by Sally Rosa | Jun 18, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Can Listening to Certain Music Make You Relapse?
I’ve asked friends this question over the last few weeks. Their response has been overwhelmingly NO! Still, it’s a question worth asking and one that’s been on my mind a lot lately.
See, the first rehab I ever went to, way back at eighteen years old, advised me not to listen to certain music until I had a year sober. They said I shouldn’t listen to music I liked when I was using, music that glorifies drugs or alcohol, or music made by active addicts and alcoholics.
While I sort of agree with the first point, not listening to music I got high to, I don’t know about those other two ideas.
For example, I LOVE Pink Floyd. Does being in early-recovery mean I can’t listen to “Comfortably Numb?” I also love The Beatles. Does being in early-sobriety mean I can’t listen to Sgt. Pepper’s?
Maybe I’m just overthinking things. I’ve been known to do that (hello – alcoholic here!). I’m not so sure though. Let’s explore this idea of music in early-recovery being a trigger a bit more in-depth.
Were My Therapists onto Something?
I don’t believe in triggers. I’ve said it before and, most likely, I’ll say it many more times. That’s just my opinion though. Everyone has different opinions and everyone is entitled to their own! That little nugget of wisdom was learned the hard way!
So, when my therapist in rehab told me their opinions, that certain music is triggering, I initially disregarded it. They were telling me that I had to go an entire year without listening to my two favorite genres – classic rock and hip hop (weird mix, I know).
I didn’t want to hear that! I was going through ten million different things. I needed the comfort blanket that music provided me. At least, that’s what I thought at the time.
Looking back on their advice, it wasn’t half bad. Plus, they were coming from a place of compassion and care. At the time, though, I just thought they were evil old men who were out of touch with today’s culture.
Whether you believe in triggers or not, there’s something to be said for avoiding triggering events in the early days of sobriety. As we grow in our sobriety, as we effect a spiritual awakening and connection, we’re free to do whatever we want (as long as it fits within spiritual principles, of course).
Times are hard during those early days though. I don’t know if listening to Led Zeppelin would have caused me to relapse. I don’t know if listening to 50 Cent would have caused me to relapse. I don’t know if listening to the same music I nodded out to would have caused me to relapse.
But guess what? I stayed away from all that music while I was in rehab, and in the months after, and relapsed anyway.
The Case for Listening to Whatever You Want
I kind of laid this out above, but I’ll repeat it because us alcoholics and addicts are hardheaded. After we become connected to a power greater than ourselves, the obsession to drug and drink is removed. We can go anywhere, do anything, and listen to any music without being tempted to relapse.
That’s the amazing thing about spiritual sobriety – we become free! That’s certainly been the case in my own recovery and in those closest to me.
Once we do the work and become connected to a God of our own understanding, we can listen to whatever type of music we want. Triggers don’t exist once we’re at this point. Our mind and spirit have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state.
Of course, there’s a very important caveat to that statement. We have to do the work! We have to be actively practicing God-consciousness. If we’re not, well, then we still have an alcoholic mind and an alcoholic mind always leads to relapse.
If we’re suffering from untreated alcoholism/addiction and listen to “harmful” music, music from our using days or that glorifies drugs and booze, then we probably will relapse over it. It’ll bring up a lot of emotions, feelings, and cravings we don’t want to deal it. At that point, it’s in our nature to drink.
The Final Verdict
So, is music in early-recovery triggering? The answer is both yes and no. That’s my experience and opinion anyway.
What about you? What’s your experience been like with music during the early days of sobriety? Let us know on social media!
by A Women in Sobriety | Jun 11, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Don’t Fall in Love in Rehab!
Treatment isn’t fun. It’s necessary, enlightening, a space for growth, and life saving…but it isn’t fun.
I don’t know about all you, but when I went to my first treatment center all I cared about was fun. So, the gears in my faulty brain started turning. They cranked and cranked and came up with the idea of getting a boyfriend while in treatment.
