by Sally Rosa | Mar 24, 2014 | Addiction Articles, Sobriety For Women
Why Do Women In Recovery Relapse?
Relapse is too often a part of women’s recovery stories. This doesn’t have to be the case though! It’s possible for addicts to go a lifetime without relapsing!
Even if a woman in recovery does relapse, hope isn’t lost. In fact, valuable lessons can be learned after relapsing! We can take our slip and turn it into a stronger, more vigorous, program of spiritual action!
1) Stress
While we’re in our active addictions, we’re usually using or drinking to suppress negative emotions. One of these is stress. Raise your hand if you like stress. I don’t see any hands!
Early recovery isn’t easy. Staying sober is overwhelming. Finding and keeping a job is overwhelming. Making sober friends is overwhelming. Life is overwhelming! Working a strong recovery program (aka being spiritually fit) provides us with the foundation and support network we need. Without this support, it’s easy to deal with stress in negative, harmful ways.
2) Not Changing People, Places, and Things
People– Being surrounded by old friends isn’t healthy. They may remind you of old habits, be negative towards your recovery, or just generally be assh**es. Hanging around old people is one of the easiest ways to justify a relapse. “Everyone else is drinking, why can’t I?,” you might ask yourself. To put it another way, people can change our motives and early-recovery is all about motives.
Places – Many women try to get sober in the same area they used in. This usually doesn’t work too well. It’s hard to stay sober when you know you can get high within five minutes. In early-recovery, it’s important to stay away from places that trigger strong thoughts of using.
Things – Getting rid of anything that reminds us of drinking or getting high is key! Holding onto paraphernalia and objects associated with active addiction isn’t a good idea. Imagine if someone kept a crack pipe with them during early-recovery. They’d probably end up smoking crack. Duh!
3) Occasions
Holidays, celebrations, and family get-togethers are some of the happiest occasions around. However, for addicts in early-recovery, they can be tough to get through sober. I know I’ve been guilty of thinking “you mean I can’t drink on my wedding day? What kind of crap is this!”
Holidays and celebrations require a strong support system to get through. Without people to talk to, without an active spiritual connection, it’s easy to justify one glass of wine. We all know what just one glass of wine leads to!
Then there are funerals. Funerals are stressful, emotionally challenging, and plain-old suck! Who wants to deal with emotional pain when they could get high instead? Without an active and strong support systems, we can easily relapse into harmful behaviors.
4) Relationships
In early-recovery, us addicts often swap addictions. Oh, you’re a pill addict? Well, now you’re codependent. I know that was true for me!
We reach for anything that makes us feel better. Getting into a relationship in early-sobriety is pretty dangerous. I mean, we hear it all the time! It’s commonly recommended to stay away from relationships (that means sex too!) until we’ve finished our steps. At that point, we’re spiritually fit and have a firm understanding on what’s appropriate and inappropriate.
One final reason to stay away from relationships in early-sobriety is that the people we seek out are usually sick. Imagine if you’re dating a boy and he relapses. It becomes that much easier to justify getting high with him.
5) Not Working a Program of Recovery
This is probably the biggest reason women, of all lengths of sobriety, relapse. Going to meetings, getting a sponsor, working the twelve-steps, and sponsoring other women, is a vital part of recovery. Hell, that is recovery!
Graduating a women’s treatment center is also pretty important. Us addicts are good at staring things, but pretty lousy at finishing them. Let’s finish something!
Going to treatment and working a program of recovery is what keeps women sober. Without these things, we’re often miserable and depressed, which makes getting high look like a pretty good option.
Although relapse in a part of many women’s stories, it doesn’t have to be! If you do relapse, hopefully you’ll learn some valuable lessons and make it back to the rooms of recovery. To avoid relapse, shut up and listen to the women who came before you! Take a few suggestions and grow into a woman of grace and dignity!
by Fiona Stockard | Nov 1, 2013 | Sobriety For Women
Well, What Does it Mean to You?
by A Women in Sobriety | Aug 20, 2013 | Drug Addiction
Discover the Truth About Yourself
How do I know if I’m an elephant? How do I know if I’m a tiger? How do I know if I’m an alcoholic? Well, if you have a trunk and you’re the largest land mammal around, you’re an elephant! If you’re a wild cat with orange and black stripes, are owned by Siegfried and Roy (or if you’re a professional golfer with a Nike endorsement and have cheated on your wife), you’re a tiger! Those two are easy.
How do you know if you’re an alcoholic, though? That isn’t an easy question to answer. Unlike being an elephant or tiger, appearances and behaviors aren’t exclusive signs of alcoholism. Yes, alcoholics have some general characteristics, but there aren’t any exclusive traits. That homeless guy holding a sign and sleeping under a bridge? He’s probably an alcoholic, but all alcoholics aren’t homeless. So, the answer to whether you’re an alcoholic is elusive and, at times, subjective. How do we answer this question? How can I tell if I am an alcoholic?
