by Sally Rosa | Mar 12, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
By Tim Myers
How to Deal with a Relapsing Roommate
The number one phone call us people in recovery get goes a little something like this – “my roommate is using…what do I do?” This happens every day in recovery communities like Delray Beach and, if you’re living with a recovering alcoholic, it can 100% happen to you!
If three people move into an apartment, one of them will most likely use. Those are the facts. I’m not being pessimistic, just realistic. So, for all of you out there who may find yourself in this predicament, here’s a handy guide.
If your roommate is drinking, you should…
STEP ONE: Have a House Meeting
Confront your roommate together, never one on one.
Bring along someone with more time than you and someone who’s been in this situation before. Ask your roommate if they’ve been using. Point out several things that you’ve noticed about their behavior that makes you believe this.
If the deny it, you can ask them to take a drug test. You can pick these up at any local drug store. Once you have confirmed that they are using, move to step two.
STEP TWO: KICK THEM OUT!
“I can’t do that, they’ll have no where to go!” or “I can’t do that we have rent to pay.” These are poor excuses to kick someone out.
100% of the time the situation gets 100% worse if you don’t make the using roommate leave. Never ever has it worked out. Never.
Tell them they can’t live here anymore and they have to leave right away. Now, you don’t have to be a jerk about it. They’re sick and suffering, so be compassionate and helpful. You can do this in step three.
If your roommate is accepting help and wants to be sober move on to steps three to five. If not, stay away. Ask them to leave, call the cops if they won’t, and above all else, keep you and your home safe.
STEP THREE: Help Them Find a Halfway House
Your relapsing roommate is broken and scared right now. Help them get on the phone and help them find a place to stay. There are many halfway houses and many will work with your roommate on payments if they have a job. Once you have a place that your roommate has committed to, move on to step four.
STEP FOUR: Take Them To A Meeting
By taking them to a meeting you’re showing your roommate that you still care about them and their recovery. They’ll remember this and hopefully they’ll do the same thing for another person if the situation arises.
This will also put them in a good mood and get them back on the right path before they even step foot in the halfway house.
STEP FIVE: PRAY!
This is the most important step because it’s showing God that you care for your friend and that you’re grateful that you’re still sober.
Take this time to reflect on all the blessings in your life and ask for help for your roommate. In trying times like these, it’s easy to forget to pray, but praying is probably why you’ve stayed sober. It’s probably what your roommate should have been doing.
by Sally Rosa | Jun 18, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Drug Addiction
Written By: Katie Schipper
Dealing with a Relapsing Roommate Isn’t Easy
One of the first things you’ll hear in treatment or a twelve-step fellowship is that not everyone stays sober. There are a lot of reasons people relapse into active addiction, but it usually comes down to whether or not someone’s ready and willing to give recovery as much focus as they gave getting high.
In a place like Delray Beach, where the recovery community is huge, chances are high that you’ll know a lot of people who relapse. The longer you stay sober, the higher that number will be. So, what happens when a relapse hits close to home? What’s there to do if you know your roommate is getting high or drunk?
Recovery Contracts
If you’re living with someone who starts using, it isn’t always easy to pack up your things and walk out the door. It’s probably just as hard to try and force someone else to leave. While it’s wise to go into any roommate situation with a recovery contract, once someone relapses that contract becomes pretty worthless. So, what do you actually do?
Moving in with others in recovery? Learn what to avoid.
Stay Focused!
The first thing to do, and continue doing, is working your program. You’re safe from the first drink, as long as you’re doing the right thing and not coasting along. If you have a sponsor, go to meetings, help other women, and do what’s suggested you’re not going to magically get drunk or high. At that point, you’d have to make a conscience decision to go out. So, the real question is a bit more complicated than simply “what do I do?” The real question is how to live with someone who’s relapsing, whether that’s the right thing to do, or how to get out of the situation.
