by Fiona Stockard | Sep 2, 2013 | Benefits of Sobriety
“Waiting is the Hardest Part” – Tom Petty
I agree, Tom, waiting sucks. So, why do we do it? I’m not talking about waiting for the bus, or waiting for a burrito, or waiting for your next paycheck. I’m talking about waiting for things we don’t need to wait for.
The idea of waiting for your ship to come in is ridiculous. If you’re waiting for your ship to come in, get the crap off the beach and start swimming! Go find the damn ship! Yeah, there might be sharks. Yeah, the water will be rough. Yeah, your arms are going to get tired. If you look for your ship, though, you’ll get there a hell of a lot faster than by sitting on your butt, supping coconut juice.
My life sucked! Like, hardcore sucked! I knew I had to stop drinking and getting high. I actually wanted to stop, too! I knew how to stop, but I kept waiting. Waiting to be caught. Waiting to lose it all. Waiting for a sponsor to knock on my door and say, “hey, I’ll sponsor you! I was just in the neighborhood and saw you drinking whisky in your underwear at noon. I kind of think you need help!”
A sponsor isn’t going to walk up to you. It just won’t happen. Let me repeat, IT WON’T HAPPEN!
I guess you can wait. Hell, I did. Here’s the thing, as I stood waited, I kept getting pushed and beaten by my own self-destructiveness. I was tossed around like a tree in a hurricane. I was beaten over and over again, but still refused to move from the path of the storm. Standing still and waiting left me vulnerable to hurt myself and I did. Finally, after a decade of waiting…
I stopped f**king waiting!
I got off the beach, dusted myself off and started to swim! Sharks nipped at my feet. Waves shook me back and forth. My arms felt like they were going to fall off. The water was cold, but guess what? All that crap? It made me stronger!
I went to a meeting and got a sponsor. I met him once a week. I never missed a meeting, not one! Then, eight months later, my life was 100% fireworks blasting, scream it from a mountain top, awesome. All I could ask myself was “why the hell did I wait so long to change?”
Waiting IS the hardest part, so don’t wait!
by Sally Rosa | Jan 6, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Benefits of Sobriety
I Just Want to Be Normal!
“I just want to be sober and normal, that’s all I want” said Vanessa. She sat across from me while spending the night in a hospital for the ninth time in eighteen months. Throughout our whole conversation, she kept saying “I want to be normal, that’s all.”
What is normal anyway? Is it someone who doesn’t drink? Is it someone who doesn’t drugs? Is it someone that doesn’t live strictly for their own individual gain?
What is Normal Anyway?
I spent my whole life trying to be someone and something I wasn’t. I just wanted to be what everyone else wanted me to be. Well, what I thought they wanted me to be anyway.
“I just want to be normal” is a powerful sentence. Vanessa kept repeating it, again and again, while I looked at her with love and compassion. All the damage she caused the night before? It didn’t matter. All the people she had hurt? They didn’t matter. All that mattered was a woman with her head in her hands, repeating over and over how all she wanted was “to be normal.”
I knew what she meant, even if she didn’t. Vanessa wanted to live a life without insanity. She meant she’d give anything to feel better, to feel happy.
Recovery is Possible!
Most addicts don’t give themselves a chance to be normal. They keep hitting their head against the wall, over and over, until they simply give up. The funny thing is that after they give up, that’s when they have a shot at recovery.
I know that happiness and sobriety are within reach of everyone. There’s no one too smart, too dumb, too old, too angry, too sad, or too beaten to get sober. It’s there for anyone willing to do the work. That’s the catch though, there’s work involved. Recovery, faith in God, and sobriety are full time jobs.
For me, life isn’t about being “normal.” I still have no clue what normal even me. What I do know is that I can live a sober life. I can be happy, joyous, and FREE. I thank God for that every night, because, a few years ago, I sat in the chair Vanessa’s currently sitting in.
I want everyone to know that recovery IS possible. I want everyone who’s felt that bottom of your stomach hopelessness to know they can recovery. You just need to stop wanting and start doing. I’ll end with the most profound saying I’ve ever heard –
Recovery isn’t for those who need it and it isn’t for those who want it. Recovery is for those who do it!
