by Fiona Stockard | Jun 4, 2015 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Are Relapse Triggers Real?
My name is [insert generic name here] and I’m an alcoholic. My name is [insert even more generic, but still kind of hip, name here] and I’m an addict.
Those are words we’ve all said countless times. I know I have. I say them each morning when I wake up (just to remind myself of who and what I am), during the go around at meetings, when I raise my hand to share, and when I’m asked to speak. These words are ingrained in my consciousness.
What do they really mean though? Well, through my understanding of alcoholism and addiction, I believe they mean that I’m someone who suffers from a mental obsession, a physical allergy, and a spiritual malady.
Of course there’s a lot more that goes into being an alcoholic (selfishness, unhealthy relationships, etc.), but those three points are at the center of my alcoholism.
But guess what? Two of the three can be treated. Two of the three can be given a daily reprieve. Two of the three can be made better.
This only happens through doing the work (which isn’t really work at all but I can’t think of a better way to phrase it!). Once I admit defeat, get a sponsor, start doing stepwork, get in contact with a God of my own understanding, and start practicing spiritual principles in all my affairs, I also start getting better.
Once I do these simple things, the mental obsession is removed and the spiritual malady is reversed. Of course, they can always come back, but so long as I’m living right…they don’t. It’s that simple.
So, this has all been a long way of making a simple point – I don’t believe that triggers exist. Maybe they do in early-recovery, before we do the work, but once we get spiritual fit, well, we also say goodbye to relapse triggers.
A Bold Claim
I’m not a doctor. I’m not a therapist. I’m not a certified addiction councilor. I don’t have any fancy letters next to my name. I’m just a woman in long-term recovery from drugs and booze.
So, my claim might be a little bold. My assertion that drug relapse triggers don’t exist for spiritually fit individuals might be a little much. I stand by it 100% though.
Want to know why? Because I’m living proof of it. Myself, and millions of other men and women, are walking proof that triggers don’t exist.
Since getting sober, I’ve been around people drinking more times than I can count. You know how many times it’s phased me? How many times it’s made me want a drink myself? Not once.
I’ve been around people smoking pot (a position I don’t like to put myself in, but one that has happened) a handful of times. Did I ever want to take a hit of the joint, a puff on the pipe? Nope.
These things don’t trigger me because, and this goes back to what I mentioned above, I no longer have an alcoholic mind. I’ve recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Two Things to Remember
Now there are two important, strike that two critical, things to consider – we don’t get better overnight and our spiritual condition is subject to change.
First, we don’t get better overnight. For my first six months of sobriety, I stayed away from all alcohol. If my friends were going to a bar to shoot pool, a concert, or anywhere that served alcohol, I wasn’t there.
I knew I still had an alcoholic mind. I knew I wasn’t strong enough in my recovery to be around alcohol. So I didn’t put myself in those situations. Simple as that.
Second, our spiritual condition is in constant flux. One day we may be super connected and another we may not be connected at all. It’s important to be in touch with where we’re at on any given day.
If you’re spiritually connected, triggers don’t exist. If you’re not, well, triggers can be very real. If you’re not spiritually connected, instead of going to the bar to shoot pool, it’s a good to work with another alcoholic instead.
And that isn’t just my bright idea. It says so in the Big Book and that, as they say, is that!
by A Women in Sobriety | Mar 3, 2015 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Women in Recovery
Alcoholics Anonymous, the primary program of recovery from addiction amongst substance abusers worldwide, was founded by – and initially exclusively for – men.
Men would gather for coffee and conversation as their devoted wives met separately and figured out how to cope with the emotional distresses their husbands had caused them over the years. While some of these women undeniably struggled with excessive consumption themselves, it was their duty as wives to support their husbands as they overcame addiction, keeping up the home and caring for the children.
In 1935, the societal role of the female in any matrimonial relationship was relatively cut-and-dry. It was a woman’s responsibility to fulfill expectations of being a good wife and mother, and sweep any personal hindrances under the rug. As times began to change and women’s liberation gained momentum nationwide, ladies began speaking up and seeking help themselves.
While the first female member of Alcoholics Anonymous, Florence Rankin, joined the fellowship in March of 1937, females did not heavily infiltrate the program until the 1960s.
Girls Rule!
The first women in recovery displayed absolutely astonishing amounts of courage, and helped to pave the way for decades of recovering women that came after them. The initial role of women within the fellowship was complicated by numerous factors, and sadly, many wives and mothers found it easier to simply perpetuate the allocated role of committed homemaker than to rattle societal standards.
Not only did gendered structure assume an alcoholic to be male, but there were also fears revolving around the alleged sexual behavior of drinking women – a stereotype that has trickled down for years since and shaped the current prevalence of women in the rooms.
While the innumerable benefits of Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs in the lives of women have been proven time and time again, less than one-third of all fellowship are females. This is due, in large part, to the misguided stereotypes that have followed women throughout history. While these pigeonholes are constantly being disproven, many women fail to seek treatment based on fear of disapproval or the general stigmas relating to women in recovery.
Fortunately, in recent times, being a woman in recovery is not only accepted – it is celebrated! Female-exclusive treatment centers have been established nationwide, and the importance of addiction recovery amongst females has become exceedingly clear.
As women, the only current barriers we face are self-imposed. We are strong, we are capable, and we are deserving. Slowly but surely, the role of women in recovery is growing, and as it does, more and more ladies are casting the hindrances of shame and stigma aside and giving themselves the chance at the fulfilled and joyous lives they so warrant!
