by Sally Rosa | Mar 26, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Body Image / Eating Disorders
“I am not eccentric! It’s just that I am more alive than most people. I am an unpopular electric eel, set in a pond of Goldfish!” – Damn Edith Sitwell
I spent a lot of my youth trying desperately to fit in. Big surprise, right?
People would ask me what kind of music I listened to and I’d say Dave Matthews Band, Dispatch, or some other easy answer. Really, I liked show tunes. Total dork, huh? But that was me!
Why lie about who I was (or who I am)? I think it came from a sort of gut level need to fit in, to be normal, to be accepted. As my parents will gladly tell you, I was never normal!
We’re All Like Special Snowflakes
Okay, that’s kind of corny, but it’s totally true! What makes us, as human beings, special? It’s our uniqueness and differences. Often, this uniqueness gets pushed aside so we can fit in. That’s one way that eating disorders can pop up.
As women, we’re pressured towards what we should look like. The perfect body. The perfect girl. Let’s face it, not everyone’s body is supposed to be a size two! In fact, most people aren’t supposed to be a size two. Guess what? That’s okay! We should celebrate our bodies, whatever size they may take. We should celebrate what makes us different and unique!
We, as women, are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Why not try to accept our beautiful colors, textures, shapes, and sizes? Why not stop trying to squeeze into something we’re not?
My Thighs
Like a lot of women, I’ve spent a lot of time hating my thighs. I think they’re too big, even though, rationally, I know they’re not. I spent years doing everything I could to achieve that ever elusive thigh gap! It wasn’t until I met a woman who’d recovered from her eating disorder that I started to think differently.
This woman, who really was more like a saint, asked me one simple question. “What if you didn’t have legs? Wouldn’t you do anything to get back your so-called fat legs,” she asked. That really switched my perspective around.
A Drastic Change in Thinking
Eventually, I went to treatment at an all women’s eating disorder treatment program, then followed it up with aftercare and twelve-step involvement. It was only then that I was able to “put down the bat” and stop hating myself.
Through what I learned, I was able to embrace my uniqueness. Well, I was able to begin to embrace my uniqueness. After all, this recovery gig is a lifelong process.
I began to realize I don’t have fat thighs at all! It’s funny how our thinking can become so distorted. I began to accept and understand that fat isn’t a feeling and that normal is only a setting on dryers!
So remember, real women have thighs. Real women are pear-shaped. Real women have cellulite. Real women eat dark chocolate. Real women enjoy life! If we were all the same, then we’d all be boring!
by Sally Rosa | Mar 24, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Why Do Women In Recovery Relapse?
Relapse is too often a part of women’s recovery stories. This doesn’t have to be the case though! It’s possible for addicts to go a lifetime without relapsing!
Even if a woman in recovery does relapse, hope isn’t lost. In fact, valuable lessons can be learned after relapsing! We can take our slip and turn it into a stronger, more vigorous, program of spiritual action!
1) Stress
While we’re in our active addictions, we’re usually using or drinking to suppress negative emotions. One of these is stress. Raise your hand if you like stress. I don’t see any hands!
Early recovery isn’t easy. Staying sober is overwhelming. Finding and keeping a job is overwhelming. Making sober friends is overwhelming. Life is overwhelming! Working a strong recovery program (aka being spiritually fit) provides us with the foundation and support network we need. Without this support, it’s easy to deal with stress in negative, harmful ways.
2) Not Changing People, Places, and Things
People– Being surrounded by old friends isn’t healthy. They may remind you of old habits, be negative towards your recovery, or just generally be assh**es. Hanging around old people is one of the easiest ways to justify a relapse. “Everyone else is drinking, why can’t I?,” you might ask yourself. To put it another way, people can change our motives and early-recovery is all about motives.
Places – Many women try to get sober in the same area they used in. This usually doesn’t work too well. It’s hard to stay sober when you know you can get high within five minutes. In early-recovery, it’s important to stay away from places that trigger strong thoughts of using.
Things – Getting rid of anything that reminds us of drinking or getting high is key! Holding onto paraphernalia and objects associated with active addiction isn’t a good idea. Imagine if someone kept a crack pipe with them during early-recovery. They’d probably end up smoking crack. Duh!
3) Occasions
Holidays, celebrations, and family get-togethers are some of the happiest occasions around. However, for addicts in early-recovery, they can be tough to get through sober. I know I’ve been guilty of thinking “you mean I can’t drink on my wedding day? What kind of crap is this!”
Holidays and celebrations require a strong support system to get through. Without people to talk to, without an active spiritual connection, it’s easy to justify one glass of wine. We all know what just one glass of wine leads to!
Then there are funerals. Funerals are stressful, emotionally challenging, and plain-old suck! Who wants to deal with emotional pain when they could get high instead? Without an active and strong support systems, we can easily relapse into harmful behaviors.
4) Relationships
In early-recovery, us addicts often swap addictions. Oh, you’re a pill addict? Well, now you’re codependent. I know that was true for me!
We reach for anything that makes us feel better. Getting into a relationship in early-sobriety is pretty dangerous. I mean, we hear it all the time! It’s commonly recommended to stay away from relationships (that means sex too!) until we’ve finished our steps. At that point, we’re spiritually fit and have a firm understanding on what’s appropriate and inappropriate.
One final reason to stay away from relationships in early-sobriety is that the people we seek out are usually sick. Imagine if you’re dating a boy and he relapses. It becomes that much easier to justify getting high with him.
5) Not Working a Program of Recovery
This is probably the biggest reason women, of all lengths of sobriety, relapse. Going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the twelve-steps, and sponsoring other women, is a vital part of recovery. Hell, that is recovery!
Graduating a women’s treatment center is also pretty important. Us addicts are good at staring things, but pretty lousy at finishing them. Let’s finish something!