Most sober women aren’t going to choose to stay in a living situation where someone is getting high or drunk. Sometimes though, there isn’t another option. If your roommate is using and you have no way out of the lease, make it that much more difficult for your roommate to continue “getting away with it.” At this point, there’s no reason to protect your roommate, harsh as that may sound. Trying to save face is also a waste of time. Tell people in your life, and in her life, what’s really going on. They might be able to help her. If she threatens to hurt herself or anyone else, tell someone that too, probably the police. The worst possible thing to do is to sit back and pretend like nothing’s happening. Addiction articles and stories repeat this truth. Simply put, if you know something isn’t right, say something.
How do those living with addicts recover? Read one woman’s personal story.
Leave if You Can
If you’re able to get out of your living situation, do so. Part of getting sober is recognizing that you no longer have to live the way you used to. You don’t have to settle for a subpar, painful existence. You don’t have to stay in situations where you no longer belong. You’re allowed to move and grow. You’re absolutely allowed to remove people from your life who don’t serve a positive purpose.
If your roommate is relapsing, bring extra focus to your own recovery. That’s where the answer lies and it’s where your solution is found.
by Fiona Stockard | May 23, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Katie Schipper
Why Does Choosing a Good Roommate Matter?
Early recovery can often feel like a constant onslaught of suggestions, advice, appointments, therapy, outpatient, meetings, step-work, and so on. The list of things that must be considered can seem never ending!
Why, on top of everything else, does choosing the right roommate matter? Of course, certain qualities are obvious. It’s probably not a great idea to move in with someone who’s getting high or drunk. And maybe avoid moving in with the boy you met in rehab. There’s more to choosing a roommate than just the obvious though, it deserves some attention and thought.
Learning how to live sober is a process. Finding a roommate and building a home (that isn’t a recreation of the chaos you lived in during active addiction) is more than just not using in that home. Finding the right roommate matters because finding a roommate can be one of the first steps in achieving balance. It can be one of the first steps towards living in harmony as a sober woman, outside of an inpatient treatment center, a halfway house, or even a Florida intensive outpatient program.
The following suggestions are based on the assumption that you’re leaving a halfway house after finishing a commitment.
Does quality substance abuse treatment still exist?
Things to Consider in a Roommate
Like any other individual choice, the following qualities to look for in a roommate are only suggestions.
Sometimes, the easiest thing to do is pick a friend and roll with it, regardless of who she is or where she’s at in her recovery (if she’s even in recovery). Often, the easiest thing leads to a lot of extra anxiety and stress! So, before choosing someone just because, consider a few ideas.
- If you’re moving in with someone who’s not in recovery, is this something that will interfere with your recovery?
If the answer is maybe or yes, it’s not worth the risk it poses. Also, do you know that their drinking/using is that of a normal, social user? If you can’t say yes to that question with certainty, it’s a good idea to find someone else.
Now if your potential roommate is in recovery, consider a few things, things that have been found to be largely true across the board.
- Is your roommate through her steps?
If not, consider finding someone who is. If you aren’t through your steps, consider getting through them before leaving your halfway house. Steps completed = some level of sanity has returned. This results in less likelihood of drama in your home!
- Can you find someone who has taken the time to build her recovery through treatment, IOP, and step-work?
- Find someone with whom you can be honest
Honesty usually isn’t a strong point for addicts, so building a roommate relationship based on honesty and openness is a really great foundation for future relationships.
- Find someone who is employable and employed
- Find someone who has similar values or requirements in a roommate as you
For example, if you’re cool with having overnight guests regularly, but your potential roommate isn’t, that’s going to become an issue.
Are you an alcoholic with an anxiety disorder? This article is about you!
What Makes a House a Home?
All of the above are starting points for finding a roommate. If the right roommate isn’t immediately in front of you, don’t pick a random girl! It’s not always wise to jump into a living arrangement with your best friend from IOP, or with someone you’re just getting to know. Be patient and wait until you find someone who you believe you could live with harmoniously.
Having a sober home, a harmonious home, a home instead of a house, is new to most addicts. It’s definitely something worth seeking.
