best believe I’ll write about it in the future.
That’s because this tricky little idea encapsulates, in my opinion, the rest of the program. Emotional sobriety is how we gauge how well we’re living. It’s how we tell whether we’re practicing spiritual principles in all our affairs.
It’s also super hard! Imagine going through life a serene, peaceful person. Sounds nice, right? Too bad it rarely happens! Now, that isn’t to say we don’t have minutes, hours, or even days of emotional serenity, but it usually doesn’t last.
So, how can we make it last? How can we stretch those minutes, hours, and days into weeks, months, and years? Perhaps that’s a questions best left to the old-timers. I’m taking a stab at answering it today though!
Practice Radical Honesty
It’s hard to be bent out of shape if you’re honest all the time!
When I’m practicing radical honesty, I don’t have any secrets to hide. I don’t have any regrets or anxious thoughts clouding my mind. Basically, when I practice radical honesty, I’m also emotionally sober.
It’s important to remember, though, there’s a fine line between radical honesty and being mean! Let’s say I’m sitting in a meeting and I don’t like what someone shared. Do I raise my hand and tear them to pieces? That’s being honest, right?
Wrong! It’s being selfish! Just because I don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean I have the right to act out. So toe that line, ladies!
Live on God’s Terms
This one might be kind of obvious, but here ya go. If I’m living life on God’s terms, rather than my own, I’m emotionally sober.
If I’m praying, meditating, doing daily inventories, going to meetings, reaching my hand out to struggling women, calling my sober supports, working with sponsees, and handling all of life’s responsibilities – I’m also living in emotional sobriety.
It’s that simple!
Rework the Steps
I’ve found the best way for me to live life on God’s terms is to dive back into step work. Remember, that’s just for me.
If I’m struggling to live the sort of life I should be living, I need to get back to the book. I need to get back to what twelve-step sobriety is all about! I accomplish this by reworking the steps.
Sometimes this takes the form of reworking my steps with my sponsor. Sometimes it takes the form of working the steps with a new sponsee. Sometimes it takes the form of going to twelve step-series meetings.
Whatever the form, the result is the same. I end up feeling better. I end up living healthier. I end up in emotional sobriety!
Seek Outside Help
Sometimes our problems (okay, okay, I’ll only speak for myself!) are so big that I need to seek outside help. Think things like being sober yet acting out on self-harm or an eating disorder. Think clinical depression, anxiety, or other disorders.
When I’m struggling with issues like these, emotional sobriety is impossible. Not only is emotional sobriety and stability impossible, but so it being a decent human being!
So, when dealing with these game changers, I need to seek outside help. It can be from a private therapist, a therapy group, a mental health facility, or even from a friend who’s specialized in any of the above areas.
Basically, taking these measures is how I address all my emotional needs. And, dear readers, once my emotional needs are in order, I’m able to practice that ever so elusive emotional sobriety!
by Sally Rosa | Jun 27, 2013 | 12 Steps
When I came to, metaphorically and literally, in my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I knew I’d met my match. See, even at twenty years old, sitting in a musty room with people double and triple my age, I felt at home. Not at home like when I sank into my bed and spent the evening with a sexy little bottle of Evan Williams. At home like even though I knew nothing of AA, I knew I’d found my answer.
Now, let’s not get it twisted! I didn’t walk into my first AA meeting with birds chirping, rainbows shining, and friends cheering, “Hey Buddy! You’ve arrived! Welcome Home!” No, I walked in that damn door with the triangle because I was out of options.
See, my entire life I knew Alcoholics Anonymous existed. Growing up, I wasn’t the most well behaved child. Drugs and alcohol played a huge role in my poor behavior and AA was usually where I was sent as punishment. Not to mention, my best friend’s parents have been sober our entire lives. They’ve also been very active in the AA community in our town. Meanwhile, we were always in trouble. We were always caught doing the wrong thing, at the wrong time. We’d end up banished to AA meetings for several hours. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to relate. I’d spend the entire meeting thinking about how AA was such a cult. As I got older, my drinking and drugging got worse. I tried therapy, moderation, and different “maintenance plans.” I tried everything I could think of to piece my life together. Everything except going to meetings!
Finally, when I was ready for help, I knew where to go – Alcoholics Anonymous. When I was ready to accept help, to get honest about my addiction, my perception of AA changed. This wasn’t some creepy cult, this was a wonderful service that existed solely to provide help for an addict like me! I didn’t have to pay anything, there weren’t any crazy rituals, and there wasn’t anything too intellectually hard to swallow.
Here I am, four years later, twenty-four years old and sober! For years, I resisted going to AA for one reason or another. I have every excuse in the book. I was too young, I wasn’t an alcoholic, I could do those damn steps by myself, and so on. However, when I was all out of options, when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I knew I couldn’t live filled with addiction. Alcoholics Anonymous was there for me. They welcomed me. Alcoholics Anonymous provided the steps, the structure, and the support I desperately needed. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. Alcoholics Anonymous gave me a life far better than any I could have imagined.
