by Sally Rosa | Nov 26, 2014 | 12 Steps, Addiction Articles
Written By: Fiona Stockard
What are the 10th Step Promises?
Much like the ninth step promises, the tenth step promises are a section of the Big Book where recovering alcoholics are promised peace and recovery from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.
Sounds too goo to be true, right? Wrong! The tenth step promises are available for everyone who works for them. They’re guaranteed to you, to me, and to the broken woman who just walked through the door.
Of course, there’s a pretty big caveat here. We have to do the work! These promises don’t just magically happen in our lives. We have to sweat. We have to earn it. We have to earn recovery!
Bill Wilson Wrote –
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.
–(Big Book pp. 84-85)
Again, like the ninth step promises, I didn’t know what those words meant until I experienced them. It’s easy to read, “…the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.” To experience that freedom firsthand, though? I can’t describe it. It’s simply freedom.
My Experience with the 10th Step Promises
I’m a tried and true alcoholic and addict. Before picking up a drink, I would use things like attention, controlling my weight, boys, and good grades to feel different. Then I got high. After that, all bets were off.
See, I have the three-part disease of alcoholism and addiction. My body processes alcohol and drugs differently than “a normie’s” body. Once I start, I can’t stop. Of course, stopping wouldn’t be a problem if I never started in the first place.
I always begin to drink again. I always begin to drink until I reached “a position of neutrality – safe and protected.” See, I had a mental obsession with drinking and drugging. Once I started to think about alcohol, I wouldn’t stop until the thought of drinking pushed out all else. I wouldn’t stop until a drink was in my hand.
That’s the heart of alcoholism – the bizarre mental obsession. Did you notice, though, that I wrote in past tense in the above paragraph? That’s because I’ve recovered. I’ve been granted safety from a God of my own understanding. I’ve been set free.
That’s my experience with the tenth step promises. They set me free. When I was newly sober, they offered me hope. My sponsor showed them to me almost immediately. I thank God she did. They showed me that recovery isn’t only possible, it’s promised if I do the work.
See, I have to complete the steps in order for these promises to manifest in my life. Even then, they don’t always occur during the tenth, eleventh, or twelfth step. It takes some women much longer to have them come true in their lives. For some lucky women, the obsession is lifted before they reach the tenth step. Like most of sobriety, these promises are an entirely subjective experience.
The bottom line, though, is if I do the work, if I search within myself and find God, the obsession to drink and drug will be removed. That’s all I can ask for and all I continue to ask for on a daily basis.
by Sally Rosa | Nov 3, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
As Ebola Panic Dies Down, Let’s Talk about Addiction
A number of new polls show that Americans are less worried about an Ebola outbreak than they were last week! Three cheers for doctors and first-world medical care!
According to Bloomburg Politics, 69% of Americans were “somewhat or very concerned” about Ebola in early October. As of October 29th, that number dropped to 61%.
Also, according to Fox News, a mere 59% of Americans believe Ebola will spread throughout the country. Again, three cheers for medicine!
What does Ebola have to do with Sobriety For Women? I’m asking myself the same question. Well, according to a controversial Huffington Post article, we should be talking about the addiction epidemic, not the Ebola epidemic.
The Real Cost of Addiction
According to Huffington Post, and more importantly the C.D.C., the scope of addiction is staggering. Really, some of these numbers are unbelievable.
Consider the following facts and statistics:
- In 2012, overdoses were the leading cause of death injury. In fact, overdoses killed more people in the twenty-five to sixty-four age bracket than car accidents.
- In 2012 alone, 41,502 people died after overdosing. Over half of these deaths were due to pharmaceutical overdoses (oxycodone, Vicodin, Xanax, etc.).
- There’s been a 117% increase in overdose deaths from 1999 to 2012.
Okay, those are some alarming numbers! More important than shocking numbers, though, is the human cost of addiction.
What if it was YOUR Loved One?
