by Sally Rosa | Jul 28, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Written By: Fiona Stockard
Battling All The Suggestions in Early Sobriety
One of the hardest things that young women trying to get sober experience is following the suggestions given to them in early-sobriety. A lot of women think they don’t need to follow suggestions given to them by their therapists and sponsors. Sadly, the great majority of these women learn later that they were greatly misinformed.
Disagreeing with Suggestions Given In Early-Sobriety
In early-sobriety, when a suggestion is given that you don’t agree with, your decision to follow it (or not follow it!) shows a lot about where you’re at in recovery. In a way, this can be seen as a metaphor for whether or not you’ll be able to stay sober. Yes, you might call your sponsor. Yes, you might be working your steps. But what does it say about you and your recovery when you’re still doing everything your way?
Find out jobs you should avoid in early-recovery
I’ll Lie, Cheat, and Steal When I Want To!
We did everything our way, while we were getting high. We got high when we wanted to get high. We stole money when we needed money. We hurt people when we felt they’d hurt us. Early-recovery is about letting go of your ego. When you believe your way is the best way to do something, and ignore a suggestion, your ego is getting in the way. It takes a lot to admit that you might not know what’s best. When you’re in early-sobriety and someone who has a lot more experience than you, like your therapist, is telling you something, listen. They’re almost always right.
Read about the importance of accountability in early-recovery
An Indication in Early-Sobriety of What’s To Come
I’m going to give you fine gals an example. I present to you Jane Doe. Jane has three months sober. She’s living in a halfway house. The general suggestion surrounding halfway houses is that you should make a six month commitment to live there. Jane decides she want’s to leave though. So, she talks to her therapist about it. Her therapist says, “Jane, don’t be an idiot. Finish your commitment!” Jane moves out the next day.
A healthy person would be able to see that staying another three months isn’t going to hurt them. In fact, it’ll probably be a positive experience. In early-sobriety it’s important not to take risks. When you learn to protect your sobriety, you also learn how to stay sober. People who take risks in early-sobriety usually don’t end up staying sober.
Suggestions Suck
Yeah, sometimes they sucks, but what’s the big deal? The way we shape our program in that first year usually determines how our program is going to look down the road. Why pick up white-chip after white-chip? Once you work a strong program, you can take all the risks you want. The funny thing is when you get to this point taking risks usually doesn’t seem so appealing. Usually you’re happy with where you are and what you’ve accomplished.
by A Women in Sobriety | Dec 21, 2012 | Addiction Treatment, Sobriety For Women
One Woman’s Story of Taking Suggestions
As a scared eighteen year old girl entering treatment for alcoholism and an eating disorder, I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what to expect from treatment. I had no idea what to expect from my life. I had no idea what to expect in so many ways!
I tried to convince myself I only needed help for “debilitating anxiety.” I had no plan to stay sober from any of my addictions. I was looking for a temporary break, a bit of peace and quiet. After staying in a hospital and slowly putting together a few days, I took my first suggestion. I came to an extended care treatment center in Florida.
Extended Care in Florida
I’d call my parents everyday, anxious to tell them how well I was doing. Of course, I was lying, I just wanted to get out! I sat in groups, saw doctors, and had individual therapy. I smoked cigarettes with my roommates and talked s**t.
I liked going to outside meetings and getting a glimpse of the real world the most. I couldn’t wait to have what everyone on the outside had. I didn’t want someone checking on me every half-hour. I didn’t want someone verifying if I could go to Starbucks. I didn’t want someone telling me I couldn’t use the phone.
Most of my peers from treatment moved out and roomed together. Some went to “three-quarter houses,” which were loosely organized and should have been called crack houses! I wanted that freedom. I wanted a car. I wanted no curfew. I debated going back to college. I wanted to join a sorority, drink in moderation, and get my life back. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it.
Today, most of my peers from treatment aren’t sober. Two are dead. Of the fifty confused, young women I was in treatment with, only myself and one other are still sober.
Today, I thank God I got what I needed, NOT what I wanted.
What the Hell is a Halfway House Anyway?
That one other girl who’s still sober, well, her and I chose to go to halfway houses after treatment. When my treatment center suggested a halfway house, I reaction was dismal at best. I didn’t even know what a halfway house was!
One of my childhood friends lived next door to a halfway house. She always told me not to make eye contact with the residents and to go inside when they were smoking. I asked her why and she responded, “they’re all crazy people who do crack all day and have mental diseases.” So, when my treatment center suggested I go to a halfway, I wasn’t sure I wanted any part of it.
I finally learned what a halfway house really was. I was still skeptical. Bed-checks? Curfews? Been there, done that. I was pretty fed up with people running my life.
Taking Suggestions Saved My Life!
Today, I look at going to a halfway house as the best decisions I ever made. Sure, I didn’t want authority, but I was willing to try it out for a few months.
My thinking went something like this, “sure, authority sucks. What other option do I have though? If I start using again, I’ll probably die. Even if I don’t, I’ll be separated from my family and everyone else…”
Sharing a house with six women and sleeping in a twin-bed was never my idea of luxury. The feeling of belonging, hope, and happiness I experienced was better than anything else I’d ever felt. See, through living in a halfway house, I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was introduced to young women in recovery. I was introduced to a new life.
Women with time took me to AA meetings my treatment center didn’t go to. I loved these meetings! There were women I could relate to. There were women talking about the Big Book and “recovering from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.” There were women talking about sponsorship and the twelve-steps.
Above all, my halfway house kept me accountable. I met my sponsor at a meeting the halfway house brought in. My halfway house manger consistently asked me where I was with my step work. When I wasn’t doing it, she pushed me to. I finished the twelve-steps. I felt, for the first time in my life, a real difference. I didn’t want to go home and try to drink in moderation. I wasn’t obsessed with getting high. I was taught how to live my life!
I started working part-time and taking college classes. I had the love and support of other girls doing the same thing. Sure, there were times I wanted to drink. If I hadn’t been in a halfway house, if I was in my own apartment, the chances are high that I would have. To put it another way, I never lacked a shoulder to lean on. Anytime I needed to vent (which, in early sobriety, was always!), there was someone there.
A Sober Woman
My experience in a halfway house allowed me to get reacquainted with life and all the responsibilities it entails.
Today, I have a full life. I’m a college graduate. I’m a sponsor. I’m still sober. These are high milestones for an addict and alcoholic!
I frequently remember my time in the halfway house with a bittersweet smile. I remember the ups and downs, the times I wanted to leave. I remember the end of my commitment, when I was actually ready to leave. I don’t have any regrets.
The women from my halfway house shaped me from a scared nineteen year old girl, to a mature and sober woman. Today, I can accept life’s hardships. Today, life is good, but only because I did the necessary work!