It isn’t going to end like this…I promise
This is called a rehab romance and trust me when I say – don’t do it! Nothing good will come from it. I’m sure most of you reading this are already shaking your heads. Come on girl, you’re thinking!
I know, I know. Anyway, I figured I’d share my experience so that others don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. Enjoy!
5) It Can Wait
This isn’t really a good reason at all, but it’s true. If you meet someone you like in treatment, or if you meet someone who pays attention to you and is cute (that’s all it took for me!), save it for later.
Having a rehab romance will do a lot of things for you…none of them are positive. Plus, it’s usually breaking the rules of the treatment center. That’s addict behavior. We got sober to CHANGE our behavior, remember!
The love of your life might be around when you both get out of rehab. They might not. It doesn’t matter. Just wait.
4) The Other Person is Sick
I feel like this one goes without saying, but I’m saying it anyway. There’s a reason your perfect boyfriend ended up in rehab. That reason, hard as it may be to swallow, is because they’re sick!
Addiction and alcoholism are diseases of selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and failed relationships (romantic, platonic, and familial). So, knowing all this, why would you get into a relationship anyway? It just doesn’t make sense!
3) You’re Sick!
Again, I feel like this one is obvious, but I’m saying it anyway because it wasn’t obvious to me!
If your new prince charming is sick…well just think about how sick you are! I was a lot of things when I entered treatment (insecure, afraid, neurotic, emotionally crippled, emotionally unavailable, jealous, full of resentment, lonely…the list goes on). You know what I wasn’t? Healthy.
Why would I want to get into a relationship with another human being when I’m not even okay on my own? Why would I want to subject another person to the madness that was inside my head at the time?
It just doesn’t make sense. Of course, most alcoholics do things that don’t make sense. Falling in love in rehab, though, takes the cake of most nonsense and silly things to do!
2) It Distracts from Therapy
Why’d you go to treatment in the first place? To get help! If you’re anything like me, you desperately needed help with just about everything in your life.
So, while in treatment, why would you do anything that distracts from getting that help? Of course, hindsight is 20/20, right? I didn’t think getting involved with a boy distracted me from therapy. I thought I was still doing my assignments and learning about myself.
And I was…to a degree. I wasn’t fully present though. Guess what I thought about at night? If you said plans for my future wedding to Bobby from Boston – you’re right!
I wasn’t concentrating on figuring out what made me tick. I wasn’t taking a fearless look inside myself for answers. I was making sure everything looked good on the outside and paying lip service to self-searching, all while dreaming about a boy. Yikes!
1) It Distracts from God
More than anything else on this list, getting involved in a rehab romance puts distance between you and your Higher Power. Do you think God wants you passing notes during smoke break? I don’t know about you, but my God definitely doesn’t!
Alcoholism and addiction are spiritual diseases. The only way to FULLY recover from them is through a spiritual experience. If we’re putting people before God, well, this just doesn’t happen.
If we’re attempting to fill the void with people, attention, compliments, or anything other than a Higher Power of our own understanding, it just doesn’t work. It’s that simple.
What are your top reasons for not having a rehab romance? Let us know on social media!
by Fiona Stockard | May 26, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Early-Recovery is Crazy!
The title says it all – early-recovery is crazy! We’re a whirlwind of emotions (mainly negative ones!), fear, insecurity, anxiety, highs and lows, and all sorts of madness.
It’s not all bad though. It’s also the time when we grow the most! Think about it like this – when we’re at ground zero, there’s nowhere to go but up. I probably grew more, and learned more about myself, in my first six months of sobriety than at any other time in my life.
This column, the newest from Sobriety for Women, will focus on the good, the bad, and the ugly. Admittedly, there’s usually more bad and ugly than good! So, to start things off, let me tell you all about the night I moved into what would become my final halfway house.
