by Sally Rosa | May 5, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
By: Tim Myers
I Can’t Do What??
There are so many things in recovery that “they” say you should never ever do.
They say…
You shouldn’t be in a relationship until you have a year. You should never have Redbull. Never smoke or hang out at bars. You should never live by yourself or sleep around and never work too much or never work at all.
They say you should never take money from your parents. Never stay out too late. Never go to clubs or casinos or strips clubs. They say you should never be alone. Never be without a sponsor. Never miss a meeting. Never go to two meetings in a day. Never got to less than two meetings in a day. Never say recovered and never say recovering,
Never swear in a meeting. Never talk about AA at work and never talk about work at AA. Never say your last name. Never say anyone else’s last name. They tell us all the time that we should never put personalities before principals.
Never talk about a step unless we have worked it. They say to never leave the meeting until the Lord’s Prayer is over. Never text during the meeting. We should never be playing games during the meeting, whispering during the meeting, flirting during the meet, emailing during the meeting, Facebooking during the meeting, Instagraming, Googling, Yahooing, Pintersting, Youtubing, Myspacing, or Facetubing.
They say to never live far from your meetings. Never preach. Never quit. Never give up. Never stop sharing. Never stop sponsoring. Never judge. Never let yourself be judged. Never gossip. Never stray. Never walk out before the miracle happens.
Never promote. Never hit on a girl at a meeting. Never hit on a guy at a meeting. Never hit on a girl after a meeting. Never hit on a guy after a meeting.
Never bring in a dog. Never bring in a non-alcoholic to a closed meeting. Never bring in food or drink. Never put your feet on the chairs. Never leave the lights on. Never put nothing in the basket. Never sponsor ‘til you have one year. Never sponsor ‘til you have worked all twelve steps.
The say you should never take prescribed drugs. They say to never loan money. They say to never lie. Never cheat. They say to never steal. Never fight. Never hurt someone. Never post your recovery online. Never take a picture inside a meeting. Never force someone to a meeting. Never show up late. Never leave early.
They say never talk about coke in an AA meeting. They say never talk about heroin or needles in an AA meeting. They say never talk about pills in an AA meeting. They say never talk about acid or ‘shrooms in an AA meeting. They say never talk about weed or food in an AA meeting.
They say never have resentments. Never forget to call your sponsor. Never go to bed mad. Never forget to pray. They say never, never, never, never, never.
They say never drink.
That we all agree with.
That’s the one that matters most.
by Fiona Stockard | Jan 16, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
How Do You Tell a Child You’re Sober?
I don’t have children, so this is a hypothetical question for me. For many women (hell, for many men!) in recovery, it’s a very real question. How do you explain to your kids that mommy or daddy is a recovering alcoholic?
I’ve been in meetings where there are young children present. This rocks for two reasons. First, they’re kids and they’re so cute! Second, it shows a huge level of dedication to sobriety. Think about it – the child’s parents are so committed to staying sober that they’re willing to bring their child to a meeting. My metaphorical hat is off!
I always wonder, though, what the child thinks. Do they understand the seriousness of what’s going on? Can they pick up on the life or death struggle that alcoholics deal with? Do they think mommy and daddy’s friends are a bunch of tattooed weirdos?
So, with that in mind, I’ve gathered some of my thoughts about explaining addiction and recovery to children. They may be wonderful, awesome, one-of-a-kind thoughts. They may stink. I’m not sure! Like I said, I’m not a parent.
It’s my hope that the following can help someone struggling with the frightening question of how to best tell their kid that they’re a sober woman of grace and dignity!
Be Open & Honest From a Young Age
Children are smart! They pick up on then we give them credit for. If you bring your kids to meetings, or even if you used to drink around them, I’m sure they’ve figured out that something’s up.
So, lay it all on the table. Tell them that you used to drink or drug and no longer do. Don’t go into your war stories, or share details that are inappropriate, but be open and honest.
I’m speaking from personal experience. I have an aunt who’s sober. While being an aunt is different from being a parent, the same principles apply. When I started to get into trouble with drugs and booze, she sat me down and explained her past struggles.
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back I appreciate her reaching out so much!
Have Your Sober Supports in Their Life
Did someone say free babysitting? I kid, I kid!
All jokes aside, introduce your sponsor to your children. After all, she’s the woman who taught you how to live. She’s the woman who gave you the chance to be a responsible parent. I’m sure your kids will adore her!
Sober supports, sponsor or otherwise, are the lifeblood of recovery. They’re the reason we’re sane members of society! At least, they are for me! Remember what I said about children picking up on things? I’m willing to bet they’ll pick up on your sober supports’ serenity and peace.
When the day comes that I have kids, I can’t think of a woman I want them to meet more than my sponsor!
Let Them Read the Big Book When They’re Old Enough
Although there are sections of the Big Book that aren’t suitable for children, most of it is a great lesson in how to be selfless, patient, giving, and responsible. What more could a child ask for? Well…probably some video games!
Really, though, Bill, Dr. Bob, and the first one hundred managed to write an amazing manual on how to live the type of life everyone wants. They managed to write about how to be happy, joyous, and free.
That seems like the kind of lesson to pass on to a child!
Include Them in Your Prayer & Meditation
This is, for me anyway, the most important part about telling a child you’re in recovery. Although sober supports are the lifeblood of sobriety, prayer and meditation are sobriety itself.
What better way to expose a kid to what recovery is really about then involving them in your prayer life? They’ll learn that, no matter what, they can turn to a Higher Power for help.
In today’s tumultuous world, that seems like a priceless gift.
