by A Women in Sobriety | Mar 3, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Women in Recovery
Alcoholics Anonymous, the primary program of recovery from addiction amongst substance abusers worldwide, was founded by – and initially exclusively for – men.
Men would gather for coffee and conversation as their devoted wives met separately and figured out how to cope with the emotional distresses their husbands had caused them over the years. While some of these women undeniably struggled with excessive consumption themselves, it was their duty as wives to support their husbands as they overcame addiction, keeping up the home and caring for the children.
In 1935, the societal role of the female in any matrimonial relationship was relatively cut-and-dry. It was a woman’s responsibility to fulfill expectations of being a good wife and mother, and sweep any personal hindrances under the rug. As times began to change and women’s liberation gained momentum nationwide, ladies began speaking up and seeking help themselves.
While the first female member of Alcoholics Anonymous, Florence Rankin, joined the fellowship in March of 1937, females did not heavily infiltrate the program until the 1960s.
Girls Rule!
The first women in recovery displayed absolutely astonishing amounts of courage, and helped to pave the way for decades of recovering women that came after them. The initial role of women within the fellowship was complicated by numerous factors, and sadly, many wives and mothers found it easier to simply perpetuate the allocated role of committed homemaker than to rattle societal standards.
Not only did gendered structure assume an alcoholic to be male, but there were also fears revolving around the alleged sexual behavior of drinking women – a stereotype that has trickled down for years since and shaped the current prevalence of women in the rooms.
While the innumerable benefits of Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs in the lives of women have been proven time and time again, less than one-third of all fellowship are females. This is due, in large part, to the misguided stereotypes that have followed women throughout history. While these pigeonholes are constantly being disproven, many women fail to seek treatment based on fear of disapproval or the general stigmas relating to women in recovery.
Fortunately, in recent times, being a woman in recovery is not only accepted – it is celebrated! Female-exclusive treatment centers have been established nationwide, and the importance of addiction recovery amongst females has become exceedingly clear.
As women, the only current barriers we face are self-imposed. We are strong, we are capable, and we are deserving. Slowly but surely, the role of women in recovery is growing, and as it does, more and more ladies are casting the hindrances of shame and stigma aside and giving themselves the chance at the fulfilled and joyous lives they so warrant!
This essay was written by Cayla Clark, a woman in recovery and writer for many top south Florida drug rehabs!
by A Women in Sobriety | Dec 9, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Recovery
Do I Say Addict or Alcoholic?
It’s the oldest question around! Do I identify myself as an addict or an alcoholic?
I’ve been asking myself this since I was first introduced to the rooms of twelve-step recovery. That was back in the dark ages of the mid 2000’s. My family thought I needed help and sent me to an IOP program. The IOP, in turn, sent me to rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.
So, I went to a few NA meetings. I was thoroughly confused by what I heard there. I did learn a few important things, though. I learned I probably do have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I learned I used drugs to fill a void.
I also learned to call myself an addict. The one thing I didn’t learn was how to stop drugging and drinking. Spoiler alert, I didn’t learn how to stop because I didn’t want to.
Fast forward a few years and I was introduced to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was in a residential treatment center and they took us to AA meetings every night. When I raised my hand to share and said “My name’s Fiona and I’m an addict,” well, let’s just say I caught an earful.
I was told I was disrupting the meeting. I was told to call myself an alcoholic. I was told to respect the house I was in.
Respect the House You’re In
Since that fateful meeting, I’ve heard this slogan repeated a lot. Respect the house you’re in. What exactly does it mean though?
Well, it means exactly what it sounds like! I should identify myself according to the fellowship I’m attending. If I’m in NA, I call myself an addict. If I’m in AA, I call myself an alcoholic. If I’m in CA, I call myself a cocaine addict. If I’m in EDA I say I’m recovering from an eating disorder.
It’s pretty simple actually! See, I suffer from a disease of complication. I can take the simplest concept and twist it up in my head to be something completely different. Part of sobriety, for me, is to keep thing simple. In fact, one of my favorite recovery sayings is Keep it Simple!
But I Never Had a Problem with Alcohol!
I hear this all the time in meetings. I hear women refuse to identify themselves as alcoholics because they never drank. I hear women refuse to identify themselves as addicts because they never did drugs.