A Halfway House Horror Story
I “transferred” halfway houses at around ninety days sober. I say transferred because, to tell the truth, I was kicked out of the halfway house I’d been living in. I didn’t drink or get high, but I wasn’t living by spiritual principles. I was making selfish and impulsive decisions and, wouldn’t you know it, got kicked out.
So there I was, ninety days sober and effectively homeless. I scrambled and found another sober living residence that was willing to take me without a security deposit. Thank God for the kindness of women in this program!
I moved in around dinnertime that night. I met the owner, the house managers, and my new roommates. It turns out I actually knew one of the women living there. We’d previously lived together in another halfway! South Florida is a small place, friends!
This woman, let’s call her “Martha,” was a chronic relapser. I had been too for quite some time, so who was I to judge?
I emerged from my room later that night, around midnight I think, and found Martha and another of our roommates sitting in the living room with belts around their arms. The coffee table was littered with powder, burnt spoons, orange syringe caps, and a bent and dull needle.
To say I was shocked was a bit of an understatement. Just a few hours earlier, the owner had stood in our living room and talked about the power of honesty, willingness, and spiritual living. Martha and our other roommate stood there nodding their heads.
Fast forward to midnight and they were nodding their heads in a completely different way. I didn’t know what to do! I knew what I should do, but there’s a huge difference between should and taking that action.
One thing was for sure though, I knew I didn’t want to get high. I retreated back to my room and called the owner. I was shaking as I called! I didn’t want Martha and the other girl to hate me! Still, I knew if I didn’t talk to someone ASAP than I’d join them. That’s just how addiction works.
The owner didn’t answer, so I called a house manager. She told me to do nothing tonight and they would kick the girls out tomorrow. She told me that, if I needed to, I could leave and sleep on her couch for the night.
We talked for close to an hour. I slept in my new halfway house (halfway home!) that night. After we got off the phone, I prayed for a good thirty minutes or so. I asked God for the strength to stay sober.
The following morning, Martha and our other roommate were kicked out. It wasn’t the big deal I’d made it into in my mind the night before. The owner came over, drug tested them, and they left. It was that simple.
The Power of God
The only reason I stayed sober that night was because of God and the house manager I spoke to. I truly believe that woman was an instrument of God working to help me!
I’d been kicked out of a halfway house that day. I wasn’t living by spiritual principles. I moved into somewhere new, someplace outside of my comfort zone. I saw a woman I was friendly with (calling her my friend might be too much, but we were certainly friendly).
Then, hours later, drugs were placed in front of me. There’s no reason I should have stayed sober. All signs pointed towards relapse. But I didn’t! God was doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself.
That night was the start of my REAL recovery. That night was the start of me listening to, and learning from, others. Although it’s a crazy story, it also displays a powerful and simple truth – we only need to do the right thing to tap into a spiritual power beyond our understanding.
by Sally Rosa | Feb 5, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
A Poem For Those Struggling
I found this wonderful poem floating around the internet the other day. I wanted to share it with all you amazing women recovering from a hopeless state of mind and body.
Together, we are enough. Together, I am enough.
I Am Enough
I am enough to make it
Through the night. I am enough
To make it through the day.
No matter my struggles
And I have many struggles
I know I’ll be OK.
I don’t give in, I believe and have faith.
I am enough.
You are enough to make it
Through anything. You are enough
To live through anything.
You don’t have to be perfect
And it doesn’t matter if you are smart
Just open your eyes and open your heart.
Find the strength and peace
That we have inside our chests.
Believe that it will stay there
Until your very last breath.
You are enough.
We are enough to make it
Through the highs and make it
Through the lows. We are enough
To make it through the dark sky
And the nights when tears fly.
Don’t give up I promise you
It gets better
and our dreams come true.
We are enough.
I am enough to make it
Through drugs, heartbreak and pain.
I am enough to make it
Through the cold and pouring rain.
I am enough to make it
Through anything with you my friend.
I am enough to make it
Because this is only the beginning it isn’t the end.
–Author Unknown
