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The Roast of Justin Bieber

The roast of Justin Bieber. Ah, the roast of Justin Bieber. It was funny…but not very helpful. This guy, the Bieber, actually needs help. So, I decided I would roast him from the point of view of a sponsor…that he will one day need!

Listen Up, Justin

Thank you for having me here tonight, Justin. It’s really not an honor to be here because if you’d lived your life in a different way, no one would care enough to spend two-hours making fun of you.

You drive too fast, say stupid stuff, act like people you aren’t, and think that you’re God’s gift to twelve-year olds. You act the same way Michael Jackson did. He had a monkey. So did you. Michael Jackson is dead.

The point here, little buddy, is that if you don’t change your actions, thought, and behaviors, you’ll die too!

I know from the top of the mountain everything looks pretty great. Why stop now, right? Well, see you can shut down that part a few years early and start building credibility, respect, dignity, and a life of purpose. You can start being of service and making those around you and the world a better place.

I mean you could do all that and use your immense popularity to solve problems. But why do that? It’s much easier to run around looking like six-year old doing an impersonation of an adult, wearing adult close, and making ten times an adult’s salary.

Keep it up buddy! If you wear a cool looking hat, tomorrow millions of kids will be wearing that hat. That must make you feel good. You could wear a t-shirt with a logo of the American Cancer Society on it, tweet about donating money to fighting cancer, promise to match the donations of your followers, and actually bring some good to this world. That, though, probably wouldn’t make you feel as good as a fat wallet and huge ego.

We have two choices, Beebs. We can chose to take what God has given us and help other or we can take what God has given us and help ourselves.

You chose the “I’m going to be a tiny famous mess route.” That’s cool. A lot of people went that way too. I’m talking about Judas, A-Rod, and Hitler. I guess you feel it’s better to have it all for a couple of years than to have dignity and respect forever.

Again, it’s your choice Beebs. If you’d chosen to do the right thing, we wouldn’t be here tonight. If you’d chosen to do the right thing, you probably wouldn’t be rich. If you’d chosen to do the right thing, your mom wouldn’t have money. So, I can see why you chose selfishness.

If you did choose the right path, though, you’d probably have more money in the long run, more respect and dignity, and your mother would have money and a son that people respect.

Goodnight and God Bless!

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