Fake It ‘Till You Make It!

Written By: Fiona Stockard

Fake It ‘Till You Make It

“Fake it ’till you make it” is one of the many slogans I heard early on in AA. I thought most of the slogans were stupid, but this one, I could never really wrap my head around it.

Fake…what, ’till I make…what? Fake my smile? Fake my laugh? Fake my sobriety?

Now that’s an interesting take on a commonly used slogan! I began to fake my sobriety, I began to wear a mask.

fake it till you make it

Fake Sobriety

I was told early on that action precedes thought. That if I take an action, my thoughts would change too.

So, I took the first action and many more after that. I went to meetings. I raised my hand to speak. I shared my experience, strength, and hope (I know now I was only sharing my craziness!). I talked to new girls. I really did “act as if.”

I got high on some weekends, plain and simple. I didn’t use every weekend. By this point, most of my friends were sober. The guy I was dating was sober. I couldn’t afford to use every weekend, but now-and-again, I’d sneak off and get loaded.

I prayed. I wasn’t honest with myself though, so there was no way I was honest with God.

I became the queen of recovery! Everyone thought I was doing so well. Hell, that’s all that matters anyway, right? My parents were off my back. My legal issues had all been resolved. I had a “great” life. I literally faked it and made it. I found the loophole!

Well, as soon as I thought I found that loophole, I started to get sloppy. I couldn’t control my hidden use anymore. It wasn’t every third weekend anymore. It was everyday. The mental, emotional, and spiritual torture was too much. I stopped going out. I stayed home, hiding from friends. I watched the entire series of LOST (which I still don’t get!) and it was a pretty great metaphor for my life. I was lost!

I basically lost everything all over again, except for my job. I couldn’t lose my job, it was the only way I was supporting my expensive as hell drug habit. To put it another way, I let the s**t hit the fan. Finally, I reached out for help.

Let’s be honest here. I didn’t reach out for help, I was caught. My boyfriend finally noticed that when I went out, I came home with tiny pupils. He found the bottle of gin under my bed (yeah, I still wonder what he was doing under there too). I came clean. I let it all out. I admitted I had been faking it, I was never truly sober.

Here’s the deal, I wanted to be sober. When I was high, I messed everything up. I spent a ton of money. I became a lone wolf. The people that loved me got hurt. Those things all suck. BUT, did I want to be sober because I couldn’t imagine never drinking another beer? Because I couldn’t imagine snorting another pill? At this point, nope.

Real Sobriety!

I finally got a sponsor and came clean about what was going on in my life. I still fight this battle everyday though. I have 100% faith that AA works. I’ve seen it work in hundreds of people. I’ve seen the change and growth occur in my friends and even some family members.

Still, I’m “faking it ’till I make it.” This time though, I’m being honest. I’m staying sober in spit of myself. I know the truth, my best thinking isn’t the best at all.

I have no idea what’s going to happen. I have no idea if all of a sudden a lightbulb will go off and I’ll truly have made it. Maybe I’ll always be faking it. I just know that today my life is good. I smile. For the first time in my life, I’m honest. That’s all I have and for today, that’s more than enough!

Mental Health & Trauma Recovery Guide for Women in Sobriety

Mental Health & Trauma Recovery

For many women, the journey to recovery from addiction is not solely about giving up substances—it’s a deeper process of healing emotional wounds, addressing past trauma, and restoring mental health. Women in sobriety encounter distinct emotional and social challenges that require compassionate, targeted care. This mental health and trauma recovery guide explores how trauma-informed centers, therapeutic support, and integrated recovery programs empower women to reclaim their identity and rebuild their lives after addiction

Why Women Struggle Differently in Recovery

Women’s addiction stories are often deeply intertwined with emotional pain, trauma, and relationships. Unlike men, women are more likely to self-medicate due to unresolved emotional distress, often stemming from abuse, abandonment, or grief. Recovery requires addressing these root causes, not just the symptoms.

Emotional and Social Challenges Faced by Women

Women may face social stigma, guilt over leaving children or families, or pressure to maintain relationships with toxic partners. Sobriety requires courageous choices and support systems that understand these complexities.

Understanding the Link Between Addiction and Mental Health in Women

Co-occurring Disorders and Dual Diagnosis

Mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and PTSD are common among women in addiction recovery. Dual diagnosis treatment—addressing both addiction and mental health—is essential for long-term sobriety.

The Role of Depression, Anxiety, and PTSD

These conditions can fuel addiction and hinder recovery. Without treating them, relapse is far more likely. That’s why trauma-informed, women-centered treatment is so critical.

The Impact of Trauma on Women’s Addiction Recovery

How Trauma Leads to Addiction

Many women develop substance use disorders as a way to cope with traumatic experiences, such as physical or emotional abuse. Trauma rewires the brain, making escape through substances feel like the only solution.

The Need for Trauma-Informed Recovery Programs

Trauma centers offer therapy that addresses the specific emotional wounds many female addicts carry. From EMDR to somatic therapy, these approaches help women heal from the inside out. For many part of their mental health and trauma recovery guide includes attending trauma therapy at a licensed trauma therapy center.


Recovering from Mental Health and Trauma

People, Places, and Things That Trigger Relapse

One of the first lessons in sobriety is that we only need to change everything. That includes leaving behind old friends who still use, avoiding toxic environments, and releasing destructive habits.