While that makes sense in theory, in practice it’s quite different. Being an addict or alcohol has nothing to do with what substance we did or didn’t use. It has to do with our thinking.
In both AA and NA literature, the disease is called “a disease of thinking and relationships.” See, I’m an addict and alcoholic because I have a mental obsession with drugging and drinking. I’m an addict and alcoholic because I’m unable to form true partnerships with other people.
Until I have a spiritual awakening. Once that happens, my thinking returns to (mostly) normal. I’m able to be selfless instead of selfish. Thank God for that!
What If Say Alcoholic/Addict?
I’ve heard this one a lot, too. I’ll be sitting in a meeting and someone says, “My name’s So and So and I’m an addict and alcoholic.”
There’s nothing really wrong with this. I still feel like we, as women in recovery, should respect the house we’re in, though. It seems disrespectful, in my opinion, to add an unnecessary qualifier.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments!
by Sally Rosa | Sep 3, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Recovery Can Be Overwhelming
Getting sober is scary! We’re thrown into a new location, told to change people, places and things (this means change everything!), and begin to reach out to other sober people. We begin to experience feelings again.
Basically, we experience everything we avoided through our addiction! Fear not Ms. Freshly Sober, Sobriety For Women is here to help. We’ve whipped up a handy guide to the common types of twelve-step fellowships and twelve-step meetings. We’ve even sprinkled in some basic meeting etiquette.
Sounds like one less thing to freak out over. Now, get back to doing step work!
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA is the original twelve-step fellowship and has been around since 1935. Hmm, they’ve been around for over seventy-five years? They must be doing something right!
A common misconception about AA is that it’s only for people with a drinking problem. This isn’t the case at all. I’m a certified junkie and I go to mainly AA meetings. I work AA steps and sponsor the AA way. Just because you’re an addict, doesn’t mean you can’t go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
Here’s where that meeting etiquette I talked about earlier comes in. I don’t talk about drugs during AA meetings. When I share, I say things like “my drinking was out of control,” or “alcohol worked for me, until it didn’t!”
I swap the word drugs for alcohol and it works fine. When I’m doing step-work with a girl, well, then I’m very open about my addiction. During meetings though? I respect the house I’m in.
Plus, alcohol is only mentioned once during the twelve-steps. The rest is all about us and how we relate to other people.
Narcotics Anonymous
NA was founded in 1953 and is over sixty years old. Again, those recovering addicts must be doing something right!
NA is, generally speaking, a bit looser than AA. Obviously, you can talk freely about drugs. Don’t start telling war stories though, or you’ll get chewed out by old-timers pretty quick!
I’ve noticed, through my personal experience with NA, they generally don’t dive into the steps. They have a saying, which goes a little something like “we didn’t get sick overnight and we’re not going to get better overnight, either.”
Personally, I don’t agree with this. I think we need to start to get better right away. Still, NA works for hundreds of thousands of people. If you’re looking for a slow and steady approach, NA may be right for you!
Cocaine Anonymous
An AA old-timer founded CA in 1982. While CA is a separate fellowship from AA, they work steps from AA’s Big Book and practice AA sponsorship.
Truthfully, I haven’t been to a ton of CA meetings. The one’s I have attended are lively and solution oriented. That means members share about how to get better, rather than reminisce about drugs or booze.
CA seems to mirror AA in that members don’t need to have only a cocaine addiction. In fact, most people I’ve met at CA were opiate addicts.
Other Anonymous Fellowships
While AA, NA, and CA are the most prevalent twelve-step fellowships, there are about five thousand others. These include: Al-Anon (for those affected by someone else’s drinking), Gambler’s Anonymous (GA), Sex and Love Anonymous (SLA), Codependents Anonymous (CODA), and Overeater’s Anonymous (OA).
Types of Meetings
Within the above fellowships, there are many different types of meetings. Let’s look at some.
Open Meeting
This simply means that anyone, addict or alcoholic or otherwise, can attend. Want to bring your significant other to a meeting? Take them to an open meeting.
Closed Meeting
This means that you have to me a member to attend.
The third tradition of most twelve-step fellowships reads, “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking [or using].”
