by Sally Rosa | Jun 18, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction
Written By: Katie Schipper
Dealing with a Relapsing Roommate Isn’t Easy
One of the first things you’ll hear in treatment or a twelve-step fellowship is that not everyone stays sober. There are a lot of reasons people relapse into active addiction, but it usually comes down to whether or not someone’s ready and willing to give recovery as much focus as they gave getting high.
In a place like Delray Beach, where the recovery community is huge, chances are high that you’ll know a lot of people who relapse. The longer you stay sober, the higher that number will be. So, what happens when a relapse hits close to home? What’s there to do if you know your roommate is getting high or drunk?
Recovery Contracts
If you’re living with someone who starts using, it isn’t always easy to pack up your things and walk out the door. It’s probably just as hard to try and force someone else to leave. While it’s wise to go into any roommate situation with a recovery contract, once someone relapses that contract becomes pretty worthless. So, what do you actually do?
Moving in with others in recovery? Learn what to avoid.
Stay Focused!
The first thing to do, and continue doing, is working your program. You’re safe from the first drink, as long as you’re doing the right thing and not coasting along. If you have a sponsor, go to meetings, help other women, and do what’s suggested you’re not going to magically get drunk or high. At that point, you’d have to make a conscience decision to go out. So, the real question is a bit more complicated than simply “what do I do?” The real question is how to live with someone who’s relapsing, whether that’s the right thing to do, or how to get out of the situation.
Most sober women aren’t going to choose to stay in a living situation where someone is getting high or drunk. Sometimes though, there isn’t another option. If your roommate is using and you have no way out of the lease, make it that much more difficult for your roommate to continue “getting away with it.” At this point, there’s no reason to protect your roommate, harsh as that may sound. Trying to save face is also a waste of time. Tell people in your life, and in her life, what’s really going on. They might be able to help her. If she threatens to hurt herself or anyone else, tell someone that too, probably the police. The worst possible thing to do is to sit back and pretend like nothing’s happening. Addiction articles and stories repeat this truth. Simply put, if you know something isn’t right, say something.
How do those living with addicts recover? Read one woman’s personal story.
Leave if You Can
If you’re able to get out of your living situation, do so. Part of getting sober is recognizing that you no longer have to live the way you used to. You don’t have to settle for a subpar, painful existence. You don’t have to stay in situations where you no longer belong. You’re allowed to move and grow. You’re absolutely allowed to remove people from your life who don’t serve a positive purpose.
If your roommate is relapsing, bring extra focus to your own recovery. That’s where the answer lies and it’s where your solution is found.
by A Women in Sobriety | Dec 21, 2012 | Addiction Treatment, Drug Addiction
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Who is a Chronic Relapser?
Once upon a time, I dubbed myself a chronic relapser. Maybe you’ve heard the term?
It’s someone who’s trying to get sober, but can’t stop using. It’s someone who falls into a vicious cycle of going to meetings, using, going to detox, going to meetings, using, going to detox, and finally declaring, “why even bother trying to get sober?”
Potential and the Chronic Relapser
My life wasn’t always this way.
Years ago, I was a kid with so much potential. Many months ago I was in treatment. I did my thirty days. Hell, I even quit smoking and was nominated floor president!
So, what happened? I left treatment and refused to take any suggestions. My heart wasn’t in recovery. I had reservations, stipulations, and speculations. I was nineteen. I never used a needle. I was jealous of thirty-five year olds getting sober. I was jealous they had more years of using than I did! To put it another way, I was battling my demons and not talking to anyone about it.
There were two ways my situation could have played out.
Scenario One: the Road to Happy Destiny
I could have talked to someone about how I felt. I could have gotten a real sponsor, instead of the sponsor I called only once (to cry about my latest arrest). If I was honest about my feelings, I’d have quickly learned that most people new to recovery have the exact same thoughts!
I could’ve taken suggestions, even though I didn’t want to. I could’ve gone to a halfway house and lived with people just like me. I could’ve tried prayer, whether or not I believed in it. Instead, I spent countless hours looking for proof. By doing so, I missed God (or Higher-Power,if you please) altogether.
Scenario Two: Going on to the Bitter End
I DON’T RECOMMEND THIS!!
This was the scenario I chose instead. It’s a terrible and unhappy life. Unfortunately, this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. So, off I went.
I teased myself at first, saying things like “I’ll call my sponsor later,” and “I don’t really need to go to that meeting. Maybe I needed the pain. Maybe I needed to get it out of my system. Sometimes we need to be beaten completely down. Later, I learned we hit bottom whenever we stop digging!
I think the most important thing I should’ve done was reach out to people. I should have been open, honest, and upfront with other women.
Honesty and the Chronic Relapser
I’m a true believer that if you’re not ready to get sober, you’re not going to get sober. There’s nothing anyone can do. There’s nothing anyone can say. There’s no place, thing, or person that’ll save you.
If you’re done though, if you’re ready to get sober, there’s hope. For the women who’s fed up with living a sh**ty life, there’s so much hope. Once I was done using, I got honest quick. From this honesty, all sorts of remarkable relationships began to spring up in my life. Even though things around me didn’t change a lot, things inside of me did. I felt like a new woman.
To this day, if I’m going through a rough patch, I know all I have to do is reach out to another woman. All I have to do is be honest. All I have to do is talk to my sponsor, or a sober-support, about it and I feel better.
