by Sally Rosa | Dec 31, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Sobriety is the Best Gift
Okay, that’s kind of corny, right? Wrong! Sobriety really is the best gift! It’s the best gift you can give yourself. It’s the best gift you can give your family and loved ones. It’s the best gift you can give to coworkers. It’s even the best gift you can give to strangers. After all, they’re probably sick of dealing with a hungover and miserable woman!
All jokes aside, sobriety is a one-of-a-kind blessing. It’s the foundation upon which we can build the rest of our life. It’s a way to grow as women and give back to those that have helped us time and time again.
This last point, giving back, is huge. I’m going to tell you all about my first sober holiday experience. It should come as no surprise that giving back, being of service in all areas of my life, kept me sober during this time.
My First Sober Thanksgiving
I got sober in April 2008. I was living in a halfway house in Delray Beach, FL and my parents were a million miles away. Well, they were really only a thousand miles away, but it seemed like a million!
I skipped Thanksgiving that year. Even at around six months sober, I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with my entire family. I couldn’t wait to see my parents and brother, but aunts, uncles, and cousins? Thanks but no thanks!
So, my mom, dad, and brother came to Florida. We had Thanksgiving at a local restaurant and then walked along the beach. We talked about what we were thankful for. Of course, my sobriety was number one on everyone’s list!
That was my first sober Thanksgiving. It was pretty awesome and gave me some of the confidence I needed to tackle my first sober Christmas!
My First Sober Christmas
This time, I couldn’t stay in Florida. While I’d missed Christmas the previous year, thanks to being in treatment, this time my family wasn’t having it. They wanted to see me and I knew I needed to be there.
In preparation for my trip back home, I buckled down. I hit my knees more than ever. I finished my steps and started reaching out to newcomers. I got a sponsee and began to take her through the twelve-steps. I made sure to research meetings in New York and reached out to the local Intergroup office.
When it was time to fly up, I did. The next week was a whirlwind of seeing family members I hadn’t seen in years. Most of the time, seeing them was great! Sometimes, it wasn’t. I have uncles and cousins who love to drink and smoke weed. They didn’t do anything around me, but it was plain to see they were messed up.
What did I do? Did I join them in the backyard for a quick joint? Did I join them at the kitchen island for wine? Nope, I prayed for them! They may or may not be addicts and alcoholics. I don’t know and it’s not my place to know. It is my place to be of service to everyone, though.
So, I prayed and asked God how I could help those around me. I went to a meeting every morning. I raised my hand and shared at each meeting. I reached out to other alcoholics who were having a hard time during the holidays. In turn, God had my back. She kept me safe and protected. The thought of drinking never even crossed my mind!
And that, my friends, is one hell of a miracle!
by Fiona Stockard | Dec 12, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Big Book Broken Down – Part Fifteen
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other to recover from alcohol and drug addiction. It was founded in June of 1935, just celebrated its seventy-ninth anniversary, and boasts over two million members.
AA’s central text is the Big Book. With a sponsor and a Big Book, AA members work the twelve steps, and “recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body” (title page).
Today, I’ll be finishing the chapter Working With Others.
Working With Others
Picking up from last week, Working With Others goes on to offer advice on how we can act when we’re someplace where people are drinking. It says, “Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it” (p. 102).
The idea of contributing to an occasion, rather than simply trying to have a good time, touches upon a central theme of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was a taker my entire life. I was selfish to the extreme. After getting sober, it was time for me to start giving!
Say I’m at a friend’s birthday party. People are drinking and having a good time. I can have a good time and try my best to make the birthday gal have an even better time!
In fact, Working With Others says as much. The chapter reads, “If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically” (p. 102).
Sounds simple. Of course, like most of AA’s principles, it’s much easier said than done! After all, it takes time to break habits we’ve had for years or decades.
The chapter then goes on to talk about how we interact with “normies.” It advises us not to infringe upon our nonalcoholic friends’ right to drink. It says, “Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account” (p. 102).
It would be pretty selfish of us to impose on someone who wants to drink (who doesn’t have a problem with booze). Remember, we’re trying to get rid of this selfishness! We’re growing as women from selfish to selfless.
What about keeping booze in our house, though? Maybe we have a boyfriend or husband who likes a beer with dinner. Maybe we live with our parents and they like a cocktail before bed. What do we do?
Once again, the Big Book has us covered! Working With Others says,
“Many of us keep liquor in our homes…some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic…we feel that each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves” (pp. 102-103).
Thanks AA! You have an answer to every question that crosses my mind! This chapter ends with two key ideas. First it advises us recovering alcoholics to avoid prejudice. It says, “We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution” (p. 103).
Sounds good to me. There’s no reason for me, as a sober woman of grace and dignity, to hate on people who drink. Of course, if someone is struggling with alcoholism or addiction, I’ll be quick to share my story with them.
Working With Others ends with a quote I hear repeated often in the rooms of recovery. It goes a little something like,
“After all, our problems were of our own making. Bottles were only a symbol. Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to!” (p. 103).
Sounds about right to me!