Going to treatment and working a program of recovery is what keeps women sober. Without these things, we’re often miserable and depressed, which makes getting high look like a pretty good option.
Although relapse in a part of many women’s stories, it doesn’t have to be! If you do relapse, hopefully you’ll learn some valuable lessons and make it back to the rooms of recovery. To avoid relapse, shut up and listen to the women who came before you! Take a few suggestions and grow into a woman of grace and dignity!
by Fiona Stockard | Jul 19, 2013 | Body Image / Eating Disorders
Alcoholism and Anorexia
In terms of healthy body image, living in a resort town was really intimidating! I was obsessed with going out every night. I was obsessed with looking sexy! There was a problem though, I wasn’t as thin as my friends.
I found myself full of self-pity and jealousy. One night, staring down into my empty cocktail glass, I realized that drinking actually made me full! I could probably lose weight if I supplemented my meals with alcohol! I thought I’d found the golden ticket to being thin.
I began skipping breakfast, running five miles a day, working all evening in a bar (which burned a ton of calories), and then going out all night. As the weeks moved forward, I realized I was losing weight at a rapid rate! At 5’8″, I dropped from 135 pounds to 97 in only a few months.
Of course, there was a downside to my rapid weight loss. I was suffering from anemia, hair loss, extreme dehydration, depression, and constant anxiety. On top of all that, my lack of eating was contributing to daily alcoholic blackouts.
The Progression of Alcoholism and Anorexia
A year later, I was so thin that I agreed to participate in counseling, at the repeated urging of friends. Soon, I was clinically diagnosed with anorexia. Of course, I was in complete denial. I had a problem? No way!
I continued down my destructive path because I was so obsessed with the attention I was getting. Everyone told me how thin I was and how I looked like a model. I continued to visit my counselor and slowly began to learn about what I was doing to my body. She told me about how the lack of nutrients in my body was causing it to process alcohol slower. So, that explained my blackouts! A healthy liver can metabolize one drink an hour. Mine could metabolize one drink every few hours. My counselor told me how much liver damage I was doing to myself.
I still wasn’t ready to change, but I was ready to listen. I learned that alcoholism is significantly more harmful to woman than men. This is because women don’t possess an enzyme that helps metabolize alcohol. I learned that women who drink frequently are at a greater risk for cirrhosis of the liver than men, even if they drink less, or for shorter periods of time. I learned that if I continued to drink alcoholically, and deprive my body of key nutrients, I’d soon end up with cirrhosis or pancreatitis.
The Turning Point
Here I was at the turning point. I had to make a decision about my life. I was battling two evils, alcoholism and anorexia. Finally, after several trips to the ER, I decided I was ready to admit total defeat. I accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic, an anorexic, and if I didn’t seek help soon, I’d die.
I got a sponsor and began to work a strong recovery program. I went through the twelve-steps to regain my spirituality. Through the steps, I also found emotional wellbeing and a healthy body image. I began to truly experience the freedom of bondage to my alcoholism and eating disorder.
Today, I continue to work a program, because I believe recovery’s a life-long journey. I’m truly grateful for all the experiences in my life. I’m truly grateful to have been given the gift of freedom.
by Sally Rosa | May 3, 2013 | Sobriety For Women, Addiction Treatment
Love In Sobriety
I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my sobriety, a lot. The one thing I can absolutely say that I’ve done right is how I approached finding love in sobriety. As I write this, I’m two weeks from marrying the love of my life, the man I’m positive my higher power wants me with. Hopefully, I can share some of my experience to those struggling with finding love in sobriety.
When I first got sober I was advised of one thing, and only one thing, regarding relationships – don’t get in one for a year. This was fine with me. The only experience I had with dating at this point was one long-term relationship (which ended horribly) and a few casual hookups. I didn’t trust men at all and found it easy to stick with women.
I got a sponsor and began working steps. I surrounded myself with strong women in recovery, women I could share anything with. In fact, these were the first people I learned to love in sobriety. I loved them before I loved myself. We spent every weekend together, laughing, dancing, and having a good time. I learned who I really was. I learned how to live life. These women taught me how to truly love myself.
Through all of this, God was with me. I built a relationship with my higher power by working the twelve-steps. I learned to love God. I learned to trust God. I became sure God had a plan for me. Because of this, I was perfectly happy waiting for the romantic relationship that God would be fit to place in my life. I was sure that if I was meant to find love in sobriety, God would provide for me. That isn’t to say I wasn’t impatient. Sometimes I was. I was lonely going to bed by myself every night. I was lonely watching my friends fall in love in sobriety. Hell, I was even lonely watching my friends fall out of love in sobriety. I was there for my friend’s weddings, births, and breakups. Still, I felt unqualified to give my friends and sponsees relationship advice.
And then, there he was, my love. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. I just knew there was an attraction between us. An attraction I hadn’t felt in a long time. Geographically, we were separated, so I only saw him a few times a year. We were friends for several years. I managed to convince myself that I didn’t have feelings for him. I began to take action about my dating situation. I hadn’t been in a relationship in over five years! I’d worked on myself, done two 5th steps, and worked with countless sponsees. I loved myself. I was ready! I began to seek love in sobriety like I never had before.
Then this guy, my friend, moved to where I was living. He moved in with a friend of mine, in fact. We began spending a lot of time together. We spoke everyday. I became confused about how he felt about me. I’d speak to my sponsor about him at length. In the end, I decided to let God guide things. If God wanted us together, we’d end up together, and that was that. Not long afterwards, we began dating. I knew deep inside, in my heart and soul, this was the real deal. I’d found love in sobriety.
We’ve had our ups and downs, but through it all I’ve been convinced this is the man God wants for me. As long as we keep God at the center of our lives, nothing can shake the love we’ve built.