That’s a scary question. I don’t particularly want to think about what my family would have gone through if I’d died as a result of my overdoses.
It’s important to ask though. It’s questions like “what if my sister overdosed and died?” and “what if my daughter overdosed and died?”, that are going to change the conversation about addiction. Remember, we can all change! We can also all change the conversation!
Right now, the public generally views addiction as an unpleasant and misunderstood disease. That last part’s important– a misunderstood disease. While addiction is undoubtedly a disease, this way of thinking tends to dehumanize its victims.
Women in Recovery are More Than Statistics
By adding a personal touch to addiction stories, by adding a face and a smile, the public won’t be able to dehumanize addiction any longer.
Women in recovery aren’t merely statistics. We’re not numbers to be spewed out like an afterschool special. We’re people! We’re daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, cousins, friends, girlfriends, wives, and so much more! We’re spiritual warriors fighting each day to make the world better!
We’re the human face of addiction. Reminding the world that we’re sober addicts and alcoholics (and so much more!) is what’s going to make the addiction dialogue shift.
Our lives and our stories are going to change the conversation from the Ebola epidemic, to the addiction epidemic, to the blessings of recovery!
by Fiona Stockard | Oct 1, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written By: Fiona Stockard
My Name is Fiona and I’m an Addict
It took me far too long to say those words. It took me even longer to mean them. My road to recovery from substance abuse began the first time I made myself vomit. See, before I could imagine getting better, I had to get worse.
Growing up, I always felt like the weirdo, the odd-woman out (turns out most addicts felt this way!). I was overweight and had low self-esteem. I suffered from anxiety and depression. In turn, I felt like a piece of crap everyday.
My Story
At eleven years old, I made myself throw up and instantly felt better. That’s kind of sick, right?
I didn’t lose tons of weight. I didn’t become suddenly popular. The boy I had a crush on didn’t ask me out. What did happen was that I gained control. On some tiny level, I finally had control over my body, over my mind.
Fast-forward a couple of years, I found out pills worked better than vomiting. Fast-forward a couple of years from that, I found out heroin worked better than pills. Oh, and guess what? Cocaine and heroin worked best.
By seventeen years old (before I was even legally an adult!), I was one hot mess. I was addicted to multiple drugs, living on the street, and alienated from my family. I was more addiction than person. Luckily, my mom just wouldn’t give up on me. She got me a plane ticket and a bed in one of south Florida’s most prominent treatment centers.
That wasn’t happily ever after though. Though treatment was an amazing experience, I relapsed afterward. Life was hell for another year. Eventually, I went to another treatment center and got better. Turns out all I had to do was change everything. Though this sounds hard, it was so much easier than the alternative.
If my story sounds like a bad afterschool special, that’s because it is. I was a statistic. I was the story you told your kids to scare them. Today, well today, I’m much different. I’m writing this, exposing myself, in the hopes that other women might not have to go through all I did.
What I Needed WASN’T What I Wanted
I’ve been around the block when it comes to rehab. I’ve been admitted twice to in-patient, residential programs, and been to more intensive outpatients (IOPs) than I can count. I knew the system. More accurately, I knew how to beat the system.
It wasn’t until multiple therapists, doctors, and addiction professionals had called me on my s**t, that I began to heal. To put it another way, what I needed wasn’t what I wanted.
What I needed was an all women’s rehab, therapists who examined ALL aspects of my life, supportive peers, and aftercare. In my IOP experiences, I received none of the above. IOP works great for a lot of people, I can’t stress that enough. But for this broken woman (for this broken GIRL really), IOP didn’t even allow me to cut down my use.
My first time in residential treatment, I had two of the four. I was in a women’s treatment center and had great peers. What I didn’t receive was comprehensive clinical care, or any aftercare.
My second time in residential treatment, I had four out of four. I was surrounded by incredibly warm and supportive women, the entire treatment team kicked my metaphorical ass, then built me carefully back up, and the rehab looked after me upon discharge. Guess what? As a result of all that, I began to change. I was given hope and I wasn’t trading that hope for all the drugs in the world.
