by Sally Rosa | Jun 27, 2013 | 12 Steps
When I came to, metaphorically and literally, in my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I knew I’d met my match. See, even at twenty years old, sitting in a musty room with people double and triple my age, I felt at home. Not at home like when I sank into my bed and spent the evening with a sexy little bottle of Evan Williams. At home like even though I knew nothing of AA, I knew I’d found my answer.
Now, let’s not get it twisted! I didn’t walk into my first AA meeting with birds chirping, rainbows shining, and friends cheering, “Hey Buddy! You’ve arrived! Welcome Home!” No, I walked in that damn door with the triangle because I was out of options.
See, my entire life I knew Alcoholics Anonymous existed. Growing up, I wasn’t the most well behaved child. Drugs and alcohol played a huge role in my poor behavior and AA was usually where I was sent as punishment. Not to mention, my best friend’s parents have been sober our entire lives. They’ve also been very active in the AA community in our town. Meanwhile, we were always in trouble. We were always caught doing the wrong thing, at the wrong time. We’d end up banished to AA meetings for several hours. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to relate. I’d spend the entire meeting thinking about how AA was such a cult. As I got older, my drinking and drugging got worse. I tried therapy, moderation, and different “maintenance plans.” I tried everything I could think of to piece my life together. Everything except going to meetings!
Finally, when I was ready for help, I knew where to go – Alcoholics Anonymous. When I was ready to accept help, to get honest about my addiction, my perception of AA changed. This wasn’t some creepy cult, this was a wonderful service that existed solely to provide help for an addict like me! I didn’t have to pay anything, there weren’t any crazy rituals, and there wasn’t anything too intellectually hard to swallow.
Here I am, four years later, twenty-four years old and sober! For years, I resisted going to AA for one reason or another. I have every excuse in the book. I was too young, I wasn’t an alcoholic, I could do those damn steps by myself, and so on. However, when I was all out of options, when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I knew I couldn’t live filled with addiction. Alcoholics Anonymous was there for me. They welcomed me. Alcoholics Anonymous provided the steps, the structure, and the support I desperately needed. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. Alcoholics Anonymous gave me a life far better than any I could have imagined.
by Fiona Stockard | May 14, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Recovery
Pain in Sobriety
It’s like a rite of passage everyone knows about and no one is looking forward to. It’s not a secret by any means. It’s talked about openly and honestly in meetings all over the world. It’s the big show everyone knows they have tickets for and will see at some point. Okay, I’m out of analogies, but you get what I’m talking about – hitting a bottom in sobriety.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve hit an emotional bottom in sobriety before. This isn’t my first rodeo. I’m also positive this won’t be my last. Nonetheless, here I am. Hi!
Just How Do You Reach a Bottom in Sobriety?
Let’s do a quick check on what led me to this bottom. First, let’s talk about meetings. For the past month or so, I’ve been doing to one meeting a week, unless I’m the speaker. Then I’d go to two meetings a week. You’d think that would count, but for me it doesn’t. Okay, so my meeting attendance is way down. Check. What’s next?
God. Now, God’s my Homie. I love God. I’m not ashamed to say that by any means. Lately, though, I’ve let a few things come between my relationship with God. I know that when I let my spiritual connection slip, some form of pain is headed my way.
What’s left on the checklist? Oh, right, carrying the message. Taking women through the steps has been a constant in my life. Lately, I’ve put it on the back burner. Because I’m so important, right? Welp, I’ve been slacking in that department as well.
Time for a quick recap on my checklist. How did I hit this emotional bottom in sobriety again?
– Slacking on meetings
– Slacking on God (including, but not limited to, praying, mediating, and self-inventory)
-Slacking on helping others
Let’s stop here. Three is more than enough. Clearly, not doing these three things has led to a bottom in sobriety. Trust me, it’s not fun! Being restless, irritable, and discontent are NOT qualities of life I enjoy. I become short-tempered, easily flustered, and annoyed at pretty much everyone in the world. Yep, the entire world.
I’m sure everyone reaches different types of sober bottoms and the characteristics that lead to them. I’m also sure that everyone reacts to sober bottoms differently. This is my experience though. This is how I reached a point where I’m miserable as f**k and stone cold sober.
Getting Out of That Pesky Bottom
So, now what? I’m here at bottom. Do I write a blog about it and tell other people how much it sucks be here? Well, that’s a start. I feel better seeing this on paper (or a computer screen) and realizing exactly how I ended up here. In fact, only fifteen minutes ago I was thinking, “sneaking bottom came out of nowhere!” Obviously, this isn’t the case. My bottom’s been coming for weeks due to my lack of action.
Now, I pray. I’m going to remind God I’m here and apologize for leaving again. After that, I’m going to a meeting. I need them, even when I think I don’t. I need them especially when I think I don’t. They’ve helped to keep me sane throughout all my years in sobriety. Last, but certainly not least, I’m going to work with another alcoholic. Not only is helping new women a bright spot in my life, but it instantly makes me feel better.
Hitting a bottom in sobriety is no fun (no s**t, you’re probably saying). Taking preventative measures is a MUCH easier route. Continue to do the things that got you sober in the first place. However, if you do end up resting on those old laurels, if you do end up slacking like me, just resume taking action! It’s that simple, I promise.