My Moment of Clarity
Well, a few years ago, I was in upstate New York. I was in a hair salon, asking myself this very question. I was reading Reader’s Digest, while the toxic fumes of AquaNet burned my nose. A few pages into Reader’s Digest, I saw a questionnaire titled “How Do I Know If I’m an Alcoholic?” It was a multiple-choice, ten question test. I was like “perfect! I’ll finally know!”
I borrowed a pen from the front dest and began to answer the first question. As soon as my pen hit paper, an eighty-year old woman snatched the magazine from my hands. “Oh, honey, only alcoholic’s take that test,” she said. “I’m not an alcoholic, just curious.” I replied. She smiled and shook her head. “No, you’re not just curious, you’re an alcoholic.”
Okay, now I’m getting pissed. This old broad has no idea who I am and here she is judging me! She’s judging me just because I wanted to take some stupid Reader’s Digest quiz! Somehow, I kept my cool and asked her “how do you know I’m an alcoholic?”
“Well, the non-alcoholic person doesn’t wonder. They don’t ask themselves questions, they don’t even let the thought cross their mind, See, for them, being an alcoholic isn’t even an option, because alcohol isn’t that important to them. They don’t need it. So, if they had couple rough nights, or even a rough couple of weeks, they stop and that’s it. But, the person who puts pen to that test is struggling with the idea of alcoholism. They’re wrestling with the concept of not drinking. They’re fighting against the idea of a better life without alcohol. That’s how I know you’re an alcoholic! Plus, your car has an empty bottle in the back seat, your eyes are bloodshot from last night, and you still smell like booze,” she replied. She knew!
It turned out she was a recovering alcoholic herself, with over forty years in recovery. Guess what else. It turned out she was right. I was an alcohol. How did she know and I didn’t? How did she know YEARS before I did?
Well, if I’m wondering if I’m a tiger, I’m going to get the best possible answer from a tiger. If I’m wondering if I’m an alcoholic, I’m going to get the best possible answer from another alcoholic. We know what despair feels like. What know what despair smells like, looks like, walks like, and talks like.
So, if you’re asking yourself if you may be an alcoholic, go to a meeting and ask someone. Ask someone with a few years sober. Hell, ask someone with a few months sober (who’s worked the steps, of course). They may tell you “yes.” They may tell you “no.” Regardless, they’ll be able to help like no one else.
by Fiona Stockard | Aug 6, 2013 | Body Image / Eating Disorders
A Different Kind of Freedom
Breaking free from an eating disorder can be tremendously challenging, but it’s so worth it! There’s this beautiful freedom that comes from ending the war between yourself and your body. For those who want to recover, the question is how? How can we recover from an eating disorder?
Recovery is accomplished through acceptance, understanding, and education. Simple as that. Well, it’s simple, but it ain’t easy!
Acceptance
First, we have to identify and accept that poor body image and an eating disorder is a problem. That’s the first step towards recovery. This step is scary and overwhelming, I know! I’ve been there.
Most scientific research shows that poor body image and eating disorders cause distorted patterns of thinking. These include obsessive thoughts of food as a way of dealing with emotional issues. Okay, sounds right to me. So, acceptance here is a form of success and strength. Those with poor body image and an eating disorder can make better decisions once they disengage from unhealthy eating habits and thought patterns.
Understanding
Understanding how our minds and bodies work is so important to overcoming an eating disorder. It’s important to understand how our minds and bodies require healthy nutrition to maintain homeostasis and stimulate healthy thought patters.
Our body requires energy to carry out essential brain activity. When we restrict, binge, or purge, our thinking becomes distorted. Providing our bodies with nutrients, coupled with a span of time free from unhealthy eating behavior, changes how our brains process information.
Once this change takes place, our minds begin to clear. This allows us to accept our issues and learn new coping skills. In turn, these coping skills replace our eating disorder with a healthy alternative. Often, we’re afraid to change because then we’ll be out of control. I know my eating disorder was rooted in control. When I was restricting, I was in control. Obviously, this wasn’t the case at all. Again, my thinking was warped as a result of my unhealthy behavior.
Education
The more we learn and understand how poor body image and eating disorders affect out body, the more likely we are to seek help and recovery. Educating ourselves on the health issues associated with eating disorders and poor body image give us power. What’s the old phrase? Knowledge is power!
By learning about eating disorders, we gain three main benefits.
-We learn how poor body image and eating disorders negatively effect our health.
-We learn how to identify how and why recovery is so important.
-We learn that we’re not alone! Millions of people suffer from poor body image and eating disorders.
Acceptance, understanding and education are the keys to freedom!