How to Identify and Change Toxic Environments

Changing surroundings might mean moving homes, switching jobs, or ending a relationship. It’s hard, but necessary. These decisions lay the groundwork for emotional freedom and mental health recovery.

Navigating Relationships in Sobriety

Breaking Free from Codependent and Abusive Relationships

Many women in active addiction are entangled in codependent or abusive relationships. These relationships often reinforce negative behaviors and hinder emotional growth. Recovery offers a fresh start—a chance to choose healthier, respectful connections. Trauma recovery centers often include relationship therapy to help women develop awareness and build emotional safety.

Rebuilding Healthy Intimacy and Boundaries

Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial. Whether it’s with a partner, family member, or friend, boundaries protect your sobriety and mental well-being. Women’s trauma centers offer workshops and one-on-one counseling to guide this process with compassion and clarity.

Mental Health Support During Recovery

Therapy Options for Recovering Women

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and trauma-informed care are among the most effective approaches in supporting women through addiction and trauma recovery. These therapeutic models help women identify triggers, reframe thought patterns, and develop emotional regulation skills.

Group Therapy, One-on-One Counseling, and Medication

Group therapy provides shared understanding, while individual counseling allows for deep personal healing. Some women may also benefit from medication-assisted treatment (MAT), especially when supervised by professionals in a dual-diagnosis or trauma center setting.

Trauma Centers: A Safe Space for Women in Recovery

What to Expect at a Women-Focused Trauma Center

Trauma centers designed for women prioritize emotional safety, privacy, and empowerment. Services often include medical detox, psychiatric evaluations, trauma-specific therapies, holistic healing methods, and ongoing mental health care—all in an environment that understands the unique needs of women.

How Trauma Centers Aid Mental Health and Addiction Healing

By treating underlying trauma, these centers reduce the urge to self-medicate. Women gain tools to manage flashbacks, anxiety, and depression—allowing sobriety to become a sustainable lifestyle rather than a short-term fix.

Building a New Life in Sobriety

Creating a Support System

Recovery thrives in community. Support networks can include 12-step meetings, sober mentors, spiritual groups, and friends who encourage healthy habits. Women who join trauma-informed recovery programs often continue these connections long after treatment ends.

Developing New Routines and Purpose

Sobriety brings the opportunity to pursue passions, hobbies, and meaningful work. Structured routines—like journaling, exercise, or volunteering—reinforce mental clarity and prevent relapse. Recovery becomes more than abstinence—it becomes a fulfilling way of life.

The Importance of the 12 Steps in Recovery for Women

Steps 4–7: Identifying Patterns and Letting Go

These steps invite deep self-examination. Women list resentments, explore personal defects, and begin to release guilt and shame. It’s an emotional but freeing part of the process that helps restore mental health and self-esteem.

Living Authentically and Embracing Change

After completing core steps, women often experience emotional breakthroughs. They begin to live authentically, reclaim personal power, and walk with newfound confidence. The trauma no longer controls their narrative.

Success Stories: Women Who Transformed Through Sobriety

Real-Life Stories of Resilience

Many women have moved from the depths of addiction to lead inspiring lives. From single mothers rebuilding families to entrepreneurs launching wellness brands, success after sobriety is real and attainable.

Lessons Learned and Wisdom Shared

These women often say the same thing: sobriety gave them back their lives. The biggest lesson? Asking for help is a sign of strength. Healing is possible—and joy is waiting on the other side

Addressing Stigma and Shame in Female Recovery

Overcoming Social Judgments

Women often face harsher judgment for substance use than men. Societal expectations around motherhood, appearance, and roles create extra pressure. Trauma-informed care helps women shed this shame and reclaim their stories.

Empowering Women to Speak Out

When women share their mental health and recovery journeys, they not only heal themselves—they create safe spaces for others. Every voice matters in the movement to normalize mental health and recovery.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. How can trauma therapy help in addiction recovery?

Trauma therapy addresses the root causes of addiction—helping women process emotional pain, reduce triggers, and build resilience for lasting sobriety.

2. What makes a trauma center different from a regular rehab?

Trauma centers focus on healing emotional wounds with specialized care, while standard rehabs may not address trauma’s impact on addiction and mental health.

3. Why do women relapse more often in early recovery?

Emotional triggers, unresolved trauma, and toxic relationships can make early recovery harder for women. Support and trauma-informed care greatly reduce relapse risk.

4. Can I recover from both trauma and addiction at the same time?

Yes. In fact, integrated treatment that addresses both simultaneously is often the most effective path for sustained recovery.

5. Are there sober living communities just for women?

Absolutely. Women-only sober living homes provide a safe, supportive environment where female residents can focus on healing together.

6. What mental health therapies are best for female addicts?

CBT, DBT, EMDR (for trauma), and holistic therapies like yoga and art therapy are highly effective when combined in a trauma-centered recovery plan.

Empowerment, Healing, and Long-Term Sobriety

Women in sobriety are more than survivors—they are warriors reclaiming from their mental health, recovering from addiction, and transforming trauma into strength. With the help of trauma centers, therapy, and community support, they are writing new chapters filled with courage, connection, and hope. Mental Health and Trauma recovery isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about rediscovering who you were before the world told you otherwise.