By: Tim Myers

Ten Strange Sober Life Hacks

Go to meetings, don’t pick up a drink, stay away from bars, and call somebody when you feel like drinking. Yes, those are the obvious things you can do to keep yourself standing up straight, away from a drink, and out of jail.

ten weird ways to stay sober

Everyone knows those, but not everybody knows the lesser-known tricks of the sober game.

There are some simple, weird, and crazy things that, if performed each day, will help reprogram your brain and set you on a path of health, happiness, and respect.

Before we get started – a quick shout out to the haters. These are to be used in conjunction with a twelve-step program. So, now that the disclaimer has been stated, I present to you:

Ten weird things you can do to stay sober!

10) Take the Long Way to Work

Here you are, one day sober and driving to work. You’re passing the bar you drank at before work, the bar you drank at during lunch, and the bar you went to after you skipped out of work a half hour early.

You’re used to this path, even if the bars don’t dot the hillside. You know this path. Today, your first day sober, is about doing things you don’t know how to do. So, take the long way to work. See new things. Change your path and you’ll change your brain.

9) Flick Your Forehead

Feel like a drink? Flick your forehead.

Thinking about snagging some pills? Flick your forehead.

Want to call your ex and tell her he ruined your whole life? Flick your forehead.

This simple little trick will train your confused and addiction-riddled brain to associate thoughts of bad behavior with pain. This practice will start to tear down the idea that it feels good to drink, use, and yell at people.

8) Sing Very Loud

If you can’t sing well, sing loud. If you can sing well, sing even louder!

What the hell, crank up some Kelly Clarkson and let the world know that “you can breath for the first time!” You’re not drinking anymore, so you’re “So, moving on.”

Singing will make you happy. It releases endorphins. It trains your body to recognize your behaviors with bringing joy. Music changes our thought patterns quicker than most other form of therapy. The more music you associate with your newfound happy, skippy, sober life, the better.

7) Dance Before You Get in the Shower

Get that blood pumping! Get that smile working! Take a minute just for yourself to be free, silly, happy, and alone.

We drunks and druggies associate being alone with bad things, but this isn’t always true. Being alone and dancing can twist your brain away from the idea that when your alone, you’re unloved and sad. Dancing alone each day will let you know that being alone is safe, healthy, and fun!

6) Replace Every Swear Word You Say With the Word Love

Don’t be so negative all the time. Yes, people act like jerks when driving, but as soon as you flip them off or drop an f-bomb, you start to feel guilty.

So, that bass-thumping, window-tinted, rap-blaring, big-rimed Toyota Corolla that sounds like the engine is going to explode, driven by a one hundred and thirty pound Eminem look alike, cuts you off…what do you do?

Instead of yelling, “I’m going to kill you,” say “I’M GOING TO LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!”

Don’t say, “Go f-yourself,” say “GO LOVE YOURSELF!”

You can even get creative with it. Try something like this, “YOU CUT ME OFF BUT THAT IS OK I DON’T REALLY MIND I STILL LOVE YOU JUST FOR BEING YOU!”

Do you mean any of these nice things? Absolutely not. But after you say it, you’ll feel good and start to believe it.

5) Eat Dessert for Breakfast and Eat Breakfast for Dinner

Again, change the way you do things. So what, your body has been through a war already. Ice cream for breakfast won’t kill you. Bacon for dinner? Do it! Just do things different and have fun with it!

This will make all the other new things you do seem fun too. Hell, you could even invite friends over for a morning piece of cake and coffee. Think how great you’ll feel heading to work!

4) Write a Nice Poem about Someone You Hate

Okay, I hate Carly.

So, a good way to not hate her is to kill her…but that’s wrong in the eyes of God, and everyone, and I’ll go to jail. I’ll write a poem about her instead!

Make a list of all the things that Carly has going on and focus your poem on only those wonderful qualities. But Carly hasn’t one single good thing going on? Guess what? You’re wrong! Everyone has at least three positive things to focus on, I promise you.

3) Tell a Joke to the Cashier at Wal-Mart

Do you know how bad it must be to work at Wal-Mart? So, try and make someone else’s life better, if only for a few seconds.

Think of a joke and tell the cashier. If they don’t laugh or smile, so what? You tried and they’ll be glad that someone tried to make their day better.

2) Buy a Random Person a Lottery Ticket

Do it for no reason other than doing it. Yes, they could win a billion dollars. Yes, you won’t. It doesn’t matter.

Doing random awesome things for people is the best way to get outside yourself and make others feel good. You never know what’s going on in the life of a stranger. You never know what a simple one-dollar gesture will do.

Win or lose it will be the best $1 you ever spent.

1) Scream

Alone, outside, just do it. One long and angry scream. Then, move on with your day because things are starting to look pretty good. Soon there will be nothing to yell about!

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