Recovery is For People Who…
Addiction treatment is a vital and necessary part of recovery, but ultimately it’s only the start of a lifelong process. Treatment offers a ton of crucial services (like those I mentioned above), a place to be physically separated from drugs, guidance, and hope. What treatment doesn’t offer is the desire to get better. That has to come from within.
Remember, I drank and used after my first visit to residential treatment. This was largely due to not being provided the safe environment rehab should be, but also because I wasn’t ready to change.
To put it a much simpler way, a woman needs the desire to heal more than ANYHTING ELSE. What women in sobriety need is a fire within their chests, a voice that won’t stop repeating, “you can do better, you can get better, you ARE better!”
by Sally Rosa | Sep 17, 2014 | Sobriety For Women
Written by: Tim Myers
What Make Sober Women Hot?
I’m a man in recovery and I’m here to tell you today exactly what I think makes sober women hot.
1. Tattoos
2. Great Tits
3. Expensive, Sexy Clothes
4. Sports Car
5. Lack of Fat
Nope, just kidding. None of those, not a single one those things do I find “Hot”. If you do feel that those are 5 things that make a sober woman hot then I really hope you don’t date women and that you get hit by a train. Guess what people, sober women are the hottest women on the planet and looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. Going after a sober woman based off looks alone is as smart as buying a dog based on how cute it looks. Yeah it may look great but I could also bite your stupid face off!
What Makes A Women Really Hot
The hottest sober woman in the world would have these aspects, attributes and qualities.
She has a sponsor and sponsees:
My first sponsor told me, the reason that you sponsor people is because it teaches you how to have a relationship with another person that puts them first always. Sponsoring someone is 100% unselfish. If the bombshell you want to date is sponsoring people and she has a sponsor there is a very good chance she is going to be able to put your needs over hers. If you have a sponsor and are sponsoring people then you’ll put her needs above your own. That my friend is the making of a great relationship. That is hot, because good relationships are hot. Bad relationships are the things we used to be addicted to.
She goes to meetings a lot:
Nothing is hotter than a woman in an AA meeting. It shows you that she shares the same beliefs that you do. It shows a commitment to making a better life for herself and those around her. Now if she shows up with a bunch of other chicks that’s great too because it shows that she goes out of her way to carry the message to other women. Think how good she’ll be to you if she is that good to strangers.
She has made amends:
OK, think about this, it will blow your mind. What if you dated a woman who admits she is wrong? Boom! That’s hot! Women in my humble and completely judgmental opinion have a hard time admitting they are wrong. It’s been 57 years and my Mom still has not admitted she is wrong about anything. A sober woman who admits she is wrong is a woman who is in touch with her strengths and weaknesses. She knows when she is on top, she knows when she is struggling, she is in control of her actions and emotions. That is wicked hot.
She Laughs:
I got sober to be happy. A sober woman laughing, smiling and enjoying life is super hot. That’s what I want. I want the woman who is already happy. Not the one whose happiness is based on the tattoos I buy her or the purse she flaunts because it cost $5,000. A woman who needs a man to be happy in order to cover up the pain she hasn’t faced is not hot. What is hot is the happy sober woman who is 100% happy with her self and by adding a relationship together we achieve 200% happiness.
She has a great big smile:
The only body part I find hot is a smile. That’s it. I do not care what you like I only care about your smile. Do you have one? If so than you are hot. Period. Ass, Tits, Legs I Do! Not! Care! They tell me nothing about your insides. Your smile well, it tells me everything.
So if you’re a sober woman and your wondering how to be hot, here’s what you need to do…
Get a sponsor, get sponsees, got to a lot of meetings, make amends, laugh and smile.
If you do those things you will be with out a shadow of a doubt the hottest sober woman on the planet, period.
