F.E.A.R.
False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR)
Having grown up in functional alcoholism and then married into it, I spent forty-two years frightened and embarrassed. I spent forty-two years! Think about how long that is!
Al-Anon helped me recognize FEAR kept showing up because I’d become comfortable with it. FEAR was my constant companion, it was familiar territory. FEAR seemed better than venturing, all alone, into the unknown.
Lessons from Al-Anon
More than anything else, Al-Anon has taught me I’m NOT alone. I never was. Lily Tomlin once said, “we’re all in this alone,” and that was true, until I connected with my Higher Power. Guess what? My Higher Power had been there all along! It led me into the rooms of recovery. Now, I have many recovering friends and a long list of supports.
Recently, I’ve been learning something most children know by kindergarden. When life’s easy, it’s easy. When life’s hard, it’s hard. My catastrophic thinking and what-if projections find me quickly when the s**t hits the fan. If I’m listening though, my Higher Power says, “come to me, child” and I do! I run, hide, and get real quiet. I focus on entrusting the whole problem (whatever it may be) to my Higher Power’s care. It never fails to work. Time and time again, God’s proven to me that he is Truly the One in Charge!
My Higher Power tells me not to be scared, that FEAR’s just an old habit. FEAR’s just a liar who tries to whisper in my ear. I need to recognize and capture FEAR. I need to put it in one of those old Mason jars, with the clamp lid. I need to bring the jar to my Higher Power, who gladly adds it to a collection.
I’ve learned to dance the Twelve-Step waltz (one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three) everyday since 1989. Since then, I’ve captured innumerable moments of FEAR and thrown them in the Mason jar. This has been challenging the lately. My family’s been dealing with a serious medical issues. Along with talking to doctors, I’ve been talking to God! I continually write gratitude lists. Of course, as soon as I reach out to my Higher Power, things start to get better. My trust begins increasing. I can stand upright, joyous for another day in this broken world.
Evidence of my Higher Power’s love, guidance, and support is real and indisputable. Therefore, God’s Grace never fails! It actually causes me to LAUGH in the face of FEAR. When life gets tough, I remember my God sightings. I re-read my gratitude list. I crawl back under the umbrella of Step-Eleven. It seems almost too easy! Real evidence is true, and true evidence conquers false evidence, handily.
For more stories like this one, LOOK INSIDE a book on Amazon called Whit’s End by clicking here!
Tips For Overcoming an Eating Disorder
A Different Kind of Freedom
Breaking free from an eating disorder can be tremendously challenging, but it’s so worth it! There’s this beautiful freedom that comes from ending the war between yourself and your body. For those who want to recover, the question is how? How can we recover from an eating disorder?
Recovery is accomplished through acceptance, understanding, and education. Simple as that. Well, it’s simple, but it ain’t easy!
Acceptance
First, we have to identify and accept that poor body image and an eating disorder is a problem. That’s the first step towards recovery. This step is scary and overwhelming, I know! I’ve been there.
Most scientific research shows that poor body image and eating disorders cause distorted patterns of thinking. These include obsessive thoughts of food as a way of dealing with emotional issues. Okay, sounds right to me. So, acceptance here is a form of success and strength. Those with poor body image and an eating disorder can make better decisions once they disengage from unhealthy eating habits and thought patterns.
Understanding
Understanding how our minds and bodies work is so important to overcoming an eating disorder. It’s important to understand how our minds and bodies require healthy nutrition to maintain homeostasis and stimulate healthy thought patters.
Our body requires energy to carry out essential brain activity. When we restrict, binge, or purge, our thinking becomes distorted. Providing our bodies with nutrients, coupled with a span of time free from unhealthy eating behavior, changes how our brains process information.
Once this change takes place, our minds begin to clear. This allows us to accept our issues and learn new coping skills. In turn, these coping skills replace our eating disorder with a healthy alternative. Often, we’re afraid to change because then we’ll be out of control. I know my eating disorder was rooted in control. When I was restricting, I was in control. Obviously, this wasn’t the case at all. Again, my thinking was warped as a result of my unhealthy behavior.
Education
The more we learn and understand how poor body image and eating disorders affect out body, the more likely we are to seek help and recovery. Educating ourselves on the health issues associated with eating disorders and poor body image give us power. What’s the old phrase? Knowledge is power!
By learning about eating disorders, we gain three main benefits.
-We learn how poor body image and eating disorders negatively effect our health.
-We learn how to identify how and why recovery is so important.
-We learn that we’re not alone! Millions of people suffer from poor body image and eating disorders.
Acceptance, understanding and education are the keys to freedom!
A Voice From Al-Anon: Learning to Listen
Listening is the Hardest Part
Al-Anon has taught me that pray requires listening. One of our slogans is Listen and Learn. Another is Progress Not Perfection. Another is Recovery is a Verb. Okay, I made that last one up. It’s good, isn’t it!
In Al-Anon meetings, share after share builds my trust that a Higher Power is eager to help us. There’s a catch though, we need to shut up and listen. I’m learning to listen with the eye of my eyes, the ear of my ears, the heart of my heart.
Listening in Al-Anon
Prior to entering Al-Anon, my prayers had generally consisted of long litanies. They were requests from me, Whitney, to God, wherever God is. Recovery encouraged me, through first-hand testimony, that a Higher Power is absolutely able to communicate. God can speak through anything, even a donkey!
I remember one day I was folding laundry in my son’s bedroom, who was five at the time. It must have been a summer morning, because I was folding laundry while Ned was going through the gymnastics associated with obediently making his bed. I had told him before about the times I would come into his room when he was at school – either to put laundry away or to dust or something – and find that he had made his bed (very lumpy indeed but nevertheless completely made) as I had asked. It was not until this particular morning, however, that I had ever actually observed him making his bed. And when I did, it touched my heart.
His pillows were all over the floor, while he was on his mattress. He was in the exact middle, trying to flip the various layers into flatness. He was smoothing his sheets by elongating his body and moving closer to the edge, trying to work out the wrinkles and waves and lumps. It struck me that he was so sweetly obeying, really trying and trying, and without a single complaint. Everyday, he’d been struggling like this, so faithfully. To say I was touched to see his efforts is an understatement.
Next thing you know, I was crying. “Mommy!” Ned exclaimed. “What’s the matter?” To which I replied, “Nothing, Ned, it just touches my heart to see you making your bed, to see how hard you’re trying, to see all the trouble you go to just to get it done.” And then, I believe, I heard God say:
“I love the lumps.”
God sees my efforts. He looks at my heart. My little boy, Ned, had shown me what God looks like. It doesn’t matter how well I understand each and every jot and bustle. It doesn’t matter how well I teach. It doesn’t even matter how well I do.
It only matters that I try. It only matters that I Listen and Learn.
For more anecdotes like this one, LOOK INSIDE a book on Amazon called Whit’s End by clicking here