by Sally Rosa | Jun 27, 2013 | 12 Steps
When I came to, metaphorically and literally, in my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I knew I’d met my match. See, even at twenty years old, sitting in a musty room with people double and triple my age, I felt at home. Not at home like when I sank into my bed and spent the evening with a sexy little bottle of Evan Williams. At home like even though I knew nothing of AA, I knew I’d found my answer.
Now, let’s not get it twisted! I didn’t walk into my first AA meeting with birds chirping, rainbows shining, and friends cheering, “Hey Buddy! You’ve arrived! Welcome Home!” No, I walked in that damn door with the triangle because I was out of options.
See, my entire life I knew Alcoholics Anonymous existed. Growing up, I wasn’t the most well behaved child. Drugs and alcohol played a huge role in my poor behavior and AA was usually where I was sent as punishment. Not to mention, my best friend’s parents have been sober our entire lives. They’ve also been very active in the AA community in our town. Meanwhile, we were always in trouble. We were always caught doing the wrong thing, at the wrong time. We’d end up banished to AA meetings for several hours. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to relate. I’d spend the entire meeting thinking about how AA was such a cult. As I got older, my drinking and drugging got worse. I tried therapy, moderation, and different “maintenance plans.” I tried everything I could think of to piece my life together. Everything except going to meetings!
Finally, when I was ready for help, I knew where to go – Alcoholics Anonymous. When I was ready to accept help, to get honest about my addiction, my perception of AA changed. This wasn’t some creepy cult, this was a wonderful service that existed solely to provide help for an addict like me! I didn’t have to pay anything, there weren’t any crazy rituals, and there wasn’t anything too intellectually hard to swallow.
Here I am, four years later, twenty-four years old and sober! For years, I resisted going to AA for one reason or another. I have every excuse in the book. I was too young, I wasn’t an alcoholic, I could do those damn steps by myself, and so on. However, when I was all out of options, when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I knew I couldn’t live filled with addiction. Alcoholics Anonymous was there for me. They welcomed me. Alcoholics Anonymous provided the steps, the structure, and the support I desperately needed. Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life. Alcoholics Anonymous gave me a life far better than any I could have imagined.
by Fiona Stockard | May 10, 2013 | Addiction Treatment, Benefits of Sobriety
Fun in Sobriety?
The first time I tried to get sober I was 19. This was December, 2006. I’d dropped out of college after the first semester of my sophomore year. I thought I was like every other nineteen year old girl. Turns out, most nineteen year olds can go to class sober. Turns out most nineteen year olds don’t black out every night.
My parents realized long before I did how unmanageable my life was. They sent me to rehab and that’s where I perfected the art of telling people what they wanted to hear, of sliding under the radar. I wanted to have the willingness to get sober, but the truth is, I just didn’t. See, getting sober wasn’t worth it to me. I thought you couldn’t have fun in sobriety. I wouldn’t get sober for another five and a half years.
During this time, I didn’t much fun at all. I laughed sometimes, but always at the expense of someone else. I laughed because making fun of someone else made me feel better about myself. I gossiped because it made me feel better about myself.
Fake Fun in Fake Sobriety
I had periods of abstinence during those five plus years, but never actually worked a program. I couldn’t imagine a life without drugs or alcohol, let alone being able to have fun sober.
The truth is, during those periods of abstinence, I still had all my old behaviors. I lied, cheated, stole, and manipulated. I just didn’t use substances. I felt even worse during this time, if that makes sense. I didn’t have drugs to cover my feelings. I was a raw nerve and living a miserable existence. I remember doing activities that should have been fun. I even thought I was having fun sometimes. Really, I was just trying to fake it ’till I made it.
I thought if I didn’t change my attitude, or behaviors, but laughed when other people did, it might rub off on me. That didn’t happen. After awhile, I didn’t think sober people could have fun at all. I thought everyone else was doing what I was, faking a happy life. So, I went on one hell of a run. I used for a year and a half. During this time, some very close to me passed away. It was only then that I began to realize my crippling addiction. It was only then I began to realize I didn’t want to live this way anymore.
Real Fun in Real Sobriety
My sobriety date is January 17, 2011. I got sober on my 24th birthday. I’d love to say that I did the right thing from the start, that I finally had willingness, but I didn’t. I had to experience more pain, this time while in treatment, to become willing.
I was in an intensive inpatient treatment center for seven months. After about six months, I found what would become, and still is, my home group. I remember going to this meeting and seeing so many young people smiling, so many young people having fun. The crazy part was they were sober! You mean I can have fun in sobriety? This was a new idea for me. I saw clients returning from pass with sober-supports. They were happy and looked like they were having fun. This boggled my mind. I asked myself hundreds of times “are they really having fun in sobriety?”
I realized these people were only happy because they’d worked through the twelve-steps and found a new way of life. I decided I wanted what they had. I got a sponsor who began to take me through the steps. Eventually, I did a fifth step and learned my life had been driven by self-centered fear. I started going out with people after meetings. I slowly began to have fun in sobriety.
Still, I wasn’t 100% sure what people actually did for fun in sobriety. I soon learned, you do the same thing normal people do! You go out to dinner, to movies, to concerts, to friends’ houses. To this day, some of the best moments I’ve had have been sitting at a friend’s apartment, just talking and laughing.
I remember being in a friend’s car one day. We were joking around, laughing, and generally having a good time. He looked at me and said “If I knew sobriety was this fun, I’d have gotten sober a long time ago!” I couldn’t agree more. I thank God everyday for finding me a home in Alcoholics Anonymous. I think God everyday for the simple fact that I can be happy. I thank God everyday for being able to have fun in sobriety.
