I Just Want to Be Normal!
“I just want to be sober and normal, that’s all I want” said Vanessa. She sat across from me while spending the night in a hospital for the ninth time in eighteen months. Throughout our whole conversation, she kept saying “I want to be normal, that’s all.”
What is normal anyway? Is it someone who doesn’t drink? Is it someone who doesn’t drugs? Is it someone that doesn’t live strictly for their own individual gain?
What is Normal Anyway?
I spent my whole life trying to be someone and something I wasn’t. I just wanted to be what everyone else wanted me to be. Well, what I thought they wanted me to be anyway.
“I just want to be normal” is a powerful sentence. Vanessa kept repeating it, again and again, while I looked at her with love and compassion. All the damage she caused the night before? It didn’t matter. All the people she had hurt? They didn’t matter. All that mattered was a woman with her head in her hands, repeating over and over how all she wanted was “to be normal.”
I knew what she meant, even if she didn’t. Vanessa wanted to live a life without insanity. She meant she’d give anything to feel better, to feel happy.
Recovery is Possible!
Most addicts don’t give themselves a chance to be normal. They keep hitting their head against the wall, over and over, until they simply give up. The funny thing is that after they give up, that’s when they have a shot at recovery.
I know that happiness and sobriety are within reach of everyone. There’s no one too smart, too dumb, too old, too angry, too sad, or too beaten to get sober. It’s there for anyone willing to do the work. That’s the catch though, there’s work involved. Recovery, faith in God, and sobriety are full time jobs.
For me, life isn’t about being “normal.” I still have no clue what normal even me. What I do know is that I can live a sober life. I can be happy, joyous, and FREE. I thank God for that every night, because, a few years ago, I sat in the chair Vanessa’s currently sitting in.
I want everyone to know that recovery IS possible. I want everyone who’s felt that bottom of your stomach hopelessness to know they can recovery. You just need to stop wanting and start doing. I’ll end with the most profound saying I’ve ever heard –
Recovery isn’t for those who need it and it isn’t for those who want it. Recovery is for those who do it!