This essay was written by Cayla Clark, a woman in recovery and writer for many top south Florida drug rehabs!
by Sally Rosa | Nov 26, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
What are the 10th Step Promises?
Much like the ninth step promises, the tenth step promises are a section of the Big Book where recovering alcoholics are promised peace and recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Sounds too goo to be true, right? Wrong! The tenth step promises are available for everyone who works for them. They’re guaranteed to you, to me, and to the broken woman who just walked through the door.
Of course, there’s a pretty big caveat here. We have to do the work! These promises don’t just magically happen in our lives. We have to sweat. We have to earn it. We have to earn recovery!
Bill Wilson Wrote –
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
–(Big Book pp. 84-85)
Again, like the ninth step promises, I didn’t know what those words meant until I experienced them. It’s easy to read, “…the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.” To experience that freedom firsthand, though? I can’t describe it. It’s simply freedom.
My Experience with the 10th Step Promises
I’m a tried and true alcoholic and addict. Before picking up a drink, I would use things like attention, controlling my weight, boys, and good grades to feel different. Then I got high. After that, all bets were off.
See, I have the three-part disease of alcoholism and addiction. My body processes alcohol and drugs differently than “a normie’s” body. Once I start, I can’t stop. Of course, stopping wouldn’t be a problem if I never started in the first place.
I always begin to drink again. I always begin to drink until I reached “a position of neutrality – safe and protected.” See, I had a mental obsession with drinking and drugging. Once I started to think about alcohol, I wouldn’t stop until the thought of drinking pushed out all else. I wouldn’t stop until a drink was in my hand.
That’s the heart of alcoholism – the bizarre mental obsession. Did you notice, though, that I wrote in past tense in the above paragraph? That’s because I’ve recovered. I’ve been granted safety from a God of my own understanding. I’ve been set free.
That’s my experience with the tenth step promises. They set me free. When I was newly sober, they offered me hope. My sponsor showed them to me almost immediately. I thank God she did. They showed me that recovery isn’t only possible, it’s promised if I do the work.
See, I have to complete the steps in order for these promises to manifest in my life. Even then, they don’t always occur during the tenth, eleventh, or twelfth step. It takes some women much longer to have them come true in their lives. For some lucky women, the obsession is lifted before they reach the tenth step. Like most of sobriety, these promises are an entirely subjective experience.
The bottom line, though, is if I do the work, if I search within myself and find God, the obsession to drink and drug will be removed. That’s all I can ask for and all I continue to ask for on a daily basis.
by Sally Rosa | Sep 17, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written by: Tim Myers
What Make Sober Women Hot?
I’m a man in recovery and I’m here to tell you today exactly what I think makes sober women hot.
1. Tattoos
2. Great Tits
3. Expensive, Sexy Clothes
4. Sports Car
5. Lack of Fat
Nope, just kidding. None of those, not a single one those things do I find “Hot”. If you do feel that those are 5 things that make a sober woman hot then I really hope you don’t date women and that you get hit by a train. Guess what people, sober women are the hottest women on the planet and looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. Going after a sober woman based off looks alone is as smart as buying a dog based on how cute it looks. Yeah it may look great but I could also bite your stupid face off!
What Makes A Women Really Hot
The hottest sober woman in the world would have these aspects, attributes and qualities.
She has a sponsor and sponsees:
My first sponsor told me, the reason that you sponsor people is because it teaches you how to have a relationship with another person that puts them first always. Sponsoring someone is 100% unselfish. If the bombshell you want to date is sponsoring people and she has a sponsor there is a very good chance she is going to be able to put your needs over hers. If you have a sponsor and are sponsoring people then you’ll put her needs above your own. That my friend is the making of a great relationship. That is hot, because good relationships are hot. Bad relationships are the things we used to be addicted to.
She goes to meetings a lot:
Nothing is hotter than a woman in an AA meeting. It shows you that she shares the same beliefs that you do. It shows a commitment to making a better life for herself and those around her. Now if she shows up with a bunch of other chicks that’s great too because it shows that she goes out of her way to carry the message to other women. Think how good she’ll be to you if she is that good to strangers.
She has made amends:
OK, think about this, it will blow your mind. What if you dated a woman who admits she is wrong? Boom! That’s hot! Women in my humble and completely judgmental opinion have a hard time admitting they are wrong. It’s been 57 years and my Mom still has not admitted she is wrong about anything. A sober woman who admits she is wrong is a woman who is in touch with her strengths and weaknesses. She knows when she is on top, she knows when she is struggling, she is in control of her actions and emotions. That is wicked hot.
She Laughs:
I got sober to be happy. A sober woman laughing, smiling and enjoying life is super hot. That’s what I want. I want the woman who is already happy. Not the one whose happiness is based on the tattoos I buy her or the purse she flaunts because it cost $5,000. A woman who needs a man to be happy in order to cover up the pain she hasn’t faced is not hot. What is hot is the happy sober woman who is 100% happy with her self and by adding a relationship together we achieve 200% happiness.
She has a great big smile:
The only body part I find hot is a smile. That’s it. I do not care what you like I only care about your smile. Do you have one? If so than you are hot. Period. Ass, Tits, Legs I Do! Not! Care! They tell me nothing about your insides. Your smile well, it tells me everything.
So if you’re a sober woman and your wondering how to be hot, here’s what you need to do…
Get a sponsor, get sponsees, got to a lot of meetings, make amends, laugh and smile.
If you do those things you will be with out a shadow of a doubt the hottest sober woman on the planet, period.