So, to attend closed meetings, you have to have a desire to stop destructive behavior. You don’t, and this is important so pay attention, you don’t have to identify as an addict or alcoholic.
All meetings are either open or closed. So, open and closed are sort of the macro-categories of twelve-step meetings.
Speaker Meeting
Speaker meetings are where someone speaks. Simple enough, right? In these meetings, the speaker can share their story, or speak on a particular topic.
Literature Meeting
This is a meeting where the topic is based around specific literature.
This literature can be fellowship approved (AA’s Big Book) or unapproved (AA’s “Little Red Book”).
Literature meetings can have a speaker, be a discussion meeting, or be any other type of meeting.
Discussion Meeting
These are meetings where a topic is discussed. The topic can be about anything. Common topics include gratitude, resentment, relapse, spirituality, etc.
Step Meeting
Step meetings are when the topic is one of the twelve-steps. These meetings can take the form of speaker meetings, discussion meetings, or literature meetings.
Anniversary Meeting
This is a meeting where addicts and alcoholics celebrate their sober anniversaries. Typically, the last meeting each month is an anniversary meeting. Medallions are given to anyone with a year or more. There’s cake and sweets.
Anniversary generally don’t take up the entire meeting. The rest of the meeting is whatever type of meeting it normally is.
Now that you know all about the different types of fellowships and meetings, get out there and start getting better!
by Fiona Stockard | Aug 1, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
The Basic Text Broken Down – Part One
Narcotics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who help each other recover from drug and alcohol addiction. It was founded in July of 1953, just celebrated its sixty-first anniversary, and boasts over 60,000 meetings worldwide.
NA’s central literature is the Basic Text. With a sponsor, the Basic Text, and a workbook, NA members work the twelve steps. Through working these steps, NA members learn that “Just for today, you never have to use again!” (xxiii)
What exactly is the Basic Text? How does reading a book help someone achieve and maintain clean time? The aim of these articles are to answer exactly those questions.
Prefaces
The NA Basic Text is now in its sixth edition. Throughout each edition, there have been short prefaces explaining the changes made. Now, in the sixth edition, there are only two prefaces. One is the preface of the most recent edition, while the other is the preface of the very first edition.
Of particular interest is a short section from the preface to the first edition. It states, “As addicts, we know the pain of addiction, but we also know the joy of recovery we have found in the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous” (xxiii).
This is a central facet of NA, the fellowship. Anytime an addict is struggling with cravings or other issues, they can go to a meeting and instantly be surrounded by family. They’re home in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.
Introduction
This chapter, as the name suggests, is a brief introduction to the program of NA. Founding NA members adopted their program of recovery from Alcoholics Anonymous. However, they make sure to note, “Alcoholism is too limited a term for us; our problem is not a specific substance, it is a disease called addiction” (xxv).
Here, they lay out an important concept, the disease model of addiction. This, much like AA’s disease model of alcoholism, is a three-part model. There’s a mental obsession, a physical allergy, and a spiritual malady. In order to recovery, all three parts of the disease must be addressed.
The way that NA treats the disease of addiction is by getting connected to a Higher Power and carrying a message of hope and healing to new members. This can be seen when, on the next page, they say “Our purpose is to remain clean, just for today, and to carry the message of recovery” (xxvi).
Chapter One – Who Is an Addict?
This chapter outlines who may benefit from the Narcotics Anonymous program.
One of the first things it points out is that “Some of us believe that our disease was present long before the first time we used” (3).
This idea, that drugs weren’t the problem, is central to any recovery programs. In fact, for many addicts, drugs were the solution! The problem rests within the addicts themselves. The problem was our inability to cope with life!
In fact, the chapter goes on to state this very notion. “We tried drug and combinations of drugs to cope with a seemingly hostile world” (4).
Once again, as addicts, drugs offer us a solution to the hardships in life. The problem is our inability to deal with these problems.
The chapter goes on to say, “We had to reach our bottom, before we were willing to stop” (7).
This is another idea central to NA – that addicts can only get better after hitting a bottom. I know this was certainly true for me. I had to lose everything before I thought that maybe I needed help. I had to isolate myself from everyone before I thought I might be the problem.
